Bent (20 page)

"By the time I realized how much I had given up, I didn't know who I was anymore," she mumbled. "I lost myself. Moving back to Wisconsin was supposed to be about figuring out who I am for once in my life. I need to just be Julia. Not Adam's sister, not Josh's wife, not Micah's girlfriend. Just Julia." It felt good to get everything off her chest. "I need this for me. Can you understand that?"

Silence.

"Micah?" she moved closer to the window in case there was a problem with their connection. "Will you say something?"

"I'm thinking," he said. "So, you really think you need to do this? That there's no other way?"

Julia bit her lip. "Yes and yes." She could hear him popping his knuckles, something he did when he was trying to make a decision.

"I'm not going to be happy about it, but if you really think you have to go, I'll support your decision. It'll kill me to watch you go, but I'll do it." Karen was wrong. Micah was capable of being selfless. He wasn't trying to talk Julia out of moving, he was willing to let her go if it would make her happy.

The tears Julia had been waiting on earlier in the day worked their way to the surface. "I need to talk to Krista and ask her some questions about the job. I know it's not fair to you but it was what I planned on doing before we started talking again." Her chest heaved as she sobbed, "I have spent thirty years having someone else take care of me. I need to know that I'm capable of doing it on my own." She was being selfish and she knew it. "I'm not saying it will be forever, but for now..."

She started crying harder when she heard Caleb ask a question in the background. Even though he wasn't her son, Julia felt like she was no better than Karen or her own mother. She was making decisions without respect to the needs of a child. Hearing his voice reminded her to ask about Micah's trip to the school. "Hey, what happened today?"

"With?" Micah seemed distant after Julia finished explaining why she was seriously considering the New York job.

"Caleb," she said. "Why were you at the school?"

A low grumble came through the phone, "He got in a fight. He's going to be going to work with me tomorrow because they suspended him."

Julia bit her lip, considering whether or not to ask anything else. Other than a couple of incidents, everyone praised Caleb as being a great kid so it made no sense that he was getting into a fight now. "Did he say why?"

"No, but I think it's pretty obvious." His accusatory tone stung. "Look, I have to get him something to eat. I'm going to start working on the inside at night, if that's okay with you. That way, if you decide you're staying out there, we can get everything done quickly so I can be done with this place."

"Yeah, that's fine." Resignation filled the air between them. Neither would say it, but both of them knew Julia's mind was made up. Julia buried her face in the pillows once they disconnected the call. If she was doing what she needed to do, why did it hurt so much?

Chapter Fourteen

Julia wound up taking the job in New York, leaving Micah and Caleb in Brooklyn trying to move on with their lives. Micah had expected her to come back to Wisconsin for her things. She hadn't. He kept waiting for Julia to tell him there wasn't room in her life for him and his son. She didn't. If Micah could somehow forget that Julia was a thousand miles away, it would be easy to convince himself they were living a normal life.

By the second week of November, the first floor renovations were complete. Sitting in the dining area after dinner, Micah looked into the kitchen with its new appliances and cupboards, remembering how much Julia hated the original kitchen. He wished she was there to enjoy the handiwork she had inspired. Just as it did every night at eight-thirty,
Austin
by Blake Shelton filled the room.

"Hey, baby. I was just thinking about you," he said in his best 'I'm trying to be sexy' voice.

Julia chuckled. He missed that sound. He missed the way her body seemed to vibrate when she laughed in his arms. "You were, huh?"

"I'm still breathing, so yeah, I was thinking about you," he said, happy no one was in the room to hear him being such a sap.

"Yeah, yeah. So hey, I have a question for you..." she paused, "Is my house going to be a mess when I come home in a couple of weeks?"

Micah's heart jumped as his mind registered what she had just said. "You're coming home? Baby, if you're coming home, I'll pull all the guys off the job we're finishing so the house is perfect by tomorrow night."

The sigh he heard made his heart drop, "I'm not coming home, coming home. But we're closed from Wednesday through Thanksgiving weekend. Since I won't have to work, I thought it'd be nice to fly out. I miss you guys."

As much as he was looking forward to seeing her, it was going to be hard to say goodbye again. "Oh, I see." He felt like a lovesick fool, thinking that she'd come running back to him.

"Hey, I thought you'd be happy that I'm coming back. I know it's not what you want, but it's what I can do right now," she sighed.

He was trying to make their long distance relationship work, to show her that he respected her obsessive need to become self-reliant. He hated every minute of it. If Micah had his way, she'd move back home and he would do everything possible to help her build a business locally. When they had first started talking again, that was the project she was working on and he admired her ambition. If it was his choice, he'd rather build his own business, even if it was in a smaller market, than build a business for someone else.

"I know, Jules. And I am looking forward to seeing you. It's seeing you leave again that I don't want to deal with." If there was an upside to maintaining a relationship that relied so completely on technology, it was that they were communicating better than they ever had in the past. Micah had never been one to share everything he felt but knowing it was the only way to show Julia how much he cherished her, he made the effort.

"Hey, what if I ask Krista about taking off Monday and Tuesday of that week too? Then, I can come home a week from Friday on the late night and stay through the Monday morning after Thanksgiving. If she'll let me work a half day that day, I can get back in time to come in at noon." Julia rambled as she worked out the details of her trip.

"You're seriously asking me that? I will gladly take every minute I can with you," he said sweetly. He wanted to add that he'd much rather she tell Krista to get bent and buy a one-way ticket, but he bit his tongue. Julia had turned icy towards him when he offered to buy her a ticket home the first time she complained about her new job. He wasn't going to make that mistake again, especially when he was so close to being able to hold her in his arms again.

Over an hour later, Julia was yawning into the phone and Micah heard the quiet but high pitch squeak she let out any time she was stretching. As much as he didn't want to, he told her it was time to go to bed. Just as he did every night, he stayed on the phone while she changed and brushed her teeth. Once she was nestled into her bed, they would whisper goodnight and profess their love for one another. They never said goodbye at the end of the call. Those were words they had promised to never say to one another again.

Caleb quietly walked into the kitchen as Micah was saying goodnight to Julia. He rummaged through the refrigerator, muttering about the fact that there was nothing to snack on in the house. "Goodnight, Julia," he yelled across the room. He then motioned Caleb towards the living room, saying he'd be there in a minute.

Like most nights, Julia tossed and turned after getting off the phone with Micah. She was satisfied with her decision to move to New York and she enjoyed her work with Krista, but she missed her guys. It was unsettling how close she had gotten to Micah and Caleb in the month she'd been in Brooklyn.

Many nights, she wound up plodding out to the living room of the small apartment she shared with Carly. If a person's living accommodations had an impact on mood and mental health, Julia figured it was a miracle no one had been tempted to jump off the fire escape of their fifth floor hovel. The walls were a dingy green that may have, at one point, been considered sage. The hardwood floors were worn and warped. The depressing decor was enough to keep Julia in her room whenever she was home unless she needed the comfort of her friend.

Tonight was one of those rough nights. Unfortunately, Carly had left earlier in the day, leaving a note that she wouldn't be back until morning. Probably another party. Julia wished she had taken to New York the way Carly had. When they were girls, they both dreamed of moving to the city where dreams came true. Now, even her dreams felt like nightmares.

The thought of being alone tonight was crushing. Julia cursed her luck that the breakdown she felt coming on was occurring on one of Carly's nights out. They were still close but not close enough that Julia could call her home from whatever she was doing with her friends.

There was only one person in Julia's life that knew the regrets she felt about moving to New York. Had it not been for Adam's regular business trips to the city, she was sure she would have already run home.

He never told her she was making a mistake by chasing her dreams. He never told her it would be a bad idea to move back to Wisconsin. When they sat down for coffee or drinks he just listened. She decided to send him a message on the off chance that he was in town.

You here or there?

While Julia waited, she did something she once swore she'd never do but now found herself doing frequently. She reached into the cabinet over the radiator and pulled down a bottle of Cuervo. The night before her interview taught her the importance of moderation. Now, she only drank enough to take the edge off the pain so she could sleep.

Adam: Here. What's up?

Julia: Can you come over for a bit?

Knowing her brother was in the city, Julia shuffled into the bedroom and threw on jeans and her favorite
Hinder
t-shirt. 

Be there in 10.

It was a good thing she could rely on Adam to be sitting alone in his hotel room. She didn't need the guilt of knowing that she'd interrupted someone's night for her own petty insecurities.

Fifteen minutes later, she was startled by the sound of the door opening. "Hey, what are you doing home?" Julia asked surprised to see Carly.

"Something came up," she responded trying to hide the disappointment in her voice. "What are you up to tonight?"

The buzzer rang as Julia walked towards the kitchen, "Adam's coming over for a bit." She didn't tell Carly that she had asked him to come over so she wouldn't be alone. Even though Carly knew she had down moments, Julia didn't want her to know that she was so low at the moment that she'd asked her baby brother to keep her company.

Carly disappeared into her bedroom and joined the siblings on the couch minutes later dressed much more comfortably in a pair of pink and black plaid lounge pants and tank top. The three curled up on the couch watching cheesy movies for the night until Julia drifted to sleep. She was grateful for friends and family who understood that wanting them there didn't necessarily mean she wanted to talk.

The next morning, Julia felt better, especially when she opened her eyes and saw that all three of them had fallen asleep on the couch. They were an adorable sight, Adam reclining on the couch with a woman on either side of him. She lifted Adam's arm so she could slide off the couch letting the other two sleep.

Krista wasn't happy about Julia's request to take off two extra days right before the holiday. According to her, it should be more than enough that she closed the office the day before Thanksgiving to allow her employees time to travel home and celebrate with family. She reminded Julia that the time would have to be taken without pay since she was still in her first three months and didn't have vacation time available to her.

When Julia didn't back down from her request, Krista leaned back in her chair, arms crossed tightly in front of her body. Reluctantly, she agreed to the extra days, provided that Julia stay an hour late each night until she left to make up the time. In exchange, she would still pay Julia her full wages.

Shortly after their conversation, four new files appeared on Julia's desk. "I need you to take a look at these and put together proposals." Krista had always treated Julia like a competent equal, but now, she was barking at her in much the same way she did the interns.

If it hadn't been for getting the cold shoulder for an entire semester in college, Julia might have been offended. Instead, she chalked it up to punishment for putting Krista in a tight spot. Julia, the newest employee, had been granted time off that Krista had previously informed all of her employees to not even think of asking for.

Julia stayed late every night working on the proposals Krista expected to be on her desk before she left for Wisconsin. Two were straight-forward and fit directly into Julia's niche. The first was a restaurant owned by an older couple. Their son was trying to impress the benefits of social media marketing and he had finally convinced them to listen to what K3 had to offer them.