Awakening the Wolf (18 page)

Belik hit Christopher in the face. The wolf staggered backward and hit a tree. She cried out and tried to get in the middle of both of them, but Christopher was faster and ran at Belik, then shoved him to the ground. Christopher landed on top of him and pulled a punch that cut his lip and hit his nose. Belik pushed Christopher off him and got up. He hit him with a right cross and backed the wolf into the large tree, where he hit him in the stomach, which doubled him over. Illiana cried out.

“Stop! Both of you!”

The men did not hear her. Instead, Christopher slashed at Belik and clawed him across his torso. Belik tried to dash out of the way from another punch, but he ended up with claws marks on his cheek.

“She never lied to me, Christopher.” Belik put up his fists and darted out of the way from another punch. “Illiana told me the truth about everything and what she was doing so that she could have you, too. I accepted everything about her because she’s a marvelous creature. You would see that, too, if you weren’t so selfish.”

Christopher laughed. “Selfish? Look who’s talking. She thinks she can have the both of us and has gone through this elaborate hoax. She brought you along for the ride. Who was she fooling?” He grabbed Belik and threw him to the ground.

Illiana finally got between them. Christopher swiped at the raven. This time his claws landed on Illiana’s cheek deep enough she felt them scrape her cheekbone. She cried out in pain and fell to her knees, clutching her face. It didn’t matter that she had been struck. “Stop! Both of you stop this before you kill one another. I couldn’t live with myself if that happened.”

The tears flowed freely, and they mingled with the blood on her cheek. Belik took her in his arms, trying to comfort her.

“Is this what you wanted to see, wolf? If you truly love her, then you can put aside everything you’ve said tonight and realize she’s the most important thing in your world. She walked through fire to be with you. If you can’t see Illiana is a jewel among the coal, then you don’t deserve her. Think about everything she has ever done for you. Cared for you when your mother died. Lent an ear when you needed it. You might have defended her against all the unkind words, but you still don’t have the balls to claim that you love her.”

“Oh, yeah, and where were your balls when she was growing up and you never protected her against those who called her names in the flock?”

Belik helped her stand, and she wiped the tears away. “I grew a pair. I’ll follow her to my death if that’s what she wants. No one is going to tell me otherwise. Not even an arrogant asshole who thinks that because he’s the alpha’s son he has had everything handed to him. Why don’t you get your head out of your ass for a change?” Belik stroked her cheek and kissed her undamaged one. “Let’s get your aunt to look at your wounds.”

She nodded and glanced at Christopher one last time before letting Belik lead her out of the clearing. Her heart sank. Even though she had achieved her goal of getting accepted into the pack, she had lost one of the men she loved. Belik had defended her, and she was grateful for that. Knowing how Christopher saw her now shredded her soul, and she doubted that she could mend the relationship if she wanted to.

Illiana sat and stared at the rising moon. She touched the scars on her chest and could barely believe that she was now part of the pack. It had been two weeks since her acceptance, and the scars had already healed. The ones on her cheek were still scabbed over. She would have scars, but that did not bother her. The cool moonlight made her wonder if it could calm the raging in her soul. After everything she had done, she realized her mistake in that she should have told Christopher from the beginning what she was planning. Everything he said swam around in her mind. Some of it was his anger and disbelief talking, but she also knew some of it was true. Christopher was supposed to teach her the ways of the pack. When she had gone to his hut, he refused to see her. Simian told her that he had gone and no one had seen him. Illiana had flown through the woods looking for him and found him with Jalisa. Maybe they were back together. Maybe they were trying to mend the fences. Either way, Illiana knew it was not her place to interfere. She might have challenged Jalisa and won, but it was up to Christopher regarding who he wanted to choose for a mate. At this point, she knew it was wrong to meddle. The echo in her soul tore everything, and she could hardly feel the wolf inside of her anymore. It had retreated, and there was nothing she could do to bring it out. It felt as though part of her had died and she was not sure how to bring it back to life.

After everything she had done, everything she had worked for, there was nothing she could do to make it right. Her mother had heard about her initiation and had talked at her for several hours, but she had nothing to say to her. Belik was diligent in coming by, but she said nothing to him. It was all she could do to wake up in the morning and make sense of the day, but nothing seemed to make sense anymore. It seemed her soul was an empty pit of blackness.

“Are you going to snap out of it?” Coret asked.

She wiped the tears from her eyes and sniffled. “What is there to snap out of? My plan failed. Christopher hates me and doesn’t trust me any longer. I can’t find the wolf. It’s slipped back into the darkness, and it won’t come out.”

Her aunt nodded. “It was the hurt that brought your other side out. It’s understandable that the devastation you feel would drive it back into the shadows of your mind. Sweetie, you have to get over this. You can’t show any weakness in the pack, or they will eat you alive. It’s all over the flock you were initiated—and your mother is taking a lot of heat for it. Belik even came to me to see if there was something I could do.”

“Is that why you’re here? To snap me out of it?”

“Sweetie, I know how much you love Christopher, but you dropped a lot of heavy news on him.”

“I know. I know. I should have told him everything up front. I realize that now, but . . . ”

“But you wanted to keep it a secret, too, so that he wouldn’t guess and make it a great surprise. I understand. I know how much you love him. Maybe you need to give him more time.”

Illiana shook her head. “He’s already with Jalisa again. It seems that nothing I did really made a difference.”

Coret squeezed her shoulder. “It
will
be okay. You’ll see.”

Illiana nodded, but she did not believe that.

* * * *

Belik watched from above as Coret spoke to Illiana. He stayed hidden behind a few branches so that she would not see him. For the past couple of weeks, he had watched Illiana, and seeing her so broken had cut him to the bone. It twisted his insides and riled his anger so that all he wanted to do was rip Christopher’s head off. Doing that would only make the situation worse. Declaring war on the pack would cause more trouble than it was worth. Illiana would not see him, and he did not know how to snap her out of her depression. He would give anything to make sure she was happy again. She was the one good thing that had happened to him since he had laid eyes on her. Knowing she agreed to wear his feather and to be his mate lifted his spirits. It also made him understand how his father had always described his love for his mother before she died. Although there was only one way to make the woman he loved happy again. He stretched his wings and jumped off the limb. The wind carried him higher, weaving through the branches. He searched the woods until he found Christopher at the clearing where he had first taken Illiana. Belik circled until he was low enough and transformed back into human form. Christopher was sitting on the edge of the pool with his feet dangling in the water. He seemed to be staring at nothing, maybe watching the water bugs skating on top of the surface or the ripples caused from the toads jumping on and off the lily pads. He trailed his fingers over the water, and still he didn’t seem to react. Belik clenched his fists and bit his tongue as the anger crept up his throat. This had to be a civilized conversation.

“Doing some soul searching?”

Christopher glanced at him and back at the water. He threw a stone that skipped across the surface. “What are you doing here?”

“We need to talk.”

“I have nothing to talk to you about. Our conversation a few days ago made it perfectly clear where we stand.”

Belik nodded and sat down next to the wolf. He examined the other male, noticing several of the scars on his chest. He was taller than him and had broader muscles. What was it about him that Illiana loved? At first Belik assumed it was his looks that had drawn her, but it was more than that. “Look, Christopher, I don’t care what you think of me, but Illiana needs you.”

“Ha! She has you, so why does she need me? To humiliate me even more?”

“Snap out of it, and stop being an asshole. She did what she did so that you could end up being together.”

“And you’re here on her behalf to convince me to forgive her?”

“Illiana doesn’t know I’m here. But yes, I’m here for you to reconsider. She knows what she did was wrong and should’ve told you. It’s eating her alive. She hasn’t shifted since that night.”

“So she’s not flying around with you, big deal.” He skipped another stone across the pond.

“She isn’t shifting at all. No wolf. No raven. She can’t find the wolf in her anymore. You were the one who brought it out. The guilt is eating away at her. She barely eats, and she won’t talk to anyone. If you truly wanted to hurt her, then you did. I understand if you chose not to be with her, not to be with us, but at least talk to her. That’s all I’m asking. She needs your forgiveness.”

Christopher glanced at him. “You really love her enough to share her with another man? To come out here and beg me, your rival, to go to the woman you love and ask her to take me back?”

Belik ran his fingertips through the water. “She’s everything I ever wanted. I thank the gods when she assented to be my mate. I have no problem sharing her with someone if that’s what makes her happy. If you chose to be with her again, that is your decision. All I’m asking is that you speak to her. She needs you in her life. Even if you don’t want to be her lover, or her mate, then at least be her friend again and show her the rules of the pack so she won’t be lost.” He got up and glanced at the moon, wondering what the fascination was between it and the wolves. “I know you said some things out of anger, and they were shitty things to say, but you wouldn’t be out here all alone, skipping stones, if you weren’t trying to sort out your feelings.”

He didn’t wait around for a response, but transformed back into a raven and fluttered off toward the village. He landed outside of Illiana’s aerie and knocked on the door. Lelana answered.

“She still won’t talk to me.”

“Can you blame her? Her heart is broken, and all you can think about is your reputation. And how this decision will influence your status among the flock.”

“You think you know everything, Belik.”

He grabbed a robe from the entryway and wrapped it around himself. “No. I don’t know everything. But I do know that you didn’t think about her first when you should being her mother. She needed you, and all you could do was lecture.” He pushed past her and went up to Illiana’s room.

Belik didn’t bother to knock; instead he went in and saw Illiana sitting by the window. He knelt next to her, pulled her into his arms, and held her. She sniffled and snuggled into his embrace. This was the closest she had let him get to her in the past two weeks, and it was an improvement. He kissed the top of her head while she rocked a little, and he felt her muscles quivering. Belik rubbed her arms, not really sure what to say that would ease her sadness. He prayed Christopher would come around. It would make things so much easier if the wolf came over and apologized. Belik did not know what he would do without Illiana. She had opened his eyes to so many things. She embraced all of who she was, and he thought there was more to her, that her journey was not done in regards to discovering who she was. If this rift between her and Christopher was not mended, he feared that the voyage would end.

“It’s going to be okay,” he said, trying to be sure she was going to calm down.

She shook her head. “No, it’s not. I feel like I’m losing myself and I can’t get it back. I’ve tried to find the wolf, but she’s gone.”

“You know she’s not gone. She’s a part of you, and because you want that part of you to disappear, then that’s what happened. And I don’t want that part of you to disappear.”

“Wouldn’t it be easier for you? Then you don’t have to worry about me getting involved with Christopher. About me making more of a fool of myself with the wolf pack? Why do you even want me after everything that I’ve done?”

He gritted his teeth and knew that she was hurting, but she also had to snap out of the depression she was in. Belik unwound her from his grasp and turned so that he could look into her eyes. This was not the woman he knew, the strong woman who had dealt with years of nearly being ostracized from the flock and who had stood up to the alpha of the wolf pack. Her eyes were red from all her crying and her cheeks gaunt from not eating. He smoothed the hair from her forehead and held her face between his hands. “You’re a strong woman. You stood up to the pack and defeated Jalisa. You have dealt with so much, don’t let this overcome you. I know how much you care about Christopher, but what about me? Don’t you love me, too?”

She nodded. “Of course I do. You’ve shown me that I don’t have to be what everyone wants me to be.”

“I love you, Illiana. I don’t want you to be dragged down by someone who has been horrible to you in the past and now can’t deal with the fact that you are just like him.”

“But . . . ”

“There is no but. I understand that you’re feeling guilty about telling Christopher about your wolf side. There is more to life than him. There’s me, and I’m not going anywhere.” He kissed her lightly, praying she would understand that he loved her, too—more than any man who was going to throw her aside because he could not handle the truth. She returned his kiss and pressed her body against his. It stirred his lust, but he knew better than to take advantage of her in her compromised state.