Backstage Dirty (The Savage Light Rockers #1) (3 page)

“I’m going to head back, too
,” Matty said, but he was focused on the redhead, and the way she was running a finger over her cleavage.

Once Matty and
Five were gone, Beats stood, which had Zoe doing the same. “I hope we can catch up later.”

Beats grinned down at her and wrapped one arm around her shoulder, pulling her in close. “You know it. It’s been way too fucking long.
” He leaned down and gave her a kiss on the top of the head, and Tanner looked away. She knew that to Zoe that kiss would be akin to Beats giving her the moon. Tanner also knew that trying to talk sense into Zoe was fruitless, because her friend was madly in love with him, and besides telling Zoe again that Beats didn’t see her as more than a friend would only fall on deaf ears.

The
sound of the crowd only being kept at bay by the thin wooden door and a handful of bouncers seemed to be getting louder by the second.

“It sounds like they want to bust through and come back here
,” Zoe said and looked behind her shoulder.

“Nah, we’re good, although I’ll probably head back
soon, too.” Jacks set his guitar on the ground, leaning against the couch, and stood. “You guys want to come to the hotel? Party?”

Zoe looked at her, but Tanner couldn’t gauge what she really wanted to do. Frankly she didn’t
want to see the other two guys getting it on with those girls that were clearly easy.

“I won’t sugarcoat shit. It gets pretty crazy at these after parties, but we got the top floor at that swanky new
hotel in Aspen.”

“I’d love to.” The excitement in Zoe’s voice was evident
now, and when Tanner looked at her she could see a glow surrounding her. She looked at Tanner and gave her these really big grey puppy dog eyes. “I won’t go without you, but it’s been years since we hung out with them. It’ll be like old times, Tanner.”

Tanner knew it wouldn’t be, and didn’t want her friend seeing the debauchery that she could only assume
would happen at a rock star party. “Um, I think Marcus and Matty had plans…” She glanced at Jacks.

“They’ll be done with those groupies
before we even get to the hotel.” He took a step toward her and reached out for her hand. Once it was encased in his he pulled her up. She felt the calluses along his fingers and swallowed. And then he started to smooth his thumb along the back of her hand, and butterflies—like she was a damn teenager—started flapping in her belly. “I know it’s like a forty-five minute drive, but there are several empty rooms on the floor we took over,” he grinned. “Come on.”

She stared into his blue eyes, and before she could answer she already knew what she would say.
“Ok.” Yeah, it had been that easy. She just hoped she could push away these feelings she had for Jacks, because she knew that being friends with him was the safest route, especially given the way she had left and so much time had passed. She also worried about the experience of going to one of these parties, ones that would probably be filled with alcohol and half-naked chicks wanting his attention in the filthiest of ways. Tanner didn’t know if she could make sure her jealousy didn’t show, because she had no claim over Jacks, even if he had claimed her in a way that had stolen her heart five years ago.

Chapter Three

Jacks could hear the bass before they even got off the elevator
, but there wouldn’t be any noise complaints, not when he was one of the four members of one of the biggest rock bands in the world. It felt good to be in the spotlight, but it had never been about fame and money for Jacks. It had always been about the music, about getting it out there so people could hear it. Of course he wouldn’t lie and say the money and possessions that he had because of this stardom weren’t great, but it was still about the poetry, the power within the words, and his buried emotions for the only girl he had ever loved—Tanner. He glanced at her, with her dark hair that brushed along her shoulders, those soulful eyes, and that rockin’ body, and he had to will his cock not to get hard. Even though a lot of shit had happened in the last five years, the past was still very much a part of who he was. He couldn’t forget about being with her in his bed, about sliding so deep inside of her, and knowing he was the first guy to take her. Fuck, he was getting hard thinking about that night, and what a night it had been that it still impacted him this way all these years later. He scrubbed a hand over his face and exhaled.

“You okay?”

He looked at Tanner and nodded. He prayed she didn’t glance down, because no doubt she’d see the massive wood he was sporting.

The elevator
finally stopped at the top floor, and the doors slid open. He thanked whoever had listened to his prayer, because she turned her focus back on the doors. He gestured for Tanner and Zoe to get off first, and then pointed to the last door on the far end of the hallway. There were several bodyguards standing on the floor in intervals. Zoe took the lead, and her excitement was tangible. That had Jacks smiling. And then he moved behind Tanner and instantly looked down at her ass. She had always had a really fucking nice one, but Five hadn’t been kidding when he said she had curves on her. Now she looked like a full woman, and not the anorexic chicks that hung around backstage and gave out blowjobs, or the ones that spread their legs for them because they wanted to say they had slept with a member from Savage Light. The denim of Tanner’s pants molded perfectly to her ass, and his fucking cock throbbed like it held its own heart within it. Shit, he didn’t want them thinking he was some kind of damn pervert checking her out and getting a boner like he was an adolescent teenager, but it was unavoidable. It might have been a long time since they had actually seen or talked to each other, but she had never been far from his mind.

They stopped at the double doors
at the end of the hallway, and the girls stepped to the side. He hoped they were prepared for a fucking madhouse. He pushed open the doors, and the music pulsated outward powerfully. The master suite was probably the size of most of the other rooms on the floor put together. There were more chicks than dudes, but that was common whenever these parties were thrown. Instantly he saw a few celebrities, some musicians, and a whole lot of staff and groupies. The majority of chicks were either dancing like they were at a strip club and collecting dollar bills, or grinding up on anyone that was right in front of them. Jacks stepped inside the room and gestured for Zoe and Tanner to come in, too. Maybe he shouldn’t have brought them to something like this, but honestly he hadn’t wanted the visit with Tanner to end.

He stopped and turned to face them. “You guys want a drink?”

“Sure,” Zoe answered. Her eyes were wide, and her face showed wonder as she looked around.

Tanner nodded, but she was looking around the room
, too. He didn’t even want to know what she was thinking.

He left them by the front door and walked up to the bar that was a few feet from where they had been standing.
No way in hell he’d leave them alone in a fucking zoo like this, but he could see them and knew they needed a moment to take it all in. A few girls were squealing right beside him, rambling on about the concerts they had gone to see the band perform, but he was focused on Tanner. The tank top she wore was white, and it had this delicate little lace trim around the collar. Her breasts were huge, and looking at them, thinking about sliding his dick between the huge mounds, was one fucked up thing to do. Shit, she had just come back into his life after a long time of being apart. He knew everything there was to know about her, but what he knew about her was from when she had been eighteen years old and younger. She was into her twenties now, the same as he was, but he felt like he didn’t know her anymore. All they had were past memories, ones that had faded over time. How could people really know each other without having spoken for five years? Jacks still considered her one of his best friends, but whether that was the truth still was really not known. Honestly, even if he was only admitting to himself right now, he had always thought of her as so much more, especially after he took her virginity.

God, now was not the time to be thinking about this shit, but having her so close, seeing her after so long, it was hard not to let the past bombard him the way it was.
He had been reliving that night he had been with her over and over again in his head since it happened. He wasn’t ashamed—although he probably should be—that he had beaten off to that night like it was a broken reel in his head. But he knew they had shared something special that night, and knew in his heart that she had felt the same way, too. He had finally been with the girl he had been in love with nearly his whole fucking life, but then shit had hit the fan once it was all said and done. It had been one big fucking slap to his face when she had grown distant and then just up and left like what they had done hadn’t meant anything to her. He tried to wrap his head around what he had done to make their nearly lifelong friendship grow cold and uncomfortable all because they had had sex. Yeah, they had been drinking, but he sure as hell had known what the fuck he had been doing. He had thought about it a lot—a fucking lot—and the only conclusion that made sense was that she regretted it. She sure as shit acted into it when they were doing it, but once it was said and done she totally acted like he had just been some guy she fucked and it didn’t mean anything.

A lot of shit had gone through his head in the years after that, and he had used that heartache, emptiness, and rage that had grown after his pussy
-whipped feelings had been discarded to write the music that had helped the band get to the top.

He continued to stare at her, watched as a smile formed across her face
when she waved at Beats from across the room, and knew that it was his own feelings and emotions over the past and their relationship that had caused his anger. Tanner was not the type of person to do anything intentional for the sake of hurting someone. He hadn’t told her how much he had cared for her, that even though they had that one night of drunken sex that it had meant so fucking much to him, so he couldn’t be pissed at her for leaving like she had. Clearly she had been scared. How could she not be when she had just given her virginity to a boy she had known her whole life, and one that she considered her best friend?

“Sir? Do you need anything else?”

Jacks looked over at the bartender. The younger guy was wearing that black and white tuxedo bullshit that his company probably made him put on for shit like this. He should have just come in a faded t-shirt and a pair of holey jeans. At least then he would have fit in to a party like this. “Yeah, give me a double of Crown.” Jacks needed that little surge of alcohol to get through tonight, because as it was he felt off-balance, and he hadn’t felt like that since he had been a teenager.

The bartender nodded once and set him up in a matter of seconds.

He slid the shot glass toward him and Jacks tossed it back. The burn of the alcohol moving down his throat felt good, really damn good. “Another one.” Now Jacks was the one to slide the shot glass to the guy, and once he had it refilled he tossed that one back, too. He took the three bottles of beer back of to the girls, handed them each one, and started drinking his own as he looked around the suit.

“This is an insane party
, Jacks.” Zoe had to yell over the music to be heard.

Jacks smiled down at her and nodded. It wasn’t the craziest
party that Savage Light had ever attended, at least not yet. There was no doubt that a few jokers in this place were packing coke, and although he didn’t touch the stuff, and the rest of the band didn’t—not anymore at least—it was still an unavoidable part of this lifestyle.

“You guys care if I go hang out with Beats?” Zoe asked, and even though the music was loud and bumping Jacks could hear
a longing note in her voice. Before either of them could answer she was heading over to Savage Light’s drummer. He sat in one of the white leather couches, and although there were a handful of women hanging around him, he told them to leave with a wave of his hand when Zoe stepped up to him.

“She still carries a torch for him.”
Jacks didn’t phrase it like a question, but he felt Tanner’s gaze on him. He looked over at her, and although she wasn’t showing any emotion on her face, he knew she was surprised he had said anything.

“I didn’t think any of the guys knew.”

He shook his head. “They don’t, or at least they had never told me anything.” He shrugged. “They were always too interested in getting their dicks wet, partying, or the music to see what was right in front of them.” He stared into her blue eyes, and wondered if she caught the note in his voice. He wasn’t just talking about the shit the guys did, or what they missed. He was also talking about
her
, and how he had noticed her for a long time.

She was silent for a second and then glanced at where Zoe and Beats were sitting.
“And you weren’t?”

“What?”
He had a feeling he knew what she was referring to, but he played it off cool and calm, and let her be the one that brought it out in the open.

She turned and
fully faced him. “Getting your dick wet, partying, and the music.” Tanner did a pretty good job of keeping her voice neutral, but he heard the slight tremble in it.

He shrugged, not sure how to answer, because although it seemed like an easy enough question it really wasn’t.
How the guys acted had been no secret back when they had been hanging out, but Jacks had never flaunted it like Matty, Beats, or Five did, and it was because he had carried this torch for a girl, who up until he had been with her sexually hadn’t acted like she wanted more with him. Well, look at how that had fucking gone.

“Yeah, you were so into that shit.” She was laughing at him.

He chuckled, but it was a bit strained. “I mean, I was a punk ass teenage guy, but I never brought those high school skanks to watch us play, and certainly never brought them home with me after gigs.”

She stared at him for a second and finally shook her head. “No, I suppose you didn’t do any of the stuff the other guys did.” She glanced down, and he saw her cheeks turn pink.

He still had an effect on her.
Good
.

“But you still had your fair share of girls hanging off of you at school.” She smiled and then laughed, but it sounded forced.

“
Of course I was into puss…” He cleared his throat. “I was into chicks, the drinking, and of course making music.”
But I was more interested in you.

“So you knew the whole time she wanted Beats?”

He nodded. “Yeah, I mean I assumed since I never actually asked her. I saw the way she watched him play though, and those little giggles she made every time he told a joke.” He grinned. “We all know Beats’s jokes are pathetic as fuck.”

She started laughing and nodded. “Yeah, they were pretty bad.”

Jacks couldn’t help but feel his dick twitch at the sound of her laughter. “But the other guys were oblivious, that much was clear.”

“Good. I’d hate for Zoe to have her feelings known like that when clearly she didn’t want them out there.” She was watching Zoe and Beats again. “I feel bad though, because I know he only saw her as a friend. She was—is—head over heels in love with him still.”

“It’s probably better this way. I mean I don’t think Beats could have given her what she needed. Not then and really not now.” Jacks wasn’t going to talk about all the girls that thrust themselves at the band on a nightly basis. At first it had been exciting, but now it was so common that Jacks didn’t even blink when a set of big fake tits were thrust in his face.

He watched Tanner’s profile as she looked around the room
again and drank her beer. She had a stray piece of dark hair that brushed along her cheek, and he had to curl his fingers into his palm to stop himself from reaching out and brushing it away. He wanted to talk to her, to ask her why she had left the way she did, why she hadn’t reached out to him all these years, and tell
her
that
he
had also held a torch for her this whole time. But then she’d probably fire back her own string of questions.

“
If you love me so much, loved me all this time, why have you been linked countless times to those Hollywood women?”

“Why didn’t you call me
if you felt this strongly?”

“Why did you never tell me how you felt?”

All of those questions, and more, would come from her, because he didn’t think if he spilled his guts like that that Tanner would just shrug and be on her way. But what he feared the most was if he did tell her that he cared for her, that she would laugh at him, and tell him that what they had done five years ago was only about sex. They were friends, nothing more. He considered himself a strong man, but she could have crushed him with a few words. He was weak in that regard.