As You Turn Away (The Walker Boys) (27 page)

“Reece.” He rapped on the door once, then again. No sounds broke through the silence, so Jonah pushed against the door. It opened easily, and he walked into the bedroom. “Reece? You in here?”

Jonah stopped short when he took a good look at the room. It was trashed. The mirror that normally hung on the wall was in shards across the room, and clothes were thrown everywhere. The bed was a mess too, and from the still mass under them, Jonah guessed Reece had collapsed there when he’d worn himself out, either in anger or sorrow. Maybe both.

“Damn,” Jonah muttered, crossing the room. He remembered Reece waving them off the night before, saying he’d be alright. Obviously he wasn’t, and hadn’t been. Jonah and Ethan stayed with him the first night after Hannah’s death, and although Jonah wanted to stay last night, Ethan thought Reece might need time to himself.

Jonah sighed and peeled back the blanket, then squatted down so that he was on eye level with Reece. “Wake up, Reece.” Nothing. He reached out and shook Reece, who emitted a groan. “Reece!” This time Jonah raised his voice, and pushed Reece until he rolled over.

Sitting up, Reece slowly opened his eyes; his gaze flickered from Jonah, to the bed, to the ceiling. He groaned again, and raised his hands, scrubbing his cheeks.
“
Han
?” The single syllable was pregnant with a trembling hope Jonah didn’t want to be the one to shatter. Reece’s sleep-clouded eyes slowly cleared. “Joe. He sat up, and the blanket fell away; he looked down as if he was surprised he was in bed. “How did I…”

“Do you know what day it is?” Jonah kept his tone even, trying to be calm for both of them. “What happens today?”

“Reece blinked in rapid succession; his throat worked violently as his Adam’s apple moved. “Wednesday.” He pushed back the blanket and swung his legs over the bed, planting his feet on the floor. He finally met Jonah’s eyes. “Jonah, is this real?”

The simple question carried the weight of the world. Jonah wanted to be able to tell Reece that no, it wasn’t real. It was all just a bad dream. Hannah was fine. Jamie hadn’t lost his mother, and Reece hadn’t lost his first love. Cancer hadn’t taken away someone they all cared about, and today wasn’t Hannah’s funeral. Jonah wanted to be able to lie to his brother about this—to tell Reece it was a false alarm, and to go back to bed. That he and Hannah had years to make their arrangement work, to remain friends, if nothing else. That they had years left to raise Jamie, to teach him all the things he would need to know about life.

But none of that was true.

Jonah gripped Reece’s hand in his, something he couldn’t recall them ever doing. “It’s real,” he whispered, barely able to force out the words. “She’s gone, and her funeral is today.”

Reece faltered, shoulders collapsing. He stood and made his way into the bathroom, then shut the door behind them. Jonah took his spot on the bed, knowing better than to go after him. It was silent in the apartment again, except for the sound of vomiting, then the muted noise the toilet made as it flushed. The faucet gushed for a long moment before Reece opened the door and walked back into the room. His hair was damp, hanging in his blue eyes. His face looked pale against his otherwise tan skin; he didn’t make it to the bed, staggering toward the wall then sliding down until he was sitting on the floor.

“I don’t think I can do this.” He raised his knees to his chest and lowered his head. His sigh was ragged, full of holes and ghosts. “How can I go to her funeral and face her family and our friends?”

Jonah walked over to Reece and hunkered down in front of him. “You can do it, brother. I’ll be there with you, and so will Ethan. Just like at Papa’s funeral. We’ll help you be strong. I swear it.”

Hannah’s death wasn’t
fair
. They’d all known she’d chosen to take what time she had and make the most of it by doing what she loved: being around her family.  But Jonah knew everyone had counted on her having months left to make memories.

Just weeks ago she was everywhere: chasing Jamie at the park, shopping at the grocery store, at their family dinners. And slowly warming to Jonah being back when she, like the others, realized he wasn’t going to run again. They hadn’t gotten along often, but he was going to miss her. And he couldn’t even begin to imagine how destroyed Reece was, let alone little Jamie. Jamie probably didn’t really understand everything yet, but he knew something was wrong, and he knew his mom wasn’t here. Jonah wasn’t sure what his parents were telling his nephew; he prayed it was something that would ease his pain.

“Reece, you
have
to do this,” Jonah added. “For Hannah
and
for Jamie.”

Reece lifted his head, and Jonah was unprepared for the tears in his brother’s eyes. Reece was the strongest of them all, the most stubborn. He was the one to leap into a fight to have someone’s back without having to be asked, the one who never backed down once he’d made up his mind about something. The one who never broke, no matter what.

And he was crying.

“We were talking about getting back together.” The first tears slipped from his eyes, but he didn’t even seem aware of them. He made no move to wipe them away—just let them fall. “Before she got sick, Han and I were spendin’ more time together and it felt like our chemistry was still there. We wanted to try again. Then when she got sick, we didn’t want to complicate things, and I was hung up on Delaney.” He blinked, staring vacantly at the wall beyond Jonah’s shoulders.

“Reece…”

“I wanted Hannah to come over that night since her parents had Jamie, but she was goin’ out with some friends, and said she’d come over the next night.” He swallowed, pausing. “She wanted to have as much fun as she could, and love as much as she could in what time she had left.” Tears glistened on his face. “She called me later that night, and asked me to come over so I did. That was the end.” He covered his face with his hand. “She died that night, in my arms.” His face, when he raised it to Jonah’s gaze, was a map of scars.

Reece stood and punched the wall where his back had been braced. He winced at the impact, but struck a second time before letting his fist fall to his side. “She’s fucking
dead
. My son doesn’t have a mother, and her parents lost their daughter. And I lost her, I lost Han.
Goddamnit
!” He roared the last word, striking the wall a final time before he sagged against it, his hands bunched into fists.

Jonah put a hand out and slowly settled it on Reece’s shoulder. He expected his brother to flinch, but Reece didn’t even move at the touch. “I didn’t know,” he said, somehow unable to find anything else to say. He pulled Reece into a rough hug; Reece just stood there, but he didn’t move away, either. Jonah took a few deep breaths, trying to steady himself, knowing that what was new information to him only made everything that much worse for Reece. Knowing his brother and Hannah were close to rekindling what they’d once shared gutted Jonah. He couldn’t fathom how Reece felt.

“We’ll get through this.” Jonah stepped away from Reece, but kept his eyes locked on his brother’s cerulean gaze. “It won’t be easy, but we’re all here for you. We’ll get through it together, as a family. We’re stronger together, and we’re all with you in this.” He sighed, unsure if his words were having any effect. “Now come on, get cleaned up so we can go honor Hannah. It’s what she deserves,” he reminded his brother.

Reece nodded, but his eyes still held that vacant look, and Jonah wasn’t sure which he preferred: it, or the rage. Reece walked woodenly into the bathroom and Jonah went to his closet, sorting through work clothes for something appropriate for a funeral. He pulled out a suit he found hanging near the back, and laid it on the bed, then sat, letting himself sink into the mattress for a moment. He heard the shower cut on, and he was glad for a chance to just breathe, because with the funeral looming only hours away, he knew he would need all his strength for his brother.

~~~~~

The clinking of silverware on plates was a cacophonous background to the hushed voices filling the room. Jonah wound his way through the maze of folding chairs scattered in with the normal furniture, a plate in one hand, and Quinn’s hand in his other. He recognized most of the faces he passed, and he nodded politely at a few, but kept going. His childhood home was stretched to maximum occupancy. Hannah’s parents were in no shape to host a wake, so Jonah’s mother had stepped in, organizing this just as she had so many other functions throughout the years.

Jonah reached the staircase, and paused, letting Quinn go ahead of him. She swept past him, unusually somber and quiet. She’d barely said anything to him since she got back, and Jonah wasn’t sure whether he should attribute that to her lingering shock over Hannah’s death, or to the coolness he knew he was exuding toward her. He knew that now wasn’t the time to fight with her, but he was still reeling from waking the other morning and realizing she was gone.

He gritted his teeth as he climbed the stairs. This day wasn’t about him, or Quinn, or their issues. This was about Hannah, and about Reece, and Jamie. The smallest Walker was asleep in Reece’s old bedroom, which his parents had transformed into a guest room for Jamie. They’d made Ethan’s into a storage room, so Reece was holed up in Jonah’s former bedroom with Ethan watching over him. He’d asked for Quinn; Jonah was bringing her, as well as what he suspected would be the first food his brother had eaten in a day or longer.

Quinn knocked on the door and went in after a few seconds. Following her in, Jonah set the food on his desk. Reece was sitting on the floor, his back against the bed. His tie was loosened and his suit jacket was on the bed. His head was bowed, but he looked up at their arrival. His eyes were red, but his expression cleared as he gazed at them.

“Reynolds,” he rasped. He held out a trembling hand, palm up, fingers curled inward. Quinn went to him without hesitation, lowering herself to sit beside him. She took his hand and curled up against him. “You’re here.”

“I’m here, Reece.” Quinn rested her head on his shoulder, and then leaned in and whispered in his ear. Jonah couldn’t hear what she was saying to his brother, but Reece nodded, and let out a shuddering, layered sigh. “I’m not leaving.” She smoothed a hand through his hair, and pressed her lips to his temple.

Whatever still held him together seemed to drain from Reece then, and he rested his forehead against Quinn’s; she bore his weight without protest. They sat there quietly, and Jonah felt almost guilty as he watched them. He was upset with Quinn, but relieved she was here for Reece, since this was obviously a situation where he and Ethan weren’t going to be able to ease Reece’s pain.

Jonah caught Ethan’s gaze, then jerked his chin toward the door. Ethan nodded, and headed that way. Jonah lingered a few seconds, and then finally backed toward the doorway. “There’s food on the desk if y’all get hungry,” he offered, before closing the door behind him. It clicked shut, and Jonah ambled to Ethan, who was a few paces down the hallway, sitting down.

Frowning, Jonah mirrored his position, and stretched out his legs. He knew he should be downstairs, thanking everyone who’d taken the time to bring condolences or food. His parents and Hannah’s were probably up to their eyeballs in platitudes. But Jonah was worried about Reece, and wanted to be here in case his brother needed him. In case
either
of his brothers needed him.

“Joe.” Ethan nudged him, and Jonah glanced at his brother. Ethan’s brows were bunched together. “You with me?”

“Yeah, just…” Jonah rolled his neck from side to side, trying to alleviate the tension. “Hoping Reece can handle this.” He eyed Ethan. “But what about you? How are you doing?”

Ethan looked away first—at his hands, at the floor, then finally back at Jonah. He shook his head, eyes closing briefly. “Not great. I mean, hell, I’m breathing so I can’t complain, right? I’m better off than Hannah.” He growled, eyes fixed on the ceiling. “I loved her; she was like a big sister to me, considering I was a kid when she and Reece got together. And now she’s gone.”

Jonah waited until his little brother finally got around to looking his way again. “I know you were close to her. I always wished I was, but, well.” He shook his head, and raked a hand through his hair. “Leaving didn’t help my case with her, and even when I came back, things were still rocky.” He eased out of his shoes, and nudged them away. “But I’m going to miss her, and I know you will, too.”

Ethan nodded. “I will. It makes you think, you know? About life and how things can
just
change
on a dime.” He bowed his head for a long moment. “It makes you ask yourself what you want out of life, and why you aren’t going after it.”

Something in Ethan’s voice caught at Jonah, the words reverberating in his mind. Hannah’s death
had
made him think about where his life was going, and how short it really was, or could be. He’d realized all over again how damned lucky he was to have parents and siblings that cared about him, and how blessed he was to have rebuilt his relationship with his brothers. And he knew, too, that his life was back on track in almost every way, except his relationship with Quinn.

“It sure does make you think.” He met Ethan’s gaze. “I’m not sure I can ever say it enough, Ethan, but I’m really glad we’re on good terms again.”

“So am I.” Ethan’s lips twitched into a faint smile, chasing away the edge of his somber expression. “I mean, you were an ass a lot of the time when you left, but I still missed you every day. We’re all better off as a family, especially you, me, and Reece. We’ve always been best as a trio.”