Authors: Sharlay
I taste our mingled tears in the kiss. I feel his beating heart next to my chest and I feel alive. He grabs onto the back of my coat tighter. Air leaves me faster than I can account for. But he’s giving me more oxygen than I have ever had. The car is getting hot; it rocks with every movement we make. I don’t care. My attention is on Taylor alone, nothing else. We break the kiss for a moment and just stare at one another. It’s as if we are finding all the ways to say I love you. None of the ways seem to say it with enough conviction. Not for what we are both feeling.
His hand finds the top button of my coat and one by one he undoes every button, savoring each moment as he goes. His eyes never leave mine. They lock me in an intense stare that makes me want to melt under his gaze. I want to look away and at the same time I want to stare forever. His hands slide my coat off my shoulders. I pull my arms out and throw it on the back seat.
He kisses me again. Quicker this time, but it’s not fast. Every moment counts and I understand. His hands find the hem of my skirt and he lifts.
Higher and higher
. I shift my body but the space is limited and neither of us will break the kiss. I move and he groans. The sound is so deep, so real that every hair on my body stands on edge. His hands are fumbling with my tights before I hear a ripping sound. I feel the moment that he tears them from my body. I don’t care. I only want him more. His hand leaves my body for a moment and I hear movement. Still his eyes don’t leave mine. He stops moving. Then he watches me intently as I feel his hand between my thighs. He slides my panties to the side, and I gasp from his touch. He stills his movements again.
“I love you.” It’s whispered but I understand it. This whole moment is his declaration of love. He needs to know that I understand that before he continues, that I know that this means forever. No turning back. This is it. He’s giving himself to me
completely.
“Yes,” I answer his unspoken question and his lips are back on mine again. He releases me and my body sinks down on his. The moment he enters me, I close my eyes. I’m filled with him, with his love. I thought I knew love but not like this. This is raw...this is painful...this is real.
Our bodies’ rock against one another’s in the silence of the night. It’s a buildup of breathing and moaning. With every minute, he holds me tighter, kisses me deeper...loves me more. I love him more, too.
I feel the moment that he almost reaches the edge because I’m there, too. He pulls his lips away from mine. My hands hold onto his shoulders as I gasp for air. He watches me. Holding my body, he guides me through the last strokes. His eyes are locked on mine, claiming me. I don’t look away. I can’t. He wants me to see him break. He’s letting me see him at his most vulnerable and I love him for it. I love him for letting me see all of him...every damaged, broken bit, because I love them all. And I let him see mine, too. Our breathing fills the silence of the night and everything changes. Together, in that moment, as we clutch bodies and lose control, we show each other everything that is left of ourselves. Every last bit that only someone who loves you unconditionally can bare to witness. We share it all....
CHAPTER TWENTY SIX
PAIGE’S STORY
I
awaken from my dream but don’t open my eyes. It’s the first dream that I’ve had about Taylor in a while, and I’m afraid that if I open my eyes, nothing will have ever been real. He will just be a figment of my imagination and I can’t bare that.
“Open your eyes, baby,” it’s a gentle whisper but I hear it. I freeze for a moment. I recognize his voice instantly and my eyes flutter open. I stare into his face and smile. The usual disappointment of waking up after a dream about Taylor isn’t there because this time I wake up to the real him.
“You’re here,” I smile up at him.
“Where else would I be?” He replies, kissing me. I smile at the sight of Taylor’s face. He looks happy. After our talk last night, he came up to my apartment. It didn’t take much to persuade him to stay the night this time.
“What are you doing?”
“You were calling my name in your sleep, so I thought that I would answer you,” he smirks.
“That’s because I was dreaming about you.”
“Yeah? What was happening in the dream?”
“Something very similar to this,” I gesture to him lying on top of me.
“Mmm, that sounds incredibly interesting. How about,” he says kissing me softly at the base of my neck, “we turn that dream into a reality?” I can’t answer because I am distracted by the kisses that he is trailing up my neck. “Is that a yes, then?” He whispers against my lips. I nod my head in a daze, and he laughs.
“I could get used to this,” I whisper.
“Good, because I’m not going anywhere,” he says genuinely. He slowly rolls off me and lies next to me. I watch him as he props his head up on his hand and stares at me. He pulls me toward him by the waist and kisses me again. His expression is serious. “Thank you.”
“For what?” I ask.
“Last night. For not running away. For not judging me. For forgiving me,” he says, as he draws small circles on my back with his fingers.
“I meant everything that I said last night, Taylor.”
He stares at me for a moment and then brings his hand up to my face. He smoothes a strand of hair behind my ear and then pulls my face to his. “I love you, Paige,” he whispers.
“I love you, too...all of you. Past and present.”
He smiles and then kisses me. It’s slow and it means everything, and I know without a shadow of doubt that I am completely in love with this man.
Our entire situation doesn’t make any sense but the truth is that every single event led us to this very moment. It brought us to each other and for some strange reason, that was what was meant to happen. The way I feel for Taylor actually scares me. I can’t explain it but I know that I can’t be without him and I don’t care how we came to be, the fact is that we are.
“There’s somewhere that I want to take you today,” he says, stroking my face.
“Yeah?”
He nods his head.
“What’s wrong?” He asks, still stroking my back.
“There’s just something that I need to do first. Will you come with me?”
“Sure.”
“Ok.” I take a deep breath and head to the bathroom to get ready.
* * *
“Are you sure that you want to do this?” Taylor asks, as we sit in the car.
“I have to.”
“Ok, I’ll be out here if you need me. Good luck.”
“Thanks,” I smile, before stepping out of the car. I approach the apartment building and follow the directions that Danny gave me. I reach the door and take a deep breath. I knock gently and wait. I contemplated this moment for hours this morning, but I know that I have to do this. It’s the right thing to do. When the door swings open, I am not prepared. The moment feels awkward now. Things are different.
“Paige,” he breathes as he opens the door.
“Rick. Can I come in?”
“Yeah, sure,” he moves to the side so that I can pass by him. “I don’t have much out yet so I can’t really offer you a drink other than water.”
“It’s ok. It’s just a quick visit,” I say, looking around at the small apartment and all of the brown boxes lying around, unpacked.
I arranged for Rick to pick up all of his things around a week ago. Liv was there so that I didn’t need to be. It made things easier.
“Right. How did you know where it was?”
“Your brother gave me the address. It’s nice. It’s going to look great when everything is in place.”
He looks at me with an expression that I can’t quite read, or maybe I choose not to.
“Yeah, I’m planning to put up a few paintings, too.”
“That’ll be great.”
There’s an awkward silence.
“You look good,” he says.
“You too,” I smile genuinely. He looks much better than the last time that I saw him. He looks happy, something that he hasn’t truly been for a while. After I kicked him out of my apartment that night, he hasn’t been at the gallery when I have. He keeps scheduling meetings and appointments to keep him busy so this is the first time that we’ve actually been face to face.
“Thanks.”
“Rick, I’m sorry...for everything. Throwing you out of my apartment wasn’t right, I just needed time to think and talk to...to talk things through.” I leave out Taylor’s name. It’s for the best.
“No, you had every right. You had been lied to. I would have felt exactly the same.”
“He told me everything,” I reveal.
“Oh,” he looks shocked.
“I understand why you didn’t say anything, why you never wanted to speak about that night.”
“You do?” He asks in surprise. I nod.
“You never told the police?”
“No. It didn’t feel right. I was angry that he put you in that position but when I saw the state that his girlfriend was in--when I saw that she was pregnant and covered in all that blood--I just couldn’t do it. I knew that I would have done the same thing. I would have done anything to save you that night, too.”
“And so you let him go.”
“Yeah.”
“You did the right thing, Rick. In fact, it was a really kind thing that you did. I’m sorry that I ever thought that your intentions were selfish. You’re a good man.”
“Maybe...but I did plan to tell you the truth one day, but then you started having the dreams. It didn’t make sense at first and then I was just scared. I could tell that your feelings toward him were changing, and I didn’t want you to ever go looking for him. You would have if you knew that he was real. It was wrong of me.”
“Rick, I was no better. I didn’t tell you about the dreams, either. You had to find out yourself. We
all
made mistakes.”
“I guess,” he mutters. “So, are you guys ok now?”
“Yes, we had a long chat.” I don’t say anymore.
“I’m glad that you’re happy, Paige. That’s all I ever wanted. You deserve it.”
“So do you. I know that nothing makes much sense right now but I believe in fate, Rick, and I believe that everything that was meant to happen, did. You’re going to find somebody worthy of your love one day.”
“I already did,” he shakes his head sadly.
“Someone better,” I smile weakly.
“I don’t think so,” he whispers.
I take a step closer to him so that he can really look at me when I say the next words. “Yes, you will, and when you do you’ll understand why everything had to be this way. I love you, Rick, but not in the way that I wanted to. I thought that I did, but now...I know that I never truly did, not in the way that you needed to be loved. When you experience that, everything will make sense.”
“Yeah,” he says casually.
“I promise you. I really hope that we can still be friends?”
He hesitates. “I don’t think that I can do that, not right now. Maybe someday. I just need time, but if you ever need me for anything, I’ll always be here for you, I promise.”
“Thanks,” I smile. He places his hand on my cheek gently. I let him. He steps forward and plants a soft kiss on my forehead. He lingers there for a long moment. I close my eyes and hold in the tears.
“Goodbye, Paige,” he whispers against my skin.
We both know that this is our final goodbye. I can’t stay working at the gallery...not like this. Maybe this will be my opportunity to open the one that I’ve always dreamed of having.
“Goodbye, Rick.”
We stay like that for a moment longer and then I leave without looking back. I know that my love for Rick wasn’t
real.
Not after what I’ve experienced with Taylor. But I care for him and I pray for the day that he finds what I have found in Taylor. I hope that he can one day be happy. He deserves that.
I walk down the steps of his apartment building and toward the car where Taylor is stood outside, waiting for me. My heart beats faster just seeing his face.
“Hey,” he whispers as I step closer to him. “How did it go?”
I don’t say a word, I just shake my head and then I cry.
“Come here,” he says, holding his arms open. I sink into him like a child. “It’s ok, baby. Everything will be ok.”
“I know,” I breathe against his chest. “I just don’t want to see him hurt.”
“I know...I know. Come on,” he moves me gently out of his arms and opens the car door. I step inside and smile up at him before he closes the door. As he gets inside the car, he gives my hand a gentle squeeze. He starts driving in silence.
After fifteen minutes of quiet, I finally speak. “Where are we going?”
“You’ll see when we get there. We’re close,” he reassures me. I nod my head and then close my eyes. After another five minutes, I feel the car stop. I open my eyes and look out the window. I freeze when I see where we are. My eyes fall on him and he looks pale. His hands are still gripping the steering wheel and he is breathing heavily.
“Hey,” I say touching his arm gently. “You don’t have to do this,” I say softly.
“I do,” he says glancing out of the window. He still doesn’t move.