Autumn Leaves (9 page)

She should just go over and face the music, admit she’d made a fool out of herself at the brunch and before, when she’d tried to tell Callie how to write her books. The lives they had chosen for themselves differed greatly. Big deal. It didn’t mean that they couldn’t be friends, did it?

The nights had been cooler lately, and Rebecca put on a coat before she stepped outside on the porch, hesitating just a moment longer.

A car was slowing down, coming to a halt on the other side of the street. The woman who emerged was familiar: Asha Malik. Rebecca took a hasty step backwards even though she was pretty sure she couldn’t be seen on the dark porch. She should have gone back into the house, try another time, but for some reason she didn’t move, and stood watching as Callie opened the door to Asha. In the lit doorway, the two women kissed. Not like somebody would greet a friend with a kiss on the cheek. Rebecca remained in the same spot, spellbound, even when the door was closed. She stood in the dark, unable to face the feelings that she couldn’t dare to name, unable to keep them away.

* * * *

“Are you feeling better yet? I’m warning you, the wrong answer could be disastrous for my ego.”

“Better” was an acceptable term, Callie decided. She was warm and comfortable with Asha curled around her. She was no longer alone. She wasn’t feeling great, but that probably wasn’t what Asha had expected.

“Thank you for coming here.”

“You’re welcome. Maybe you should just come back with me.”

“I told you I’ve had enough of the city. Leave it alone, okay?”

“It wasn’t the city you needed to leave behind. It was Nicole,” Asha reminded her softly.

“No difference. I’m okay here.”

“Yeah, I can see that. You could file charges against that bitch.”

“Nicole?” It wasn’t fair that after all this time her heartbeat still sped up with apprehension.

“No, that stripper person.”

Callie couldn’t hold back the giggle that was bubbling up inside her, even though the situation was far from funny.

“You better not repeat that in front of anyone.”

“Come on. If Rebecca keeps company like that, she’s as much of a bitch.”

“Well, she didn’t get all hands on.”

“Much to your disappointment, that is.”

“Asha. Give it a rest, please.”

In answer, Asha tightened her arms around Callie, kissing her neck softly. The caress made her shiver pleasantly, encouraging Asha who ran her hand over Callie’s hip.

“You didn’t actually mean
to
rest
did you?”

Callie looked up at Asha, now poised above her, eyes dark with lust, her dark hair falling forward. It wouldn’t be hard to just close her eyes and pretend…She wasn’t that crazy though. “Let’s see what you’ve got,” she breathed.

“Oh, I know you like what I’ve got,” Asha said confidently. Her kisses were slow and soft, a trail of gentle fire down her body. Too much. Not enough.

Reality and fantasy blurred as she was finally able to let go, but only for a moment.

* * * *

At ten in the morning, the shutters of Callie’s house were still closed. Rebecca sighed as she took a look at her watch. She didn’t have any minute to spare for meeting Father Langdon to inform him about her progress so far. Next on the list was getting Dina back from Anna’s. It would be afternoon by then, time for laundry. Those mundane things never stopped. It had to be today, though, because she didn’t want to be stuck with ironing all day tomorrow when David and Maggie would be coming home. Betty didn’t pick up the phone, damn caller ID. Rebecca still had no idea why she’d gone to see Callie, and somehow that irked her. Stupid, right? It wasn’t like Callie couldn’t spend time with other people, talk to Betty, or go to choir practice with Maria. There was absolutely no reason for Rebecca to feel left out. Not even when Callie had a
friend
over for the night.

After the visit to her friend, Dina was in a better mood than she had been in forever, so on the way back, Rebecca suggested they eat at the diner to save time. Once home, Rebecca would tackle laundry and Dina could go right back on the phone with Anna. Dina was pleased with the prospect.

“That means the ban on fast food is over?”

“In your dreams.”

“Too bad. Oh. Look who’s here,” she said, turning into the direction of the corner table.

As their eyes met, it was too late to flee once more like she had in church. In the back of the room, there was Callie sitting with a woman. Rebecca could only see her back, but she knew it was Asha. They were holding hands.

She just couldn’t do this. Granted, Callie could be friends with whoever she pleased, do with her spare time what she wanted to. She just couldn’t be sitting in a diner in Autumn Leaves in the middle of the day holding another woman’s hand, if only because Rebecca was upset about it. Dina hadn’t even noticed as she slipped into the booth, studying the menu already. Asha turned around and waved. Rebecca forced a smile mostly for Callie’s sake, because she remembered in time that she had intended to apologize earlier.

What the hell is wrong with me?

“Is that her girlfriend?” Dina asked with mild interest.

“What?”

“Mom.” Dina’s tone was patient, like talking to a little child. “Don’t tell me you didn’t know.”

“I...Sure. I don’t know if they’re together. She’s the editor.”

“They’re holding hands,” Dina pointed out, a lot less upset about that fact than Rebecca was.

“How did you...” She didn’t know how to say this.

Dina shrugged. “Talk? Callie’s pretty easy to find. Even people in Autumn Leaves know how to use the internet. It’s somewhat of a surprise.”

Rebecca pressed the palm of her hand against her forehead, thinking that she might have a low fever. How foolish had she been anyway, trying to contain any hint of a rumor about Callie? Not like the woman in question was helping. Rebecca was still haunted by the feeling that something terrible was about to happen. Once you went too far, exposed too much of yourself, there was no going back. Maybe it wasn’t just Callie she was so worried about.

The meal seemed to last for an eternity.

When they came back to the house, there was a package on the porch left by the mailman. Asha Malik stayed another night. Rebecca had a bottle of wine and box of books to pass the time.

* * * *

She wasn’t very efficient tonight. Rebecca realized she was staring at the bra in her hand for at least a couple of minutes, and she hadn’t even started with the ironing yet. Did women actually do that, wear sexy lingerie for each other? There were ways to contain her curiosity. She could just ask, get it out of her system. Rebecca shook her head. Callie possibly wouldn’t mind educating her, but even the thought made her blush.

Callie was so different from what she imagined. Not that Rebecca imagined a lot about what lesbians were like. It wasn’t so much her lack of knowledge that bothered her, but the way she let her horizons not broaden, just the opposite in fact.

As a graduate student, she wasn’t into politics much. Rebecca had, however, come up with expectations of what she wanted to do with her life. She’d wanted a family in the first place, a connection that was more than just a roof over the head and all bills paid.

She wanted a man who was a partner in all things, and the opportunity to make a little money in the profession she was trained for. Mostly, it worked out, but somehow, Rebecca thought, she had lost sight of people who didn’t share that same design of life. She kept in touch with a handful of friends after she and David had moved to Autumn Leaves, but the times she saw them were few and far between. More and more, she surrounded herself with people who were just like her, their problems just the same. It didn’t seem right anymore.

Rebecca finally got to that box of books around midnight. She’d put a nightgown and her reading glasses on, and a glass of wine onto the nightstand, ready for more adventures of Sabine and Vanessa. Theory would have to do for now. She frowned, thinking again of Callie and Asha Malik. Hooking up with the ex with whom you shared a working relationship? It seemed like the mistakes made were in no way different from straight people’s. She tried to return to the book, but found herself distracted. When David came back tomorrow, he’d hopefully stay for a little while longer this time. Frankly, Rebecca was tired. It was her only excuse for her imagination running wild with what might happen over at her neighbor’s.

It also kept her from obsessing too much about the next day. She missed Maggie. Rebecca had the feeling the girl would be a little difficult for a day or two to come, because it was always that way when she returned from a visit with her grandmother. As always, Rebecca wouldn’t mention it. Coming between a man and his mother was just impossible, so it was a good thing they didn’t live too close. David’s mother wasn’t so bad, just set in her ways, and of course in that regard she was no different from Rebecca’s parents. If they had known some of the thoughts on Rebecca’s mind lately, they might have hired a priest—for an exorcism.

* * * *

The sun shone brightly as Callie walked to the bakery, feeling more optimistic than she had in days, despite her run-in with Mrs. LaRue. She hadn’t said that to her temporary lover because Callie was sure Asha would find a way to crack a rude joke about her sex life. Callie smiled to herself. The company was good for her, putting things into perspective.

First things first: She’d get the book done, hold on to the people who were worth it, and forget about Betty. Since no one had chased her out of town yet, it didn’t seem like the LaRues’ opinion held so much weight in town. In fact, she’d gone out with Asha more than once, and no one seemed to care. She had time to figure out and end her emotional entanglement with Rebecca. What had she been thinking? There was no safe fantasy, dreaming meant setting oneself up for hurt anyway. Friends, it was. She could handle that. She’d also go to church choir, no matter what anyone would say.

“Hello. I haven’t seen you here before.”

A few steps away from the cash register, she turned at the sound of a voice, smiling politely at the young man who was leaning against the shelf, studying her openly. He was good-looking, but of the kind who knew it and thought too much of it.

“That could be true.”

“You new in town?” he asked, following her when she went to the cashier. This morning, there was nothing much that could spoil her mood. Actually, Callie found it kind of amusing to be hit on by a guy who was much younger than her. Yes, she looked young.

“Not so much anymore,” she said, handing a bill to the girl behind the register. “Sorry, I gotta run.”

“Oh, but where do you have to go on a Saturday morning? I’ll buy you a coffee.”

“No, but thanks.”

“My name’s Matt. I could give you a ride home in that baby out there.”

The Porsche parked outside the bakery was certainly his daddy’s. “Tempting, but I don’t live far away. Thanks again, I’ve got to—”

She stepped back quickly as he touched her arm. The cashier girl looked uncomfortable.

“You heard what the lady said, Matt. Not all girls are impressed with your father’s vehicles.”

Callie had never been so relieved to hear Rebecca’s voice, emotional entanglement notwithstanding.

“Mrs. Lowman, good morning.” Matt put on his sunglasses. His smile was probably meant to be charming, but looked forced. “See you later, ladies.”

“Not necessary,” Rebecca mumbled. “Are you okay?”

“Sure. Thanks for the rescue though. How old does he think I am anyway?”

Rebecca seemed to consider the question for a moment, but then chose not to answer it. “You’re welcome,” she said, “and I know you need to head home, and that I owe you an apology, but...Can I walk you home?”

The offer made Callie ridiculously happy, but then again, she’d known it would be a good day.

“How have you been?” Rebecca asked.

Callie was good at imagining things, making up stories. She made a living with that. So it wasn’t hard to imagine that these few words revealed the same longing she felt.
I missed you.

“Working, mostly. How about you?”

Rebecca shrugged. “Busy, I guess. Are you coming to brunch today?”

“I’m not so sure about that. Betty paid me a visit.”

“Really?” Rebecca groaned. “I was afraid of that. You’re still here though. That’s a relief. You must know that Betty isn’t one of those Bible-thumping bigots. She’s just under a lot of stress at the moment.”

Callie let the silence envelope them for a few steps, then she said, “It’s not an excuse.”

“No, it isn’t,” Rebecca agreed. “I wanted you to know I’m sorry.” She hesitated, but when Callie didn’t say anything, she went on reluctantly. “About many things. I shouldn’t tell you how to live your life. It’s not what friends do.”

That warm hopeful feeling could be treachery, but Callie cherished it anyway. “Thank you. I know that most people aren’t out to get me. It’s just—”

“That most of us have no idea what the hell we’re talking about?” Rebecca finished her sentence with a somewhat pained smile. “I’d like to ask, but it’s kind of...I don’t want to sound stupid. I don’t want to hurt you,” she added softly, after a moment, “but I don’t understand, you know? You write these books under your own name. You risk so much pain. Tell me, is it really worth it?”