Authors: Portia MacIntosh
‘Sorry I took so long,’ I tell Maria as I finally arrive with our drinks, more than ready to have my hair fixed. ‘I was chatting with my auntie and uncle.’
I decide not to mention what we were talking about.
‘That’s OK. Shall we start?’
‘Oh, yes please,’ I reply, taking a seat at the dressing table. We’re in Leo’s bedroom. He’s gone for a run, giving us some privacy.
This is the first time I’ve had a proper conversation with Maria and she seems nice. She’s quiet and much warmer than the female members of my family. She speaks softly and there’s something very reassuring about the tone of her voice. Having such a lovely mum is probably why Leo turned out so well – if that’s true then I never stood a chance, did I?
We chat while Maria works on my hair. It’s the usual hairdresser small talk – work, holidays and the impending wedding of the summer.
‘Your sister is a lovely girl,’ Maria tells me.
‘Yeah,’ I reply. I don’t mean to sound unconvincing, but Maria notices something in my voice.
‘You’re not too close with your family, are you?’
‘Not really,’ I admit. ‘Even before I moved away – before I started work, it was like no one really noticed me. I was very plain and quiet, I just blended in.’
I sigh as I think back. I remember when I bagged my first writing job. I never thought they’d want me – no one else did – so when they told me I’d got the job I was over the moon and you might find this hard to believe, but my family were over the moon too. Suddenly unremarkable little Mia was doing something remarkable, and suddenly I existed. My dad invited the family over for a celebratory dinner, popped open a bottle of champagne – the works. For a short while I got a glimpse of a family who wanted me around. At family parties, people actually introduced me to guests I didn’t know, my parents took an interest in what I was working on and, for a brief moment, I overtook Belle as far as attention goes. It didn’t last though. People were impressed I had bagged the job, but when they found out I was good at it, it was like they resented me for it. I was attending big industry events and spending more and more time in London, and I don’t know if people were jealous or just bored of it, but suddenly no one wanted to hear about it any more. No one wanted much to do with me and I felt like an outsider again. That’s why I moved away as soon as possible, determined to change things to try and make myself a little less unremarkable.
‘Well, they notice you now,’ Maria replies.
‘They do – for all the wrong reasons,’ I laugh.
What is it about hairdressers that compel you to tell them your deepest, darkest secrets? There’s something so warm and friendly about them, you feel like you can tell them anything and everything.
‘Leo notices you,’ she starts, and I feel like she’s going somewhere with this.
‘He’s such a lovely man,’ I tell her. ‘You should be proud.’
‘I am.’ Maria smiles, but her face soon falls. ‘He’s a lot like his dad.’
During all our lengthy conversations, Leo has always danced around the issue of his dad. All I know is that he isn’t around any more.
‘Is he?’
‘Oh yes, not just in his looks, but his personality too – we even named Leo after him, we must have known.’
‘What happened to him?’ I ask, curiosity getting the better of me.
‘Leonardo was a firefighter, that’s why little Leo followed in his footsteps. One day the three of us went to the park. It was a lovely summer’s day; we had the most perfect time, eating ice cream and kicking a football around. We were walking home afterwards but as we approached the convenience shop at the end of the street you could just tell that something wasn’t right. I visited the shop most days, picking up bits for tea and what have you, but today a crowd had gathered outside. Then we smelt the smoke.’
For a moment Maria stops everything. She stops talking, stops doing my hair and I could swear she has stopped breathing.
‘Of course Leonardo wasn’t officially on duty, but there was one thing he used to say to me again and again: that firemen were firemen, always on duty. So, while everyone else was running out of the building, he was running inside. There was this one woman, I’ll never forget the look on her face. She lived in one of the flats upstairs and had popped downstairs to pick up something from the shop. Her little boy was still up there though and she was absolutely beside herself, she could hardly speak. Leonardo gave me a nod and in that moment I knew what he was going to do. He didn’t say a word, he just disappeared inside and soon enough the little boy emerged from the smoke. I waited for Leonardo to follow him, but he didn’t. Each second felt like an eternity but I held little Leo in my arms and I waited and waited. Eventually the fire engines arrived, but it was too late.’
Maria chokes back the tears and you can tell that the wounds are still as fresh as the day this happened.
‘We later found out from the little boy that Leonardo had died saving his life. Part of the building collapsed and he pushed the boy out of the way, but he…’
Maria doesn’t finish her sentence – she doesn’t need to. As she reaches for another piece of my hair I catch her hand and hold it for a second.
‘He was a real hero,’ I tell her.
‘Leo used to say his dad was a hero, but his dad would just say that he was doing his job. Leo was eight when he lost his dad, he was robbed of so much. He clung to me after that, that’s why we’re so close. As he grew up he started taking on the roles of the man of the house. He joined the fire service when he was old enough, and he still takes care of me.’
I smile. It’s great that he’s close with his mum, and that he takes care of her. His dad would be proud of him, and it does sound like he’s inherited all his best qualities.
‘I don’t want you to hurt him,’ Maria says assertively, wiping the one tear that has escaped her eye.
‘What?’ I am taken aback by her comment.
‘We all see how the two of you are together, and I see what’s coming.’
‘You can see the future, can you?’ I snap. I don’t mean to, and I instantly regret it, but I don’t like where this is going.
‘I have eyes,’ she snaps back. ‘I see the two of you getting closer and closer – he doesn’t do that lightly.’
‘Look, I know he might not have the best track record with the ladies when it comes to sticking to the same one, but he’s treating me like a friend, nothing more.’
‘Is that what he told you?’ she laughs. ‘Mia, Leo isn’t like that. He’s terrified of getting too close to anyone so he keeps them at arm’s length. I hardly ever see him with a girl at all, he doesn’t want them to go through what I went through with his dad. I am his mother, I know him better than anyone, so trust me when I tell you that he is falling for you. So, what are you going to do about it?’
For a moment I just sit there, stunned. I hold eye contact with Maria in the mirror. She’s just looking out for her son, but I had no idea Leo felt that way about me. He’s a ridiculously handsome man, why wouldn’t I believe he’s some big player who loves and leaves every girl he meets? Don’t get me wrong, I really like Leo, more than I’ve liked anyone for a long time, but the idea of being anything more than friends never entered my mind. Not just because I’m not a relationship kind of girl, but because in a matter of days I’ll be going back to my life in LA and I doubt I’ll ever see him again. I do care about him a lot though, and I don’t want to hurt him.
‘OK, point taken,’ I tell her. Maria pleads at me with her eyes, she must be after a more reassuring answer. ‘I’ll make sure he knows the score, I’ll put a bit of distance between us.’
‘You’ll let him down gently?’ she asks.
‘I will,’ I reply. Well, what else can I say? I feel like I’ve been ambushed by sweet, little Maria. She’s in the middle of doing my hair, so there’s no escaping her.
We both remain silent until my hair is finished – Maria doesn’t even ask me to head into the bathroom to rinse my hair, she simply nods and expects me to follow her, which I do. I just want everything to be normal again.
She finishes blow-drying my hair just as Leo gets back, and she has certainly done a good job – it looks exactly as it did before.
‘How are my two favourite girls?’ he asks cheerily, but in light of recent conversations I can’t even muster up a smile.
‘Look at that, good as new,’ he says before grabbing his mum and kissing her cheek. ‘Thanks, Mum. Mia, I told you my mum would set you straight.’
‘She certainly has,’ I reply, exchanging a knowing glance with the woman who just warned me off her son. Now the only issue is how to tell him.
***
Maria didn’t stick around for long after she tidied up. Leo hopped straight in the shower, so before his mum left she reminded me one last time to stay away from her son.
I’m sat on the bed, hugging my legs, waiting for Leo to finish up in the bathroom.
On the one hand, I don’t see why I should have to stay away from him. We both know the score, we both know this is just a silly holiday thing – we’re just keeping each other sane. Although his mum seems to think he has more on his mind than that. Still, if it is just a silly holiday thing then it won’t be difficult to cut it off, will it? So why am I feeling so hesitant? We
have
grown close – maybe too close. Sharing secrets, spending all our time together, sleeping snuggled up and fully clothed… shit, I can see why people think we’re more than friends. We’re not though, are we? These feelings I’m having, it’s just a friendship thing. I try to consider how I feel about my friends back in the States, but I don’t have that many close friends. Well, I don’t really get on with girls, and as for the guys… any time I have built up a close bond with someone, sex has got in the way and I’ve panicked and put a bit of distance between us. I can’t explain it, but relationships are just not for me. Even if they were, I can’t afford to get close to Leo.
I think about what to say. We’re not a couple, so it’s not like I can break up with him. What does his mum expect me to do? Tell him I don’t want to play with him any more? Tell him that his mum forbids it? We’re not kids, we’re adults.
‘Hello blondie,’ Leo says cheerily, walking out of the bathroom with nothing but a towel around his waist. This would probably be a lot easier if he had a top on.
‘Hello. Can we have a quick chat?’
‘This doesn’t sound good,’ he laughs as he sits down next to me, but as he notices the serious look on my face his smile vanishes. ‘What’s up?’
‘Belle says I can have my room back, so I just thought I’d let you know you’re getting your bed back.’
‘You don’t have to, you know. I’ve kind of gotten used to having you around, the bed will seem empty without you.’
What might have seemed like a cheeky, flirty remark yesterday, seems very sweet today. As I think about the way Leo is with me, something hits me: he
is
falling for me. The way he defends me, helps me out, strokes my cheek when we look into each other’s eyes and the way he plays with my hair as we chat… no one has ever treated me that way before.
‘You’ll get over it,’ I joke. ‘After the next few days are over, you’ll probably never see me again.’
‘And you’re OK with that?’ he asks seriously.
I have to be OK with it.
‘Course.’ I smile, grabbing the bag I filled with my things while he was in the shower. ‘See you around.’
And with that, I disappear. As I walk towards my bedroom, my heart feels kind of heavy. I’m doing the right thing though. I don’t want a boyfriend and if that’s where he thinks this is going then it’s only right I nip it in the bud. It’s called being cruel to be kind, isn’t it? So why don’t I feel at all kind right now?
After a fairly uneventful evening and a night in my own bed – alone – I woke up feeling restless at six a.m. I laid there for an hour, just thinking about things – mostly how I can’t wait to go home – before getting up and dressed. I’m going to pop downstairs, grab a coffee and then sit in my room and work all day. I promised my boss that I would work while I was away and so far I haven’t written one word, things just keep getting in my way. It’s the rehearsal dinner tonight, and I imagine tomorrow will be busy, so today is my last chance to get something done.
As I reach the bottom of the stairs, I notice my cousin Hannah heading out the front door.
‘Hey cuz, where are you headed?’ I ask.
‘I’m just popping to the shops for some stuff,’ she tells me, but there’s something shifty about her. I know I said that I was going to leave that lot to sort out their own shit, but I just can’t.
‘I’ll come with you,’ I tell her. ‘I fancy some exercise.’
‘It’s not even that far to the shops,’ she tells me, but I won’t be put off.
‘I need to pick up some stuff too,’ I insist. ‘I’ll grab my bag.’
My cousin is unable to hide her annoyance.
‘So,’ I start as we walk down the street, ‘how are you?’
‘I’m cool. You?’
‘Yeah, I’m good,’ I tell her, suspecting that neither of us is telling the truth. ‘Fancy grabbing a coffee after this?’
‘That would be cool,’ she replies with a smile. Her phone beeps for the billionth time, which isn’t unusual for a fifteen-year-old girl, but she looks worried as she reads it. I’m going to have to find some way of getting her to open up – I’d get her drunk but my auntie would probably have something to say about my interrogation techniques.
We stroll around a few shops, neither of us picking anything up, before I spy a nice looking coffee bar across the street.
‘Shall we go there?’ I ask.
‘Sure, I just need to pop in here.’ My cousin nods towards the pharmacy behind us. I don’t say anything, prompting her to continue. ‘Time of the month,’ she tells me.
‘Oh, not while you’re on holiday,’ I sympathise. ‘Shall I come in with you?’
‘It’s cool, you go order the drinks.’
‘Sure. Latte?’
‘Please,’ she replies, disappearing in the shop behind us.
Poor girl, she must not like talking about it. My mum has never wanted to talk about things like that with me. It’s a good job they gave us “the talk” at school or I probably would’ve been terrified when it finally kicked in. My auntie must be that way too, which doesn’t surprise me. My money would be on that or the extreme opposite, having a chart up in the kitchen for the girls to track their cycles with little star stickers.