Autumn Leaves (12 page)

Maggie enjoyed herself, in any case, for once not fighting with Dina. Her older sister had surprisingly not put up an argument when David had presented them with the tickets. What did it say about their family that the girls were so used to David being in and out of their lives, just like that? Rebecca watched Callie listening once more to Dina’s woes of the sciences, the two of them laughing.

Callie looked so young, she thought, feeling incredibly foolish. Then again, she seemed to like older women. Asha Malik was a professional, and she hadn’t started out on the job at sixteen, so…
God.
She had to stop it. Not that her curiosity would ever lead to anything, but those thoughts were dangerous enough. She couldn’t tell Callie how to live her life or protect her from any possible downsides, but she sure as hell could get herself together eventually.

However, Rebecca realized that the fate of some lost toys wasn’t enough to distract her when she could barely listen. Callie sat to her left, Maggie to her right, and Dina next to her little sister. She reached into the small bowl of popcorn, more from nervous habit than hunger, her hand touching Callie’s.

“Sorry,” she whispered, but neither of them moved their fingers. This seemed like such a cliché. Callie would think she’d done it on purpose. The seconds ticked by. Rebecca finally let go, of the warmth of the touch and the illusion that would have been so easy to slip into.

An hour later, she drove home three girls with red-rimmed eyes. It made Rebecca feel rather coldhearted, then again, she hadn’t paid that much attention to the movie. Callie talked to the girls on the way, but she kept stealing glances at Rebecca.
It’s all good. We’re
good. We’re friends.
She didn’t ask Callie to come inside when they said good-bye. She needed space, time to think. It wouldn’t be easy to make that happen.

David returned just the moment she was done with dinner dishes. Obviously, he’d enjoyed the great outdoors with Charles and his brother.

“You girls had a great time too, I hope.”

“Of course. Awesome movie.” Rebecca smiled tiredly. It wasn’t right that sitting in a movie theater for less than two hours had exhausted her more than his adventure did for him. She couldn’t possibly go on like this.

“Good. Sorry to say this, I know she’s your friend, but Betty is getting on my nerves. Did you ever read any of Callie’s books?”

Rebecca felt caught, wondering why he was asking this question now. “Yes. They didn’t seem like the work of the devil to me.”

“That’s what I thought. Anyway…You have any plans for the rest of the evening?” he asked suggestively. Rebecca held on to him like her life depended on it. Just for a moment, she was ready to make believe, but it wasn’t much later when she realized that make believe was all she could do. She returned David’s smile, effectively hiding the fact that inside, she was terrified. Pretending wasn’t cheating, but it was nearly as bad.

Friends helped each other out in times of crisis. For this, however, there was no one Rebecca could call, she realized as she lay awake hours later. She didn’t want to think of what her friends might say to her dilemma, or what kind of therapy they’d suggest. Maybe she just needed a good old-fashioned confession. Something inside her rebelled at the thought though. She hadn’t done anything wrong...yet. Rebecca had come down to her office she barely used. Mostly, she worked at the kitchen table which was more in the center of the house, making her feel closer to everyone. Tonight, Rebecca needed the distance. Upstairs, David was probably asleep.

What if it was nothing? What if she simply needed the long-promised time-out and everything would be okay again?
Let sleeping dogs lie
. Only that they were already barking loudly at her door. She stared at her cell phone, wondering what to do. What not to do. She should just go back to bed, get some good night’s sleep, and start fresh tomorrow. With the Disneyland trip only a couple of weeks away, perhaps Dina could even be bribed into going to church.

“God, help me,” she said out loud, which, of course, she didn’t mean literally, or maybe she did, because she was at a loss. There was no answer which, somehow, was an answer in itself. Rebecca didn’t know if Asha Malik was still a guest in the house across the street, and she didn’t care either. Her hands were shaking as she dialed, thinking with each number that she should just let it be. There was nothing to gain. The voice on the other end of the line sounded sleepy.

“I’m sorry if I woke you. I need to talk to someone. Now.”

She left a note on the kitchen table, making her way across the street. Callie was standing in the doorway, wearing a robe over pajamas. Even slightly disheveled, she managed to look wonderful. There was a part of Rebecca who resented Callie for that, resented herself for taking notice. Yes, she was getting a taste of how projection worked. If she was about to screw up her life, there was no one else to blame but her.

“You didn’t sound so good over the phone. What happened?” Callie looked worried.

“I don’t feel so good,” Rebecca admitted.

“Come on in.” Callie closed the door, looking at Rebecca for a moment, then moving in closer, wrapping her arms tightly around her. Rebecca’s relief was short-lived when she saw the purse and keys on the table, realizing whom they belonged to. Asha was still here.

* * * *

There wasn’t any way her life could become much more of a mess, Callie reflected, as she gently drew the door of the bedroom closed. Asha was asleep. She wasn’t really the jealous type, and it wasn’t like there was anything to be jealous about in the first place. Still, Rebecca basically fleeing from her home in the dead of night demanded some explanation. Any explanation. Not that it would make things easier in the long run. Also, her own issues didn’t have a place here, because it looked like what Rebecca needed was a friend. Just a friend, nothing more.

Callie didn’t drink much for obvious reasons. She’d never get any writing done either, but she kept a bottle of vodka for visitors and the occasional cocktail. Now, she put the bottle and two glasses on the table.

“You know, sometimes I get up in the middle of the night and have ice cream. It helps me think.”

The mild smile Rebecca gave her told Callie that keeping odd hours wasn’t really anything that fit in Rebecca’s usual schedule. Still, she was desperate enough to come here at nearly 3:00 a.m.

“I’d go for that,” she said, her voice dropping to a low whisper, as if avoiding somebody listening in on their conversation. Unaware, of course, that it was sexy as hell. Feeling her face heat, Callie thought that all the vodka and ice cream in the world wouldn’t help her to quench these feelings.

“Great. Just see it as a continuation of the girls’ day.”

Neither of them even approached the subject of Asha, for obvious reasons. If they considered themselves just friends spending time together, there was nothing weird about the situation. Boundaries were crumbling, though, today, before. With that certainty came the fear that somebody could be hurt in the process, they started something neither would be able to stop.

“So,” Callie said as she sat next to Rebecca on the couch, “why aren’t you sleeping and having sweet dreams of Disneyland?”

Rebecca held the spoon in her hand as if she wasn’t quite sure what to do with it. She sighed. “I’ve been thinking about insects lately, and dogs.”

For a moment, Callie wondered if she was dreaming and Rebecca had never knocked at her door. “What’s going on?” she asked. Since the day they’d met, she hadn’t seen Rebecca this...off. It was disconcerting.

“Sorry, just stupid metaphors.” Rebecca leaned back against the headrest, closing her eyes. “I shouldn’t keep you up because of this. It’s probably just PMS.”

“I wasn’t sleeping,” Callie was quick to say.

All it took was one look from Rebecca to make her blush and expose the lie. “Okay, I was, but I don’t mind, okay? I haven’t been too good with decisions either, lately. I understand.”

“Yeah. I guess it’s hard when you just want to talk to someone, and have nowhere to go.”

Callie supposed that “talk” was a metaphor too when used to explain Asha’s presence.

“I’m the one to blame. I wanted the quiet life away from the city.”

“What happened there? You’re young. You don’t have any children, or a regular job. Why did you come to Autumn Leaves?” Rebecca questioned. She had this intensity about her that had fascinated Callie right from the start. At the same time, it scared her, because she’d learned that letting a person get too close could end in disastrous, painful results. Rebecca wouldn’t hurt her though. Not willingly, at least.

“I told you. I inherited this house. I need to get work done, and this seemed like a place without too many distractions.”
Until I met you.

“Does it work?”

“Every now and then.”

“Great. That’s really great.”

Callie thought she might have missed something as Rebecca all but jumped to her feet and paced.

“I know a bit of distractions. My mother-in-law is on my case in order to make my eight-year-old daughter more womanly, and I feel like a single mother at least three weeks of the month.” Callie got up as well.

“Stop, sit down, please. You’re making me dizzy.”

“Seems only fair to me. As I’m trying to get it all done, while I keep thinking how much I want to kiss you!”

Silence fell, but the truth of Rebecca’s statement still rang loud and clear.

“No.”

“What do you mean, no? Isn’t this what it’s all been leading up to? Isn’t this what you wanted?” Rebecca stepped into her personal space, desperate, demanding, and irresistible.

That’s what you got for playing with fire. It would have been so easy to just let it happen, forget about the husband and the cute kids next door. Callie wanted to, badly, her fingers tickling with the need to touch, bury them in Rebecca’s hair and kiss her senseless. If she felt dizzy still, it might have been the scent of Rebecca’s perfume. Familiar. Tempting. However, what she’d told Asha earlier wasn’t any less true. They weren’t exactly free to make this decision.

“You misunderstood,” Callie said, barely getting the words out. “I’m sorry, Rebecca. You are an attractive woman, but that doesn’t mean every lesbian wants to sleep with you.” If that was harsh, she’d only done it because she had best interests in mind. Hers. Rebecca’s. Rebecca’s in the first place, because she was just this altruistic. Callie had nothing to lose but her heart, and for that, it was too late a long time ago.

“Thank you so much,” Rebecca said, her tone sarcastic, cutting. “This was such a fucking mistake. I guess I know where I stand now.”

Callie wasn’t a prude, but the expletive had made her flinch nonetheless. “You love your family above all else,” she said with more confidence than she felt. “I’ve seen proof of that over and over again. So, I’d rather have you mad at me now than hating me later.”

“That’s big on logic, I gotta say. Good night, Callie. See you in church tomorrow.”

“Rebecca.”

Halfway to the front door, Rebecca turned, her expression defeated, heart-breaking.

“I think you’re the one who misunderstood,” she said. “I can’t hate you. Not when it’s all me.”

She hesitated for a heartbeat, another, then she leaned in until her lips met Callie’s. Callie waited for a few moments, making sure Rebecca wouldn’t bolt and run. She allowing the other woman’s gentle explorations, a chaste careful kiss until Rebecca dipped her tongue into Callie’s mouth. Asking for permission.

Trembling, unable to stand the anticipation any longer, Callie finally kissed her back.

Chapter Six

“You told her about Nicole?”

Minutes after Rebecca had left, Callie was still shaking, for several reasons. She was so lost in her own fantasy that the sound of Asha’s voice startled her badly. She was glad, though, that Asha was still here.

“No. Not yet.”
Probably never.

“Damn.” Asha yawned. “Those straight girls are selfish. Their problems are always bigger.”

Callie sat on the side of the bed, leaning forward, resting her head in her hands. “Rebecca is not like that. It’s just...difficult.”

“I’d say,” Asha agreed. “I totally got it right from the beginning. She
is
your hot MILF neighbor.”

Despite herself, Callie had to laugh. “You so got me into trouble over that.” She finally lay down beneath the covers, the whisper of fabric against her skin once again triggering the memory. Not that she had stopped thinking about it for a single moment. “It’s not that.” She felt the need to clarify. “Crap, Asha, it’s not just about that. I’m in love with her.”

“Yeah, honey, I figured that much a while ago. You know that admitting you have a problem is the first step to solve it, right?”

The problem was Callie didn’t want to solve anything. She knew very well what she wanted instead: the impossible.

* * * *

“Wake up, sleepyhead!” Giggling followed, the sounds drawing Rebecca out of a too pleasant dream. She blinked, holding back the impulse to snap at the person who dared to wake her in the middle of the night…