Best Friends Forever (33 page)

Eleven

I wake up with an erection. Not surprising, since the beautiful girl in my arms in rubbing on me seductively. The worst part is, she’s not even awake. I tighten my hold on her, to keep her from moving, but she wiggles more.

“Dammit,” I mutter.

“Audric? You say something?” she asks.

“No. Go to sleep.” I’m short with her, but I want her and that’s just not possible.

“Did I do something wrong?” She sounds so damn innocent.

“No, sweetheart, you didn’t. Just try to sleep,” I say, wishing she would do as I say.

She moves again, but this time, she’s awake and she knows exactly what’s pressing against her ass.

She moves away. “I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean… You… It’s not like I wanted that to happen…”

I put a finger to her lips. “Lexi, stop. It was bound to happen. And it’s not a big deal, okay? I’m not trying to get in your pants, and you aren’t trying to get in mine, so it’s fine. I just couldn’t control it in my sleep.”

“I’m sorry,” she says against my finger.

“Don’t be. I understand if you don’t want to sleep in here, though.”

She looks around and then back to me. “There’s no place I’d rather sleep.”

She rolls back to me, snuggling up to me. When she laughs, I want to kill her.

“Shut up.”

“It’s like you’ve got a gun,” she giggles.

“Shut up.”

“Please, officer! I’m unarmed!” she says and then throws her hands up.

I laugh. “Shut up.”

It feels good to be laughing with her like this, to actually enjoy myself for a minute. Since Hazel’s death, I’ve felt down, as if I couldn’t be happy anymore. But with Lexi, the sadness disappears and we’re both willing to be happy together.

I shouldn’t think of her this way, but I can’t help it. She’s like a light, glowing just for me, to brighten my day. I decide not to think about it, not to let myself get too involved too quickly. I put my hand on her hip and let myself fall back asleep.

Role Models

Lexi

One

Hazel’s death hasn’t been easy for me.

Audric’s supportive. We napped together this afternoon, a relaxing time. I didn’t sleep much, since Audric’s erection was firmly tucked against my back, but I didn’t mind. He couldn’t help his attraction, just as I can’t help mine. Audric is a sweet, gentle guy. He’s nothing like any of the guys I’ve dated before, who were all tattooed bad boys.

Audric is far too good to ever have a tattoo, or even have a bad attitude. He’s too good, too pure. Hell, he was still a virgin until last week. The fact that Cheyanne took it from him should deter me from liking him. It doesn’t. With everything that’s happened, I know I can’t judge someone by their past.

Hazel had a rotten past. She screwed over a lot of her so-called friends, people who thought she was a true friend. But her suicide only proves she was misunderstood. She wasn’t well, at least, not mentally, and I was part of the problem. I stuck by Cheyanne as she harassed my would-be step-sister, taunting her until Hazel took her own life. I was just as much to blame, too. I’d never have a clean conscience.

Hazel’s death will torment me for the rest of my life. I want to forget, to try to move on, but I know it isn’t possible. I’ll just live with the guilt and self-loathing forever, I guess.

Audric and I make our way back to campus, where Roman, Miranda, and Nolan are waiting for us. It’s been an exhausting day, and it’s only about to get longer. The drive to Atlanta is a long one, no less than eight hours, so we’ll be driving well into the night. I’m looking forward to spending some quality time with these people, the ones who nearly hated me when I aligned myself with Cheyanne.

I haven’t seen or spoken to Cheyanne or Destiny since the school service. My video display outed them, forcing them to take responsibility for their actions. I owned my actions, too, talking to my counselor and taking my own share of the blame. The video proved I wasn’t an active participant in the hassles, though, at least in the eyes of the school officials. That meant I wasn’t in jeopardy of being expelled. Destiny was in the same boat as me; we were both being placed on probation. One move out of line and we were history.

Cheyanne’s situation was entirely different. The video showed her being venomous to Hazel, continually harassing her. It was sad to watch, and I think even Cheyanne was surprised to see herself, the way she acted, and how hurtful she was. Perhaps it was a reality check for her, but I might never know. She was at serious risk of being expelled, as far as I knew. I didn’t hate her, though her constant teasing of Hazel made things difficult for me at home.

The fact that Audric convinced my step-father to allow me to come home for the funeral is amazing. I owe him so much. Audric has been a rock for me. He broke up with Cheyanne, something I respect him for. He recognizes her role in Hazel’s death, how she pushed Hazel over the edge with her constant teasing. His attitude toward Cheyanne impresses me, considering she took his V-card but her still opposes her. I find it endearing.

We arrive at the parking lot and everyone is standing around Roman’s car. It’s probably too small for the five of us, but we don’t care. It’s cheaper than renting a car, and since no one is twenty-five or older, it would be a nightmare to get a rental, anyway.

“Hey,” I greet everyone.

Everyone says hello and Audric, Roman, and Nolan start talking about what route we’re going to take. Miranda pulls me aside.

“Are you okay?” she asks, her concern evident in her eyes.

I give her a sad smile. “I am and I’m not. I just can’t believe it happened, you know?”

“I do know,” she says with a nod. I can tell she’s been crying and it blows my mind how much she’s affected by Hazel’s death. Even with her shitty attitude and overall indifference to the people around her, Hazel touched lives.

“How are you and Roman?”

She sighs. “I’m okay for the most part. I mean, it’s not easy to accept her death. We weren’t the best of friends, but she and I were close at one point. She was troubled, sure, but I never thought she’d do this.” She takes a deep breath. “Roman is a mess. He’s holding it together because he doesn’t want to appear weak, but he’s breaking inside. He’s not in love with her or anything, he’s just heartbroken that this had to happen. And the fact that it was all caused by the actions of his baby mama is tearing him up. We went back to his dorm room and he cried. I never thought I’d see him cry.”

Roman shedding tears over Hazel surprises me, too. “It feels like our group dynamic has been ripped to shreds,” I mutter.

“I think you’re right. I doubt any of us will ever be the same after this,” she adds.

The weight of her words settle over us and we’re silent, letting the moment pass.

“Are you girls ready?” Roman asks.

We both nod and head over to Rome’s car, both of us climbing in the back. Audric climbs in with us, letting Nolan have the front seat while Roman drives.

“Don’t blame yourself,” Miranda whispers to me as Roman and Nolan set up the GPS.

I sigh. “It’s not that easy,” I whisper back.

She squeezes my hand but doesn’t let go. I’m not usually big on hand-holding with the same sex, but I find it oddly comforting. Audric sets his hand on my knee and I feel surrounded by people who care about me, who cared about my sister, and who want to help in any way they can.

Two

The trip is long, but the guys make it much better. They deal with Hazel’s death differently than Miranda and I, which means they’re teasing each other while Miranda and I are mostly quiet. We laugh at their antics, which loosens us up. Even though our trip has a sad purpose, we’ve all been talking about this kind of road trip for weeks. It’s sad that Hazel’s death is the reason for it.

“You’re a pussy,” Nolan says to Audric when the conversation turns to making a move. “We all know you don’t have any game.”

Of course, I want to speak up, but the truth is, I kind of feel the same way. I wanted to do something with him earlier in the day, when he was hard in my bed, but he just ignored me. I would’ve slept with him.

“I like to take my time, to let a girl feel like she’s in control,” Audric defends himself. “We can’t all be man-whores like you.”

Nolan doesn’t reply and I realize Audric hit a nerve. It was Nolan’s playboy ways that started Hazel’s depression spiral.

“You know whose got game?” I ask. “Me.”

They all laugh and the tension is gone. I feel good about it, as if I matter to this group. We’ve been broken up, with sides taken over Hazel’s death, but the five of us are all on the same side. All of us care about Hazel and none of us believes she deserved to die. I wish I could go back and I think, in a way, we all do. If one of us had gotten to Hazel sooner, to talk her out of it, maybe she’d still be here.

At a rest stop, we all use the facilities and while everyone raids the vending machines for snacks, I venture off onto a small trail. It’s primarily for people with pets, but I need a minute. Tears are threatening again, and I don’t really want to lose it in front of everyone.

I hear foot steps behind me and assume it’s Audric. I turn, tears welling up in my eyes and he comes closer, pulling me in his arms. I feel safer with him, as if I don’t have to be afraid.

“What are you thinking about?” he asks, his cheek resting on the top of my head.

“Hazel,” I answer simply.

He sighs and pulls away, looking me in the eyes. “Don’t do this to yourself.”

“It’s not like I can help it,” I say. I’m not exactly in control, emotionally.

“Hazel did her fair share of horrible things, Lex. I’m not saying she deserved to die, but she wasn’t exactly some innocent victim. There was a reason Cheyanne said and did the things she did.”

I step back, out of his embrace completely. “Are you siding with her?” I’m outraged. What, are you still in love with her?”

“No…” he trails off, not explaining further.

Everything is suddenly so clear. “Oh my God! You are! I can’t believe I didn’t see it before now. You’ve been up her ass since the day I met you. Why did you even bother coming? You know what – I don’t care. Just stay the hell away from me.”

I turn and walk away. It doesn’t slip my notice that he hasn’t tried to defend himself. He really is still in love with Cheyanne. He doesn’t care about what she did to Hazel, or that Hazel is dead. I wiped tears off my cheeks as I storm back to the car. I get in the back seat and tuck myself in a corner. I won’t sit next to him again. In fact, if he comes anywhere near me, I might just lose it.

He approaches the car, talks to Roman for a minute and then everyone gets in the car, Nolan and Miranda in the back seat with me while Audric drives and Roman rides shotgun. I seeth in silence, my anger building toward the guy I thought was different. He’s just like the rest of them, I decide. He used me, though for what, I have no idea, since we didn’t even sleep together. There must be something he got out of our very short-lived relationship.

The trip continues without a hitch, though the car is once again filled with tension. This time, though, I take full responsibility. Audric isn’t who I thought he was. He’s mean and hurtful; he supports the girl who caused Hazel’s death. I can’t believe I ever saw anything good in him.

I stare out at the trees as we pass them, desperately trying to think about anything other than Audric, Cheyanne, or Hazel. I’m in so much pain. I hate feeling this way, as if my heart is being crushed.

Three

Atlanta is a huge city. With eight lane highways and more intersections than can be counted, I’m glad Roman’s driving again. Around ten, Audric and Rome switched spots. We didn’t have much farther to go, but Rome was more comfortable with big-city driving. Even at eleven-thirty at night, the highway is full. Not bumper-to-bumper traffic, but damn close.

Roman turns off at our exit and guides the car into the hotel parking lot. He runs in, gets us checked in and then comes out, pulling the car around back. The five of us go into the hotel. The room is spacious, with two queen beds and a pull out couch. If things between me and Audric had stayed the same during the trip, the set-up would have been perfect, but everyone knows something is up, so Nolan volunteers to sleep on the floor, giving me one of the beds and Audric takes the pull out.

“Let’s just get some sleep,” Roman suggests when Audric opens his mouth to say something to me about the sleeping arrangements,

Thankfully, Audric doesn’t argue and everyone settles down to sleep.

An hour later, I’m still wide awake, staring up at the plain white ceiling, thinking about Hazel. I can’t seem to stop myself from thinking about her. She’s gone and I wish I’d been nicer, reached out to her more. But I didn’t. I’m a horrible person. I get up out of bed and walk out onto our balcony, sliding the glass door closed behind me. I stare out at the city, the bright lights a good distraction.

I wonder if Hazel’s in the afterlife, looking down on me. As much as we fought and argued when she was alive, I miss her. I took her presence for granted in my life. I look up at the star’s, imagining her giving me attitude for being so sulky. She’s the sulky one. I smile a little as I think it, knowing she wouldn’t be happy that everyone’s so sad about her death. She’s the emo chick, the one who pouts about things.

The glass door slides open and I turn to see Nolan stepping through the doorway. “I heard you come out. I couldn’t sleep, either.”

I nod. “I needed some air.”

“I know what you mean. It feels like I’m suffocating most of the time. I feel like it’s all my fault.”

“It’s not. You know that. She’d be laughing at us if she could see us now,” I murmur and he laughs.

“That’s true. She never liked people to see her happy, but I felt like she and I actually were, there for a while. Until… Well, you know,” he says.

We both lean on the balcony railing. “Yeah. I’m really sorry about that, you know. I thought for sure she was just using you, like she did with so many other guys. But I guess it was more real than I thought.”

“You don’t need to apologize. I’m man enough to take responsibility for my own actions. I loved her, but I couldn’t say no to a willing woman. I proved just how much of a sleazeball I was.” He sighs, closing his eyes. When he opens them, there are tears there. “I loved her. I still do. She was the one person I could be myself with, the one girl who didn’t judge me or try to change me, and I threw it away for a piece of ass. No offense.”

I laugh a little. “None taken. That night never should have happened. Destiny wanted revenge and Cheyanne was set on it happening that way… She claimed it would hurt Hazel more. I guess it did.”

“So what happened with you and Audric?”

“You noticed, huh?” I ask.

“It’s hard not to, honestly. You’ve been sending out killer vibes all night. What happened?”

I glance out over the city. “He’s still in love with Cheyanne.” I don’t elaborate.

“Wait. You mean he came all the way here with you when he still has feelings for Cheyanne? How does he justify that to himself?”

“I’m not sure. But as much as I wish he hadn’t come with us, I know it’s only because of him that I was even allowed to come. He convinced you guys to accept me, even though I was so close to Hazel’s death.”

“We all have our guilt for her suicide. There was a series of events that led up to it. The fact that it was Cheyanne’s final attack that pushed her over the edge isn’t your fault,” he says, a hand on my shoulder.

“Thanks. Everyone keeps saying that, but I can’t help but feel like it’s all my fault.”

“We all have that same exact thought, trust me.” His words are comforting. We stand there in almost an awkward silence for a minute before he speaks again. “I need to tell you something.”

“What’s that?” I ask, turning toward him. I lean my arm on the railing, propping myself up.

He takes a deep breath. “You know how there was a text alarm for the gossip around campus?”

I freeze. “Yeah…”

“It was Hazel.”

“But Cheyanne told me she went through all Hazel’s stuff and didn’t find anything. Of course, Cheyanne was still convinced it was Hazel, she just stopped looking when she couldn’t find anything to prove it was Hazel.”

“Yeah. She had a secret compartment in her purse. That’s where she hid it. Unless you knew the zipper was there, no one would have been able to find it. That’s what Hazel told me, anyway. And then, when things started to look suspicious, Hazel decided to call it quits for a while and gave me the cell phone she was using. I was just supposed to hold it for her, just for a little while. I came across it last night when I was cleaning my room. There were some seriously incriminating messages sent to the phone number.”

I eye him nervously. “What do you mean?”

“People started to reply to the number, demanding that their identities be kept a secret. They sent tips and photos of people. There were a bunch of Cheyanne.”

“What?” This could be interesting.

“I think it’s only fair that we call out the people who treated Hazel like shit. The ones who made her last moments here a living hell. I want to ruin Cheyanne’s life, Lexi. I just need to know if you’re on board or not.”

His words are dark, but the way I feel, about Cheyanne and Audric… and about Hazel, I know I should do this. I should continue my sister’s legacy and maybe get a little revenge of my own on Cheyanne. I doubt I’ll get any gossip on Audric, since he’s far too good to do anything too bad.

“I think it’s a great idea, Nolan. And I want to help.”