Read As You Turn Away (The Walker Boys) Online
Authors: Molli Moran
“I’m sorry.” Reece hugged her to him, seemingly unaware of the fact she was soaked through. “He wanted to wait for you, but he had to go.”
Quinn sighed, closing her eyes. She nestled her head against Reece’s shoulder, trying not to let everything she felt show. She knew Reece would comfort her, but he had other things on his plate that needed his attention. Like Jamie, and his family, and…
“Well, I’ll be damned,” Reece muttered. “Guess people can still surprise you every once in awhile.”
Just as Quinn opened her eyes, headlights cut through the night, illuminating the driveway. Reece stood, tugging her so she was standing with him. Her legs felt weak from the sudden loss of adrenaline, and she grabbed the porch railing.
“Don’t just
stand
there, Reynolds.” Reece nudged her toward the stairs. “You came here to win my brother’s heart, so get to it.”
And then she was running. Down the stairs, through the yard, to the driveway. Toward Jonah’s car and into his arms. He caught her and picked her up. His arms held her securely when he swung her in a circle. The porch lights and the starlight blurred as the world spun. She wrapped her arms tighter around Jonah’s neck when he finally set her on the ground.
“You’re here—”
“You came back, “she breathed against his skin.
Quinn moved one hand to his hair, tangling her fingers in the too-long strands she knew and loved. She put the other hand to his heart, needing as much of a connection with him as she could get. Jonah was staring at her with an expression she couldn’t name, and Quinn knew she owed him the words she’d been saving for years.
“You were right, Jonah.” She trailed her fingers down to his neck, curling them around his warm skin. “I’m not okay. I have a lot of issues I need to deal with, and I haven’t been doing anything about that. I’ve been hiding, just…getting by. And you saw that, and you were absolutely right to bring that to my attention. And I was wrong to react the way I did, because I know you only said and did what you did out of love.”
Swallowing against the lump in her throat, Quinn blinked into the moonlight that backlit Jonah’s features. “I lashed out because I was scared…because you touched on everything I
knew
I was facing, and wasn’t dealing with. I’m so sorry, Jonah. Sorry I reacted poorly, and sorry I haven’t said this before now.”
“Why didn’t you?” He put a hand over hers. “You know I wanted to help you. I reached out and it was like you were pushing me away all over again.” His voice was made of tremors and fault lines.
“I know that’s how it seemed.” Quinn searched his eyes, unable to look away from him. “Truthfully, I was a wreck. When you brought me that letter and I read it, something opened up inside of me.” She paused, trying to find a way to express everything she had done for herself since she read his words. “I don’t know that I’ve ever cried more tears in my
life
.” Quinn inhaled one deep breath, then another, trying to steady herself.
“Well.” Jonah took her hand off his neck, and threaded his fingers through hers. “I meant for it to have an impact on you, but if it hurt you—”
“No.” Quinn shook her head. “No, it didn’t. It made me open my eyes to who I was,
and
to the fact I could still be who I
wanted
to be. It made me see I wasn’t there yet, because I was holding onto anger and grief and bitterness. I was still so
mad
at myself for leaving and at my mother for how she treated me. And I was afraid to open up to anyone—my family, or you. I was afraid if I did, they—
you
—would leave me.”
“Oh sweetheart.” Jonah squeezed her hand tightly, while his other hand caressed hers. “No.”
Quinn nodded. “I know now that was just fear. I talked to my dad and Darren about my mom.” She pushed the words out, filling the space between them. “They told me they were here for me, and that I was stronger than I knew. That I just had to find a way to become the right
kind
of strong.” She was crying, but she didn’t make any attempt to wipe the tears away, or break contact with Jonah.
Jonah smiled at her. “I’m so happy they’re supporting you. I knew they would,” he continued. “And what you did, telling them? Took real bravery, and that shows so much growth on your part.”
“That’s not all.” Quinn blinked. “I’m going to go see a grief counselor, and start therapy soon.” She smiled through her tears. “So they can help me work through my feelings about my childhood and my mom’s death. So I can be okay and whole. For
me
, and Dad, Darren, and the rest of our family.” She paused, a shudder rippling through her. “And for you if you still want us, at some point.”
Jonah dropped her hands, and Quinn straightened. Whatever was coming next, she could and would handle it with the strength she was learning to exhibit. This summer hadn’t been just about finding Jonah again. It was also about finding herself, and learning to accept love in its various forms—and to
give
love.
Instead of pulling away entirely, Jonah put his arms around her waist, and pulled her to his chest. Quinn melted against him, breathing in his scent. It felt like forever since she’d been this close to him, and if she had her way, she’d never let go of him again.
“I got almost halfway to Atlanta,” Jonah said, his voice deeper than normal. Raspier. “And the closer I got to the city, the emptier I felt. I pulled over on the side of the road, and thought for a while. And the truth is I felt so
sure
I was doing the wrong thing. So I came home, knowing I had to give you just a little longer to get here.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Because I had a feeling I’d left too soon.” He paused, and pulled back so he was looking into her eyes. “And because there was something I forgot to give you, Quinnlan Reynolds.”
Quinn curled her fingers into his shirt. “What?”
Jonah reached into his pocket, and slowly put his hand out between them. Then he opened his fist, revealing a small, black box. “This.”
“Is that…?” She had other words, but they felt trapped in her chest.
Nodding, Jonah opened the box, and even in the moonlight, Quinn could make out the glittering diamonds. She couldn’t stop the small, shocked noise she made as she reached a shaking hand toward the ring. Jonah held it out to her as she touched the gold band, and traced the stones. It took her breath away, and she knew she was crying in earnest now.
“Oh Jonah, it’s beautiful,” she whispered.
He smiled down at her. “And it’s going to be yours someday soon.” He closed the box, and put it back in his pocket. “Not today, because I don’t want us to rush into something permanent to try to fix a temporary issue.” He took both of her hands again. “Quinn, I am so damned proud of you for all the strides you’ve taken recently. I know you are going to become an even more amazing woman than you already are, and I want to be there for that. And when we’re ready, I want to marry you, and love you forever. “ His eyes crinkled at the corners as he smiled. “ How does that sound?”
Quinn took a breath, and then gave him the last words she’d held back for too long. “Amazing. Because Jonah Walker, I’m in love with you. I am
completely
in love with you, and when we’re ready, I want to be yours forever.” She squeezed his hands, taking in his warmth, and giving him all of herself. “I haven’t said it enough, but I want to now, and from now on. I-I’m trying so hard to change my whole life, but I know I want you in it. And I don’t know how long it will take us to get it right, but I think we’ll get there.”
“We will.” He leaned down, and kissed her cheek, his lips lingering on her skin. “We don’t have to decide or fix everything tonight. I’ll be home on breaks from school all the time.”
“And I’ll be here. I’m going to teach dance.” She felt a smile tipping up the corners of her mouth; the motion sent fresh tears spilling down her cheeks. “So what are we going to do in the meantime?”
“We’re going to talk,” Jonah answered, kissing the corner of her mouth. “On the phone and in person, until we’ve gotten to know each other again. We’re going to fall asleep together and wake up together, and tell each other our goals. We’ll share stories about our everyday lives. And we’ll take it one step at a time, but we’ll get stronger because we’re starting slowly, and starting right this time, sweetheart.”
He took a few steps back toward the house, and then looked back at her. Watching her, Jonah held his hands out for her. “So.” A grin pulled at his lips. “Are you coming with me into our future?”
Quinn pretended to think about it for a minute, but she couldn’t keep her features somber. First her heartbeat fluttered faster, and then her smile widened. She put her hands in his without any hesitation, knowing she was finally making the right decision. Hope propelled her words forward. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
Keeping her hands in Jonah’s, Quinn took a first, perfect step forward.
###
If you or anyone you know is suffering from any form of abuse, please know that you are not alone. Abuse can be mental, physical, sexual, etc. Please reach out for help, because there are people who want to help, people who will understand. Abuse can have devastating results, and no one should ever feel unsafe or threatened.
Please visit
RAINN
(or call
1-800-656-HOPE) for more resources and outreach programs, including international organizations. There is always, always hope.
While writing this book, I learned that words, stories, and characters have the power to heal. When I began this project on a whim, I wasn’t sure I could follow it through to fruition. I was in a place where a lot was changing in my life—I was leaving a career behind, and starting a new relationship. I was seriously doubting my writing. Starting this book and ultimately getting pulled into these characters and their lives really saved me in a way.
With each chapter, my bond to this story grew stronger, even as I wondered if I was crazy for crying way too often. I stitched so much love into these words, and yet I know I could NEVER have done any of this, much less all of it, without the help of a few very special people.
To my mom, who believed in me from the start, and told me how proud she was of me—thank you.
To Susan, Gillian, Jess, Angie, Shae, and Becca who cheered me on, beta read, and/or threatened to do harm to my favorite fictional characters to keep me writing…Thank you for believing in me and cheering me on and never letting me slack off! To my street team members—Suz, Aiecha, Angie, Katie, Marie, Mickey, Kaity, Kailia: thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for all your work, support, and encouragement.
To Kay for listening to me cry and babble about this book before she’d read any of it, and still told me I could do it—thank you. To Jenn who believed from the beginning—thank you for being my person, and for late nights in restaurants where you let me go on and on about my love for Quinn and the Walker boys.
And Marie, my brain twin. Thank you for letting me spam you with teaser tweets and song lyrics via Blackberry Messenger. (And for never complaining!) Thank you for virtually hugging me every time I told you this book was breaking my heart. Thank you for seeing through the rough first draft to what AS YOU TURN AWAY could be, and for never letting me lose sight of that. Thank you for being my best friend. Thank you for believing in me.
And finally, to anyone reading this. You took a chance on a story about love and family and forgiveness, and I hope these words touched you in some small way. Thank you for taking a chance on ME.
Molli is a Southern writer who doesn't consider her day complete if she hasn't written. She loves coffee and talking fast, things she attributes to being raised by Gilmore Girls. She's a romantic at heart and brings that to her books. When not reading or blogging, she can be found obsessing over Doctor Who, cuddling her various pets, or spending time with friends, family, or her girlfriend.
If you need to reach her for any reason—especially if you want to talk books, or theorize about Doctor Who—you can visit her
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