Barely Breathing (Just Breathe) (19 page)

***

Things just got better when I walked into my bedroom and found a note from Ever, telling me she went back. At this point it's taking everything in me not to follow them both.

It's actually kind of ironic to think about. A few months ago when I came back I couldn't get away fast enough. I wanted to come back so badly, I traveled in my sleep. Now here I am wanting more than anything to go back to that place.

The best part yet, I now have to lie for Ever. Not the biggest deal for me, but hopefully, questions won't come up, that I won't be able to answer.

***

This last week of school is going to go by so slow. Waking up this morning had been hard, knowing Sara won't be at school. As I climb into the jeep, my phone rings. Garrett's car broke down so he needs a ride, figures.

I pull up and he gets in complaining, "Damn, I can't believe my car broke down."

He glances into the backseat and asks," Dude, where's Ever."

"Uh Garrett, she graduated, remember."

"Oh yeah I fogot, guess things'll be pretty quiet without the seniors there. Hey, we're the seniors now. Pretty cool."

How did I ever become friends with him? How did he even get this far without failing a grade or two?

I'm quiet the whole ride to school. This just solidifies even more for me how things here are so different now. I'm beginning to believe I really don't belong here.

"Dude, did you hear me?"

I glance over at Garrett. Was he talking to me?

"What did you say?"

"I just asked about that chick, Sara. You guys are really serious, aren't you? Davis and I can tell she's different."

I nod but don't say anything more. We usually don't talk about this stuff. When Davis and Jenny hooked up and started dating seriously, it was just understood. He never told us how he felt, we just accepted her as a permanent part of the group and she was an exception to our pact.

We pull in and I park the jeep. Before he gets out, Garrett tells me, "I like her, I hope it works out for you."

I look over and punch him in the arm letting him know we're done with this talk.

He winces and rubs his arm, "That shit hurt."

I get out of the jeep. Serves him right for all the times he never took anything serious.

***

The day drags and when I walk into the cafeteria, Gabbi corners me. I don't even get a chance to sit before she runs up to bombard me with questions. Great, now I have to fend
her
off for Ever,
what a coward my sister is
.

I suggest to Gabbi that we go and eat in the courtyard. We find a bench and she lays into me, "Did she actually go back without telling me? She left a message but it was so... Ever, she said like two sentences and neither one was, I'm going back now, more like... have a nice life."

I tell her smiling, "Gabbi, take a breath."

She sinks to the bench beside me, "Why wouldn't she say goodbye? Oh James, I'm going to miss her so much."
I nod at her and tell her, "So will I Gabbs."

"But, you're going back aren't you? You'll see her soon, right?"

I frown, "No, actually I won't, did she not tell you?"

"What oh no, there's more to this? What didn't she tell me?"

I run my hand through my hair. Ever probably didn't tell Gabbi everything, which makes sense. Great. What did I just do?

She gets up, puts her hands on her hips and stares down at me, "What do I not know?"

I hesitate,"Gabbi, Ever and I are on opposite sides. I'm fighting with the Erebus. Ever chose the Lior."

She gasps, "No James, why would you... she... do that? You're family, how can you fight against each other?"

I shake my head and my hair falls across my eye.
I need a haircut.
I look down at the ground trying not to make eye contact. I know this has got to hurt Gabbi. We've grown up together. She will be here and have no idea if we're alright and now I go and tell her we won't even be together. I'm such an ass.

"That means she's pretty much alone. How could you do that to her? You and Jack, no wonder she hasn't been able to handle anything."

I get up, put my hands on her shoulders and make her look me in the eyes, "Gabbi, I didn't plan this. Remember I didn't get a choice in this whole thing. Ever did, in fact she had two choices. I'm pretty sure she is accepting those choices now. She didn't have to go back just yet, but she wanted to."

She sits back down again, "Okay one more question, where do Sara and Alex fall in all of this?"

I doubt that was the last question, especially after my answer.

"Sara is with the Erebus and Alex is with the Lior."

She mumbles, "At least she has Alex with her."

I agree with her. I'll agree to anything at this point to avoid emotional Gabbi. This is twice I've had to deal with this side of her. Not too fond of it. I definitely like carefree Gabbi better.

The door to the cafeteria opens so we both look up. Reggie walks over frowning, "Hey, is everything alright? I thought you were coming right back."

She gets up, smooths her dress, and glances back at me whispering, "Please don't leave without saying goodbye." I nod not needing to say anything else.

Yes, I will at some point let my sister know, I am not amused with how she left me to say her goodbyes.

Chapter 34

Ever

When I approach the castle, the guards swim out to meet me.

"What is your business here?"

That's a double sided question. I decide to go with the acceptable answer.

"I'm Ever Harding, here to see my grandfather."

One guard stays in front of me hovering. The other goes back to a little box of a room that I never noticed before. So many things here resemble things on land. It makes me wonder which came first. These people have been around for a long time.

The guard comes back a few minutes later, "You can go in."

The gate opens and I swim to the immense doors and continue in as they open for me. Waiting in the hall is a mermaid I've never seen before. She is small and shy looking. She tells me as I enter the hallway, "I'm to take you to see Seamus."

Great, guess my plan to find Alex first isn't going to work.

I follow her down hallways, again losing my bearings.
How anyone can find anything in this place is beyond me.
The halls again take my breath away at their beauty. The luminescent glowing eases my nervousness. I am after all here to help. If I weren't here, they wouldn't have a fighting chance or so I've been told. I try to absorb that confidence I know I should have. The girl glances back at me. I've fallen behind a little. I look up and see her eyes are a deep brown. This surprises me. I thought they all had blue or green eyes. We finally reach the doors to the throne room as I remember it. She puts all her strength into opening them. I swim in trying to exude that confidence I was just thinking about. I look up and the first set of eyes I find are Metea's, she's glaring at me. My confidence slowly seeps away.

I stop in the middle of the room. Seamus glides up and out of his chair and envelopes me in a hug, "Congratulations on your graduation."

I pull out of his hug and smile, "Um, thank you."

Metea comes up beside him and speaks as if I'm not there, "How do we know she has any power at all? The history says she should be powerful but truthfully, she doesn't look like she could hurt a minnow."

I wince at the anger coming from her.
How can this woman possibly be related to me?

Seamus places his hand on her arm and pats her, "Now Metea dear, Alex said she is powerful, I believe that he knows what he's talking about."

She turns in a huff and heads back to her chair.

The mention of Alex's name gives me that familiar flutter in my middle. I wish he was here right now.

Seamus backs up, "Ever, I would though, like to see what you can do." I nod, unsure what exactly he wants to see.

"Why don't you go and find Alex, I think tomorrow would be good. We will meet you in the training room, mid-day."

He adds, "Is your brother back in the sea yet?"

I'm not sure why I answered his question the way I did but something in me told me to lie. If he's asking, he can't know James is still at home.

I nod, "Um yes, he came back yesterday."

He glides back to his chair and sits down. "I would imagine the battle will be soon then. Be off and enjoy these last few days before things change for good."

I back out feeling Metea's eyes boring into me. I refuse to give her the satisfaction of seeing me squirm anymore though. When I get into the hall, I feel a hand on my arm. I flinch, pull away and turn to see who is grabbing me. My eyes meet the greenest eyes I've ever seen. Those eyes, they represent safety and home in so many ways. He holds his arms out, I rush into them savoring the familiarity and calmness, his embrace brings me.

He kisses the top of my head and mumbles, "I've missed you so much."

I don't respond, just close my eyes and remember that I am living in the moment right now. My emotions will not rule me.

***

I follow Alex through the city to a garden of coral, as he calls it. We sit quietly and watch the fish dart in and out of their colorful home. His arm never leaves my back. I rest my head on his shoulder. This is exactly what I need after all that has happened.

After a while he breaks the silence, "I realized when I came back that you needed space to sort through things. That is why I left right away. But I want you to know my feelings haven't changed."

Why did he have to go and ruin a perfectly good moment? I have to approach this the right way. No more running.

I push up from the coral and hover in front of him so I can look into his eyes, "Alex, the first thing I need to say is how sorry I am for running away when you were so truthful with me."

"Ever you don't..."

I cut him off, "Please let me finish. I truly am sorry, not only for running but also for not being able to return your feelings. I know you feel something for me and I...you are just so good, you always do the right thing, you protect me, and take care of me. I don't deserve that, but I welcome it."

He smirks a sort of smile but it doesn't reach his eyes. I'm pretty sure he knows where I'm going with this.

"I think you are wonderful and I just, we are friends, good friends, I just can't be anything more. I have to concentrate on my purpose, my new life here."

He looks down to the sand for what seems like a full minute and looks back up at me. His eyes are so bright, my middle flutters a minute, it would be so easy, but I can't, it would be so wrong to lead him on like that.

"Ever, I accept that, friendship is better than being away from you. These past few weeks have been very hard."

I smile and glide back over to sit next to him. HIs arm slides back around me. Knowing Alex can accept the small amount I have to give him, makes things a lot easier to face.

***

My fin is aching, I'm swimming so fast. I glance back and see a face but the water is too cloudy to see who it is. I hear a familiar voice yelling, NOOOO! Then the pain in my side starts. I look down knowing what I will see but the red coloring the water makes me want to throw up. I start to fall, trying to find something to hold me up. The darkness consumes me, I can't see around me but I feel familiar arms wrap around me. I look over and see Alex's green eyes.

The dream wakes me in the middle of the night. I can't shake the thought that something bad is coming. Every dream ends with someone hurt. The only thing I can hope is that maybe my dreams aren't always right. I roll over and doze back to sleep with no problems.

***

The next morning I wake with renewed energy.
This is it, my life, not dependent on anyone else, only me. My decisions are ruled by my brain, not my heart, from here on out.

I glide out into the kitchen bringing my fruit with me. I sit at the table, joining Amber.

"Hey you, how are you? How was your meeting with Seamus yesterday?"

"It went well, we're meeting today mid-day, he wants to see some of my abilities."

She smiles, "That should be fun."

I nod and look away. It is so hard to be around her. There are so many reminders of Jack in her.

Ever, use your head, not your heart.

"Yep, I'm thinking bow and arrow, and the usual 'will' stuff. Any other suggestions?"

"Oh I'm sure you will surprise him. You surprise me every time."

Smiling, I get up and swim back to my room. I can only stay around her for so long.

A short time later, I hear a knock on the door. I try to 'will' it open from my room. I hear a, "Hello?" then a laugh coming closer. Alex peeks around the corner of the door and asks, "Did you just open the door from in here?"