Bent (17 page)

These six words were the first Caleb had volunteered since he and his dad had their argument in the backyard. She wanted to know what he was talking about but she was also terrified to know the answer.

"Excuse me?" she glanced to the passenger's seat assessing his demeanor.

"My mom and dad. They used to talk about you," he said flatly. "Well, they never really talked. They fought. A lot. That's where I knew your name from when my dad introduced us. I didn't make the connection until now."

If Julia had a list of conversations she never wanted to have this one would have been on there. No one had been forthcoming with information about Karen, even after the attack, and now this. The one person who wanted to speak freely was a twelve year old who would be getting out of the car less than two minutes after pulling the pin on a grenade.

"Okay?" She couldn't think of anything that made her more uncomfortable than not knowing where the discussion was going. She could scream at Micah for being so stupid as to not realize his son would hear the fights he and Karen had.

"She said he'd never love her because he was in love with you." His tone was completely flat. "That true?" he asked, finally looking in her direction.

The conversation had officially crossed into territory that Julia didn't want to discuss with anyone, much less a twelve year old boy. She couldn't blow him off like he was a child who didn't deserve to know the truth. She'd lived that life and was disgusted by the number of people who lied to her face in the name of protecting her. "Yes, at one time he did love me."

"And did you love him?" he asked, picking at his cuticles to avoid any eye contact.

"Yes, I did," Julia whispered. There was a time it would have hurt to admit that but now, she wondered if that was because there was never a time when her love could be referred to in past tense. She did love him. Even with the sucker punch he'd thrown at her this morning, she still loved him.

Caleb made no motion to get out of the car as she pulled up to the curb in front of the school. "But you were gone before I was born, right?"

"Yes, I left for college after graduation and that's when your dad and I broke up." The answer was completely honest. It was more of an answer than anyone gave her questions when her mom left. In some ways she and Caleb were a lot alike. "I never even knew about you until I moved back here right before I met you."

An uncomfortable silence filled the space between them. Caleb looked like there were more questions mulling in his mind but he didn't ask them. Eventually, Caleb reached for the door handle and left. As Julia shifted the car into drive to pull away from the curb, she glanced over and saw Caleb watching her from the front doors of the school. He smiled and waved to her. Something she had said managed to put a smile on his face. The more she got to know Caleb, the less she understood him.

A pit formed in Julia' s stomach as she walked out the front door of her house, coffee in one hand and iPad tucked under her arm. Even her morning routine was thrown off-kilter by the knowledge that Karen and her little thug friend knew where she lived. Not only did they know where she lived, but Karen had been in her house. She'd walked through that door and torn apart the bedroom looking for proof that Micah had moved on. Or at least that's what she had told Officer Andrews. She had no clue about the man from the pool house. Where was he? Had he been in the house too? Was he watching her now? Julia quickly retreated into the house hoping to regain a sense of security.

That thought reminded Julia that she wanted to check in with Officer Andrews. She needed to know what was going on and if they had any leads.

Julia wanted to hate Karen for what she'd done. She seemed to be a one-woman wrecking crew when it came to shattering Julia's life. First, she killed Julia's adolescent dream of marrying her high school sweetheart and living happily ever after. Now, she had stolen Julia's sense of security and was threatening to crush her dream of living on her own for once in her life.

But as much as she wanted to hate the woman, she knew she wouldn't. Karen was Caleb's mom. She didn't really believe that people like Karen or her own mother could change but she hoped, for Caleb's sake, that Karen would get help. If she was sober, maybe she could be a mother to him. She was the parent, not Julia.

Parenthood. Julia knew Micah didn't mean anything with his little declaration in the bedroom but that didn't make it any easier to digest. If she continued seeing Micah, the reality was that there would be a day when she would be thrust into parenthood. Not only would she be a parent, but she'd be the evil stepmother to a teen.

Before she had all but given up on the idea of ever having children, she pictured the much more traditional man loves woman, get married, get pregnant and raise their child scenario. Never in a million years did she imagine becoming an insta-mom to the teenage son conceived when her high school sweetheart betrayed her.

She replayed the morning's conversation with Caleb. For some reason, he opened up to her. He didn't have to say anything to her but he chose to. It was a bizarre conversation that, in Julia's mind, told her Caleb had plenty of reasons to never want her to be a part of his life. She couldn't imagine how she would have felt if she heard her parents fighting about one of her mom's boyfriends.

On the other hand, she still didn't understand why Micah brought her name into their arguments at all. She was gone. She never even knew about Karen.

By lunchtime, Julia had completely given up on getting any work done. Every time she tried to get into it, her concentration was broken by the replay of the morning in her mind. Waking up next to Micah and wishing she could do that every morning. Having the mood destroyed moments before they made love. Caleb and Micah at odds.

Closing the lid on her laptop, Julia decided to call Annie and Carly for an afternoon of retail therapy. It wasn't something she would normally do, but this wasn't a normal situation and she wanted their opinions on the mess she was in.

"That's a tough one, Jules," Carly said over the rim of her over-sized margarita glass after Julia explained all of her fears. "You and Micah never were good at taking things slow. Maybe balls to the wall is just how you operate when you're together. That's not always a bad thing."

Julia stared across the table in disbelief. She was hoping her friends would confirm that she was justified in being freaked out but it seemed like Carly thought it was completely normal and healthy.

"Yeah, but it's one thing when you're dating in school," she responded. "It's totally different now. He has a kid. A very moody, impressionable kid who's already been completely screwed up by his mom. Not to mention the fact that he lied to me. He cheated on me. Do I just forget about all of that?"

Annie chimed in, "No, you don't forget. But you do need to remember that you were both young and incredibly stupid when that happened. He did a lot of growing up while you were gone. You both have life experiences you didn't have then."

Julia was getting used to Annie jumping to Micah's defense. It was almost as if Micah had taken Julia's place in Annie's life in her absence. That stung more than a little.

"Okay, and let's say I'm willing to forget the past. That doesn't change the situation with Caleb," she said thinking back to their morning conversation, "I'm not ready to be a mom. And even if I was, I'm pretty sure he's not thrilled at the idea of another woman coming into their lives. Especially me."

There was nothing her friends could say in response to this declaration. Annie had grown up with two parents who loved her and loved each other so she had no personal experience with divorce. Carly never knew her dad and her mom left when Carly was a toddler, so she never had to deal with parents, much less step-parents.

Finally, Annie broke the silence, "Look, no one's asking you to be a mom. Not right now. And I think you're wrong about Caleb. He needs someone like you in his life. He'll see that if you don't give up on him."

"Where the hell is Pepe with our food?" Carly whined.

"Um, I'm pretty sure his name's not Pepe," Julia laughed. "Pepe may be here somewhere, but I doubt he has blond hair and green eyes like our waiter."

"Nuh-uh," Carly said wagging a finger at Julia, "They're all Pepe. It's, like, a rule to work here or something."

Conversation ceased as not-Pepe arrived with platters of fajita toppings. Once the women filled their plates, Annie continued, "Look, I probably shouldn't be saying this, but they need you. And you need them--"

Julia stopped her friend, "No, what I
need
is to have some space to figure out what I need. That was the whole point of me coming up here. I can't throw that all away for anyone. I spent a decade following my husband all over the damned country for his dreams. I spent the past four years playing the part of the perfect housewife, the whole time knowing we were nothing more than roommates. I'm not going to make any decisions based on what someone else needs."

"Well, then it sounds like you've made up your mind," Annie snipped. It was obvious she wasn't expecting Julia's answer and wasn't happy about it. Other than Carly complaining about her roommate telling her she was moving out in less than a month, the rest of lunch was filled with idle chatter.

Driving home, tears welled up in Julia's eyes. No matter what she decided to do, someone was going to get hurt. By the time she pulled into the driveway, she'd made up her mind. There was no peace in her decision, but it was necessary.

Chapter Twelve

"You can't do this," Annie huffed.

Julia realized that coming back to Wisconsin had been a huge mistake. No matter how much she said that she had come home to find herself, she knew now that coming home had been a way to hide from the very thing she claimed she wanted to do. Now, she was going to correct her mistake.

The morning before she left Nashville, her college roommate had emailed her again, begging her to come to New York. The only thing that had stopped her from taking the job with a small public relations firm in Midtown was the fact that she had already told Annie she was coming home.

"I have to do this. You have no clue how many doors an opportunity like this can open for me," Julia said. The words were right but she couldn't muster the energy to put any emotion behind them. She didn't want to leave. She was only leaving because things would never be different. "I got the email from Krista right before I came up here. I'm damned lucky she's still willing to talk to me. And with Carly looking for a roommate, it's like all signs are pointing to this being the right thing for me to do."

Julia asked Annie for a ride to the airport because she thought her best friend would understand why she was leaving. Micah had once again become an addiction to Julia and she needed to detox. No matter how many times they tried to explain their attraction as fate, she knew it wasn't anything that healthy. Instead of understanding, Annie was cold and angry on the way to the airport.

"That's bullshit and you know it. I told you when you first got back to town that they'd been through a lot," she bristled, refusing to look at Julia. "I told you to be careful. Is this how you're careful? You're going to bail on them right after they started to let you in? Everything Micah has been doing has been for your benefit. He really thought you guys might have a second chance."

There were always lines drawn in the sand when a relationship had problems. It was rare that a mutual friend could stand on that line very long before their allegiance to one side or the other became clear. It hurt more than a little that Julia could feel Annie walking away from her to stand on Micah's side of the line.

Was there any way to make anyone understand? Did everyone think Julia should throw herself at the opportunity to be a mom and wife? Even if things weren't as complicated as they were with Micah, that's not a life she'd ever fully embraced.

"It's not that simple and you know it," Julia spat. She was tired of listening to everyone in her life going on and on about how fragile Micah was and Annie was the unfortunate captive audience at the moment. "Do you have any clue how hard it is for me? I hate myself for falling for him again. It would be easier if I could have hated him forever, but I couldn't, even when I had the truth laid out for me. I didn't ask for him to have an amazing son. I didn't ask for him to have turned into this wonderful, considerate person."

"And then, when I start to believe the fairy tales, I get pulled into a dark bathroom and warned to stay away from him," she rubbed her cheek, remembering the pain she felt that night. "And just for good measure, his ex decides to break into
my
house, looking for evidence of our affair," she created air quotes around the last word before continuing, "because she's certain I'm taking over a position in life she thinks she has some claim to."

The dam in her heart was officially broken. If Annie wanted to be upset with her, she was going to do so knowing how Julia really felt. "Thanks to his crazy bitch ex, I went from living alone to living with someone I'd planned to hate for the rest of my life
and his son
in less than two weeks after coming home.
He welcomed me to parenthood,
Annie.
Parenthood,"
she stressed each word of the statement.