Read Barely Breathing (Just Breathe) Online
Authors: Heather Allen
Alex comes up behind me and wraps his arms around my waist with his chin on my shoulder, "Are you sure you don't want to go and take a nap?" I shake my head and wiggle away from him.
I turn to face him and hold my arm out in front of me, "Alex, This is friend distance. Remember, friends, right?"
His face falls and he nods turning the other way. As he swims away, I see his fists clench at his sides. I should have never let him get to me. Now he's hurting and it's all my fault. Why am I being so difficult then? He said it would be so easy to let myself fall for him. He's right. He cares deeply for me and protects me in every way he can. My heart answers for me though. Jack, he's not Jack and no one will ever be Jack.
I take a deep breath and swim back away from the line of fighters. I keep swimming not sure where I'm going, just needing to distance myself from Alex. Once I reach the inner edge of the city I find a deserted path and swim down it. Lost in my thoughts I swim for a while and finally stop in front of a tall brown dwelling. It resembles what an abandoned building might look like on land. There's no clear windows to see in. It is almost masked by algae on every surface. The unfamiliarity makes me look around, all of the dwellings resemble this one. As if they are not taken care of or abandoned. I turn to swim back the way I came but a hand grasps my arm and another hand comes around me to my throat. I feel something poke my throat and know this is not a good thing.
A deep voice speaks near my ear, "Don't do anything or I will plunge this knife into your throat."
I blink back the water suddenly coming into my eyes blurring my vision and nod. He pulls me backward with the knife at my neck. He turns us to face the building that seemed so interesting to me a few minutes before. Now my brain is screaming at me not to go in there. Luckily though, the tingle comes up through my fin and overtakes the rest of me fast. I embrace it and darkness.
I traveled back to the caves as soon as I left Amber's dwelling. I'd like to talk to Ever, but if she's with the fighters, then that's one place, I won't be welcome. The caves are deserted it seems. I swim through the halls looking for Jack. I find him in a room down the hall from mine. The door is cracked. I can see him lying on his back atop the bunk. I knock. He glances over and sees that it's me.
"Come in."
I push the door and swim in. The room is probably the most sparse I've seen yet. It reminds me almost of a jail cell. I know not a very nice analogy but it's barren. A bunk is all there is. Almost as if he doesn't really live here. I at least have my bag of belongings in my room.
He pulls up to a sitting position. He looks so exhausted. I back away a little, "Hey, maybe you should get some sleep."
He looks down for a minute before answering, "I can't, sleep I mean." He adds, "I just...it doesn't come, I try but..."
I come further into the room, "Is this because of Ever? Why did you come to see her?"
He shakes his head, "James, it doesn't matter. Did you get into the city?"
Anger surfaces through my veins, what is he talking about, "Of course it matters, dude you really messed up. I saw your sister, she is so upset over this."
He looks up and asks, "Did you get to see
your
sister?"
I shake my head, "She wasn't there."
I swim in further and sit next to him on the bunk, "Just tell me Jack, this whole thing doesn't seem right."
He gets up suddenly, "Jaspen wanted you to report straight to the battle lines as soon as you got back. He's already angry that I didn't go with you. I'm glad you came back, it would have been my head if you didn't."
Without giving me a chance to say anything else, he swims away down the hall. I get up and follow. He's obviously not telling me something.
***
As we approach Jaspen, I notice huge sparks of light flying through the water, hitting something and going out. Each time they go out a booming sound vibrates through the water. This must be the shield they were talking about earlier. I was wondering.
Jaspen turns to greet me with a wide, evil looking smile, "So, boy, I heard you got in."
I nod, wondering where this is going.
He rubs his hands together like in those cartoons with the evil character planning. It's funny to see.
"Now we can get more Erebus into the city. A surprise attack, exactly what I was hoping for."
I look over at Jack. For just a second he looks like he's going to be sick then he recovers and seems to gather more strength. I wonder but then push it away. He wouldn't be here if he really cared about the Lior.
As I scan the Erebus in front of me, I spot her and my heart stops. She is swimming down the line of fighters. Her body is dressed in silver armor and the unmistakable fin. I've never seen her with a fin. She's even more beautiful now in the sea. Her blonde hair is flowing behind her in waves. I want to take a handful of that hair and feel how soft it is.
"James, did you hear me?"
I look toward Jaspen, "Uh, sorry, no, I didn't hear you."
"I was telling you that I want you to start ferrying fighters over. We have an Erebus headquarters in an abandoned building on the edge of the city."
I tell him, "Okay." And turn toward Sara, she's gone. I scan the fighters frantically, but can't find her.
I start to swim in the direction where I saw her but suddenly stop against my will. I look back and meet Jaspen's eyes. He is glaring at me, concentrating.
"James, I told you to leave it alone."
I look over again and spot her. She is looking straight at me, frozen with surprise, then her face falls with the saddest eyes I've ever seen. She mouths, "
sorry
"and turns the other way, swimming away. I try so hard to go after her putting everything I have in it, but I can't move an inch. I watch as she swims further away and gets lost in the sea of Erebus.
I clench my fists and turn, glaring at Jaspen.
He tells me in an amused tone, "That girl is not good for you." He pats Jack's shoulder, who looks even more miserable than I feel. "Just ask Jack here, he knows, first hand."
I frown looking between them. I still can't swim.
Jaspen asks, "Do you have yourself under control? Can I release you?"
I nod seeing only red. As soon as I can move I pounce on Jack. I pound my fists into him. My hand connects with his face first and blood spews through the water. I pull back and aim for his stomach. He doubles over. With each hit he looks smaller, defeated, but he doesn't fight back.
I hear Jaspen exclaim chuckling, "Well James, I wouldn't really call that control."
I wind back for another punch but I can't connect. Jaspen did that shit again. Jack looks up not even scared or hurt, just like he's given up. I collapse into the sand beside him, realizing that I really don't know what I got myself into here.
I wake with a start and blink back tears as I realize where I am. My hands are tied behind my back and I'm lying on the ground. I'm facing a wall so I can't see the rest of the room. I hear muffled voices though. It doesn't seem as though anyone is in the room with me. I try to focus on how to get out of this. I'm a mermaid right and according to everyone, a strong one. Surely I can get myself out of this. Then it occurs to me that these must be the Erebus that Amber smuggled into the city when they took her. I know where they are hiding. Finally, I can contribute. I make a decision, I have to get to Seamus and tell him, so they can stop them. I decide not to move in case someone is in the room. I close my eyes and focus on Alex and the Sea grass fields. I open my eyes, I'm still here. What? I close my eyes again, more panicked. I have to take a deep breath to calm myself to focus. I close my eyes again and picture Alex's piercing green eyes. I feel calm flow through me but a voice interrupts my thoughts, "It won't work you know."
I open my eyes and stare at the wall in front of me. I frown and roll over realizing something is attached to my fin. I look down and try to move my fin. It's tied to a pole. Then I look up to the voice. A man older than Jack but still young looking is sitting in a chair a few feet away staring at me. I look closer and his eyes are a turquoise blue. I'm confused, I thought all the Erebus had those yellow eyes. But then I remember Jack and I wonder if his beautiful blue eyes turned yellow maybe not if this person...
He looks amused at me. I lay back and stare at the ceiling. Now what to do? I can't just sit here and let these people surprise the Lior. I finally found something I could do and I can't even move.
He speaks up, "I don't understand why you're fighting with them. If they get what they want, you can't stay here."
I turn my head to look at him confused.
He shifts in the chair, "It makes sense doesn't it? They don't want our kind in the sea." He points at himself then at me. "They want a pure race, that's what you're fighting for. You're not pure according to them."
I turn my head to the ceiling again and close my eyes trying to will the confusion overtaking me, to go away.
He continues, "All of those people who have come and finally belong somewhere, they'll be kicked out. They will have to find a life in a world where they don't belong."
He laughs, "And the clincher, they won't ever know why they don't belong there, they'll just know for the rest of their lives, something isn't right. They will remember at one point that they were happy, but somehow they lost it and they can't find it again."
I scrunch my eyes closed tight willing his voice to go away. I don't want to hear anymore of this.
I hear a noise and turn my head toward him again, "You don't have to listen. But know that your brother is in that category and you are ultimately hurting him."
He turns and leaves the room letting the door close behind him. I glance around the room. The walls are crumbling, it seems. There are small holes and indentations all over. The room is lit by a small irridescent lamp in the corner. Piles of junk are scattered throughout the room. I spot old sea nets, and bouys from boats along with different shades of sea glass.
I turn my head to look at the ceiling as if the answer to all of my current dilemmas is up there. My breathing is coming erratically and I start to sob. I sob for Jack, I sob for James, for Alex and Amber but most of all, I sob for not knowing what to do. I know in my heart what he said is true. I also know that if I allow the Erebus to get what they want, more people will come here when they aren't meant to be here. Gabbi's face pops into my head. I miss her so much. She would know exactly what I should do. I won't get to ever see here again if the Erebus win. If the Lior win, I will be sent back, most likely. Is that the answer though, that's just Ever, being selfish once again. Then something Gabbi said to me, when I was trying to decide whether to follow Jack to the sea or not, pops into my head. She made it so clear to me when I was trying to decide between the Lior and the Erebus, when I thought Jack was with the Lior. She said that regardless of my choice I needed to make me happy. But what will make me happy? This is the golden question. Maybe if I can answer that, I will know what to do.
I roll back onto my side and face the wall again. I've been awake for pretty much twenty-four plus hours. Sleep overtakes me and I drift...
I'm swimming fast, and I can't catch my breath. My body is screaming for air. I hear Jack's voice, "Swim Ever Swim!" I've longed for that voice. It seems to give me more momentum. I have the feeling someone is behind me chasing me. I glance back and see black hair and turquoise eyes. He's gaining in speed and closing the gap. I turn forward again and push harder, looking for Jack. I look in all directions but can't find him. I yell "Jack, where are you?" No answer. Far in front of me, I see a figure, someone I recognize but a name won't form. Then a voice I know yelling NOOOO! I feel an immense pain in my side and I stop to fall deep into the sea trying to grasp for anything to hold me up. Red water spreads around me and I fall deeper. Familiar arms wrap around me and I hear Alex's voice in my ear, "I have you."
A door slams waking me out of my dream/nightmare
.
I open my eyes and stare at the wall. That same voice from before breaks the silence, "I know you're awake. Did you think about what I said before?"
I lay still, maybe he'll second guess himself and think I'm really asleep. No such luck. His deep voice continues, "Maybe you need to hear a little more to convince you."