Ashes of the Stars (19 page)

“Let’s not. I’m tired,” He frowned at me.

“What are you, scared? It’s happening and if you hold back, I’ll know, and I will not hesitate to hurt you,” I threatened him.

He rolled his eyes and turned back towards the meadow. I could hear him yelling his ‘gratitude’ towards my brother as I headed for home. I barely paused to loop my belt around my waist. His sword, his big one that I now knew he was actually, supposedly, really good with, was the one that I grabbed.

I didn’t think such a huge crowd would’ve formed around the training circle but when I got there it seemed like the whole camp had shown up to see the throw down between Kai and me. He stood in the circle, his arms crossed at his chest, and he looked like he was sulking.

“Don’t be a baby,” I threw his sword at him angrily. “I’m the one who was lied to.”

“Well you know, you did teach me one thing so at least it wasn’t all a lie,” He said, looping his own belt around his waist. The camp was silent, listening to our exchange.

“You remember what I said? I
will
hurt you if you hold back,” I warned him again.

“You’re better than I am, I already know that,” Kai said, his hands out defensively.

The time for talking was past. I pulled my swords out, loving the
schwing
noise they made. I threw myself towards Kai and I was genuinely surprised when he dodged out of my way, pulling his sword in the same fluid motion. I didn’t wait before I was spinning, my swords out to cut him, but he blocked me. I flowed with my swords as they ricocheted backwards from the force of my attack and his defense.

I could feel the power building in me. I could hear him coming in for the attack while my back was turned and I launched myself in the air, flipping. I nearly cleared him but I hit his shoulders so I wrapped my legs under his arms. I used the force and the movement to keep throwing my body backwards. I could feel him falling with me and as we hit the ground, I twisted my torso and then we were both on our stomachs. I rolled away from him, keeping my swords above my head so I didn’t accidentally roll on top of my blades. That would’ve been embarrassing and probably lethal. Kai rolled in the opposite direction and then we were throwing ourselves to our feet at the same time.

He didn’t hesitate this time. He moved swiftly towards me, his sword cutting the air in a beautiful arc. I didn’t stop to think. I rarely encountered someone I was on equal footing with so I had to try and take any opening I could. I dropped to the ground, missing his sword by inches, and I kicked his feet out from under him. As he was dropping to the ground, I was rising, using my knee to push myself off the ground. I slid a little on my feet but then I doubled back before he could think about moving and I had the tip of my sword at the base of his throat.

We were both breathing heavily and I couldn’t help but smile at him. “You
are
good.”

“Not as good as you, like I said,” He replied, eying my sword. I pulled it away from his throat and offered him my hand which he took. We were both covered in dirt from head to toe.

“I think that was a lucky shot,” Kieran said. I knew it was a taunt, he was goading me, but I couldn’t help but bite like a fish for the worm.

“Oh
come on
,” Kai complained. He brought up his sword as I was swinging mine around. He blocked me again.

This time as we fought, things were much more equal. Kai knew I would use my small body to my advantage so he narrowed the opportunities I had to get on the ground or in the air. We beat each other back and forth across the training ring. Just as I was starting to sweat a little, literally and figuratively, I caught my opening. Kai’s sword was only sharp on one side and the tip like mine were, and sometimes he pushed me back with a straight thrust instead of swinging his blade. I waited, purely defensive, until he jabbed again. I dropped my left sword and grabbed the top of his blade with my bare hand, shoving his jab down and into the ground. I kicked his wrist with my leg, and with my right arm, I threw my sword towards him, the tip of my blade against his chest this time.

“Damn,” Kai shook his head, breathless. “I knew you were going to do some shit like that, just didn’t know which one of my moves you were gonna use against me.”

“Maybe she
is
better than you,” Kieran shrugged. And with that, the crowd cleared. It was getting dark now, almost bed time.

I smiled with pure joy and adrenaline at Kai, but he frowned at me. “Are you mad at me?”

“Absolutely. But I also feel better in ways that you could not imagine,” I told him.

We sheathed our weapons and started heading towards home. We weren’t very far from the ring when he asked, “How do you feel better?”

“Well, first of all, that was extremely therapeutic in a really weird way. Second, that was, like, a
major
turn on in another really weird way,” I shuddered at the strangeness in me I had never realized was there before and then I continued, “And last but not least, I don’t feel nearly as worried about you when I think about someone attacking you. You know, now that I know you’re not a useless buffoon.”

“Gee thanks, Ai,” He put his arm around my shoulders as we walked. “But I know what you mean about the first two things.”

“You do?” I grinned at him.

“You really are better than me, by the way. I wasn’t holding back,” He promised me.

“Better not be. Never know when I might try a sneak attack just to test you,” I nudged him with my elbow and wagged my eyebrows at him.

“Uh huh,” He laughed and shook his head. I could tell that even though we’d dropped the subject, there was no doubt about what we’d be doing when we got home. It filled me with even more joy.

Chapter Nineteen

After my fight with Kai, I thought about staying away from Bess, but then I thought better of it. He could suck it up. I thought she deserved someone who knew what it was like, but who wouldn’t remind her of her failures, to stop by and talk to her.

I told her nonsense stuff. Sometimes I read to her. Sometimes Pio came with me so he could try reading the poetry that he loved so much. I certainly didn’t mind using Bess as a guinea pig. When he stuttered on a word, which was often, I patiently corrected him. He nodded, every time like it was the most vital of information, and then proceeded after repeating the difficult word correctly. I didn’t know if Bess had a problem with being read to by a learning five, almost six, year old, but she didn’t pull out of her stupor to tell me one way or another.

One night, after I’d spent a long time with her, Kai and I were lying in bed. We’d made love and as I was curled up, naked against his side, I was having trouble falling asleep. It wasn’t because I was trying not to for once. He was grazing his fingertip against the back of my arm, tickling me, but he wasn’t intending to, I could tell.

I sighed for the umpteenth time and tilted my head back and looked at him. “What’s wrong with you?”

“What?” He asked, confused. I looked at him patiently and then he shook his head. “Nothing.”

“Just tell me,” I sighed, suspecting this was about my visiting his mother. I tucked my chin again, listening to his racing heart hammering in his chest.

“I’m going to go see Bess tomorrow,” He said. “In the morning, while you’re teaching the kids.”

“Why?” I asked. I was sure he didn’t want to go, sure he still hated her for what she’d done.

“Because of you,” He sighed.

“What did
I
do?” I frowned.

“Well, what do you owe her? Nothing. Less than nothing; she owes
you
. But you still go see her almost every day. Even with everything that’s happened with you, you still take your time to do something selfless for someone else. It makes me want to give her a second chance,” He said.

“It’s not selfless,” I admitted with shame coloring tone.

“You can use your little excuses all you want but you’re not getting anything out of seeing her and you won’t,” He said. “That’s pretty selfless.”

“Whatever you say. I’m glad you’re going to see her, though,” I said.

“Yeah?” He asked as if he doubted it.

“You know, even if she doesn’t take her second chance, maybe you can use this for closure. Your life will be better if you can have that,” I nod.

“You’re probably right,” I chuckled quietly. “Sorry for keeping you up.”

“It’s fine. You owe me for all the nights I’ve kept you up,” I yawned against his chest and promptly fell asleep.

The next morning at breakfast, Kai seemed withdrawn. I knew what was happening so I didn’t bother him about it. I squeezed his hand gently and gave him what I hoped was an encouraging kiss before he left the meadow. I watched him walk away until he’d disappeared and then I waited. I counted time, hoping both that he would come back before I went to teach the kids and that he wouldn’t. When he didn’t show up before it was time to leave, I was only mildly disappointed. The kids could sense my mild distress, one downfall to teaching them how to be perceptive. They were getting good at it for their ages.

Today, instead of meditating for the entire session, I had the kids sit around in a circle and tell me about themselves and their families. Most came from broken homes, parents lost because of the war. Some still had both parents. All of them were interested in learning how to fight. The ones who had lost family members had an unexpectedly strong passion for it instead of shying away from it. Pio was one of the highly passionate ones, and that surprised me because he didn’t remember his mother.

I had them do some goofy, physical exercises. I used the opportunity to watch them, to see their natural flow of rhythm. I made a checklist in my notepad. Eight kids, ranging between five and seven years old. I marked down weapons I thought would suit them best. Some of them were definitive answers, like Pio, who would do best with a bow like his father. Other kids seemed more fluid, more able to use a variety so I wrote down the best selections within their range.

It was only when the lesson was done and I’d put Pio up on my shoulders that I noticed Kai standing off to the side, his arms crossed at his chest and a dark expression on his face.

“Hey,” I smiled weakly at him. I was afraid of what had happened to cause a look like that. I’d seen it when he was angry with me. It made my stomach flip nervously.

“Hey,” He bent his head forward to kiss me and then he ruffled Pio’s hair. It wasn’t a good time to talk, what with Pio with us, and I was nervous about having that conversation anyway. I distracted myself with thoughts of today’s lesson.

“So, Pio?” I started.

“Yeah?” He asked, bouncing a little on my shoulders. I could tell he was looking around from this higher vantage point.

“Did you notice that some of the kids
really
want to learn how to fight and others are just interested in it?” I asked him.

“Yeah,” He commented.

“It was only the kids who have lost a parent. Do you remember your mom? Is that why you wanna fight so badly?” I asked him. My heart ached for the poor boy.

“Nope. I just thought that maybe Uncle Kai and Uncle Kieran and Daddy shouldn’t be the only ones to protect you. I thought maybe I could too,” Pio said. He said it so easily, as if I should’ve known the answer, it took me by surprise. Then, I felt a hitch in my throat and chest and I felt tears sliding down my cheeks.

“That’s a good reason, little man,” Kai commended him.

I couldn’t say anything. I was too choked up by the little boy’s blatant affection for me. Pio didn’t seem to think it was as big of a deal as it was. When we got to the meadow and I put him down on the ground, I pulled him in for a tight hug.

“Love you, kiddo,” I whispered to him.

“Love you too!”

He said it just as easily as that, just as enthusiastically as anything else. He said that as if I should’ve known it already too. I had, deep down, but it was a beautiful thing to hear.

“Still doubt you’re going to be a great mom?” Kai asked as Pio ran off towards his dad.

“Yes,” I answered. When I stood up I put my hands on my hips. “You wanna tell me what happened?”

“She ‘woke up’,” He shrugged, “Jacks, Nix, and Remy are with her now.”

“See?” I grinned at him. I punched him in the arm playfully. “I told you so. She was just waiting for you.”

“We had a long chat. Everything is far from being fixed but it was a start,” He shrugged.

“I’m really proud of you, Kai,” I said, pulling him down to my level so that I could kiss his cheek.

“Well, thank you for making me a better man,” He smiled at me, the darkness disappearing from his face. I brushed my hand across his face and then I skipped towards Kita’s food hut. All my nervousness had really worked up an appetite. As I passed the usual bench, I could see my brother watching me with a confused and concerned expression. After all, the angriest and most depressed person in camp was literally skipping through a meadow that technically had flowers in it. When I grinned wickedly at him he burst into laughter, pointing at me as if I were a joke.

I ignored him and kept going. Kita’s hut was too warm, as always, but I ignored it, choosing to keep her company instead of joining everyone else outside.

When I was done eating, I tried to think of what I’d do with a free afternoon. I pulled my list out of my pocket and went down a path I didn’t often visit. I went to the furniture maker, an older man named Viktor. He was married to Taevyn, so I had gotten more familiar with him than some of the other people in camp. As soon as I pushed through his shop door he greeted me with a warm welcome.

“Aili! You look chipper today!” Viktor commented in his usual boisterous manner.

“So I’ve heard,” I winked at him. Kita had told me as much already.

“What can I do for you?” He asked.

“I’ve got a big problem and I’m hoping you can solve it,” I said, sitting down on one of his stools.

“Alright, we’ll see,” He nodded.

I put the list down on the table and slid it across to him. He raised his eyebrows and then looked at me. He looked back and forth between me and the list a couple of times before he straightened up and put his hands on his hips.

“I make things out of wood, Aili. Have you confused with me Niko?” Viktor asked me. Niko was his brother who made things out of metal, mostly weapons for the camp if they were needed. He did a lot of repairs, too.

“I know you make things out of wood, Vik, that’s the point. These are for little kids. Practically still babies. You
know
these kids. Do you really think they should have anything Niko can make?” I asked him.

He thought about it for a minute and then a grin spread across his face. “I’ll have it ready in a week.”

“Thanks, Vik. You’re my hero,” I said happily, hopping off of the stool. It finally seemed like everything was working out for the best. I was feeling significantly better. The craziness seemed to have buried itself deep inside of me for the time being. I could get used to a life like this.

Two nights later, Kai asked me to go for a walk with him after dinner. I thought he’d intended to walk around camp but he guided me towards the cliff. We walked at a leisurely pace, in no rush to go anywhere.

Kai had spent a few hours with his mom again that afternoon and he hadn’t seemed to be in nearly as bad of a mood afterwards. We had laughed, teased each other, and just all around enjoyed each other’s company after he’d left the medical hut. I kept waiting for the ball to drop, the craziness to jump back in and take over, or something else to go wrong, but it wasn’t happening.

When we got to the cliff, Kai sat down and pulled me into his lap. He kissed me gently, carefully. Whereas before, when we’d been rough housing as we’d played around, now he was treated me like I was delicate glass, ready to shatter at the slightest touch.

“What’s wrong?” I looked at his unsmiling face. I felt the smile slide off of my own.

“Nothing,” He whispered. “You’re just the most beautiful woman I have ever seen and it’s been amazing having you so happy.”

“It’s because of you,” I said, nudging him with my shoulder. I smiled and then I looked across the dark sky to the bright, huge moon. The stars twinkled in the sky, mesmerizing me.

“Can I ask you something and can you promise not to get upset either way?” He asked me.

“I can promise to try,” I looked back at him with concern.

He smiled weakly. I could see him obviously trying to swallow his saliva. He flicked his tongue across his lips as if they were dry and bothering him. Then he swallowed again. I furrowed my eyebrows.

“Out with it,” I demanded. “Whatever’s bothering you, just tell me.”

“Nothing’s bothering me,” He insisted. “I just…”

I waited and he still didn’t manage to say what he wanted to say. He sighed and closed his eyes.

“You’re worrying me,” I told him, hearing my tone dripping with fear.

“Well now I’m upset,” He said. “I’m ruining this.”

“You’re not ruining anything,” I rolled my eyes.

“I was going to ask,” He swallowed again, “If you would marry me.”

“Yes, I would,” I answered.

“No… I said that wrong,” He groaned. He shook his head and reached into his pocket. He pulled out something that glistened even in the pale moonlight, “What I meant was… Will you marry me, Ai?”

“Are you serious?” I asked, glancing at the ring for a moment and then back at him.

“Yes,” He laughed a little manically. “You’re making this harder on me than it should be.”

“I guess,” I shrugged nonchalantly. His smile fell minutely and I laughed. “Of course I will, Kai. God, you’re an idiot.”

“Well nervousness isn’t a familiar reaction for me,” He smiled, slipping the beautiful, pale band onto my finger. Right on top sat a squared blue stone.

“It’s beautiful,” I whispered, kissing him with all the joy that was exploding out of me. I don’t know what came over me, or us, but we ended up making love right there on the top of the cliff, the moon shining happily down on us.

We dressed in a hurry, both of us embarrassed by the potential of public display. We held hands, giggling but not talking, all the way back to camp. We walked back even slower than we had left. Our bubble of happiness was so thick that at first we didn’t notice the significantly different atmosphere in the camp. We came back into camp in the meadow and were surprised by the grouping of people near where we usually sat. The meadow was usually empty by now.

“What’s going on?” Kai asked me even though he was aware I had no idea. We let go of each other’s hands and headed towards them. I noticed my brother and Whitestrand first. Wren was with them. The three looked up as if in shock to see us.

“What’s going on?” Kai repeated, instantly in a business-like mood. I took in the serious mood and let it bleed the joy out of me. I watched the trio as they looked first at Kai and then they all looked to me, my brother’s face paling. It was strange to see the blood drain out of his face. His usual calm was deeply shaken.