Read Barely Breathing (Just Breathe) Online
Authors: Heather Allen
Saturday rolls around and I'm in a little better mood about the prom thing. Sara, I think is the reason. She's so excited to be participating, it's kind of cute. Gabbi and Ever talked me into a limo for the six of us. I wasn't amused by that, the money I earned from our gig last weekend is slowly leaking away.
Sara and Alex both said they would come to our house for pictures before the limo arrived. When Sara walked into the house, she took my breath away. She wore a pale pink dress that ended right above her knees exposing my favorite part of her, those incredible legs. Her long blonde hair was piled on top of her head, held in place by a tiny tiara. She is just so beautiful.
How did I get so lucky with this girl?
I grab her corsage from it's box and place a bundle of daisies on her arm. I swear her eyes twinkle when she looks up at me and tells me how perfect it is.
Alex and Sara coming over made our mom so happy. She was still taking pictures while we were walking out the door and driving away. The good thing though, she's trying hard not to meddle in our lives too much. I have to give her credit, a little anyway.
We picked Gabbi and Reggie up and made it to the prom shortly after it started. As soon as we found a table, I felt a punch in the arm. I turn around at that, knowing exactly who I am going to punch back.
I hiss at Garrett, "What the hell, would you just grow up."
He laughs and turns to grab the hand of a girl waiting patiently behind him. He pulls her forward and says, "James, I wanted to introduce my date, Rebecca."
I smirk at the goofy look on her face and look back over at Garrett who starts to frown at her.
I shake her hand, "It's nice to meet you, Rebecca." She starts giggling and a blush spreads across her face.
Garrett glares at her, drops her hand and walks away. I look at her questioningly, not saying a word. Suddenly she realizes Garrett has left her and she runs after him.
I sit down and Sara leans over, "One of your little groupies?" I laugh and kiss her quickly. She is so perfect. I glance around the room and notice Davis on the other side of the dance floor with his girlfriend Jenny. He nods, acknowledging me. I nod back at him. The rest of the room is pretty typical. A DJ is playing the latest in pop music. Not my favorite, we should have played the music. It would have been better. Sara grabs my hand and scoots her chair back. I look at her, wondering where she's going. She looks so giddy. She yanks on my hand trying to force me to get up.
"Come on, let's dance."
Ugh, I look around at the faces at our table. Reggie and Gabbi are whispering to each other. Ever and Alex are talking quietly. She is smiling. Actually, she's been smiling all night. Maybe she's finally getting out of this depression junk. I feel another yank on my hand.
She actually whines this time, "Come on James, dance with me, please."
I look up at that incredible smile, scoot my chair back and follow her to the dance floor. She's in for a rude awakening when she discovers I have two left feet.
When Alex got to my house tonight I was still upstairs getting ready. I slipped on my dress, probably my favorite part of this whole fiasco. I'm truly not a dress person but this one was just made for me. It is a navy blue, one shouldered, a- line that stops right above my knees. Gabbi and I went shopping and the minute she saw it, she knew it was for me. I have to give it to the girl, she has some sort of fashion sense. I had vowed to Gabbi and Sara that I would do everything I could, to try and have a good time. So every time I think about how silly, this whole prom thing is, I push it away and tell myself, do this for Alex. Maybe that's the key to all of this.
Maybe as long as I'm doing it for someone else, the depression won't hit. Who knows?
I climb down the stairs concentrating on the steps in these huge heels, the girls talked me into. As I take the few bottom steps I look up and Alex is staring at me with the most intense look I have ever seen on his perfect face. My eyes roll over him. He looks so handsome. He is wearing khaki pants with a navy blue shirt. His tie reminds me of the sea with blues and greens swirled together. He leans over as I step off the last step and whispers in my ear, "Ever, you look so incredibly beautiful."
A blush spreads through my face. His gaze is starting those flutters again. I step back a little farther to get some reprieve. He pulls a corsage of daisies out of a box and places it on my arm.
I admire it's beauty and look up smiling, "Thank you, it's really pretty."
He holds his arm out so I place mine through it and we start walking toward the door where James and Sara are already waiting. All the while my mom is clicking away. I learned a long time ago through other events, to just ignore her. She would go on like this all night if she could.
We pick Gabbi and Reggie up from Gabbie's house. She looks incredible in her bright yellow, floor length, strapless, dress. Her red curls clash perfectly, as always.
When we get to school and pull up in front of the gym, I actually get a little giddy. Sara and Gabbi have been giggling excitedly the whole ride over. There are strings of white lights strewn through the trees and the entrance, making it look so whimsical. I glance over at Alex. His eyes meet mine and he squeezes my hand. Maybe there is some fun to be had after all.
Alex leads us through the crowd to a table in the middle of the room. I glance around and spot Michael with Brittany. They are still together. It's funny, I was so heartbroken, or so I thought, when he broke up with me. I wish that heartbreak was what I feel now. This is so much worse. I feel Alex squeeze my hand and glance over at him, attempting a smile.
He looks concerned, "Are you alright?"
I push my smile to look more genuine, "Yes, I'm good."
He gets up and holds his hand out, "Would you like to dance?"
I look out toward the dance floor and spot James with Sara. Wow, she actually got him to dance. That's a feat, he won't dance for anyone. I look back over at Alex and take his hand, following him out to the dance floor.
We stay on the dance floor long after the rest of our table. A slow song finally comes on and that's my cue. I back up and attempt to go back to the table but Alex grabs my hand and pulls me close to him. Before I can say anything he asks me, "Just one slow dance, just one?" I relax into his arms, relenting.
As we sway to the music, I think about how this would be so easy. It would be so easy to let his calm overtake me. I know he cares about me in some way. I look into his eyes. He's staring at me with the softest look, like a caress if a look can be described as that. The familiar calm settles over me so I rest my head on his shoulder and try to focus on nothing. The music changes eventually to something faster and we stay like this through half of it. Finally, I lift my head up and look up at him. He leans in but doesn't get closer than an inch from my lips. My body tells me it would be so easy, my mind screams at me,
no
you're too messed up, he deserves so much better.
I back up, turn around and hurry back to the table, leaving him standing there.
I'm about to sit down at the table when Alex walks up, frustration and anger in his face. He grabs my arm before I can sit and pulls me in the direction of the doors leading out of the gym. I follow because I feel like I owe it to him.
When we walk out into the cool night air, goose bumps cover my bare arms. He leads us out to a bench on the sidewalk beside the gym. I sit balancing my hands on the edge of the bench and brace myself for his anger. He paces back and forth a few times and stops in front of me looking down. I stare at the ground not wanting to face the hurt in his eyes.
He runs his hand through his hair,"Ever,why? Why are you letting him get to you? I care about you and I can't stand seeing you like this."
I continue to stare at the ground. The hurt in his voice is enough to bring the sadness.
"Ever, look at me, what can I do?"
I look up and shake my head, "Alex, you don't want me. I told you, I'm broken."
"I don't believe that. I can take care of you."
A tear runs down my cheek but I wipe it away and stand up with a little more energy, "You are a wonderful man. If things were different it might work but you don't understand. I gave him my heart, it's twisted and I'm already damaged."
He shakes his head, "No Ever, we can fix it, we can be something." Anger surfaces in his voice, "I'm the one right here with you. He's thousands of miles away. If he loves you, then where is he? He doesn't deserve your heart."
I shake my head. There's no way to explain this to him. I step close to him and whisper softly into his ear, "You should go back to the sea, this is just not... working."
I step back and avoid his eyes, turning toward the gym. I feel terrible for telling him to go back but he just can't understand.
When I approach the table, Gabbi sees me and pops up to meet me before I can get there. "Are you alright?"
"Yes Gabbs, just not feeling well. I'm going to go home early."
She nods understanding, or just realizing finally, that she shouldn't argue with me. I head toward the other set of doors across the gym leading to the courtyard. Once I'm out there I turn right and round a corner checking to make sure no one is lurking in the shadows. I close my eyes and focus on my bedroom. It's been a while since I've traveled so I hope it works. When I open my eyes, I'm in my darkened bedroom. I collapse onto my bed and let the tears flow for the hurt I've caused Alex and I drift to sleep.
Today, I woke up with the realization that school will be out in a week and Ever will graduate from high school tomorrow night. We've been quiet about the looming dates. Both of us very aware but avoiding any conversations. She always handles things she doesn't want to face with avoidance, hoping she won't have to face reality. I, on the other hand always do the opposite, face things head on. I decided over this past month to follow in Ever's example, I let it all go.
Tonight, though, I decide I need to face up to reality and talk to her. We need to have a plan just in case she goes back soon. This opposite sides thing has been weighing heavily on my mind lately. There is no way we can fight against each other.
After dinner I can tell she is doing that avoidance thing, big time. She's been in a mood ever since Alex left. Right after prom he said he needed to get back, which scared me a little. I thought for sure Jaspen would appear suddenly in my bedroom, telling me to get back there. But he never showed and I relaxed after a week. Sara is still here so that probably means we are still in good shape with staying on land. He really kept his word to let me finish out the school year. I have to admire him for that.
Ever finishes and excuses herself telling us she doesn't feel that well. She heads up to her room. I sit with my parents a while longer and tell them about the plan for tomorrow night after graduation. Gabbi's parents are throwing a surprise graduation party for Gabbi and Ever. My band is playing the party. My parents are finally coming around and supporting us... a little.
I excuse myself and head upstairs walking straight to Ever's room. I knock and wait for her to answer.
She calls out softly, "Yes?"
I walk in and close the door. She is already curled up in her blanket hugging her pillow. She is such a mess. I wish I could take all this junk away. She pats the edge of the bed so I sit next to her.
She admits sadly, "You know this may be the last time we get to talk."
I shake my head, she is so dramatic.
"I doubt it, but I wanted to see if you had any thoughts on some sort of plan. We will probably go back soon and I don't want us to even think about having to fight each other."
She looks so sad. "James, I have no idea what we should do. The closer graduation gets, the more I dread everything."
"I know but it's tomorrow and we have to deal with it."
She smirks, "You always had that attitude. It's good for you to feel that way."
We sit in silence with our own thoughts for a while. Finally, she looks over with a smile and grabs my hand squeezing, "It'll all work out. I don't know how, but everything will be okay. I have to believe that."
I nod, knowing that she is trying to convince herself as well as me. Whatever we need to do, to face something, so unknown, I'll do.
"Then if either one of us sees the other out there, head in the other direction."
She nods.
I get up and start to walk to the door.
She calls out as I reach for the handle, "James, I won't fight you either. I just wanted you to know."
I don't look back but turn the handle and walk out. We have a plan, no matter how things play out, we both refuse to hurt each other. Family is more important.