Beneath It All (Beneath #1) (21 page)

With his help, I slowly slid back up his body, and he assaulted my mouth with a force I had never experienced. His tongue was demanding and his mouth took what it wanted.

He was careful as he rolled us so that I was now on my back and he was hovering over me. I couldn’t explain the look in his eyes. They were full of lust, passion, and something I couldn’t put my finger on. But whatever was driving him was making me wet and he knew it.

His mouth crashed back against mine as I lifted my hips to try and find the friction I was craving, but I couldn’t find it. He broke the kiss, stood up from the sofa, and walked away without a word.
What the hell?

“Noah, did I do something wrong?” I called out after him as I sat up, utterly confused.

No answer.

“Noah?” I called out a little louder as I stood up and moved out of the living room to find him. I walked by one of the bathrooms on my way to the kitchen, but he wasn’t in there, and when I made it to the kitchen, I found an envelope propped up on the counter with my name on it.

I slowly lifted it and felt my heart pounding in my chest as I slipped my finger under the seal to open it. I pulled out a cream-colored notecard.

Victoria,

You’re in trouble.

Noah

A heavy beat suddenly filled my ears, and a woman’s deep scratchy voice started singing, “Baby did a bad, bad thing.” I turned to follow the music. It led me upstairs, and I saw a soft flickering light coming from our cracked bedroom door.

I slowly opened the door and found candles lit all around our room. Our bed was stripped of everything but the fitted sheet, and a chocolate cake sat on it, waiting to be devoured. It wasn’t the only thing that would be devoured tonight.

A strong arm wrapped around me from behind, and I felt a hard erection grind against my ass. It was perfectly cradled between my cheeks; the only barrier was my dress and panties. Noah was naked.

The heat of his breath against my neck attacked me next, and he started kissing a trail up to my ear, finally sucking and biting on the lobe. My knees began to go weak as the music changed to a hypnotic mind-game song.

Welcome to the lion’s den,
I thought to myself.
There was no escape.

Noah nudged me forward toward the bed. Once we were at the foot of it, he reached for the hem of my dress and carefully lifted it up and off my body before tossing it to the floor. Soft kisses worked their way down my spine and then disappeared.

I was then assaulted with the wetness of his tongue as it ran a line across the small of my back along my panty line. His fingers ran up the outside of my legs and I heard the rip of my panties, which were now massacred as they fell to the floor. His tongue continued its journey as it ran down the crease of my ass and then kissed over to my right cheek, which he bit softly.

I heard a moan escape, but wasn’t sure if it was from him or me.

He stood quickly and rubbed his length along the wet trail he had left on my ass. I was ready to explode from the foreplay alone, and we were just getting started. He reached around me and ran a finger through the chocolate frosting and brought it up to his lips. I could hear him sucking and licking the chocolate off of his finger and tried to calm the orgasm that was building.

The frosting became his finger paint, and soon my body was covered in chocolate frosting. I was a human feast and Noah was going all in. He licked the chocolate from my neck down my back and ass before he turned me around to lick my belly button.

I tried not to notice the lack of attention to my deformed chest, but I couldn’t blame him and I wasn’t about to ruin our night. Noah was acting differently. He didn’t speak at all and focused on worshiping me.

His tongue trailed down and began licking at my chocolate-covered clit. That was all it took. I screamed out his name as my body trembled, and Noah firmed his grip on my legs to keep me standing while he continued his assault. Another orgasm quickly followed, as he made sure not to leave any frosting behind.

Moving to lay me down on the bed, he leaned over to kiss me and the mixture of chocolate frosting and the glaze of my orgasm consumed my senses. It was intoxicating. He was still standing as he lifted my legs up and over his shoulder. He gripped his length with his right hand and rubbed it through my wet folds. I looked down to see his swollen crown glistening as it slid up against my clit.

“Fuck,” I whispered as I dropped my head back down to the bed.

Noah took that exact moment to slam into me hard and fast. He was frantic and each time he slammed into me he let out a pained grunt. It was like he was trying to fuck the cancer out of me. It was a punishing force that pushed me to another orgasm and ultimately pushed him over the edge with a loud shout.

I felt him twitch as he pumped himself into me and he stayed there until every last drop was out. He pulled out slowly and scooped me up from the bed to carry me into the bathroom.

He set me down on the cold counter and I let out a yelp. He smiled at me briefly before he turned to start the bath and poured in my favorite coconut bubble bath from the Body Shop. He helped me into the tub before leaving the bathroom.

When he returned, he climbed in behind me and began to wash me gently with a washcloth. He was uncharacteristically attentive, and I loved every second of it, even though he had yet to say anything.

After he washed all of the remaining chocolate frosting off of me, we sat in silence, me with my back to his front and his arms wrapped around my tummy.

He noticed that I was starting to shiver. “Let’s get you out and dried off,” he said as he rose up and out of the tub to wrap a towel around his waist before he grabbed a towel for me. “Come on, sweetheart.”

I placed my hand in his as he helped me step out onto the soft rug. He dried me off, taking care not to be rough as he ran the towel over my chest. Placing a kiss on my forehead, he stepped away and dried himself off quickly before stepping out again.

He reappeared a few moments later with my robe. “Put this on and meet me down by the fire when you’re ready.” The bathroom door closed, and he was gone.

I made my way down to the living room and found him sitting on the sofa, tapping away on his phone. I noticed two new glasses of wine and a frosted chocolate cake placed on the coffee table.

“You frosted the cake again?”

He looked up in surprise and put his phone down. “I didn’t hear you come down the stairs.”

He scooted over and patted the spot next to him. “No, I bought two cakes. I figured we might ruin one and wanted you to be able to enjoy your cake and eat it too.”

“God, I love you, Noah,” I said as I leaned down and placed a kiss on his lips before making myself comfortable next to him. I picked up the cake and moved it to my lap and dug in with one of the forks that were waiting.

“Mmm . . . this is amazing,” I muttered with my mouth full of chocolate cake. “However, they failed on the marketing. There is no way this is better than sex with you,” I said before I continued to stuff my face full of cake, making sure to share a few bites with Noah.

I AM CAPABLE

T
oday was the day—the day I was knowingly allowing someone to flood my veins with poison. It seemed barbaric, but it’s what was recommended, and I wasn’t going to go down without a fight. I was still holding on to the good mood from the amazing night with Noah. Scratch that, “amazing” wasn’t the right word. It was fan-fucking-tabulous!

I spent the morning soaking in another bubble bath and fielding calls from my parents and friends, all wishing me “good luck.” It felt odd. What the hell did luck have to do with it?

I pulled on a pair of yoga pants and a T-shirt and considered bringing a jacket. I wasn’t sure if I would be cold during treatment, but I figured dressing in layers would be smart. Dr. Guthrie and I discussed the pros and cons of having a port put in place for my chemotherapy treatments, and to be honest, the whole thing freaked me out.

The procedure consisted of having a port with a catheter surgically placed just below my collar bone. The catheter would be inserted most likely into my jugular vein, and chemo drugs would be administered using the port, which would also be used for my weekly blood draws. While having a port seemed like the easy and logical way to go, there was a risk of infection, which could potentially delay my treatment plan.

My philosophy was if I had options available to me, I would do the research and make the best decision for me. I was aware of the risks with having the treatment directly administered through the veins in my arms, but I wasn’t about to undergo another surgical procedure that wasn’t a necessity.

There would be no port for this girl, and I didn’t care what anyone said. This was my battle to fight. It was my body that would be going through hell, and I wasn’t about to let anyone tell me what to do.

Thankfully, Dr. Guthrie respected my choice. I’m pretty sure that’s part of the reason why she was named one of the Twin Cities’ premier oncologists. I lucked out in the physician department for sure.

I heard the door open. “Victoria, I’m home,” Noah called out from downstairs.

“I’ll be right down—just finishing getting dressed.”

“I need to change too,” he said as he walked into our bedroom. He had planned to go with me to my first treatment, and I’m sure he didn’t want to sit for hours in the clinic wearing a suit. He stepped out of the walk-in closet wearing a pair of jeans and a sweater. He reached for the tablet on his bedside table.

“I loaded up a few movies and thought we could watch one,” he said nervously as he walked toward the door and waited for me.

I had just finished putting on a pair of pearl earrings and looked up at him. “That sounds great, thank you. They also mentioned that I should bring a few snacks and they recommended hard candy to suck on—apparently chemo will cause a metallic taste in my mouth.”

I moved past Noah, who was standing in the doorway, and made my way down to the kitchen to pack a small bag with a granola bar, some pretzels, and some Jolly Ranchers.

He walked up behind me, and I turned to ask if he wanted me to pack anything for him but stopped when I saw his face. He was pale and looked like he was on the verge of throwing up. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m just a little freaked out. I don’t know what to do, and I’m not prepared for what tonight might bring. I feel like things are going to change once we walk out that door, and I’m not even sure what that means.”

“I’m not prepared either. I’m trying not to freak out, because honestly, it will only make things worse. They will send me home with the meds I’ll need for the nausea, and all we can do is follow their advice. Everyone reacts differently to treatment. All we can do is hope for the best,” I said as I moved closer to him and wrapped my arms around his waist.

“Bobbie Jo, Dana, and Jen all said to call if you need help with anything. They can run to the store or pharmacy or just come and sit with me if needed. You’re my husband, not my babysitter, and I don’t expect you to know what to do. We are learning this together.” I squeezed him tighter. “Are you with me?”

“How are you so damn strong?”

“I’m not. I’m a good actress and I deserve a goddamn Oscar. Because honestly, I’m scared as hell and don’t want to do this. A part of me wants to ignore what is happening and run the other way, but I can’t. I just can’t.”

I let out a heavy sigh before continuing: “I need to give this a shot. I committed to doing it, it was an educated choice I made, and I don’t go back on my word. I’ll give it all I’ve got, and when I’ve got nothing left to give, I know that you and the people I love will give me the strength I need to keep going. Right now I’m strong because I know everyone else is weak with worry. I need to go in with a positive attitude and a smile on my face.”

I noticed that his eyes were slightly glossy looking before he turned toward the door to the garage. I grabbed my snack bag, a bottle of water, and my jacket and headed toward the door and whispered to myself, “Let’s do this.”

*

We arrived at the clinic with ten minutes to spare before my appointment. I decided to make use of the little kitchen area and made myself a cup of hot chocolate while Noah opted for coffee. We had no idea what the next twenty-four to forty-eight hours would be like, and I was sure that he was prepared to be up all night.

“Victoria Madison.”

Noah and I stood and approached the woman.

“My name is Margaret, and I’ll be your primary nurse. It’s nice to meet you,” she said as she led us into a treatment room with a hospital bed, a recliner-like chair, and two regular chairs. “Have a seat wherever you will be most comfortable.”

I looked at my options and opted for the recliner, and Noah slid into one of the standard chairs.

She flipped open my chart. “Your labs look great, so we can go ahead with today’s scheduled treatment. It will be a combination of the two drugs in the treatment packet Dr. Guthrie gave you. The first drug, doxorubicin, will be administered by me personally through a push injection rather than an IV drip. I’ll be injecting two large syringes of it slowly into your veins so I can monitor you for an allergic reaction. It’s red in color and has earned the name the Red Devil, but it is the most effective in treating breast cancer. Do you have any questions so far?”