Awaken Me (The Jaded Series Book 4) (23 page)

I take a step back from her and say gruffly, “Take your skirt and panties off. Then get on the end of the bed on your hands and knees, ass in the air.”

She turns and looks up with uncertain eyes. I hold my ground when all I want to do is fall to my knees in front of her and worship every single inch of her body. Her breasts jiggle with her movement and my hungry eyes drop to them. Her body is glorious, and I haven’t even seen all of it.

“Nick, I don’t want—”

“You’re getting what we both want. You’re just not getting it the way you want it. We do this my way or no way at all.”

I wait for her response. If she tells me she wants to stop, we will. I’ll have blue balls from hell, but we’ll go no further. But if she wants to continue, this is the only way I’ll give it.

She nods and both relief and disappointment flood through me. She slowly lifts her hands to her skirt and hesitantly slides it over her hips. I watch with interest, still expecting her to put a stop to this. Her hands move down, taking her panties along with the skirt and exposing inch by torturous inch of smooth pale skin. My eyes hold for a second on the neatly trimmed red curly hair that lies above her pussy, before following her hands as they continue their downward movement.

Once she has her skirt and panties at her ankles, she stands back up and steps out of them. I trail my eyes up her shapely legs, linger once more at the apex of her thighs, up over her stomach and tits, her neck, before meeting her gaze. She’s so fucking beautiful.

She’s not looking directly at me, but instead just over my shoulder. Her fingers wiggle, and I know she’s fighting the urge to cover herself from my probing gaze. I reach back between my shoulder blades, grip my shirt, and bring it over my head. I lose sight of her for only a second, but when I have it back, her eyes are focused on my chest. Heat flares in their depths and she shudders out a breath.

Fuck, but I want this woman something fierce!

“Release your hair.”

Her eyes snap back to mine. Her hands reach back and she pulls a clip from the back. Her thick red hair comes tumbling down her shoulders in soft waves. Some of it falls over her breasts, leaving them partly hidden, peeking through a red curtain. She looks like an innocent maiden from the old days, trying to cover her breasts from prying eyes.

“Bed, Sugar,” I remind her.

She licks her lips, but moves to the bed. Her ass twitches as she walks, and I can’t wait to get my hands on it. She looks over her shoulder at me when she’s standing in front of the bed. I raise a brow in question, but she just turns and climbs up. She stays on her knees, her hair trailing down her back, for several seconds, before she lowers her body until she’s on her hands as well.

The sight before me damn near has me drooling. My dick turns to stone as her cunt glistens, spread open for me. Her lips are small and are a darker pink. The puckered hole of her ass tempts me. I want to dive in and devour her and never come up for air. She’s fucking driving me insane.

It also pisses me off that she’s so willing to allow me to treat her like a whore with no feelings involved. Does she think so little of herself, or is she doing this for another reason? Does she think this is what I truly want and is willing to give it to me? This is the last thing I want, but it’s the only choice I’m left with to get through to her.

My eyes stay locked on her pussy and ass as I walk toward her. When I’m standing with only a few inches separating my jean-covered dick and her slickness, I place one of my hands on the small of her back and run it up her spine. She’s on her hands and knees, but I want her chest to the bed. Her breath hitches at my first touch.

I reach the base of her neck and apply pressure. She understands what I want and lowers herself until she’s on her elbows with her cheek to the comforter.

“Spread your legs more,” I tell her and push down on her lower back. She does as she’s told, but not enough. “More.” I grunt at her, and apply more pressure.

She spreads her legs even wider. I stop her when she’s at the perfect level to take my cock.

With both hands now, I start at her ass and move them up her sides until I reach her breasts that are smashed to the bed. I reach beneath, tweak her nipples, and then bring them back down her sides. Her skin is so smooth and feels fantastic beneath my palms. She moans into the comforter and arches her back. When I reach the crease of her legs and hips, I change directions and slide them down her thighs. On my way back up, I wrap my hands around her thighs so my fingertips are right at her pussy. I pull her back against my dick and her warmth hits me, intoxicating me. I tip my head back and release a groan at the same time she moans. When I bring my head back down, she’s gripping the sheets tightly in her fists. I pull her back again, grind her wet pussy against me, and have to fight the urge to yank open my zipper and shove my dick in her tight cunt.

I shift back and bring my hands over her ass again until my thumbs are poised right at her wetness. I look down when I pull her lips apart and watch as her juice slides down her thighs. She’s fucking soaked and my mouth waters to lap up every single drop.

I run both thumbs up and down her slit a few times, before I slip one inside.

“
Fuck
!” I hiss when her walls clench around my thumb, gripping it tight, and she whimpers, causing me to push in further.

Not able to stand it a moment longer, I take my hands away and take a step back.

Her protest is instant. She looks over her shoulder and says, “What are you—” She stops short when she sees my hands at the waist of my jeans. She breathes an “oh” and her eyes flare wide with desire.

I keep my eyes on her as she watches me slide my pants down my hips. My dick jumps with her stare and a pearly drop of precum appears at the tip.

“Cheek back to the bed,” I order harshly.

She bites her lip and looks disappointed, but does as she’s told. It’s not that I don’t want to see her appreciation of me, but this is already hard as it is. If I have to look in her eyes, I may not be able to go through with it. Eventually the heated look she’s giving me will give way to hurt. I can’t bear to see it.

I bend to untie my boots and then toe them off. Once I step out of my jeans, I grip my cock and give it a few pulls. Stepping back up to Chris, I lay a hand on her left hip and feel a shiver race over her. I can only see one side of her face, but the side I do see shows her eyes clenched tightly shut.

Still holding my dick with one hand, I take the tip and rub it along her opening. Instead of slipping it inside, I grab the base and angle it down until it meets her clit.

Her panted “Nick” against the comforter and her backward push with her hips says it won’t take long to send her over the edge.

Thank fucking Christ for that, because I sure as shit won’t last either.

I bring the head of my dick back up, trail it past her slit again, and rest it at her back entrance. I want to see how far she’ll let me go. She stiffens for a minute, her head jerking up with the slight pressure I put on her asshole, but she doesn’t stop me. Although I can tell she’s hesitant for me to take her there, she’s still willing to allow it. I can’t tell if that turns me on more or ignites my fury further. Regardless, I have no plans to take her ass tonight.

My grip on her hip tightens as I bring my hardness back to her pussy. Before I slide inside, I ask her one more time.

“Are you sure you want this, Chris? Once I start, I won’t stop until it’s done.” My voice is tight and guttural. I’m close to my breaking point, but I need her permission one last time.

The words have barely left my mouth before she’s saying breathlessly, “Yes, Nick. Please.”

“You protected?”

“Yes,” she whimpers, impatiently rocking her hips.

I glance down to where my dick is poised at her entrance and watch as I slide every single inch in with one smooth slow motion.

“Jesus fucking Christ!” I groan deeply, as she cries out into the comforter.

She grips me so goddamn tight it’s a wonder I don’t come as soon as I’m inside. The feeling of her wrapped around me, warm and soft, is like heaven and hell. It’s one of the sweetest things I’ve ever felt, and I know this will be the only time I’ll ever feel it.

I pull my hips back until just the tip is left inside. Seeing her wetness glistening on my cock has me biting back a groan and fighting the impulse to pound the fuck out of her. Slowly, I slide back inside and hold myself still, letting her adjust to my size. Once I feel her relax, I grab her hips and slam forward at the same time I pull her back to me. She’s whimpering and crying and clutching the comforter in a death grip.

On my next inward movement, I keep her hips against mine and grind my pelvis in her ass, hitting something inside her that has her shouting, “Nick!”

Hearing her cry my name has me wanting to pound my chest like a caveman.

When I pull from her again, I don’t stop until I pull all the way out. Immediately, I push her ass until she has no choice but to move up the bed. I climb up behind her and bring her hips back, fitting my cock back inside her sweet warm pussy.

“Make sure you stay on your knees,” I grate at her. She holds still as I bend over her back with one arm braced beside her head and one planted diagonally across her back, my hand grabbing her shoulder. I use her shoulder as leverage to push myself forward at the same time making sure she stays in place to take my thrusts. I surge forward and feel my balls slapping her clit. Pulling back, I slam forward again. And again. She holds her position on the bed but with my thrusts she’s forced to inch forward. I grit my teeth to keep from spilling inside her.

Her walls tighten around me, and I know she’s close. I also know what I need to do next. Something that no woman, or man for that matter, should ever have to go through, but it’s something that needs to be done to ensure she gives up this ridiculous ploy to garner my attention. Even if it does make me the biggest bastard in the world.

I wait just long enough to feel her reach her peak. She cries out my name and starts bucking her ass against me. I have to force my own orgasm back when her tightness clenches around me in a vise grip.

I bend more at the waist until my chest is curled against her back. I take my hand from her shoulder, grab a handful of hair, and yank her head back. Once my lips are at her ear, I take the lobe between my teeth and nip sharply, before condemning myself to hell by saying, “How does it feel to be fucked by a man who wished you were someone else? Who would do anything to replace you with the one woman he wants most in the world.” With that, before she even has a chance to respond to my blatant lie, I rear back, force my hips forward and unleash my own climax inside her, shouting, “Anna!” to the ceiling.

It’s not until after my racing heart settles to a slower rhythm and my body loses its tension from my release that I realize I’m lying full body on top of Chris. My face is buried in her mass of red hair and I’m breathing in her delicious scent. My half-hard cock is still buried inside her, and I don’t think it’s going to deflate anytime soon.

A noise interrupts my euphoria. I hear a sniffle and realize Chris is crying. I close my eyes tightly, knowing I did this to her, brought her to tears. When I open my eyes and pull back, I see through her curtain of hair that she has hers clenched shut tightly as tears leak from them onto my pillow. I want to pound my head against the wall to block out the tortured whimpers leaving Chris’s lips.

My dick slips from her body when I pull back. She flinches and with it my heart cracks wide open. When I climb from the bed, she rolls to her side, drawing her knees up to her chest. A pain so sharp that it steals my breath hits my chest. She has her eyes open now, but doesn’t seem to be focusing on anything. A look of loss and utter torment is written all over her face. I want to drop to my knees and beg her to forgive me. To tell her it was all a lie, that she was the only one consuming my thoughts as I took her. But that would defeat the whole purpose of what I did.

When I started this, I knew I would end up hurting her, but I never realized the pain it would cause me would be so deep and profound. I hate myself for what I just did. I want to rip out my heart and lay it at her feet, because I know I just destroyed hers.

With a lump in my throat and an ache in my stomach, I force myself to leave Chris on the bed and go to the bathroom. The last thing I want to do is leave her like this, but I have to keep the charade up. I have to make her believe I don’t care, when in reality I want to cocoon her into my arms, weep into her neck, and promise with everything I am that I’ll never hurt her again.

Once I hit the bathroom, guilt assails me. Guilt for what I did to Chris and guilt for what I did
with
Chris. Anna isn’t here to know what I did, but she’s still a part of my soul. She still owns me. She would hate me and be disgusted for what I did to Chris. I never thought I would touch another woman; never thought I would want to. Now that I have, I don’t wish I could take it back, but wish I could do it again. And again and again, except with a different ending. With me screaming out Chris’s name. The way it should have been. I don’t regret being with Chris; I just regret how it ended. I should regret it. I should wish to take every second back because she isn’t Anna, but I can’t. And that’s what eats at me. I love Anna with every fiber of my being, but being with Chris made me feel more alive than I’ve felt in two years.