“Well, this
thing
between us couldn’t be any clearer than it already is,” I complain, throwing him a dirty look. My words make him reflect. He probably believed I was thinking about someone else, and he’s not totally wrong. “Plus, I’m a bit worried.” His body stiffens, but his voice remains silky smooth.
“Vuk … he’s what’s bothering you, right?” He spits out his name as if it were rotten meat.
“Can we talk about it? I’d like to widen your horizons, help you see the light.” My words are overly formal, maybe it’s the tension speaking.
“You’re looking to negotiate?” Donn notices my heart starting to beat fast and irregularly. “Are you ok?” he asks, calmer now.
“I’m fine, just fine.”
“Well? I’m listening.”
“I wanted to go over this ludicrous condition that’s part of the deal,” I say firmly.
“You’re the only one who finds it ludicrous.”
“I was wondering … is it negotiable?”
All trace of humor leaves his face, as he shakes his head somberly.
“No.”.
“I think it is,” I retort, pulling myself out of his arms. I turn around and look for Vuk. My fists are itching; they are in exactly the right mood to make contact, a hard form of contact, with someone. I’m surprised at myself. I’ve never been the violent type.
Donn grabs my wrists, looks into my eyes, and whispers.
“No.”
We stare at each other. Vuk is also looking at him threateningly, his eyes two narrow slits. Donn smiles for an instant, then lets go of my wrists.
“To be honest, there’s nothing more to agree upon as far as the deal is concerned.” If I didn’t know him so well, I would have never detected the slight vein of tension running through his words.
“So, you can impose any damn thing you want on me, like forbidding me to see Vuk. But I’m not allowed to speak my mind?”
“I can do without additional conditions. I need to concentrate on other details right now.” I eye him suspiciously.
“Like what? Let’s get everything on the table right now.”
Donn takes a deep breath, and when his anger subsides, his aquamarine eyes soften. I take a moment to observe the change, but my instincts are strong, I know what I feel. And he feels rejected again.
“You could have anything you wanted,” I add doubtfully.
“Not anything,” he whispers in my ear.
“I thought all you needed was to be king of your castle high in the sky. I’m really curious to know just what the hell else you could want!”
“You know what I want,” he grins. “I want you.” His delightful gaze is fixed on me, his voice drips warm honey. I stand still on the spot. Then his smile fades.
“I never earned the right to have you. But I reached out, played dirty and took you just the same, as if you were the apple in the Garden of Eden. I’m used to getting what I want. Always. And nothing’s changed. Now I want you. For starters. But it appears I can’t have you and that is terribly frustrating.”
Donn looks out at me from behind those long, dark lashes, with those turquoise eyes, so tender and yet so passionate. I study his gaze for an interminable moment.
“It’s pointless wishing for something that is already yours.” I hesitate a moment, my lips curve up into a slight smile. “You are my guarantor, so in some way, Donn, I
am
yours.”
He doesn’t reply. He looks at me with reproach, then sighs, letting go of my hips reluctantly.
“Ok, I’ll do my best,” he mutters, his eyes glimmering. “But you’re only trying to change the subject. Let’s get back to the real point of the discussion.” He looks relaxed, but my lips tighten.
“I won’t contradict the conditions, I swear. This is between you and me.” I clear my throat. “I’m surprised that we managed to come to a compromise the other evening in the tower. I thought we might be able to employ the same method to resolving another issue.”
He smiles, but his jaws tighten almost imperceptibly.
“Your safety is the only issue that counts,” he says. “To be honest, I’ve never felt quite as vulnerable as I do now, under your protection.”
“That’s something we can talk about some other time.” He seems to be having trouble keeping his patience intact.
I blush again, this time with indignation. My stomach churns and my eyes begin to water. I just want to run out of the room.
He looks at me a long while, as I try, pointlessly, to keep my gaze anywhere but on him.
“What is it?” he asks, softly.
“Nothing,” I lie.
“Are you offended,” he asks disconcerted, the liquid turquoise of his eyes glowing with confusion.
“No.”
“I assume you’re lying,” he replies taking my hand and brushing his perfect lips along my fingertips.
“Maybe your assumption is correct,” I snap impatiently, my eyes launching a thousand accusations at him. The seconds tick by. When his lips move to whisper something in my ear, I notice that his breath is becoming as heavy and fast as mine. I stand still, waiting for it to go back to normal.
“It’s a sin to desire what is not mine,” he confesses. “But as irresistible as you are to me, I have to wait until Jason makes a false move.”
“You think that makes you look like the good guy?”
“I don’t need to make myself look like the good guy to have you. And you know why? Because you want me too.”
“Oh, really?”
“Yes, baby girl,” Donn laughs, a colder, more daring nuance to his voice. “I may not be a squeaky clean knight in shining armor, but you know you do.”
“I told you, Donn. You can have anything you want.”
“I know that, silly girl. But I want you. You are top of my wish list right now. I want you, just like others want you. There’s a line forming behind me.”
I can’t quite figure out how someone as goofy, awkward and self-conscious as me could ever be on anyone’s wish list.
“Do I have to make them all stand up and confess to convince you? You want names? Some might even surprise you!”
I shake my head and take a deep breath. One question is hammering away inside my head. I know that it’s totally foolish.
“Why do you want me, Donn? I mean …”
“Maybe because I can’t have you,” Donn interrupts. “Or maybe because I feel for you so deeply. I want the integrity in you that I don’t possess.”
“The integrity you don’t possess?” He laughs at my expression.
“I have broken the majority of the fundamental rules shared by most beliefs. I have stolen. I have killed a lot of people, Stella.”
I’m startled by the sweet tone in which he offers this unexpected confession.
“Bad things,” I mumble. Donn shrugs, and I know why.
“Do they count for anything?”
I step back an inch, so as to gain better perspective.
“Not lying is another fundamental rule. I lie all the time,” I reassure him. “First off, to my dad.”
“Yes, but you do it so badly that it doesn’t really count. You’ve never killed anyone. That’s a far greater sin.”
“As far as you know.” I stammer. “But it’s still a sin.” He smiles and ignores my half-hearted attempt at a joke.
“No one believes your lies, you’re just not convincing,” Donn laughs. “Jeff plays along with your lies. Scott would rather lie to himself than have to face the truth. But I will do my best to keep you as far as possible from temptation.”
“I hope you will!”
“It might be too late for me. But I swear I’d rather go to hell than see you end up there.”
“And you’d like to see me go someplace that you couldn’t get in? Wouldn’t that be hell for you, huh? Just try to behave yourself!”
Donn stifles a laugh at my stage-like drama.
“I’ll try, but I can’t promise anything. I’ll be seeing you again soon.”
I lean my head against his chest, not wanting to watch him leave. When I look at him, he is so radiant and godlike that he takes my breath away. That face, the face of a dark angel, exudes desire from every pore. Before I can get my breath back, he kisses me confidently on the cheek, as though he’s certain of future victory. He slips out of my grasp and heads toward the door.
“But Vuk…”
I can hear the desperation in my own voice. How can I not allow the one thing that torments me to influence my decisions? The other day in the library, Vuk’s reaction was to lose his natural-born insolence, revealing the intensity of his pain. I can’t get the sound of that torment out of my head, it breaks my heart. Donn shakes his head.
“I’m sorry, I’ve made my decision, and it hasn’t changed.”
I am petrified as I hear his words echo against the walls of the room, as he disappears out the door.
I am alone with Vuk. I stare at him gloomily. I walk to the center of the room to pack my things away in silence. Vuk joins me, tugging on my sleeve.
“Stella?”
I don’t reply.
He elbows me playfully. The pencil slips out of my fingers. I wait for the clink it should make as it falls onto the table. But Vuk has caught it mid-air and placed it on a shelf. His arms are just as quick to surround me, his lips now half an inch from my ear.
“What’s wrong?” His voice is low, caring.
When I look at him, I try not to give away the pain I’m feeling inside. He looks perfectly cool and collected, he betrays no emotion.
“You’d never hurt me, would you?” I almost plead.
“No, Stella. Not as long as I am in my right mind,” he replies, his irritated tone makes my hair stand on end. He’s not upset with me, but with himself. “I think … I think he wanted to speak to me alone.”
“I could have worked that out myself.”
“He’s afraid we won’t stick to the pact,” Vuk says, stiffening. “He’s never gonna’ let us have our way.”
“I know. But he can’t stop me coming to your house. I want to meet your family.”
“Well, he’s not your legal guardian.”
“Right. I’m over eighteen, I can do what I like,” I say.
Vuk’s face shines with warmth, satisfaction.
“Shall we get outta here?”
“I don’t have my car.”
“I’ll give you a ride, take you home.” He breaks off, his mind working overtime. “Just a slight complication,” he says, trying with all his might not to show his concern.
“With?”
“You think Donn will get mad if I give you a ride home?”
I look at him. He’s relaxed again, back to his normal color, even though the fatigue shines through.
“Well, Donn keeps saying you can’t take me to your house, he never mentioned Medford. But there’s something else a bit more troublesome, and probably more dangerous too.”
“What’s that?”
“Well, the time has come to see Jeff again.”
“Yeah, right,” Vuk laughs.
“Lucky for you, you’re a gigantic, invincible werewolf!”
“Huh, right! But no one is Jeff-proof!”
We walk to the door, and peek out to see if Donn is hanging around in the dark corridor, but see nothing. With a dramatic flair, Vuk wipes his forehead with the back of his hand.
“Phew, vampires sure take some getting used to!”
“So do stubborn, impudent werewolves,” I reply sarcastically.
He smiles, though somewhat defensively. Aside from worrying about me and his contempt for Donn, he seems happy just to be by my side. It’s comforting.
I feel strangely relieved as we leave the reading room and head for the exit. Of course, I’m holding hands with the best friend a girl could possibly ask for, but that’s not the only reason why. Maybe it’s knowing that a deal has been reached, that I’m being protected by Donn and that I’m free again, and I can see Vuk, at least in the library and on campus.
But maybe it has nothing to do with him. Maybe it’s the vibes I feel in the library. Closing time is near, and people are starting to clear their things off the antique wooden tables in an almost harmonious choreography. The students’ relief at having made it to the end of study time makes the atmosphere exciting. Freedom to enjoy the rest of the night is so close by, it is palpable. The lampposts in the courtyard are lit and the sky has turned from a clear blue to an ominous gray.
I turn up the collar of my jacket and glance at Vuk’s gaze. His emerald eyes are cautiously scanning the long, marble corridor ahead. He keeps an arm placed firmly on my back as we march toward the exit, as if wanting to dictate the pace.
He takes my hand again as we head for the pickup. He opens the passenger door and jumps in on the other side. The roar of the engine drowns out all other noise. He quietly shifts gears and we head home to Medford.
I wait. Will he ask the question I’m expecting him to ask? He doesn’t, and I start to feel agitated and restless. When will he take me to meet his family?
He glances at me. Asking him to keep his eyes on the road would be, I admit, pointless. The interstate gives way to the forest and meets the first houses in Medford. We’re close to home. I peer out the window. I can’t tell if the sun has set yet; the low-hanging clouds obscure its view. I keep repeating to myself, like a mantra, that everything will be all right.
We pull up in front of Jeff’s house, neither one of us having broken the silence for the entire trip home. We jump out of the pickup. Then I pick up a movement; it startles me. Vuk’s warm fingers caress my cheek, and he looks at me probingly. “Is it sleepy-time for Stella?” he asks in a loving, playful way. He snaps his fingers in front of my face as if to say ‘wakey wakey, little girl.’
“Sorry, I was a little distracted.”
“You’re home now, Stella. Jeff will be waiting for you inside, best get off of that cloud.”
We stop just before the porch. He is immobile, a black spot in the dark shadows, the only motion comes from his fingers combing through my hair.
The hallway light is on and the Corvette is parked in the driveway. A sliver of light filters onto the lawn from the living room curtains, which are drawn. I sigh. Jeff is ready and waiting. Vuk probably realizes this too, his face tightens, his eyes have that distant look.
“Deep trouble?”
“Jeff won’t be a problem,” I reassure him. “Just as long as you don’t come inside.”
“Very funny. Good observation,” he whispers in my ear.
I watch him, taken by his bright green eyes, the burning warmth of his hand wrapped around mine, the flash of his bright white teeth that show through his breathtaking smile.