Beneath It All (Beneath #1) (19 page)

He let out a deep sigh. “Victoria, please look at me.”

I lifted my eyes to meet his. “I don’t want you to bite off too much at one time. Chemo can be very difficult for some patients, and if you push yourself too hard, you will do more harm than good. Noah needs to understand that this is your body and your health on the line. I don’t want you, or any patient of mine, jeopardizing their health because they want to make someone else happy. This is about you. Not him. I want to see that smile on your face again. It’s been missing the last two times I’ve seen you. You’re a beautiful woman, and you need to put yourself first this time.”

I swallowed slowly and tried to absorb what he had just said. “Thank you” was all I could manage. I wasn’t prepared for a man, let alone my physician, to genuinely care about what I was going through physically and emotionally. He understood, somewhat, what I was going through, and his encouraging words gave me a boost I needed.

He stood to leave. “Elizabeth will be right in to get a new set of photos. Please think about what I’ve said before making your decision. I’ll be in touch.”

My photo shoot with Elizabeth was quick; I knew the drill of where to stand and what to do. I changed back into my clothes and headed out to the waiting room. Confused, I looked around for Noah.

I heard a voice call out in my direction: “Dr. Forrester is meeting with the gentleman you arrived with in his office. They should be out shortly,” the woman at the reception desk said before answering an incoming call.

“The gentleman I arrived with”? That sounded odd, but I figured I didn’t know her from Eve and I’m sure she had made a mistake at one point by calling someone a spouse when they weren’t. After all, how many times do people congratulate women on being pregnant when they aren’t? Smart move on her part.

A short time later, Noah walked into the lobby looking like the professional he was, but something was off. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but he didn’t seem like himself. “Everything okay?” I asked.

His eyes met mine and I saw a flash of something different, but it quickly disappeared. “Yes, everything is fine. Shall we get going?” He held out my jacket for me.

As we made our way toward the elevator, the awkward silence continued and I couldn’t handle it anymore. “Dr. Forrester said he was very happy with my recovery so far and wanted to talk with me about next steps with chemo starting on Friday.”

“Yes. That’s what we talked about. What are your plans?”

“I’m not sure. I think we should talk about it together, don’t you?”

“It’s your body, not mine,” he snapped. “You need to do what you feel you’re capable of doing.”

“Really? This isn’t a business decision, Noah—this is life. My
life
. And I would appreciate you treating me like a person. No! Better yet, I want you to treat me like your wife, the one who you agreed to love for better or worse, in sickness and in health. Is that too much to ask?” I exclaimed before turning to take the steps. Alone. Noah didn’t follow.

I contemplated what to say as I slowly made my way down to the lobby. What was going through Noah’s head? And what had Dr. Forrester said to him? They were obviously talking about me, and I felt betrayed.

When I made it out of the stairwell, Noah was leaning against the opposite wall.

“I’m sorry,” he said as he moved toward me. “I didn’t mean for you to feel that way. You have every right to say what you did.”

“I can’t do this anymore, Noah. I can’t argue with you like this. This isn’t us.”

“You’re right. We will talk about everything tonight over dinner and figure out a plan. Does that work for you?”

“Yes. Thank you.”

“Do you mind if I stop by the office on our way home to pick up a few files?”

“No, not at all. It would be nice to see something other than our house for a change.”

We arrived at Noah’s office to smiles and “how are you doing?” questions from a few of his partners. His secretary, Whitney, welcomed me with a tender hug. Noah stepped into his office and started collecting a few files.

His phone rang, and Whitney picked it up. “Noah Madison’s office,” she answered. “Yes, just one moment, please.”

“Noah, you have a call regarding the Baxter account. Do you want me to send it to voice mail, or do you have time?”

“I should really take that call. Why don’t you take a break and go grab a cup of coffee with Victoria? I’m sure the two of you have a few things to catch up on,” he called out from his office.

Whitney looked over at me looking for approval, and I nodded in agreement. “Coffee sounds heavenly right now.”

“Sure thing, Noah. We’ll be back in thirty minutes,” Whitney said as she grabbed her purse and looped her arm in mine like old girlfriends. “Let’s go get caffeinated and gossip.”

We made our way to my favorite coffee shop and found a cozy spot by the fireplace. Whitney had been Noah’s secretary for the last two years, and we had grown to be friends. She was someone I could always depend on.

“Have you noticed Noah being on edge lately?” I asked her, trying not to fidget in my chair.

“Not more than usual,” she answered while blowing on her tea before taking a sip. “He seems to be running around more than he used to, but I know that is due to all of your medical appointments.”

“I haven’t had that many appointments, but he has made it a point to come to most of them when he can. I know the new case he is working on has been stressful with the extra hours and upcoming travel schedule. Has he given you my chemo schedule to put on his calendar?”

Whitney hesitated for a moment. “No, he hasn’t given me the schedule. He said he would take care of blocking your medical appointments on his calendar. I saw the one today and then another on Friday, but I didn’t see anything else. Why don’t you send them to me, and I’ll make sure they are on there.”

I pulled my phone out of my purse and forwarded the e-mail I had sent Noah with my appointment schedule. “Just sent it. These appointments are longer, and I’m sure he won’t be able to make them all, but it would be nice to have him there for a few.”

“I’ll do my best to manage his schedule so he can be there with you. I know it isn’t going to be easy. Maybe I could sit with you sometime?”

“I would like that very much.” I smiled and noticed Noah approaching us. “Hey there, that was fast. Has it been a half hour already?”

“I’m sorry to interrupt, but something has come up with the Baxter case, and I need to stay in the office a bit longer. I’m not sure how long it will take, so in fairness to you, I would like to head home for dinner and come back later.”

“Sure.” I stood from my chair and picked up my empty cup.

“Do you need me to stay late too?” Whitney asked Noah as she rose to leave.

“That won’t be necessary tonight. I e-mailed you a list of a few files I need pulled from the archives. If you could have those on my desk for when I return, I should be all set. I’ll see you tomorrow morning before the partners’ meeting.”

I gave Whitney a hug. “Thanks for the quick chat and coffee; let’s plan to do this again soon. That is, if your boss will let you sneak away.”

“Her boss is in earshot,” Noah said with a hint of amusement, which was refreshing.

“I’m well aware and expecting his approval,” I said, looking up at him and batting my eyelashes.

He slipped his hand to my waist and started leading me toward the door. “Time off approved. Now let’s get you home.”

*

During dinner we discussed my chemo schedule and decided it would be best to get two treatments under my belt before deciding to move forward with reconstruction. I had heard that the first treatment was the worst because there was no way to know how your body would react, so the second treatment was usually better because they could prescribe the right drug combination to combat the side effects. If I was doing well after two treatments, I would decide to move forward and start the expander fill.

“What did Dr. Forrester call you into his office in private for?” I asked with slight hesitation, unsure of what the answer might be.

“He wanted to discuss your recovery and, more importantly, the plan for your reconstruction. He wanted to make sure I was on board with your choices and was supportive of the plan we had discussed previously. I told him I was. That was it.” He moved to clear the dishes from the table.

“Okay, I just wanted to make sure everything was fine. You weren’t yourself after we left.”

“I know, and I’m sorry for how I acted.” He placed the dishes in the sink and turned back toward me. “I should really head back to the office now before it gets too late. Forgive me for eating and running?”

“Of course, I know you have a lot on your plate at work. I’m just going to take a quick bath since I’ve been cleared to ‘submerge’ once again, and then I’ll curl up with a new book.”

I leaned in for a kiss and was startled when Noah pulled me close to him. My expanders hit against his chest, and I gasped, causing him to step back abruptly.

“Don’t,” I pleaded. “Don’t step away. I want to be in your arms; I just wasn’t prepared for the feeling.”

Noah stepped forward again steadily, letting me lean into him. He gently wrapped his arms around my waist as I looked up to search his eyes for approval before my lips met his. They were soft and welcoming. Just what I needed, a simple connection to him that gave me comfort. I felt safe and cherished in his solid arms;, I always had. I knew things were distanced between us lately and hoped that the road ahead would eventually even out. I just didn’t know when. So I would hold on to these little moments to keep me moving forward.

*

I went to the hospital Wednesday morning for my chest x-ray and a visit to the vampires, technically called lab technicians, for my blood draws. Needles were now going to be a frequent annoyance in my life, but I was deathly afraid of them. It was a huge triumph when I finally discovered that if I didn’t look at them inserting the needle into me, I was fine.

My sarcastic and witty personality helped to get me through, although I knew several people probably thought I was completely out of my mind. I didn’t care; I was going to do whatever I damn well pleased to get through each day.

Thursday found me in the salon, staring back into the mirror at my stylist, Ann, who was standing behind me with a shocked expression. “You want to go that short right off the bat?”

“Yep. I figure I have about three weeks before it all falls out and instead of wasting your time with coming in and doing it in stages, I might as well go big or go home.” I gave her an unsure but convincing smile.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, cut it.” I made sure to look her directly in the eye.

She took a deep breath and put the cape around my neck. “Okay. Let’s do this. Can I get you a glass of wine to calm your nerves?”

“Do you have anything stronger?” I joked, and she gave me a troubled look. “Deep breath, I’m only joking. I’d love a bottle of water if you have it.”

“Sure thing, I’ll be right back.”

An hour later, I left the salon with hair shorter than Noah’s, a complimentary makeup application, and a smile on my face. I was feeling sassy and good about myself for the first time in several weeks. Something told me that Noah was going to hate it. But, within a matter of weeks, it was going to fall out, and I would look like a cue ball. He needed to get used to a different look.

I decided to stop by his office since I was in the area and wanted to kidnap Whitney for that coffee date her boss had approved earlier in the week. Making my way into the building, I headed toward his office and ran into Whitney.

The look of surprise on her face was priceless. “First off, what are you doing here? And secondly, what happened to your hair?”

“I was in the area after my salon visit and decided to stop up and see if I could kidnap you for coffee after I popped in to say hi to Noah. Is he around?”

“No. He said he was going out to meet you,” she said, pulling up his calendar. I peeked over her shoulder.

“That’s odd. He knew about my salon appointment today but never mentioned meeting after it.”

I tried to recall if he mentioned anything that morning before he left for the office. But nothing came to mind. “We discussed our plans over breakfast and he knew that I was nervous about chemo tomorrow. Maybe he is working on a surprise to keep my mind off of things tonight or tomorrow?”