That night, Matt
and Drew slept over at my house while Jillian worked an overnight shift. Usually, our parents watched the boys when Jillian worked, but tonight, they were teaching a class on baptism at the church.
I adored my nephews. When they were little, I frequently watched them, but as they’d grown and had become more involved in school and sports, I seldom saw them outside of church and Sunday brunch.
Sitting at the kitchen table, I said a blessing over the food. As soon as the boys joined me in saying “Amen,” my phone rang.
“Your boyfriend is calling,” Drew said in a singsong voice as he gestured to Nick’s name on my caller ID.
“He’s not my boyfriend.” I silenced the phone, sending the call straight to voice mail. Travis and I had adopted Luella and Walter’s strict rule of no phone calls during dinner. If Nick left a voice mail, I would return his call after we ate.
If he didn’t . . . well, I’d probably obsess over why he’d called without leaving a message, but that was beside the point.
Travis snuck Yoda a piece of pepperoni. “You know, Mom, it’d be okay if Nick was your boyfriend. I really like him.”
“No kidding,” Matt said. “That’s
all
you ever talk about.
Nick this and Nick that
.”
Travis shrugged and took a bite of pizza. Matt and Drew were both older and often teased Travis, as boys tended to do. I tried not to interfere, but I hated seeing my son so harshly criticized.
“I like Nick, too,” Drew said, sticking up for Travis.
Matt groaned. “You don’t even know him.”
“Maybe not, but he seems cool.”
“He is,” Travis said. “He’s amazing.”
My phone rang again with another call from Nick, and Travis squeezed my arm tight. “Mom, you should answer that because it might be an emergency. Hailey might’ve run away again.”
I heard the worry in Travis’s voice, something that had been absent lately. Even so, I didn’t want to fall into a bad habit of picking up the phone during dinner. Nor dropping everything for Nick.
“I’ll call him when we’re finished,” I said, proud for being such a strong, independent woman. “He can always text if it’s an emergency.”
The boys looked skeptical but returned to their pizza. Two seconds later, Nick texted, “Need help. Please call ASAP.”
Worried, I called him back immediately. He answered on the first ring. “Hailey is freaking out, and I can’t get her to calm down. She’s locked herself in the bathroom and won’t talk to me.”
I pushed away from the table. “We’ll be right there.”
L
eaving Yoda and
Felix in the kitchen, Travis, Matt, Drew, and I raced over to the Petersons’ house. Nick met us at the front door with Gabby in his arms, followed by all three puppies, who tried to scoot outside but were blocked by Travis.
The boys each picked up a puppy and filed into the living room to watch the game. Nick motioned for me to come upstairs with him.
“She’s locked herself in the bathroom and won’t stop crying or tell me what’s wrong,” he explained. “When I picked her up from tennis lessons this evening, she was quiet, but she didn’t seem upset. Next thing I knew, she was screaming in the bathroom, refusing to tell me what happened.”
“I’ll talk to her.” I stepped forward and knocked on the bathroom door. “Hailey? It’s Anna. Can I come in?”
Nick leaned past me and pounded on the bathroom door. “Open up, Hailey.”
I feared he might break down the door if Hailey didn’t answer right away, so I pleaded with her to let me in. After what seemed like ages, but was probably only a few seconds, she finally unlocked the door, cracking it open just a bit. “Only Miss Anna,” she whispered, her voice wobbly and eyes puffy from crying.
“What is it?” Nick demanded. “Did someone hurt you?”
“I just want to talk to Miss Anna right now.”
Nick stepped back as though physically wounded. “Okay, but I’ll be right here with Gabby if you need me.”
I slipped into the bathroom. When I saw Hailey wasn’t in danger, I gave Nick a reassuring smile. “Why don’t you wait downstairs with Travis and his cousins? I’ll call if we need help.”
I could tell from the expression on his face that waiting downstairs was the last thing he wanted to do. Reluctantly, he nodded and I closed the bathroom door. I walked across the tile and sat on the edge of the tub next to Hailey who pressed a bloody washcloth to her shin.
“I’m so stupid,” she cried, removing the washcloth to reveal a deep gouge. “I just wanted to shave my legs so the kids would stop calling me
gorilla legs
, but now I’ve made it worse.”
I placed an arm around the little girl’s shoulders. “You’re not stupid, honey. You just need someone to teach you how to shave without cutting yourself. Will you let me help you?”
She nodded.
Using the washcloth, I blotted the cut. I’d been older than Hailey the first time I’d shaved, but I remembered being embarrassed by the dark hair growing on my legs. “Girls can be so mean, can’t they?”
“Just to me,” she said.
“I know it can seem like that, but I bet the other girls feel picked on as well.”
“I doubt that.”
I turned on the bath water and rinsed out the razor. “One time when I was a little older than you, my friends and I were doing this thing where we held each other’s hands and spun around. It was a lot of fun, but then one of the girls slipped out of my grip and fell on the rough asphalt. She cried and all the other girls blamed me! They said I did it on purpose.”
“Did you?”
“No, of course not. But they wouldn’t stop asking why I pushed Tyra and why I was so mean. Even though I told them it was an accident, they wouldn’t believe me. Every time they passed me in the hall, they called me Pusher. When I sat down to eat lunch at our table, they moved to another one.”
Hailey looked up with a horrified expression. “You had to eat by yourself?”
“I did.” I shuddered at the memory, surprised an event from so long ago could still hurt. It’d been almost twenty years, but I remembered every shameful detail. “It felt like everybody hated me, and I didn’t have any friends.”
“I know what you mean,” she said.
I lathered her legs with soap and gently guided the razor over her skin. “Now you try.”
She took the razor and followed my instructions. “Like this?”
“Exactly.”
“So, what finally happened with those girls?”
I gave a sad smile. “I wish I could tell you everything was better the next day, but they held a grudge for a long time. I actually stopped eating my lunch in the cafeteria and hid out in the library by myself.”
Hailey winced. “At least I only get harassed at tennis lessons or when I wear shorts.”
“That’s good. For me, hiding in the library turned out for the best because I became friends with a very nice boy who offered me the most delicious, homemade chocolate chip cookies.”
Hailey rinsed out the razor. “Was it my Uncle Nick? Was he the boy with the cookies?”
I smiled. “No, it wasn’t your uncle. I didn’t know him when I was younger, but I could see him doing something like that.”
“Oh,” she said, disappointed. “Well, was the boy cute?”
“He was very cute.” Unexpected tears pooled in my eyes as I pictured Marcus standing in the library with his mother’s cookies. Sixth grade had been the first time we’d met, when he’d befriended me after the mean girls’ incident. My family had moved away a year later, but when we returned to Rose Island my senior year of high school, Marcus and I had easily resumed our friendship.
That fall, he’d asked me to homecoming. I wore a green dress because it was his favorite color, and from that moment forward, we were inseparable. I’d never wanted anyone else. He’d been my first. My only. And even after all this time, there were days when the pain of losing him hurt so much.
Wiping my eyes, I offered a weak smile. “I’m sorry. That boy in the library became my husband. Travis’s dad. It’s really difficult when someone you love dies. But you already know that.”
Hailey nodded. “I hate it when people say ‘Time heals all.’ It makes me want to punch them in the face.”
I smiled at the heartfelt statement. “I know what you mean.”
“So, it never gets better? I’m always going to miss my mom and dad?”
I chose my words carefully. “I’ll tell you the truth. Missing them never goes away, but it becomes bearable. You learn to accept things have changed, and eventually, you find happiness again. But you’ll never forget them. And that’s why there’s always a little sadness when you remember they’re gone.”
Hailey scrunched up her face, taking it all in. “Travis’s dad died in the war, right?”
“That’s right.”
“Uncle Nick showed me the book he’s in. I never knew Travis’s dad was a war hero. He saved both the governor and that reporter’s life.”
The lump in my throat expanded, making it difficult to breathe or swallow or think. I blinked back tears. “I’m very proud of Travis’s dad and what he did—”
Hailey placed a hand on my leg. “But you wish he hadn’t died?”
I nodded. “I’d give anything to bring him back.”
She looked down at the cut on her shin, which had finally stopped bleeding. She rinsed the razor and made a smooth pass over her leg, carefully avoiding the gouge. “Nick is going to the war, you know. Once he finds me and Gabby a family, he’s leaving. He’s probably going to die, so we’ll never see him again.”
“Oh, honey.” My soul twisted. “You don’t know that. And even if he does deploy, lots of soldiers come home safely. My dad has been in the army for years, and he’s never been hurt. Never been shot, or broken an ankle, or anything.”
She shook her head. “I’m not going to be so lucky. God doesn’t like me anymore. When Nick goes to war, he’s going to die. Just like my parents.”
My breath caught. Placing a hand on her back, I offered a silent prayer.
Give me wisdom to comfort this child, Lord. Help me say the right thing and speak your truth.
“Hailey, sometimes life is tough. People we care about get hurt, but even then, God loves you. He’s always there for you, especially when you don’t think so.”
I could tell she wasn’t convinced, so I tried to find another way to make my point. “You love your little sister, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Even though you love her and would never wish her harm, sometimes she falls and gets hurt, right?”
“Yes, but . . .” She gave a disapproving groan. “I know what you’re trying to say, Miss Anna. I just don’t think God really feels that way about me.”
I nodded, remembering I’d felt abandoned after Marcus died. It’d taken me a long time to feel God’s love again and accept the fact that sometimes bad things happened to good people. It didn’t mean He didn’t care about me. Just that He had a different plan for my life than I’d envisioned.
“Don’t let fear stop you from loving Nick,” I said. “He’s your father’s brother, and there’s so much he can teach you about your dad and about being a Peterson. Don’t shut him out, Hailey. He needs you as much as you need him.”
“You think Uncle Nick needs me?”
I pulled her close for a side hug. “I know he does, sweetheart.”
She finished shaving her legs and rinsed them off with running water. As I stood to find a bottle of lotion, she called my name. “Miss Anna?”
“Yes?”
Taking a deep breath, she wet her lips. “I think Nick needs you, too. We all do.”
I’d been afraid of that. But even more, I’d been afraid of how much I’d started to need Nick and the girls.
Not knowing what to say or how to respond, I returned to Hailey and gave her a hug. “You’re a very special girl.”
She smiled and hugged me back. “Thanks, Miss Anna. I think you’re special, too.”
Nick
Sitting on the
couch, I tried to watch TV with Travis and the other boys, but my mind continued drifting to Hailey and Anna upstairs. If only I knew what was wrong, then I might stand a chance of fixing it.
Overall, I was a capable guy. I’d played football at West Point, was Airborne, and had survived Ranger school. I’d successfully trained dozens of soldiers, led combat missions, and had received countless military awards.
When it came to Hailey and Gabby, however, I was getting a beating. Obviously, these little girls needed someone more qualified than me. Yet, every time I tried to look through the list of prospective families, I couldn’t do it. And every time Lucy from the adoption agency called, I sent her straight to voice mail.
When things were going well—when the baby was happy and I understood Hailey’s homework—I loved taking care of the girls. I could even imagine creating a life with them.
But when stuff like this happened, I felt so far out of my expertise, I knew I wasn’t capable of replacing their parents.
Every night, Hailey and I prayed that God would bring us the perfect family. I wanted to believe our prayers would be answered, but so far, God had remained silent.
The sound of Anna descending the stairs brought me to my feet. I scooped up Gabby and strode across the room. “Is Hailey okay?”
Anna smiled. “She’s fine. It was just girl stuff, but she’s fine.”
Uncertainty took hold of me. “What kind of girl stuff?”
She spoke in a hushed tone so Travis and his cousins couldn’t hear. “The other girls have been making rude comments about her hairy legs. I taught her how to shave, so it was an easy fix. She’s much better now.”
My stomach churned. While I was relieved it hadn’t been as serious as I’d feared, I chastised myself for not paying more attention. “I didn’t know girls her age shaved.”
“Some do. I think if it makes her feel better about herself, then it’s okay.”
I exhaled and placed the
hairy legs issue
in the category of
I-won’t-worry-about-this-today
. “Let’s go outside, okay?”
“Sure.”
On the back porch, we sat on Adirondack chairs overlooking the ocean. Anna held Gabby who snuggled in tight as a gust of wind swept through. With a muffled giggle, the baby reached out a hand and tried to capture the breeze. Every time she did something cute like that, I found myself becoming more attached to her.