As You Turn Away (The Walker Boys) (6 page)

“Never.” He wasn’t laughing anymore; his eyes lowered to her lips. “I could hold you forever, just like this.”

This was the Jonah she knew; he was a study in contradictions. He gave off the classic “bad boy” persona her mother warned her against, but there was nothing but respect and love in his eyes when he talked about his family. A bruise on his jaw was still healing from a fight at school last week, but he touched
her
as if she was a soft, fine thing.

“Let me kiss you, Quinn,” he murmured against her skin. He feathered kisses across her chin, giving her time to respond. “Like you deserve to be kissed. Let me taste you.” Jonah kissed the corner of her mouth and her knees went weak. He held onto her tighter, holding her up as the water washed away her resistance. “You’re safe with me. You’re the most precious thing I’ve ever held.”

And she believed him. Despite her upbringing—despite years of veiled hints that she wasn’t worth anything—she believed Jonah when he told her she was special. Lifting her gaze, Quinn met his. “Kiss me.” It wasn’t a request; it was a demand that left her breathless. And it was one she knew he wouldn’t refuse.

Jonah lowered his mouth to hers and everything receded. Quinn lost herself in the weight of his lips against hers. He kissed her without hesitation, coaxing her mouth open. She let him angle her head, changing the slant of their kiss; without meaning to, she moaned into his mouth. He slowly backed toward the shore, pulling her with him. Quinn drifted through the water as if it was silk parting for her, until she felt the sand firm under her feet. Jonah went to his knees and tugged her with him, then laid her down on the beach.

And she was lost to him.

Jonah pulled into a parking space, but left the car idling. As he flipped from station to station on the radio, trying to find a song he knew, he glanced warily at the apartment building where his brother lived. From the outside, all the levels and sections looked the same, but his brother lived in 3B, and unless Jonah missed his guess, Reece would have made the space his own. In high school he’d kept his room messy, papered with band posters, ticket stubs from concerts and movies, and pictures of him with his girlfriend, Hannah. Now, Jonah had no idea what to expect. When he left, Reece was spiraling out of control faster than Jonah was, but God knew Jonah hadn’t been in a place to help his brother.

Now he knew he should have done a lot of things differently.

Lips thinning into a frown, Jonah killed the engine, and climbed out, pocketing his keys and shutting the door behind him. He hadn’t driven much in Atlanta, since he’d lived near campus, so it felt good to sit behind the wheel again. Better than he expected.

He strode toward the building, and hit the buzzer. When Reece answered and told him to come up, Jonah walked into the lobby. Since it was only a short climb to Reece’s apartment, he took the stairs, grateful for the walk. His mother had prepared, despite his protests, pancakes, eggs, and bacon for breakfast this morning. She’d taken the day off to help him settle in, and Jonah hadn’t said anything to the contrary, even though he knew she just wanted to be around him. Honestly, he didn’t mind her attention; spending time with his mother was the first small step in a long journey he meant to take.

Meeting Reece today was another step, however unprepared he was for whatever the visit held. Glancing at his phone, Jonah reread Reece’s cryptic text. It simply asked him to come over today because Reece had something important to tell him. Ambiguity was very far from his brother’s style, so he was on his guard. Jonah knocked firmly on the door and it swung open within seconds, but Reece was nowhere in sight.

Confused, Jonah put a foot over the threshold, leaning in so he could look around. He could see several closed doors, and off to the left, a bedroom, and the hallway that led into what he assumed was the kitchen, living room, and so on, but there was no sight of his brother.

“Hello.” The voice was sweet, small, and not at all the one he’d thought he would hear.

Gray eyes framed by long, dark lashes peered up at him inquisitively from underneath a head of wild, black curls that threatened to rebel even more than they already had. Cheeks flushed as if he’d been running, his superhero t-shirt was rumpled. So was the red towel sticking out the back of his shirt, undoubtedly functioning as a cape. His pants were stained with what could have been a number of things. He was the last person Jonah had expected to see here, and the sight of him was unnerving.

Jonah shook his head, trying to focus. “Hello, little James.”

“Mommy calls me Jamie.” A pause, as those eyes assessed him in a way that made Jonah feel turned inside out. He saw intelligence and curiosity in the little boy’s gaze, and he tried to find a smile so he wouldn’t scare the toddler. “What’s your name?”

“Jonah.” He couldn’t swallow the first time, so he tried again, his throat already aching from holding back the deluge of tears. God, but he’d cried more since he’d come home than he had as a boy. “Is your daddy home?”

James looked down the hallway, but didn’t go anywhere. He swiveled back to face Jonah, those eyes so alert under that mop of hair. Jonah remembered his mother complaining that Reece’s hair was so difficult to manage when he was a kid, and he’d lay bets that this little boy’s mother often thought the same thing. He came up almost to Jonah’s waist, so Jonah knelt slowly, his next breath a shaky, falling-apart thing. His heart was a trapped, frantic beating in his chest, as the entire world flickered and faded.

His nephew was just a baby the last time Jonah saw him, curled in Hannah’s arms. Now he was standing, walking, and talking. He was a little person, with almost four years of life under his belt. Four years Jonah made the choice to miss. He hadn’t been there for his nephew’s first steps or words. James didn’t have any memories of him at all.

“Yes. He is here.” Only it came out “he-weh,” and Jonah smothered a grin. He hadn’t been around many children in years, and this one was absolutely adorable. Jonah studied the way those dark curls moved with him, seeming to hold a life of their own. The way his mouth ticked upwards, the mischievous glint in those eyes. He knew all those mannerisms. He’d seen them in Ethan as a child. In Reece as a teenager. In the mirror.

“Daddy says you are his brother.”
Bwo-ther
. Are you mine, too?” The question pinged against something already weakened in Jonah, and he gripped the doorway for support. The innocent question soared within him, and he settled a hand on James’s shoulder.

“No, buddy, I’m your uncle.”

“Oh!” Eyebrows furrowed, James frowned at him. “Like my uncle-brother Ethan? We play heroes together except sometimes he is bad and I’m good! He maded me this cape.”

Startled laughter worked its way out of Jonah, and he shook his head at the little boy—his nephew’s—antics. He scooped James into his arms and stood with him, watching as a grin took up residence on his mouth. James seemed completely at ease in Jonah’s embrace, and made no move to escape.

“You can play heroes with us, too!”

“I’d like that.” Jonah made his way down the hall, dodging the odd toy scattered about. “And yes, I’m just like Ethan.” Walking into the living room, Jonah tried not to think about the irony of making a statement like that, when in reality, he and his younger brother were night and day. But his small nephew didn’t need to know that, or the complicated family dynamic. No matter the situation, James was innocent, and a blessing.

“Jamie, what in the world are you doing in here? We have to go home soon.”

Hannah Tyler rounded the corner, and then stopped, seemingly frozen. James stretched his arms toward her, so Jonah carefully put him down, watching as he ran to his mother. She scooped him up, and he immediately began telling her all about meeting his “uncle-brother.” Jonah was torn between conflicting impulses—to leave, to stay, to speak, to say nothing. He settled for studying Hannah, who he noticed had matured over the years. She wore her blond hair long, without the colorful streaks that once made her stand out. Her pretty gray eyes narrowed at him, and under the weight of them, Jonah stuffed his hands in his pockets.

“Hey Jamie, why don’t you go pick up your room?” Hannah said this without looking away from Jonah.

“But I wanna stay here with Daddy and Uncle Jonah.” James’s voice held a thin plaintive note, and even Jonah could tell he was headed toward a crying fit.

“I know, Jamie. You’ll be back next week though.” Hannah kissed her son’s cheek, and then rubbed her nose against his. He lit up, giggling, and squirmed until she put him down. He ran across the room and into the bedroom Hannah had emerged from, which left her sole focus on Jonah.

He stared silently at her, still unsure where to start, but knowing that he owed her something. Hannah was slighter than ever, but her stare smothered him. “He’s amazing.”

Hannah folded her arms across her chest. “I know. You’d know, too, if you’d been around at all since he was born.”

The silence was pressing against him; Jonah opened his mouth, casting about for the words like a fisherman desperate for the catch that eluded him. He gazed around the room, pausing on the pictures adorning the coffee table. James was in most of them: sitting in a baby swing in one, with Hannah behind him, trick-or-treating as a cowboy, curls springing out from underneath his hat. Glancing at Hannah again, Jonah sighed.

“Han?” Reece rounded the corner, and paused. He put a hand on her waist as he grinned at Jonah. “I see you two are catching up.”

“Just like old times.” Hannah didn’t smile, and didn’t lower her arms. She pinned Jonah with a glance that said she was not happy with him, and strode out of the room and into her son’s bedroom.

Jonah stared after her for a long moment, until Reece’s voice commanded his attention.

“She’s…wary.” A pause. “We both are.”

“Of me?” Jonah’s hands balled into fists in his pockets. He walked across the room until he stood directly in front of his brother. “I thought after our talk we were starting again.” He hated the shredded sound to his voice, but damn if seeing James hadn’t destroyed whatever piece of himself he’d thought he was gluing back into place. “Do you not want me around James?”

“It’s why I asked you here today.” Reece’s quiet tone was a contrast Jonah didn’t care to compare to his own.

“Really? It looks like you were planning on him being gone before I got here. Where’s Hannah taking him?”

“Home.” Reece glanced around the room, and then finally looked at Jonah. “To her house.”

Reece jerked his head toward the balcony, and Jonah followed him, closing the glass door behind them and sealing their conversation off from little-boy ears, and from Hannah. Jonah didn’t need another reason for her to hate him. It was evident she didn’t want him anywhere near her son, and Jonah had to wonder if his brother felt the same way. The silence lasted long enough between them to back up his fear, and he ground his teeth together.

“She got pregnant right before you left.” Reece was staring out over the balcony, not at Jonah. “We didn’t know what we were going to do, and we were
terrified
, Ma was falling apart, and Dad was so
angry
when you left.”

Jonah watched Reece’s mouth work as his brother chewed on words that weren’t there yet. Reece’s hands curled into fists, though Jonah doubted his brother even realized it. He was in the past, and seeing it through his eyes, Jonah had an even better understanding of the damage he’d done when he left.

“We didn’t want to add to the shit storm but we couldn’t keep it from the family. So we talked about it and we got married the day after we told everyone.” Reece frowned. “It wasn’t what I wanted out of life. I wanted more. I didn’t want to be tied down with a baby, or a wife.” He shook his head, exhaling. “None of it felt
real
. Not until Jamie was born.” For the first time, Reece looked at Jonah, and the change in his expression was humbling. “My boy is
everything
, Jonah.”

“He’s amazing.” All Jonah knew to do was echo his statement to Hannah. He smiled, remembering James’s bright eyes, his enthusiasm. He’d guess the kid kept his parents busy, but that they thought every moment worth it. “So full of life.”

“He saved me.” Reece met Jonah’s gaze for the first time, and his eyes were full of a hundred things he wasn’t saying. His eyes dropped to his hands. He wasn’t wearing a ring. “Han and I were falling apart. I was self-destructing, and my son saved me.”

Jonah nodded, sensing that there was much more to the story, but that he would find out in time. Reece was offering him as much as he could now, and when it was time, he would open up completely. Jonah knew when to push, and when to realize Reece was done for the moment.

“And we do want you to spend time with Jamie.” Reece hesitated, facing Jonah. His eyes held more secrets than the shell nets Jonah and his brothers used to fill at Tybee Island in the summers. “But we wanted to make sure you were serious about sticking around, first.”

He pushed open the door and walked back inside, rubbing a hand over his face. What he thought of as a bridge from the other night was just one step forward. It was obvious that even though Reece was willing to give him a chance, willing to let him be part of the family, there were further-reaching consequences than Jonah imagined from alienating himself from his family. Consequences like missing his beautiful nephew’s first words or steps.