Be Here Now: A Cedar Creek Novel (2 page)

He didn’t try to stop me, nor did he come after me.

The next morning, I stood in Chris’ apartment, sipping my coffee as I stared silently out the window. I was lost in thought, still trying to wrap my mind around what had happened last night.

“He didn’t mean it, Lore.” Chris was sitting at the kitchen table behind me, drinking his own coffee. The night had been long, filled with lots of tears on my side and lots of talking on Chris’ side. Neither of us had gotten much sleep.

“So you’ve said.”

“And I’ll say it again. I’ll say it a million times if that’s what you need to hear. He didn’t mean it.”

“Then why hasn’t he called? Why hasn’t he come after me?”

That shut Chris up.

I turned around and looked at him. He was shaking his head. “I don’t know, Lore. But I’m sure there’s an explanation. Maybe he needed to cool off first or maybe he is too embarrassed. Who knows, he could be sitting in front of your dorm room door waiting for you to come home. What I
do
know is that he didn’t mean what he said last night. He’s scared of losing you, scared of being without you for three months. Being scared makes men do stupid shit, stupid shit we almost always regret the minute it happens.”

I wanted to believe him so desperately. It hurt thinking that the man I was in love with and had imagined and planned my future with more than once could say those hurtful words he said last night and not regret them.

“Go to him. Talk to him. You’ll regret it if you don’t.”

I nodded. He was right. I would regret if I left without at least trying to talk to him.

I went to my dorm room first to take a shower and change into fresh clothes. My whole way there, I was hoping and praying that Chris was right and I would find Jason sitting in front of my room waiting for me to come home so he could apologize.

He didn’t.

The hall was empty when I turned the corner and there was no note on my door or any sign that he had been there. But I powered through the disappointment and told myself that he was probably still sleeping. Or maybe he was just waiting for a decent time to come to me. It was early. He knew better than anyone that I hated being woken up early in the mornings. Instead of waiting, I would take Chris’ advice and go to him.

Less than thirty minutes later, I wished I hadn’t as I stared at the blonde who was standing in front of me.

The second she opened the door for me, I knew.

She was wearing nothing but a towel, her hair wet and uncombed, her skin still covered in water droplets as if she had jumped out of the shower just seconds ago.

She didn’t have to say anything for me to know that Jason didn’t need to cool off last night or had been too embarrassed to come after me or try to call me. No, none of what Chris had said was true.

Jason had been too busy screwing this blond groupie whore to do any of that.

I didn’t need her to say anything, but her words still confirmed it. “He’s still in the shower. You can come in and wait I guess.”

No, I absolutely did not want to come in and wait.

I worked hard to keep the overwhelming hurt and devastation off my face. I wouldn’t give either of them the satisfaction. But I knew I wouldn’t be strong enough to keep my voice neutral. So for the second time in less than twenty-four hours, I turned around and walked away from Jason without saying another word.

“You want me to tell him you came by?”

I shook my head but said nothing and kept walking without turning around. The door clicked shut.

Not even five minutes later, my phone started ringing. I ignored it, just like I did the next three calls and five text messages that came in. They were all from Jason.

Not a single tear left my eyes until I got to my room and buried myself under the blankets. Then the floodgates opened and I cried and cried until I couldn’t cry anymore and fell into a fitful sleep.

It was the next day before I checked my phone. I deleted all of Jason’s calls and voice mails as well as text messages without listening to them or reading them and then called Chris.

He came over and helped me pack.

The day after that I boarded a plane to L.A.

I looked over the crowd as I finished drawing another beer and closed the tap. Rock music blared through the speakers and the noises of a bar fuller than it should be wafted over me. Saturday night at Coopers was always busy, but with summer coming, our quaint little small town in the Rocky Mountains was starting to fill up with tourists, which meant that the bar was just as crowded. Every single table was taken and the bar was full, some people double-parking at the bar, because there weren’t any stools left to sit on. Cindy and Ashley were running their butts off out there. Their tips would be great tonight, but I’d have to talk to Chris about hiring another bartender and at least two more waitresses to get us through the season.

I looked down the bar counter and saw Rick Summers sitting at the end, looking sullen, like he had done so often in the past few months. His head was bowed to the glass in front of him—whiskey neat it looked like—elbows to the bar, the fingers of his right hand holding the glass loosely, swirling the whiskey. I decided to ignore the orders being shouted at me for the moment and headed over to him.

He didn’t hear or see me approach, which was unusual for him. Rick was a cop, a detective, and would normally see everything that was going on around him. He was a laid back guy, but intense and always alert. That had changed last Thanksgiving when his already stupid sister Gina did something even more stupid and helped a guy kidnap my friend Ivey. The guy had been Ivey’s ex. He had beaten her badly when they had been together, so badly that she had ended up in the hospital for almost a week. She had pressed charges, so he had ended up in jail and was looking for revenge. Gina had helped him because she was petty and jealous. Ivey and Cal had just gotten together a few weeks earlier. Gina had always had a crush on Cal and for some fucked up reason thought she had a claim on him. So she helped Ivey’s ex teach Ivey a lesson and was now paying for her stupidity by being locked up in a penitentiary for conspiracy to commit kidnapping. I hadn’t been a big fan of her before that, nobody in town had, but now I was even less of one.

But I
did
feel bad for Rick.

He didn’t deserve this.

He has always been a good guy. I knew him from when he used to hang out with Cal in high school; I actually had a small crush on him back then. He was tall, dark, and handsome, had intense dark blue eyes with a shimmer of green to them, had an easy smile he used often, and never minded when I followed him and Cal around; never treated me like his best friend’s unwanted little sister; never teased me or tried to get rid of me. I think he had known that I had a crush on him and had found it very amusing. Still, he never teased me about it. He became one of my good friends when I grew up and grew out of that crush.

“Hey, Rick. You okay?” I asked as I made it to him. I leaned my elbows on the bar across from him, getting close enough to talk quietly without anyone overhearing.

His head shot up and his sad eyes warmed as they saw me. He gave me a small smile that was nowhere near the easy smile he used to have. “Hey, Loreley.”

His non-answer was answer enough. He wasn’t okay and probably wouldn’t be until he found a way to forgive himself for not having protected his sister, or figure out that it wasn’t his fault his sister was a total idiot and vindictive whacko bitch in the first place.

“Went to see Gina today. She’s not doing so well.” His eyes went back down to his drink.

I was torn. On the one hand, I didn’t want Gina to do well in jail. She deserved to be locked up. Ivey could have been killed and Gina had had a hand in that because she couldn’t get over the fact that Cal didn’t want her skanky ass in his and his son’s life. How she could have ever dreamed he would want her, I had no idea. As I said, she was a whacko bitch, totally delusional. Nobody in town blamed Rick, not even Ivey. There was nothing that Rick could have done to prevent what had happened. Gina had always been a bitch. Even as a kid she had made other kids’ lives a living hell. She was the queen bee in high school and had kept on living her life like that after she graduated. It had only been a matter of time until she got what she deserved. Nobody would have thought that she was capable of going to such extremes, but there you go. You couldn’t foresee what people did, especially crazy people, so Rick wasn’t to blame for any of it.

Not knowing what to say, I put my hand on top of his. His eyes came back to mine. They were still sad, but also still warm.

“I know you never liked her and think she got what she deserved. You’re right. Hell, I didn’t like her most of the time. She did wrong and had to be punished for what she did; trying to get Ivey hurt; thinking she could get away with it. I get all that and I agree with it. Wholeheartedly. But she’s still my little sister and seeing her like that…I can’t help it. I want her out of there.”

“I know, Rick. And I understand. You wouldn’t be the man you are if you didn’t feel that way about your sister. You feel responsible for her, want to protect her. You’re a good man for still feeling that way after what she’s done.”

“A good man, huh? A stupid one I’d say.”

“Rick, you are not stupid,” I said in a firm voice. “You’re a good man and you feel guilty. I keep telling you, you don’t have to feel that way. It wasn’t your fault. Nobody could have seen that coming.”

“You taking your own advice on that?” He shot back at me. His eyes were serious now. He had me there. I gave him a small sad smile. “I’m working on it, Rick. I’m getting there. And so should you.”

His eyes stayed locked to mine as he studied me. Then he nodded slowly. “I can see it, Loreley. You’re doing better. You’re stronger. You’re finding your way back to you.” He took a deep breath before he shook his head and chuckled bitterly. “I’m sorry. I came to the bar tonight to get my head straight and check on you and here I am, brooding. Trying to pull you down with me. I’m an asshole.”

“Oh, shut it, Rick. You are not,” I snapped at him while I slapped his hand and straightened.

“Spunky. I always liked that about you,” Rick murmured through a smile. His easy smile was back. I grinned at him in relief until I saw a mischievous sparkle in his eyes.

“You think I’m a good man, why is it you haven’t agreed to go out with me?”

My smile died. “I’m not ready, Rick. I’ve told you that.”

“And how long are you gonna keep using that excuse?”

I glared at him, not sure how to answer that. It was an excuse of course. I was as ready as I was ever gonna get. As Chris would say, it was time to get back in the saddle.

I opened my mouth when I heard my name called and turned my head to see who was yelling at me.

“Hey, Loreley. You gonna get to work or you gonna chit chat all night?” That was Chris, giving me the get-a-move-on glare while he was handing out beers.

I turned my head back to face Rick again, seeing his head was turned to glare at Chris. It came back to me when I started speaking.

“I’m sorry, Rick. I gotta get to work.” Rick’s eyes narrowed on me a second, then he gave me a chin lift. I moved away from him and started taking orders and handing out drinks.

For the next hour or so, I didn’t have much time to think about anything other than making and handing out drinks and exchanging the occasional joke or sarcastic comment with patrons. We usually had a band playing on Saturdays and I had been pretty ticked off that they had cancelled at the last minute, but right now I was glad they had. It was hard enough keeping up without having the crowd the band would have brought.

When the crowd finally started to thin a little, Chris and I took a little breather as we leaned against the back of the bar.

“You know, it’s calmed down some. I think the worst is over. You should go up there and have some fun.” He lifted his chin towards the stage. “Give it a nice farewell. It deserves to go out with a bang, don’t you think?”

I agreed. It definitely deserved to go out with a bang.

We were getting a new stage. The contractor was coming tomorrow. Our old lady would be replaced by a bigger and better one.

I grinned at Chris.

He returned my grin then lifted his chin in the direction of the stage again, telling me I should get my behind up there and play already.

My grin got bigger and I rolled up on my toes to give him a kiss on the cheek.

“You good behind the bar by yourself for a little while?” I asked.

“I can handle it. Now get your butt up there.”

I gave him another peck on the cheek before I went to the back room to get my guitar.

The stage was on the left side of the room when you entered through the front door. There were a few wooden booths along the window front as well as round dark brown wooden tables that could seat four in the open space in front of the stage. For bigger events, like the band playing next weekend, we had to move most of the tables to the other side of the room, but when it was just me and my guitar, or we had an open mike night, we left the tables where they were, so that people could enjoy the music while sitting down with their drinks. By tomorrow night, there would be more tables and chairs where the stage was now, and the new bigger stage would start to take shape on the other side of the room against the far wall.