Read Barely Breathing (Just Breathe) Online
Authors: Heather Allen
I smirk.
This is her way of not meddling.
I laugh out a response, "Be down in a minute mom."
Sara looks over at me smiling and enjoying this herself. I attack her, making her giggle and we end up kissing again. Yes, I am definitely going back very soon. I can't be away from this addiction too long.
***
Ever strolls into the kitchen a couple hours later. Sara and I decided not to freak my mom out anymore and stayed downstairs where she could keep an eye on us.
She looks way better than I was expecting. She glances over at us sitting at the table with our arms intertwined. She slowly smiles and says, "Hi, how are you guys?"
Sara and I both greet her at the same time, "Hi."
I ask. "Are you feeling alright?"
She looks over biting an apple, "I'm gweat." It comes out distorted through her apple.
She's probably doing that avoidance thing again. I'm not going to bring last night up. She doesn't need that right now.
She sits down at the table across from us and tells us matter of factly, after she chews a bite, "I'm going back."
I'm surprised at this statement. I thought for sure she would avoid the sea now for as long as possible in light of the events last night.
She continues, "It's time, I'm done here. I need to get on with my life."
My mom walks into the kitchen at this exact moment. She looks at Ever surprised and asks, "Does that mean you received an acceptance letter from one of those colleges?
Ever looks startled but recovers quickly and answers, "Yes mom, actually I did. I got accepted to Roosevelt."
She takes a deep breath and continues," I talked with Gam-aw this morning and she agreed to let me stay with her until I get all of the arrangements made."
My mom looks a little taken aback, "I thought we would go together this summer so I could help get you set up and see everything."
Ever's face falls a little before she continues with her lie, "I um...wanted to go early, mom. I thought I'd get a job this summer and maybe take a summer class to ease into it."
Damn, she's good. I never thought my sister had it in her. She has always been the one with a conscience. When we were younger I would try to talk her into doing things I knew my parents wouldn't approve of, but she was always so morally centered. She never strayed from that. Sitting here watching her lie through her teeth to my mom makes me feel proud of her. I know sick right. I never said
I
was morally right though.
My mom seems to accept her reasoning, although with that small emotional blip. I can tell this won't be the last discussion about this. Ever takes a small breath, obviously she also knows my mom isn't going to give in that easy.
My mom leaves us alone in the kitchen and I can't help getting a dig at her, "Wow, remind me never to believe a word you say."
She smiles and both girls laugh.
"Shut up James."
I ask seriously, "When are you going?"
She looks around the kitchen as if making a final decision, "As soon as possible."
A slow smile spreads, "By the way, you just inherited a jeep, congratulations."
She gets up and glances back, "I'll find you before I leave."
I nod and suddenly feel like I'm being abandoned. Sara puts her arms around me and squeezes, sensing my mood change, "Hey don't worry, it'll be okay."
I'm really not sure that in the end everything will be okay. I can only hope.
I'm swimming fast, probably faster than I've ever swum. It feels like something or someone is following me. I glance back but the water is hazy. I can't see anything clearly. My heart is beating so fast, I think it might burst from exhaustion. Then I feel it, a sharp pain in my side. I glance down and see blood seeping into the water around me. I'm falling. The surface, where the air and water meet is falling farther away from me. I grab for anything to keep me from drifting farther away but nothing...
I jerk up into a sitting position and find myself on the couch in the living room. I look around and realize I'm alone. The T.V. is on, tuned to some reality show, I never started watching. I let my body relax a little and sink back into the cushions. I look down to my side just to make sure. It's been a while since I've had a dream. That one was not good. I was the one injured...I think. The light in the room is slowly seeping away. It must be dusk. I get up realizing I need some real food before I'm condemned to fish for life. Maybe I can scrounge some fruit. I wonder how it would survive 'traveling'.
I make my way to the kitchen. The house is so still and silent. I must be the only one home. My parents left a note on the table. They are out playing tennis again. This hobby has lasted longer than the others. Maybe they finally found something. It dawns on me that I won't be around to find out if it stuck with them.
I shake my head and push it away. I will not let this sadness consume me anymore. I have to live for me. Before I fell asleep I came to the conclusion that all the events leading up to this moment have been ruled by my emotions. I let them overtake me and guide my life in directions not good for me. I vowed to let my head rule from now on and to grow some thicker skin.
I climb the steps to pack my bag. Hopefully I can be gone before anyone gets home. Goodbyes are not good for my new outlook. I walk by James' room stopping to glance in from the doorway. I'm gonna miss that kid. The room looks like a bomb went off. There must be every piece of clothing he owns, strewn across the floor. I maneuver my way to his desk to write a quick note. I told him I'd say goodbye but this way it's better for both of us.
Back in my room, I pack a couple outfits, bathing suits, and the fruit I grabbed from the kitchen, into my backpack. The last thing I need to do, Gabbi. I grab my cell and call her. It rings and rings going straight to her voicemail.
Taking a deep breathe my voice falters a little, "Uh, Gabbs, I just...wanted you to know... I love you. You are such a ray of sunshine, don't ever lose that." My voice starts to crack so I hang up.
Breathe Ever, thick skin...
I pocket my phone and close my eyes holding my bag tight to my shoulder. Gam-aw, I visualize my grandmother in her little apartment in chilly Chicago.
Thirty seconds later, I open my eyes. The first thing that hits me is the smell in the air, apple pie. I follow my nose to the kitchen and find her with her small frame focusing on something at the counter. I clear my throat so she doesn't get startled, "Hmmm."
She turns to me and smiles warily, "Hi, Ever, are you going back now?"
I nod not smiling or showing any emotion. This is a good test to my turning over a new leaf.
She wipes her hands on her apron and walks over closer, "Would you like some pie before you go?"
I smile and sit at the small, wrought iron table. She goes to the fridge and pours me a glass of milk.
I take it from her, meeting her eyes the whole time.
She sits down across from me and grasps my free hand, squeezing. "What would you like me to tell your parents when they call?"
I look away, ugh, I faltered,
thick skin Ever, Commit...
I look back up and meet her gaze, "I wrote a note and left it for James, telling him to tell them that he drove me to the train station to come here."
She nods, "Which college?"
I smile broadly, "Roosevelt, I was actually accepted there."
She pats my hand, "Maybe at some point in the..."
I shake my head not letting her finish. I will not let myself have hope. That is not something I can afford right now. Life is what it is for me. I can accept that, I have to.
"Gam-aw, I'm going back, I've accepted that, I will live with the choices I've made and not look back."
She takes a deep breath and winks, "Are you sure you're only eighteen? You sure seem a whole lot wiser than that."
Then there's a ringing on the stove, signaling that the pie is ready.
***
I spent a couple of hours with Gam-aw, really talking about life and how I've accepted this fate. I finally decided it was time. We hugged and I left.
Now I'm in the blue room in Amber's dwelling unsure about the immediate future. Getting here was no problem. I thought it might be tricky because Seamus has the city under a protective shield but it was pretty effortless. The only snag was that I traveled here with legs. When I got here, I realized the legs and air thing don't go together. By the time I was able to will my fin, my lungs were screaming at me. I was probably very close to passing out.
I take a deep sea breath and aim for the door. As I'm reaching for the handle, it turns and opens. I look up and meet those green eyes that are so familiar. Amber glides backwards.
"You scared me half to death. I heard a noise..."
She rushes at me to hug me. I hug her back and mumble over her shoulder, "It's so good to see you."
She moves back and tells me, "I was worried when Alex came back and you stayed."
I frown, Alex, I forgot for a little while. I was so terrible to him. I brush her worry away, "Is he around? I probably need to go and apologize to him."
She shakes her head, "I'm not sure where he is. He came by a few weeks ago when he came back, but I haven't seen him since. He wouldn't tell me why he was back, just that it was for the best."
I nod, "It was for the best, I need to find him though."
She grins slyly, "Okay, but you probably need to go see Seamus first."
My heart speeds up at that prospect. I really don't have any desire to go and see my extremely old grandfather. He is still not my favorite person in this new world. I tell her I will, having every intention of finding Alex first. I just don't have a clue as to where to start. The last time I was here and every time before that Amber helped me find my way around. The one time I took off by myself did not end well. I got lost and the castle mermen came after me. Amber was super angry.
I search my bag to find a snack, the apples made it. I'll be good for a little while. When they run out, I'll have to deal with the fish situation, yuck.
Amber chuckles, "You brought your own food?"
I glance up grinning, "Of course, you know I did."
I swim past her to the big room before the door leading out into the city. I feel her hand on my arm, "Do you want me to come with you?"
I look into her worried eyes and pat her hand, "No, I'll be fine. I'm pretty sure I can find my way."
She hovers in that spot unsure as I turn to the door and use a 'will' for the first time in forever. The door opens easily for me. I smirk, that never gets old. I swim out heading straight for the castle. I have a feeling that is where Alex will be. I have a few minutes to come up with a convincing apology.
I've spent the whole day with Sara dreading the moment she decides it's time to leave. I know it's inevitable but that doesn't make it easier. Damn, I've really fallen for this one. How did that happen?
We are sitting on the swings at the park down the road from my house. She turns toward me and places her arm on my shoulder, "Hey, what are you so deep in thought about?"
I shrug. I'm not going to make it worse by voicing my fears. She's going back and that's it, I'm not going to start a conversation that might upset her.
She moves her swing closer to mine, leans up and kisses my cheek. I turn my face and meet her lips with mine. Our kiss deepens and I savor this moment, committing it to my memory.
I hear a gurgling sound behind me and break our connection to turn toward the sound. I jump out of the swing letting it gain momentum from my sudden departure. A man, a lot older than us is walking toward us. I notice his intense yellow eyes and jagged teeth. Sara slowly climbs out of her swing and grabs my hand squeezing.
She leans in to my ear and whispers, "I have to go."
I look down at her with a pained look and back at the Erebus in front of us. I lean down and embrace her in my arms.
"I..uh...I'll miss you."
She nods her head into my shoulder.
She pulls away and walks toward the man standing in front of us. I just watch frozen with my heart breaking as they disappear.