Beneath It All (Beneath #1) (24 page)

As much as I tried to focus on reading, I couldn’t. “Did you sleep well after your shower?”

“Yeah. I hope I didn’t wake you when it happened. It has been years since I’ve had a wet dream.” He sounded embarrassed as he placed a plate of pancakes on the table. The fact that he was so honest made me think he really was out of it and didn’t remember calling out Stacey’s name when he climaxed.
Should I say something or just ignore it?
I didn’t want to make this anymore uncomfortable than it already was.

“Thank you for breakfast; it smells great.”

“You’re welcome. I feel terrible about what happened last night and wanted to make peace this morning. I promise that won’t happen again.” He seemed sincere in his apology, and I decided, at that moment, that I needed to move on and forget what happened. It was just a dream, and my overactive mind was getting the best of me.

“So what do you have planned for today?” I asked as I took my first bite of pancakes. They were perfect and melted in my mouth. I quickly took another bite.

“I have to catch up on a few cases, but I’m not in the right frame of mind to work right now. I still have a headache to remind me that I’m a dumbass.”

“Yeah. Last night was not one of your brighter moments.”

We spent the rest of the day being lazy and hadn’t changed out of our pajamas.

“What would you say to going out for dinner tonight?” he called out to me from the office.

“Where do you want to go?” I got up and walked toward the office. When I got to the door, I peeked in to see he was leaning back in his chair and pinching the bridge of his nose. “Everything okay?” I asked.

He opened his eyes and looked up at me. “Yeah. Just been working on a few things and I need a break, and I remembered that I don’t have my car. We could grab a quick dinner and stop to pick it up on our way home.”

“Sure. That sounds good. Give me fifteen minutes, and I’ll be ready to go.”

“Great,” he said as he started organizing the papers that were strewn all over his desk.

We stopped at one of my favorite old-fashioned malt shops, and I sucked down a large banana malt like it was my last meal. It was amazing; the burger, not so much. This not being able to eat certain things was going to be a challenge for sure. I did manage a few French fries, but the banana malt was a winner. Noah even ordered two more to go.

“We’ll put them in the freezer for later,” he said when he saw the surprise on my face. “If we find something that works, we’re stocking up.”

“That must be why you get paid the big bucks, Counselor,” I teased as I elbowed him in the side. It felt good to joke a bit. Life had been so serious lately, and it sucked. We drove a short distance to where Noah’s car was parked.

“I need to run a quick errand on my way home. Is there anything you need at the grocery store?” he asked as I sat down and adjusted the driver seat of my car.

“Why don’t you get some more grapes and bananas? They seem to be winners right now—and a few bottles of blue Gatorade. Friday is my next chemo, so we should be prepared.”

“Got it. Drive carefully and don’t forget to bring the malts in and put them in the freezer. Text me when you get home so I know you’re safe, please.”

“I will. Where else are you stopping?”

“Christmas is in two weeks, so should you really be asking?”

“Oh my god! How did I forget about Christmas?” I exclaimed.

“You’ve had a little bit going on lately. Not to worry, though; I’ve done most of the shopping already so you can just focus on feeling better.” He leaned in to give me a kiss. “I’ve got it under control.”

“Thank you. I’m sorry that our life has been nothing but madness lately. Jen and I did a little bit of shopping a few weeks ago, so I have a few things for you at least. I’m so out of it,” I confessed as I felt the weight of the world push down on me a little harder.

I closed the door and watched Noah walk to his car. He paused and grabbed a slip of paper out from under the wiper. Most likely an advertisement since people loved to hit the popular restaurant lots and put a flyer on your car. Noah crumpled it and tossed it on the passenger seat before he got in. He nodded to me once he started his car, and I headed home.

Noah arrived home several hours later with his arms loaded down with bags. I got up to help him unload the groceries as he brought the other bags up to one of the extra bedrooms.

When he came back down to the kitchen, he was already changed into his sleep pants and a T-shirt.

“Are you feeling okay?” I asked while motioning my head at what he was wearing.

“Yeah, I’m just tired. Last night has caught up to me, and I think I’m going to turn in. I’ve got a busy week, and I need to be on my game.” He wrapped me in a hug, and I automatically nestled my head into the crook of his neck. It was my favorite place to be.

We stood like this for a few minutes before he released me. “Good night. I love you,” he said before placing a kiss on my lips and leaving.

“Good night,” I called after him as he walked away.

I turned to my faithful teapot and put it to boil. I settled into a seat at the breakfast bar and flipped mindlessly through the free monthly magazine from the grocery store. I’m not sure what I was even looking for; I was just going through the motions of what would have been normal. Normal.
What was normal anymore?

*

The first part of the week went by with little fanfare, which was a welcome change. I received a text from Jen on Thursday morning asking to meet for lunch. She knew that tomorrow would be my next chemo session, and I wouldn’t feel like eating much for a few days.

We arrived at the restaurant in the upscale 50
^th
& France shopping area. Jen and I spent a lot of time in the area during our teen years, and I still loved it. It felt like home. We were shown to our table, and when we arrived, two seats were already occupied.

“What the hell are you doing here?” I asked Bobbie Jo and Dana in surprise. A smile so big it hurt stretched across my face.

“Jen said she wanted to surprise you for her Victoria’s Victors’ Day, and here we are,” Dana squealed. “It thankfully worked that we were both able to take the afternoon off.”

Bobbie Jo cut her off. “We are going to stuff our faces, spend lots of money shopping, and take in a matinée at the movie theater if you’re up for it.”

“Sounds like the perfect distraction. Thank you, ladies.” I sat down and was handed a menu.

Between all of the stories and giggles, it was a wonder we even ate our food. It felt good to laugh with my girlfriends. I missed them.

“We need to do this more,” I declared. “I feel like I’ve been living on another planet lately, and I miss my girls.”

“All you have to do is ask,” Jen said while Bobbie Jo and Dana both nodded since their mouths were full. “Call or text and we’re there.”

“I’m sorry I haven’t been around more.” Dana tried to hide the fact that she was feeling guilty. “I’ve been travelling so much for work, and I’m barely home. I’m happy today worked out.”

“Stop it! Don’t feel bad. I know how busy you are, and I know you’re always a call or text away.”

“I’ll try to get over more often when I’m in town. I promise.” Dana leaned in to give me a side hug.

“Okay, ladies, enough of the sappy shit,” Bobbie Jo interrupted. God, her bluntness always made me smile. “Let’s go tear up some stores.”

We spent the next two hours popping in and out of various stores, claiming we were helping the economy. I was able to buy a few more Christmas presents, and I felt settled for the first time in a few weeks. I was happy.

We headed toward the theater for the matinée. Something caught my eye as we were standing in line to buy our tickets. I noticed a woman being seated at a table by the window at a restaurant across the street. Something about her seemed familiar. I squinted to get a better look as she sat down and flipped her hair over her shoulder revealing her face. She didn’t see me, but I knew who it was, and it gave me a shiver. Stacey.

I was just about to say something to Jen when my phone buzzed, and I looked down to find a text from Noah.

I hope you’re having a fun day with the girls. Jen texted me to let me know that she was planning a girls’ day. I’m going to be working late but should be home by 7:30 so we can have a late dinner.

I love you, Noah.

We stepped up to buy our tickets to the movie, and I typed a quick message back telling him that I was looking forward to dinner.

I had a hard time focusing on the movie. My brain was preoccupied with what happened with Noah in bed last night and now with seeing
her,
my stomach was a mess. It wasn’t the same uneasy feeling I had experienced from chemo; this was different. I’d take the chemo stomach over this one, quite honestly.

As we exited the movie theater, my eyes quickly scanned across the street to the restaurant. Stacey was just getting up, and I caught a glimpse of a man’s hand on her lower back as she leaned up for a kiss. I couldn’t make out his face since it was now dark outside and the lights in the restaurant were dim. But one thing I knew in my gut was that it wasn’t her husband. My stomach rolled as I watched them walk away.

“Jen, we need to go. Right now. I’m not feeling well.” I feigned as I tried to stay calm and not freak out completely. “I need to get home.” My mind was getting away from me, and the ideas going through my head needed to stop.

“You don’t look well at all. Do you need to go to the hospital?” She put her hand to my forehead. “You’re cold and clammy and all the blood has drained from your face.”

“No. I’ll be fine. I just really need to get home. The sooner, the better,” I said pathetically.

“You sure you don’t need to go to the hospital?”

“Yes. I’m sure,” I said as I gave quick hugs to Dana and Bobbie Jo before Jen and I headed toward her car.

I rushed out of the car as soon as Jen stopped in the driveway; my feet hit the sidewalk hard as I dashed toward the front door. The door began to open as I shoved my key in the lock, and I was met by brilliant blue eyes.

Noah stood barefoot in front of me, wearing a pair of jeans with an untucked dress shirt, a glass of wine in his hand. His hair was slightly damp from a shower he must have taken, and he looked relaxed.

“Welcome home, sweetheart. How was your girls’ day?” he asked as he gave a wave out to Jen as she pulled out of the driveway.

“Good,” I responded as my mind started racing again.
Was he really home waiting for me all this time? Were the drugs making me hallucinate? Or was I simply losing my fucking mind?

I moved past him and ran upstairs as fast as I could and went straight for the closet, closing the door behind me. I sank down on the bench and buried my face in my hands as the tears began to fall. I heard a light tap on the door.

“Victoria, can I come in? Are you okay?” Noah asked through the door.

I tried hard to settle my breath before answering. “Give me a few minutes.”

“Okay.”

I took a little extra time to gather my thoughts before changing into something more comfortable. When I finally looked at myself in the long mirror, I gasped when I saw how sickly I looked. Pinching my cheeks to bring some color to my face was no use, and Noah already knew I was wrecked. There was no use worrying about it at this point.

He was sitting on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands when I opened the door. The tortured look in his eyes was undeniable. Tension rolled off him in waves. He looked hurt.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, not moving from the doorway to the closet. “I’m not feeling like myself today, and it probably wasn’t wise for me to go out.”

It was a total bullshit line, but I was in no mood for a total breakdown, and if I told him what I thought I had seen just a short time ago, it would only piss him off. I was walking a fine line with Noah’s emotions right now and it felt like it was starting to fray like a thin piece of thread.

“What’s going on?” he demanded.

“Nothing. I’m letting little things get to me. I’ll work it out.” I stepped toward him and put my arms around him. He laid his head against my flat chest and when I winced, he started to pull back. “Please don’t. It’s fine. You just caught me off guard.”

He pulled me closer between his legs and looked up at me. “I love you, Victoria. I’m worried about you. It’s my job as your husband. Please understand that.”

“I do understand. I’m sorry—this is something I need to sort out on my own.” I felt like a petulant child and stepped out of his hold. “I’m hungry. Did you still want to have dinner?”

“Sure. What would you like?”

“A cheese pizza sounds good.”

“Cheese pizza it is,” Noah said as he stood up and grabbed my hand to halt my movement toward the door. “It’ll be okay. You
will
get through this. Just take it one day at a time. I know it’s easier said than done, but try your best.”

“I am.”

I had nothing more to say. The constant battle with my overactive brain was starting to make me feel foolish. It was like the angel and devil had moved from their respective shoulders and started to cohabitate in my head. It wasn’t pretty.