At the end of the second class, the fog has almost totally faded away, but the sky is still thick from low, oppressive clouds. But all I need to do is look at Vuk and it brings a smile back to my face.
When we get to our last class, he stretches his arm out behind the backrest of my chair, and leans his head onto my shoulder. He falls into a deep slumber for the whole two hours of the sociology class. I still won’t be able to pass if he doesn’t follow the class or Professor Wilde.
“And with last night’s three hours, that makes five hours of sleep,” I say sarcastically, to wake him up. We go to the cafeteria to eat… Well, that’s stretching the definition. Vuk barely eats a thing, he seems to open his mouth only to yawn.
“I’m beat.”
“Why don’t you go get some sleep?”
“I complicate my life all by myself. Doctor…” He corrects himself. “My brother says that I’m too tenacious, but he agrees with the idea in the end.”
“Um, can you explain?”
“I don’t trust your bloodsucking friends from the Council.”
“Why?”
“They’re not doing enough! We’re taking care of everything and in the meantime, the rebels are still hanging around our territory. Since the battle at the border, I’ve been doing double shifts. So far, no one has been spotted again, but I don’t care. We were that close…”
Vuk holds his thumb and forefinger close together in demonstration.
“So for now, this is the way we have to do things.”
He closes his hand, balling it up into a fist.
“Double shifts?” I ask. “To protect the borders?”
All of a sudden, his eyes become wary. “To protect you.” He seems to let that slip out unintentionally. I’m afraid he’s not doing these double shifts just to protect the boundaries.
“Let ‘em come into our turf,” he snorts. “As long as they’re looking for you there, they won’t be coming to Medford. And they won’t get out alive.”
“You can’t go on like this, Vuk. You have to sleep!”
“That’s not a problem, little girl,” he mumbles, stretching out his whole body.
“But I’m safe.”
“We don’t know who the girl is yet, do we? Or why they’re hunting you. Plus, there are some new aspects, right? So I have to keep on the lookout.” He snarls stubbornly, closing his eyes and almost falling asleep on his plate.
Obviously, I can’t argue with Vuk’s reasoning, but I’m still worried about him.
“Vuk…” I begin to nag, “you have to get some sleep, though.”
“I promised to be your guard wolf for now and forevermore. Captivity, remember?”
“But I don’t want a guard dog. I want my friend.”
“What else do you want, Stella?”
“I don’t want to see you exhausted, injured or in this comatose state.”
“Let’s just say I’m hoping to sink my teeth into two vampires pretty soon, ok?”
I don’t reply. His gaze holds fast, he’s hoping to see a reaction. I just sigh and slide off my seat.
After lunch, I can’t put off studying anymore so I go to the library and choose one of the most isolated tables in the reading room on the ground floor and try to get down to some serious work.
I’m dreading the worst, weather catastrophes included, including the possibility that someone might want to steal my car and kill me in the process. But I believe that no fathom deity or higher power would want to even bother get up in the morning to punish little old me.
Jeez, I would love it if a bolt of lightning were to strike me, blowing me to pieces. Painful, teeny-weeny pieces.
The pencil slips out of my fingers, and falls to the floor to my feet. I bend over to pick it up, but a white hand appears out of nowhere and grabs it first. I realize that I’m not alone in my little corner of the room. I look up; Jason is a couple of inches from me, leaning casually against the table. I didn’t hear him creep up, but I see him and breathing suddenly becomes easier. My head spins in confusion, but then my body floats in a sea of tranquility.
“How did you do that?” I ask, astonished.
“How did I do what?” He fiddles with the pencil. I reach out to grab it and he lets it fall into the palm of my hand.
“Just appear out of nowhere?”
“Stella, it’s not my fault if you’re distracted.” His voice is a soothing melody, muffled and smooth. A slight smile turns up the corners of his lips.
As he pulls out the chair, my heart jumps at the thought of sitting next to Jason again. But I keep my eyes glued to my notes, fooling myself into believing that I’ll keep studying. I try not to look at him, but it’s no use. I turn my eyes to him, and he’s watching.
I take in his perfect features but see no difference in his eyes. They are dark again this afternoon––an intense, reddish onyx color. I can’t stare at them too long, they sidetrack me from getting my confused thoughts in order.
“Silence drives me mad.” The words come tumbling out of my mouth, and I glance at him through my eyelashes.
His smile fades. He looks confused, thrown by my unexpected outburst.
“We’re in the library, there are signs all around saying ‘silence please’.”
I lower my face into my hands, pressing down on my temples; I want to get rid of the sense of guilt I feel. Then I take a deep breath and open my eyes to find Jason still looking at me inquiringly.
“Hey there,” he says quietly. He is sitting at the opposite end of the table, his chair facing in my direction. The tenderness in his voice almost makes me melt.
“Hey there,” I repeat, and he slides his chair a little closer. “Please, say something.”
“What do you want me to say?”
“Why haven’t you gotten upset at me?” My voice is faint, barely even a whisper.
He strokes the hair hanging down my back.
“Upset at you? What for?”
“Maybe you haven’t heard the full story. Why don’t you get mad?”
“You’re human,” he says lovingly.
“I’m a walking disaster area.”
“No, Stella, you’re just human.”
His generosity has no limits. Never before in my life have I felt I deserved less.
“That’s the dumbest excuse I’ve ever heard.” I shake my head, distressed. “And if that wasn’t enough, at my party I got that paper cut, meaning you had to leave. It was the night of our anniversary, Jason.”
I gulp, trying to get rid of the knot in my throat. I forced him to leave the party. I’m ashamed of my actions. He raises my chin with his thumb and gazes at me, a spark of life illuminating his eyes.
“Stella, you cut yourself with the show program.” He makes me feel like a clumsy fool. The red in his eyes glows with anger. “I’m sorry. “I’m sorry for what I did.”
“You didn’t do anything. It was all my fault. I did everything wrong. I could have … when he… I shouldn’t have…”
“Stella,” Jason cuts in. “What? There’s nothing you could have done to set things right.” Worry shows on his face, he wraps his arms around me and I soak the shoulder of his gray top with tears.
“I should have been more careful. It’s not right that you found out that way. Yes, you smelled blood. But you were already out of your mind, because you heard us. And when I was talking to Bryan, you asked Donn for an explanation. That’s what happened, right?”
“But Seth Riley was there, along with your other normal friends,” he nods. “If he had realized you had cut yourself, what’s the worst that could have happened? That he wouldn’t have found a Band-Aid or a bandage in the storeroom? Maybe he would have tended to your wound without having to fight off the desire to kill you.”
“What’s Ronald’s son got to do with it?”
“Because being with people like Seth, people of your own kind, doesn’t put your life in danger given what they are!”
He holds me tightly in his arms, rocking me back and forth soothingly.
“It wasn’t your fault, at the party, I mean.” I feel his soft lips caress my cheek with an unexpected tenderness and I fear that we haven’t yet seen the worst of the storm.
“It wasn’t your fault, either,” I whisper back. A cold fingertip lightly touches my forefinger.
“Does it still hurt?” he asks lovingly. His cold, delicate lips on my check are so, so sweet. And as I feared, my tears fall thicker and faster.
“Who cares about my dumb cut?” I say, sick to my stomach.
“I knew you’d find some way to blame yourself. Stella, you’re being silly. What more can I say?”
“I want you to say that you’re sick of me and that you want to leave me. I want you to make me get down on my knees and desperately beg you not to go.” The words tumble out of my mouth. I don’t wait for him to respond, or even give him the chance to tell me he’s not interested in a cruel, evil monster like me. I bury myself deeper in his chest, clinging onto him for dear life.
“Stop it, please,” he begs calmly, too calmly for my liking.
“You’re kidding, right?” I protest. It’s pointless arguing if he’s going to be so reasonable. I let my arms fall to my side.
“I am not upset at you, my angel. This past year, I know that I left a void in your life that I will have to fill, I know that.” He strokes my hair again, his eyes staring at me.
“That’s not true. I heard your voice over the phone. That should have been enough. That’s why I feel so awful. There were no empty spaces.”
“Yes there were. When I left, a gaping wound opened. And Vuk took care of it.”
“You’re right,” I nod. “You’re so understanding. That just makes me feel worse, I already feel so guilty.”
“Everything that has happened is bound to have left its mark on you. Both of you. And I blame neither you nor him for what I caused. And the same goes for Donn.” I feel his jaws tense as he says that name.
“Jason … I … I…” Every inch of my body tells me to deny it, but I can’t.
“Shh,” he whispers, and just one caress from him soothes away the agony. We remain silent for a few moments.
“Of course, I wish you hadn’t given your consent. But he knows how to control emotions, and he’s far cleverer than you think.” His tone reveals a reluctant admiration. “Compared to him, I’m naivety personified.”
I say nothing; I feel uncomfortable, but I don’t feel as if the wool was pulled over my eyes, and I’m not upset at Donn. There is no room left in me to feel anything but self-hatred. But, to my surprise, Jason’s chest begins to shake; I realize he’s sobbing. Or at least I thought he was, until I hear a stifled laugh.
“And to think I thought I played dirty. ” He shakes his head and suddenly turns it toward the door. The atmosphere changes, and I feel a new urgency in him.
“He’s coming.”
“Yes, against my wishes. But maybe Vuk will get here first. We’ve got few minutes left. At least you won’t have the chance to freeze to death in my arms, in a library in Massachusetts.”
“I don’t care if it’s cold. I wish some kind of divine justice would turn me into a block of ice.”
“Stella, first of all, it really is cold and then …”
“Wrong,” I interrupt. “You come first, the cold comes second.”
“You’re right. Maybe I’m over-cautious but …” He stops mid-sentence as if avoiding telling me something.
“Vuk is the only one who, in some way or another, has kissed you without misleading you. That’s all I wanted to say,” he adds dismissively, but with a hint of warning in his words.
“Without misleading me?”
“Stella, do you really think Donn behaved like a gentleman? That he is willing to step aside to make way for me?” Jason seems to be staring out into space and I’ll bet he’s seeing in his mind the one thing I would never have wanted to reveal to him at any cost.
“You are so incapable of telling a lie that you believe any smooth-talker,” continues Jason. “But the way things went, I’ve got no excuse to punch either one in the face. Not even Donn. It’s a shame. I would have enjoyed it. Maybe I’ll earn your forgiveness, but I can’t deny the consequences it caused. I’m sorry I left you alone for all this time.”
“Stop it, dammit!” I cry, leaping to my feet. “Don’t start with that old story of noble self-sacrifice!”
“No, you don’t understand. I’m not trying to comfort you, Stella, I’m not kidding.”
“I know you’re not kidding. But just help me to forget everything.”
“How?”
“React.” I place my hands around his neck and pull him in for a kiss but, inevitably, his hands hold me back.
“Careful, my angel, you’re overestimating my self-control.” He leans into me and gives me an icy peck on my forehead. “Don’t let yourself get carried away by a sense of remorse, you’ve got nothing to prove to me. Be happy, and you’ll get the part of me that you want.”
“I was trying to get just that before you stopped me,” I whisper, and see his lips tighten cautiously. “That’s what I want.”.
I pull my head back slowly, the distance allowing our eyes to lock once more. His face is gentle, his eyes full of understanding rather than the loathing I deserve.
“We’ll try, Stella. I’ll keep my promise to you. But it won’t be a reaction to what Donn or Vuk have done.”
“You’re wrong again. When you went away, I wanted only one thing.” I keep my eyes on him, fixed. “There’s nothing I want more than you, Jason.”
His lips soften, a veil of satisfaction appears in his liquid onyx eyes. He beams and lowers his head just enough to whisper in my ear.
“That’s what you want, and I can understand it, because you’re all I want in the world too, Stella.” He runs his cold fingers delicately down my cheeks. “I’ll see you in a few days.” “I didn’t think you’d be going so soon!”
“Aaron has moved up the day of departure. The meeting made me too unpredictable to guarantee the terms of the contract. We can’t wait until the weekend. But what matters is that we found each other again, Stella. Now I have to go and hunt, feed myself, and give in to my animal instincts, the wolf side of me. Plus, that was one of the conditions Donn imposed. Part of the deal is that I hunt regularly and that we see each other only for short periods of time as a precaution. After all, I’m still a youngster, just a little over a year old.”
“Right,” I groan. “So you’re leaving this afternoon?”
“Yep, right now. I’ll be heading north, just over the Canadian border into Jasper National Park.”
“With all those grizzly bears. Great.”
“Maybe in some isolated place where there are loads of cougars, too. Big ones. And
wolves
can be rather vicious.”