Authors: Portia MacIntosh
‘Thanks, I think,’ I reply. ‘You’re looking pretty foxy yourself.’
My mum laughs and rolls her eyes before taking me by the arm and pulling me close.
‘I’m proud of you,’ she tells me. ‘Everyone is amazed you’re doing so well in America.’
Now is definitely not the time to tell her I lost my job last night, because I don’t think she’s ever told me that she is proud of me.
‘Shame I’m such a mess in other areas,’ I half laugh.
‘No, you’re a smart girl. Belle has always needed that bit of extra attention, but not my Mia. You’re smart and independent. You don’t need anyone’s approval, you’re happy with who you are. I know I can be hard on you sometimes – I think sometimes I do it to make Belle feel better, she feels so plain and stupid compared to her successful sister. Don’t tell her I said that.’
Perhaps quizzing my mum while she’s drunk isn’t my most ethical move, but ethics have never been my strong suit.
‘If you’re so proud of me, why don’t you act like it?’
‘Because it might go to your head,’ she explains, gesticulating wildly and sloshing a little of her drink onto the carpet. ‘When you got that first job, we hardly saw you. It was like you didn’t have time for us any more.’
‘Mum, it’s a demanding job, I was working–’
‘I know,’ she interrupts me. ‘Then you moved away, I suppose we thought maybe you’d got above yourself.’
‘And now?’
‘You’re still my little girl. There may be much less of you – and your clothes – these days,’ she adds as she nods towards my outfit, well, it wouldn’t be my mum if she didn’t get a dig in. ‘But there’s just as much to love.’
My jaw drops, but I don’t get the chance to say anything before Belle appears.
‘Am I up first with my speech?’ I ask her. She is every inch the blushing bride. She is positively glowing as she floats around the room in her white dress, thanking everyone and smiling for photos.
‘I’m first,’ Leo interrupts. I hadn’t realised he had crept up on us.
‘Oh, OK.’
Everyone takes their seats and Leo gently taps his glass with his fork.
‘Ladies and gentlemen, if I could have your attention,’ he starts, instantly commanding the attention of the room. ‘Thank you. So, I had this funny speech all planned out. I’ve known Dan and his family for as long as I can remember. Growing up, it was just my mum and me, and the Ryan family made us feel like we were one of them. So, instead of teasing Dan, I just want to wish him and Annabelle all the best. It’s not that true love is rare these days, I think it is just as common as it ever was, but people don’t always respect it. People fall in love, and they let other people fall in love with them, and then they just walk out of their lives like it means nothing, like they can just find that magic with someone else,’ he rants.
Oh God, this is so blatantly for my benefit.
‘Anyway,’ he continues. ‘I’m going to keep this short. To Dan and Annabelle, and to respecting love.’
Leo raises his glass and everyone drinks to his toast.
As everyone chats about Leo’s speech, I pull myself to my feet, careful not to let my tutu knock everything off the table in front of me.
‘Excuse me,’ I start, but no one can hear me. No one that is except Leo, who is just staring at me, and looking amused because no one is listening to me.
‘Hello,’ I try again, still with no luck, so I grab a knife and tap it on the side of an empty glass on the table, only for it to smash into a thousand pieces. Everyone falls silent and stares at me.
‘What? It worked,’ I tell my audience. ‘Right, my turn to give a speech.’
I pull the piece of paper from my bra and stare at it. I want to tell everyone the wonderful things I wrote about love, and about how my sister and Dan are perfect for each other, but who does Leo think he is? Blatantly talking about me in front of everyone like that. I just need to keep my cool, deliver my speech and then get so drunk the rest of the day goes as quickly as possible.
‘Anyone with eyes can see that Belle and Dan are perfect for each other. Belle told me that she knew she loved Dan from the second she laid eyes on him, and love isn’t always easy to get to grips with.’
‘You got to grips with Dan pretty easily, didn’t you?’ Leo calls out, causing Belle to shoot him a filthy look.
Is he heckling me? Seriously? I look down at my speech again before promptly screwing it up. There’s no turning back now.
‘Love is a funny thing. People seem to think if you have strong feelings for someone, that’s all that matters. If you’re in the right place at the right time, you can get a fairy tale ending, but if you don’t have those perfect conditions then you’re going to have to ruin your life to make it work. And is it really worth it?’
My audience stare at me, clearly confused by both the dark route my speech has taken and how off topic it is.
‘But, yeah, erm, Belle and Dan are happy together and perfect for each other and they just work. Neither of them has to try really hard or force anything, it’s just natural and I hope they have a long and happy life together.’
I raise my glass, safe in the knowledge I fucked that up. As everyone raises their glasses and drinks to that – if only to shut me up – Leo taps on his glass again and stands up.
‘Actually, sorry, if I could just have your attention again. I just wanted to say that, I think if you truly love someone, it isn’t difficult at all. It’s the easiest thing in the world to just love someone and have them love you back, and you’re really lucky if you find that. You would have to be an idiot to throw away something so amazing for a bunch of stuff that doesn’t matter.’ He raises his glass again. ‘Anyway, to Belle and Dan.’
No one has time to raise a glass for the third time before I’m on my feet again.
‘But,’ I start, ‘at what point does love become more important than a career or your friends or your home? People are too quick to think they’re in love. Belle and Dan might know it was love at first sight now that they’re married, but you can’t be certain at the time. You build on it and it becomes love, you don’t throw your life away because you
think
you’re in love.’
‘Oh, so that’s why you kissed me within five minutes of meeting me?’ Leo interrupts me, and if it wasn’t before, now it’s clear to everyone that these are not our speeches.
‘Are you fourteen years old?’ I snap. ‘People meet in clubs and kiss in less time, it’s called lust.’
‘So, what, you used me for sex?’
‘Enough!’ Dan bellows, bringing our little argument to an end in the loudest and scariest tone of voice I have ever heard – or maybe it just seems that way because it’s quiet little Dan.
I probably should have risen above that, but Leo just makes me so angry.
‘I want both of you to get out,’ Dan insists. ‘I will not have you ruining Belle’s day. Out.’
He points towards the patio doors that lead out onto the beach.
‘Out!’ he shouts, because neither of is moving.
Like a couple of kids being removed from the classroom for disruptive behaviour, we both make our way outside.
After my little performance with Leo, I feel about as ridiculous as I probably look in this tutu. Safe in the knowledge I will never wear this dress again, I plonk myself down on the sand and look out to sea. Leo sits down next to me and stares out in the same direction, neither of us saying a word.
He seemed so cool and calm before I started causing drama for him. I never would have had him down as the kind to go rogue during the speeches. In a strange way, I’m impressed.
‘What do you want from me, Mia?’ he asks, finally breaking the silence.
‘I don’t want anything from you,’ I reply forcefully, but as I catch the sad look on his face I soften a little. ‘I don’t know what I want from you.’
‘I
do
love you,’ he tells me. ‘I know that’s not what you want to hear, but I can’t help it.’
‘I have strong feelings for you – stronger than I’ve ever had for anyone – but I don’t know how to process them,’ I admit. He deserves a little honesty. I was terrified of saying that out loud, but Leo instantly makes me feel at ease.
‘You do a very convincing job at acting like you understand love in your movies,’ he tells me with a smile.
I shrug my shoulders.
‘Walt Disney wrote a very convincing talking mouse,’ I reply – that one always serves me well.
‘There was a lot about love at first sight in that movie of yours I watched. Did you write any of it?’
‘Yes.’
‘Do you believe in it?’
‘No. Well, I didn’t. I am wrong on rare occasions,’ I tell him with a smile. ‘Look, it’s been so long since I was in a real relationship, I don’t even remember what they’re like.’
‘And yet I’m still willing to remind you,’ he smiles, taking one of my hand from my lap and holding it in his. ‘Are you happy in LA?’ he asks. ‘Truly happy?’
‘Well, I thought I was. All I had there was work.’
‘Had?’ he asks curiously.
‘I got fired,’ I confess.
‘When?’
‘Yesterday. When I refused to bail on the wedding to go back to work.’
Leo squeezes me hand.
‘You’re a lovely girl, Mia Valentina.’
‘Thanks, just don’t tell anyone. I’ve got a reputation to keep in the dirt.’
We sit in silence for a few more minutes, with nothing but the sound of the sea and the noise of me tapping my shoes together to break the silence.
‘So what reasons have you got to go back to LA?’ he asks.
‘Not many. I could start looking for another job – I’ll need to, the money I have saved up won’t last me long over there.’
‘What about people? No one to go back for?’
‘No one to go back for,’ I echo.
‘Look, don’t think I’m trying to rush you into anything, because it’s quite the opposite, but all I know is that you’ve got a house full of people in there who love you–’
I open my mouth to interrupt him, but he doesn’t give me the chance.
‘Even if they don’t show it,’ he adds. ‘And there’s someone sitting next to you who loves you, so why don’t you move back to the UK for a bit? Find a job here, do a little to enrich our movie industry, you traitor.’
He laughs and I see that smile of his I love so much, and I don’t know how I could ever say no to him again. No one has ever cared for me so much before.
‘That might be a good idea, taking some time out to figure out my next move,’ I tell him. It’s not much of a commitment, but it won’t hurt to give it a go. I was thinking how I’d miss everyone when I went back, it might be nice to get involved again with the family, especially now we’re all on better terms.
‘There’s no pressure from me,’ he tells me. ‘We’ll just see how it goes.’
I nod my head.
‘And you never know,’ he starts, ‘maybe next summer it will be us getting married on the beach.’
I narrow my eyes at him, and he struggles to keep a straight face, dissolving into laughter once again.
‘You had me going for a second,’ I laugh, pushing him back onto the sand and climbing on top of him. The second we start kissing, I know that I have made exactly the right choice. Is it love? I don’t know, but it certainly feels like it. As Leo sits up and wraps his arms around me, I finally feel like I want to jump off a building, because I don’t doubt for a second that he would catch me in his big, fireman arms.
***
After kissing on the beach for what feels like hours, like a couple of teens in the middle of a holiday romance, the rest of the party head outside to join us.
‘Have you two figured it out?’ my sister asks me.
‘We have,’ I tell her. ‘And I’ve got some news. I’m thinking of moving back home for a while.’
‘What?’ she screeches. ‘That’s amazing!’
‘I’m just going to apologise to Dan,’ Leo excuses himself.
‘So are you two going to make a go of it?’ Belle asks.
‘I don’t know.’ I can’t help but smile widely. ‘But this just feels right.’
‘But what about work?’
This is the part where I could tell her that I lost my job, and that the straw that broke the camel’s back was sticking around for her wedding, but she seems so happy and she would feel so bad if she found out.
‘I can find work here,’ I tell her with a smile.
‘Mia, I am so pleased for you.’
Belle grabs me and hugs me and I swear, despite my turbulent time here, I don’t think my family have ever been so affectionate towards me.
‘Likewise,’ I tell her.
‘Are you ready to dance?’ she asks me.
Everyone is out on the beach for a bit of a disco. Now that the sun is starting to set, lanterns are being lit and there’s a band getting ready to start playing on the patio.
‘I am.’
‘Can I go and tell everyone your news?’ she asks excitedly.
‘Sure,’ I reply.
With that, my sister rushes off to tell everyone that I’ll be moving back home, and now I really, really feel like I’ve made the right decision.
The band is in full swing, it’s getting dark and the beach looks gorgeous, lit up with pretty lanterns and abuzz with people dancing. On the surface everything looks perfect, but if you look closer you’ll see that a few of the lanterns have gone out, almost everyone has sand on their outfit and the song the band is currently playing is missing a bass line, because I saw Josh and Max unplug him, and he hasn’t realised yet.
That’s life though, isn’t it? In movies everything looks perfect, but in life you don’t have a cinematographer giving you flattering lighting and angles, you don’t have a script supervisor making sure that everything looks right and makes sense, you don’t have a hair and makeup team to make sure you always looks beautiful without a hair out of place and you don’t have a director telling you what to do. Life is hard and people are going to mess up, but going about your days in a little protective bubble (even if said bubble is a swanky LA lad pad) and never letting anyone in is no way to live life. You’ve got to take chances and risk getting hurt – even if it means putting yourself out there without the rest of the crew to back you up. Although now that I’ve decided to move back home for a while, it looks like I’m going to have quite the crew supporting me. My gran keeps tabs and makes helpful suggestions on the way I look, Belle has been doing a great job of making sure things make sense and as for my director… well, Leo seems to be doing a pretty good job there.