“
Cuffing.”
“
So I see.” I couldn’t keep my eyes on his for long. The water proved a good diverter.
He didn’t explain further.
“
Are you going to answer my question Lil?”
I looked down at a nearby rock. “Probably not.”
That’s when I noticed how he touched me. It was the same as that night I’d fallen asleep crying in his arms, like I was extremely fragile. It confused me. According to me, I was tuff. Once I was cuffed to his apparent satisfaction, Nicholas stood and pulled me up with him.
“
Was there a point to that?” I asked.
“
Yep.” He smiled in the lamplight, and pointed at the water.
It wasn’t until he sat down at the edge of the water and dropped his legs in that I realized the point of the cuffing. He patted the ground and I reluctantly took my place beside him. The waterfall fell down a few feet from our dangling legs. The mist tickled my nose.
“
What’s the matter Lil? I thought you’d like this.”
“
I do.” I said with a frown.
“
You’re going to have to try harder at faking it then. I know when you’re lying.” He grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze. It didn’t matter how hard Nicholas tried, he wasn’t the one for me.
I looked at my captive hand, then at Nicholas. “What’s with this desire to be boyfriend/girlfriend all of a sudden?”
He lightly kicked his feet in the water. “It’s not all of a sudden Lil. You just haven’t been picking up on all of my subtle hints. I figured it was time to be a bit more assertive. Especially since some other guy is trying to steal you away from me.”
Elliott isn’t some other guy. And he doesn’t have to try.
Instead of argue with Nicholas, I tried to pay more attention to where we were. I looked up at the little trickling waterfall and how it made the small, but deep, pool of water our feet were splashing in. “How deep is this?” I asked.
“
Don’t try and change the subject.”
I rolled my eyes before looking back into his. “So are we just going to talk about things that aren’t going to happen or is there an activity that goes along with this torture?” I gestured around at the incredibly romantic setting and grimaced. The oil lamps flickered a soft glow on the scene. The subject was changed.
Nicholas laughed at my theatrics. “So you’re saying I’m good at wooing?”
I wasn’t about to answer. I rolled my eyes and again tried to see from how high the water was falling.
“
What would you like to do Lilly?”
“
I dunno. It’s too dark for hiking... what did you have planned?”
He smiled at my question.
“
What?”
“
Nothing.” He rolled his brown eyes.
“
Nicholas.”
“
You shot down my plans for the evening, unless you would still like to make-out with me? I’m happy to let you test drive the merchandise before committing to anything big like being my girlfriend.” He gestured to his lips as he mock puckered up.
“
Yep. Too bad that is out,” I teased.
We resumed the quiet contemplation as we both watched our feet splash in the water. It was too dark to be sure, but the water looked really deep. And for some unknown reason I really wanted, no needed, to know how deep the bottom was. I held the ledge with my hands as I plunged my toes deeper into the inky darkness.
“
You want to swim Lil? I didn’t bring swimsuits... we could skinny dip,” he shrugged. “If you want?”
I looked at him and scowled. “I do not want. I was just trying to see how deep it goes.”
“
Oh.” He looked at the black water with me. “Want to find out?”
I gave him a get real look.
“
Come on Lil.” He took off his shirt as he spoke, muffling his words. “You’ve been extra uptight lately. A little adventure would do you some good.”
I tried not to look at his bare chest, but I couldn’t help myself. It must have been a long time since I really
looked
at Nicholas. He was no longer the scrawny little neighborhood boy I grew up with. Sometime since I last paid attention, he had actually turned into a good looking guy. He held his hands at his jean shorts top button, but paused to look at me from behind his shaggy blond hair. I swear my heart paused too. “Just kidding hoe.” Nicholas lowered himself, shorts and all, into the water.
He still hadn’t let go of the edge when he looked up at me sitting there. “You coming in or what?”
What the hell
, I thought. I had already cleared up the issue of our relationship. A little swimming with my friend couldn’t hurt. Besides, I was dying to know how deep the water was. I turned around and supported my weight with my arms as I lowered my fully clothed self down into the water. My toes kept feeling for a ledge or the bottom, anything to stand on, but they never touched anything of substance. I ended up having to cling to the rocky edge.
Once in, I looked over at Nicholas who was also clinging to a rock. “Don’t tell me you can’t touch either. You’ve got at least a foot on me.”
“
You are a tad vertically challenged Lil, but nope I can’t find bottom.”
I waded out into the center, treading water to stay afloat. “I’m going to see if I can touch it.” I took a deep breath in, shut my eyes, and swam down into the darkness. I don’t think I got very far, ten feet maybe, when my lungs started to ache for fresh air. Reluctantly, I turned my body around and swam back to the surface.
“
Did you touch it?”
I combed my wet hair back with my fingers. “Nope. You want to try?”
“
Try nothing. I’ll be the bottom master!” Nicholas swam out and swapped places with me. He waited to make sure I was safely clinging to the rock before he winked at me, took in a deep breath, and went under.
At first I took this moment of solitude to let myself take in the beauty of this secret place. I couldn’t let Nicholas know how fond I was of it. And how could I not be? This rocky hideaway appealed to me on so many levels. It was secretive. And it was surrounded by nature, the elements. Earth, air, water, and the firelight of the oil lamps made the scene complete.
Listening to the sounds of the splashing water, a dark cynicism seemed to blossom within me. Perhaps it was a mix of the darkness and black water around me, but my mind craved the unknown. My thoughts kept drifting back to Italy and the underground.
Like an addict needing another fix, I needed Elliott. Elliott who was ephemeral as shadow, but holding within those shadows the keys to light. A light that was my happiness.
Just as I really started to let my guard down, thinking of Elliott’s smile, Nicholas’s head popped out of the water. “Wow! This thing is deep Lil!”
“
Did you touch?”
He was breathing deep. I hadn’t noticed how long he’d been under.
Whoops
. Once again, I’d gotten distracted.
He swam over and purposely brushed up against me as he found a hold on the rock. I realized almost to late that he had positioned himself for a kiss, he was so close. I quickly ducked down under the water and got to the center of the little pool. The waterfall splashed me as I popped back above the water. As I wiped the water from my eyes I could see that my dodge had hurt his feelings. Nicholas tried not to show it, but I could see it in his eyes. Rather than explain to him for the hundredth time why we weren’t ever going to be together, I turned chicken and dove back down for the bottom.
I didn’t get as deep a breath as last time, but I was more determined now. I didn’t want to face Nicholas before it was absolutely necessary. I kicked hard as I dove deeper and deeper. My hands felt out for the floor. I had to be getting close, I was much further down than before. I was about out of breath and ready to turn back when I heard
his
voice scream my name.
“
Lilly!” It was a scared sound, like Elliott had lost me in a crowd.
My eyes opened and the water instantly burned them. “Where are you?” I yelled back before I thought better of it. Frantically I searched around with my blurred vision. Then, almost simultaneously, my lungs started to ache and my heart raced. I looked up and my eyes bulged as my bubbles were beating me to the surface. I thrashed my arms and kicked my legs as I vied for more precious oxygen. I could see flickers of light from the lamps above me as I scrambled violently against the water in vain. I was so close but I knew I wasn’t going to make it. With one last kick I pushed up as far as I could. My fingertips broke the surface. Then the light dimmed.
A frenzied voice made its way through the darkness. “Breath! Come on Lilly! Breath!” Something pounded on my chest.
Next thing I knew I was lying on the rough rock of the cave floor next to the water’s edge, looking up into the face of Nicholas who had his mouth on mine. I coughed water all over him as it spewed from my lungs. I tried to breath in but water kept coming out. After several minutes of doing an involuntary impression of Old Faithful, air was finally able to enter my lungs. And as sweet as the sensation was, it hurt.
Nicholas held me as I tried to remember the normal in and out motions of breathing. All my body wanted to do was bring air in after not having it for even a short time.
“
Are you okay Lilly?”
I was too frantic to even answer. The tears started to stream down my already wet face and I began to have body convulsions as breathing fought against the sobs.
“
Lilly, are you okay?” Nicholas rocked me back and forth in his arms.