Chapter Twenty-Six
“Hi, Juli. It’s Luke. Call me when you can.”
She disconnected from voicemail.
If there were two of her, one would’ve run scared and the other would’ve danced around the room.
Doubt chilled her. Maybe it wasn't personal. It might be a problem with the estate or something.
But they’d worked together—well, the group had worked together—to put the gallery back in order after the showing. Luke had been attentive and funny. She hadn’t expected him to have such a sweet sense of humor.
No time like the present to find out what he wanted. She called his number.
“Juli?”
“What’s up?”
“I was thinking about taking the boat out.”
She opened her mouth to say something light, but lost the words when she remembered Ben and their sunset cruise.
“Are you there?”
“Yes.” Ben wouldn’t be jealous. He’d want her to move on with her life.
With Luke?
“It’s a beautiful day for a sail,” she said.
“Why don’t I pick you up this afternoon? It’s quiet at the gallery.”
“Getting away while you can? Sounds like a good idea.”
“Would you prefer to do something else? I’m open.”
Could she go through with it?
“I’d love to go sailing with you.”
“Great. I’ll see you about three? Wear rubber shoes, sneakers or something, because the boat can get slick.”
“I’ll be ready.”
Before three p.m. she found herself in Ben’s room with a light jacket in her arms and her sneakers hanging from her fingers. She hadn’t planned to stop here.
Ben, I have a date. I hope you don’t mind.
She wiped a tear. Luke would be here any minute and she didn’t want red eyes.
The doorbell broke the spell. She laughed at herself and hurried to the door.
****
Luke entered, awkward at first, but only briefly. Juli’s smile blew away his doubts, too easily. Odd that he found some reassurance in her slightly red eyes. This wasn’t easy for her either.
She held out the windbreaker. He held it while she sat and tugged her sneakers on.
“What are you staring at?”
Luke said, “I was just thinking you need to get out and have fun as much as I do.”
She stood and when she extended her hand to him, it was as if they’d done this every day for a thousand years and something hurt in his chest.
In the parking lot, she stopped and asked, “Are you okay?”
He looked at the way her brown hair lit with fire from the sun and the blue eyes that matched the sea. “I’m good.”
Juli laughed as she threw her jacket into the car. “Only good? On a beautiful day like this? Sometimes good is enough, but not today.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
It came upon her slowly—a gradual awareness. By the time she understood, she didn’t find it surprising.
She stared at her face in the mirror. Did she look any different? Her eyes were bright and her face was flushed.
It was impossible. Frightening. Heat flooded her body.
Her heart raced. It was unbelievable. Exciting.
She couldn’t do this by herself. She had no experience.
She wished she’d known in time to tell Ben.
Juli placed her hands on her flat belly. Stress could’ve interrupted her cycle. The past few months certainly had disrupted everything else in her life and she might have lost track.
That was it. She’d lost track. So much had happened, it was understandable.
But then again, her life had been a series of unexpected, unlikely events since the night at the Hammonds’ house. This was just one more.
As frightened and excited as she was, there was no question in her mind of how Ben would react. He might not be here in person, but somewhere, somehow, he knew. “Ben, if this is true, if it’s real, this is for you.”
What would it mean to her and Luke?
Ben had been gone almost three months. She and Luke had worked in the gallery together. Gone sailing together. As friends. She felt more than friendship, but kept it locked up tight. Luke had mentioned Thanksgiving again. He said she should attend because she was Ben’s widow.
The rest of the world wouldn’t understand their relationship. Those who believed she’d married Ben for his money would—oh, but it was true, wasn’t it? Ben got companionship and Juli got money. What neither of them had counted on was that their hearts would become entangled inextricably in the business arrangement.
Juli had loved Ben. She loved him, even if she hadn’t been
in
love with him. Luke had taken that prize, perhaps from the first moment she saw him—not a tender love, but something different.
What about her feelings now? So soon after Ben’s death, perhaps she was on a rebound. Luke was attentive. Any decent person would be kind to her because of her loss. She must not read too much into it.
But he might feel more.
Luke and Juli, as a couple too soon, would condemn her forever as mercenary in everyone’s eyes. Now, believing she was expecting Ben’s child, the idea of a relationship with Luke was out of the question. She didn’t understand why she felt that way, but she did. She dreaded telling him.
By Thanksgiving, she’d be somewhere between three and four months along. She had to tell Luke soon.
****
Luke sat on the porch with her one evening in the golden light of a late October afternoon.
“It’s not a good idea to live at the beach year-round. Not for a novice.”
“People do.”
“They do, but the population thins out dramatically as the weeks wind down toward winter. Winter storms here on the edge of the Atlantic can be dangerous and destructive.”
She watched Luke’s face as he spoke. His eyes rested on the ocean swells racing into the shore with a recurring, hypnotic rhythm beneath the tranquil blue of the sky. There was no renter in the other half of the duplex this week. He was right about the off-season solitude. “I might want to move elsewhere, but not now. Not for a while.”
Luke looked at her, then turned back to the view. “You don’t have to decide today.”
“It’s not good to leave a house vacant anyway and I have no idea where I’d go. Maybe inland, maybe not. I like it here. I doubt I’ll leave before spring or summer.” She hesitated, wondering if this was the moment for honesty, then moved on. “How is Adela doing?”
“Still touchy. She needs time. Speaking of which, it’s time for me to be on my way. I have to go by the gallery and take care of a few things.”
“I appreciate the time you’ve spent helping me.”
He cleared his throat. “I’m happy to help.”
Luke was trying hard not to look at her. Guys handled emotion differently. Luke might not be able to say the loss of his dear friend had left a still tender wound in his heart, but she read it on his face.
This was clearly not the moment to share her news.
Thank goodness
.
****
“Thanksgiving is three days from now. Would you join the family for turkey? Just my parents and a few cousins. Nothing fancy.”
Many times she’d stood in front of the mirror, rehearsing, planning how to tell Luke. She couldn’t make it come out right no matter how she arranged the words. There was no happy ending here for her and Luke.
She gestured toward the table and put a cup of coffee at his place. For herself, she had a glass of ice water.
“I’m sorry, I can’t. I’ve been meaning to tell you, but I didn’t know how.”
Luke shook his head. “I wish you’d reconsider. The family is looking forward to you being there.”
“Please let me explain. There’s no easy way to say it. I have to say it outright. I’m pregnant.
”
The color drained from his face. He sat absolutely still. The ticking of a clock somewhere filled the void, like the ticking of her heart, her pulse, and the rhythm of each breath. Into the waiting silence, she added, “Just over three months along.”
Luke breathed in deeply, held it, and then slowly exhaled. “Frankie? No. Who…Ben?” He trailed off, lost.
He should’ve just slapped her.
She froze for one long moment. Would he rush to apologize and try to explain what he’d intended to say? No. She grabbed the edge of the table and, as she stood, she shoved it hard into his mid-section. The coffee cup rocked and rattled, then spilled long runnels of liquid over the side. He gripped the edge of the table and looked shocked. Perhaps as shocked as Juli felt.
“Get out.” She breathed the words.
“Wait a minute.” Luke stood. “What are you angry about? You and Ben didn’t…were platonic. You had separate rooms. I saw them. Ben told me.”
“If I’m more than three months pregnant and you think it isn’t Ben’s child, then you’re saying I cheated, that I was unfaithful.”
His mouth opened, his lips moved, but no words came out. Several times he tried to speak before he was able to. “Look, I’m not being judgmental. I’m surprised.”
“It’s still adultery and you think I’m capable of it. And have the nerve to hurt me by saying it.” Juli stalked to the door and pulled it open. “It’s time for you to leave.”
He went and it was for the best. She told herself she was a fool to have allowed herself to enjoy his company so much. To depend on him. It was a lucky escape.
Thank goodness, it had ended now, before anyone’s heart could be broken.
Juli stood with her back to the door and felt a couple of lonely tears straggle down her cheeks. Ben was gone. Now, Luke was gone. She’d pushed him out, hadn’t she? Why? Because she had a long pregnancy to get through and couldn’t deal with anything, or anyone, who would create more emotional confusion.
What had happened to her, the girl who was self-reliant and didn’t need anyone? She’d been a widow for about as long as she’d been a wife. If Ben hadn’t changed his will, she would already have moved on, settlement in hand, still pregnant and still alone.
The difference was, now she was securely and pleasantly housed and financially secure.
Ben’s room was untouched. She’d closed the door after the first few days and left it shut. She opened it now. The bed was made as it had been that last morning. Juli eased her body slowly down upon the cotton bedspread. She stared at the ceiling. It was time to move on with her life and she had to do it on her own terms.
Juli Cooke knew what it was like to be hardworking and independent. Juli Bradshaw knew how it felt to be loved by a good and worthy man. For the first time in her life, she had experienced deep and abiding grief. But motherhood?
She could learn.
Juli pushed up from the bed and looked at Ben’s room. Mostly done in shades of blues and aqua. What she’d come to think of as a typical beach rental. A decent rental, but without distinction. Ben said he’d never gotten around to personalizing the house and, for the most part, it was true, but now a change was due.
Now this would be his child’s room.
****
Juli stopped by a rental truck place in Morehead City to buy boxes and then went by Carteret Community College to schedule an appointment to take the GED.
Intent upon continuing her forward progress, she carried the boxes upstairs to Ben’s room as soon as she returned home. She jumped right into emptying drawers, but handling Ben’s garments was more stressful than expected. She didn’t attempt to remove the few photo frames and knick-knacks, but she did flush the contents of the amber prescription bottles she found.
With trembling hands, she leaned against the dresser trying not to look in the mirror, half-suspecting she would see him reflected behind her.
His brown leather Bible lay on the dresser. She touched it, then picked it up and ran her hand over the pebbly cover. This Book had been dear to Ben. She’d seen him with it often, especially in the early morning or late at night when he was wakeful. The soft cover flexed and she nearly dropped it. Securing her grasp, she felt the edge of something, an envelope, sticking out from between the pages. She slid the envelope out and opened the flap.
They were standing close together on the beach. Ben in a dark suit, she in the borrowed blue dress, both of them barefoot and looking amazingly normal. Maia had snapped this photo on their wedding day.
Their faces were almost cheek to cheek and both were smiling. No one would guess from looking at this photo they had barely known each other.
Juli slid the picture back into the envelope, but she didn’t return it to the Bible. She laid it on top. She’d frame it. Maybe she could get the negative from Maia and have it enlarged. This would be important to their child.
She carried a cardboard box packed with Ben’s clothing into the back bedroom that faced the road, then she climbed the cramped, steep stairs to the topmost room. The room was carpeted, long and narrow, and the sliding doors overlooking the ocean almost filled the entire front wall.
The sunlight streamed in through the glass doors and bounced off the white walls. There were a few items stored up here, including the easel and art supplies and the growing portfolio.
Her studio. Up here, up top. Only she would know. She’d been idle too long. She would fill her days for the next few months and wouldn’t worry over what the future might bring.