Best Friends Forever (34 page)

Four

I didn’t sleep much, so this morning, I’m the first in the shower, the first one ready to go to the viewing. I’m anxious to get there, but nervous, too. Things might be difficult, since my own mother didn’t even want me to come.

Once everyone’s ready, we take Roman’s car to the funeral home. The place is huge and surprisingly empty. We’re a little early, but I expected there to be a crowd. We walk in together, the five of us moving as one. Miranda holds my hand as we go in.

“What the hell are you doing here?” I hear as soon as we’re inside.

I gulp, turning to face my mother. “I came to support you and Hazel’s dad.” My answer is simple at best, but seeing her seething angry worries me. She’s not exactly the type of woman to hold it in. In fact, I’m almost positive she’s going to make a scene.

“Sweetheart,” Hazel’s dad says from behind my mother. “I told her she could come. We’re a family, and family supports each other.”

I can tell Mom wants to say something more, but she’s absolutely fake instead. “Of course, darling. I was just surprised.” She gives him a hug and then turns to face me and my friends. “Won’t you all come in? The viewing room is right through here.” She leads us into a large room with a casket at the end of it.

Flowers fill the room, their scent doing nothing to hide the familiar odor of formaldehyde. I stand at the back of the room as my friends walk up to the casket. Roman and Miranda are first, taking their time to say their goodbyes. I watched, fascinated by their response. Miranda cries the whole time, and just as they’re about to walk away from Hazel’s lifeless body, Roman breaks. His tears spill out onto the black shirt he’s wearing and my heart breaks for him. I know Miranda must feel the same way, as she slides her arm around his waist, pulling him close.

Audric lingers in the foyer, not daring to even enter the viewing room, which I appreciate. He’s keeping his distance, which, given the circumstances, is the smartest move he can make. I don’t know what will happen if he tries to give his condolences. I want him to leave, but there’s no hope of that happening, not in the middle of the funeral when Roman is his ride home.

Nolan steps forward to see the girl who changed him, the one he still loves. I gulp as I watch him, his heart on his sleeve as he leans over the casket, sobs wracking his body. I walk up behind him and touch his back. He turns into my touch, wrapping his arms around my body. He’s all-out sobbing now, uncontrollable sobs that shake me with each breath. I glance over his shoulder to look at my step-sister.

She looks alive. Her eyes are closed, but she looks peaceful. I almost laugh at the very modest amount of makeup. Hazel would be appalled at how little eye makeup she’s wearing, and the fact that it’s all pale colors would enrage her. Obviously, the make-up artist never knew Hazel in person. She wouldn’t be caught dead in pink.

Her dress is pink, as well, which leads me to believe my mother suggested her attire and makeup, since she’s obsessed with pink. It’s a frilly dress, definitely not something from Hazel’s closet. The girl was dark, but she had a really good sense of fashion. She would hate everything about this funeral service, from the massive amount of pretty flowers to the lacy frills of her dress.

“She would hate all this,” Nolan whispers in my ear. I notice he’s stopped shivering and is finally in control of himself. He wipes his tears away and we both turn to look at Hazel’s lifeless body. “Every single bit of it would piss her off.”

I give him a small smile. “I was just thinking the same thing, actually. It’s too pretty in pink for her.”

He looks at her prettily painted face. “Goodbye, Hazel. I love you.” He squeezes my hand and then steps away, giving me a few minutes alone with her.

“It’s been a rough road for us. I’m not sure if you truly hated me or just pretended, but I want you to know I never hated you, Hazel. I was looking forward to being your older sister, to being your friend. You pushed me away before we ever even had a chance, and I wish things had been different. I’m so sorry I never pursued our friendship further. I shouldn’t have let you push me away. Maybe I could have stopped you…” I trail off, collecting myself. “I love you, Hazel. And no matter what happened between us, I’ll always think of you as my sister.”

I touch her cold hand and then turn away, not letting the tears that threaten fall. I will not cry. I will not cry. I repeat the mantra over and over until the tears fade away. I join my classmates in the third row of the church-style pew seating, sitting between Miranda and Nolan. They each squeeze my hand, a show of their support.

We all sit in silence as the service begins, the pastor saying wonderful things about Hazel. There’s no mention of her poor attitude or suicide. Everything about the service is fluffy, completely non-Hazel-like. It’s sad but cute at the same time. She really would hate the whole service. The kind words from the pastor are endearing, but she’s none of the things he’s complimenting her on.

Five

It’s been a long ass day. We’re all exhausted and emotionally drained, but we decide, as a group, to go to dinner together. I really don’t want to spend any more time with Audric than I have to, but I suppose this falls under the have to category.

I choose my seat at dinner strategically, putting myself between Roman and Nolan. We all order our food and the awkward silence is painful. No one knows what to say, especially after we spent the day at a funeral, but also because it’s obvious there’s an issue between Audric and me.

Not being able to stand the silence any longer, I speak up. “Audric is still in love with Cheyanne.” It’s not very tactful, but I feel better for saying it.

“What?” Roman asks, looking at Audric. “Is that true?”

Audric sighs. “I can’t help who I love, man.”

“Umm, no, I don’t buy that for a second. After everything that’s happened, with her pushing Hazel over the edge, you still have feelings for her?” Roman is incredulous. Finally, someone who agrees with me.

“Look, Hazel wasn’t exactly blameless,” Audric starts, throwing out the same excuse he gave to me. “She was a royal bitch, not just to Cheyanne but to everyone. We all know it. She was trying to get under Cheyanne’s skin all year.”

“That doesn’t mean Hazel deserved to die…” Miranda adds.

Audric stands up, before our food has even arrived. “Whatever. I’m out.” He drops a twenty on the table and leaves.

We all stare after him for a full minute before anyone speaks.

“What the actual fuck?” Nolan states.

Miranda drops her head. “I can’t believe he said those things.”

“He’s a douche,” Roman says. “He needs to move the fuck out of my dorm room. He’s a fucking moron.”

I don’t say anything.

“Lex, I’m sorry he turned out to be that way. I really thought the two of you had something. Apparently, he’s choosing evil over good.” Nolan nudges my shoulder.

I sigh. “It’s not a matter of choosing… I just can’t believe he would act this way so soon after Hazel’s death. He was the first one to point out Cheyanne contributing to Hazel’s death and practically shun her. I think he just wanted a piece of ass again.”

“That makes sense,” Miranda comments.

“I always thought he was a nice guy, but I guess the truth’s out about him, huh?” Roman mutters, disgusted.

“Guess so,” Nolan agrees.

“Forget about him,” Miranda says, drawing our attention. “Let’s try to remember the good things about Hazel and just keep Cheyanne and that whole group out of it. Hazel deserves to be remembered properly.”

“Agreed,” I say, smiling at her. She’s sweet, a little too nice for her own good, but the fact that she’s trying to turn her life around is pretty amazing. I wonder if I could do the same if I was in her position. Doubt it.

Six

It’s Christmas break. I don’t really want to go to my mother’s fiancé’s house for a family meal, but I suppose I don’t have much of a choice. She’s demanded my presence, and my soon-to-be step-dad called me personally. He’s a busy guy, so the fact that he’s taken time out of his schedule to request me to come home, is kind of a big deal.

I know they both want Hazel and I to get along, but the bitch isn’t exactly welcoming. She answers the door when I knock with a huff.

“Oh. It’s you,” she says, like she’s expected Ed McMann. I’m not in the mood for her antics after traveling ten hours to get to Atlanta.

“Shut it,” I mutter.

She’s unimpressed. “Go to hell.”

“See you there.”

“Girls!” my mother screeches. “You will behave during vacation.”

Hazel rolls her eyes and heads for the stairs. “Whatever.”

Mother takes a deep breath and waits for Hazel to be out of earshot. “Alexis, it’s good to see you.”

No one calls me Alexis. I’ve been Lexi or Lex for years. My mother calls me by my given name just to bug me. “Hi, Mom.”

“Let’s get you settled in the guest room,” she says, leading me up the grand staircase.

This house is ridiculously huge. I wonder how much money Hazel’s dad dished out for it, but I’ll never ask. The guy is more than a little frightening. He keeps to himself, though. His awkward shyness is exactly how my mother convinced him to marry her, I’m sure. I hate her attitude toward men, and how she expects to be pampered and taken care of by a man. I swear, I’ll never be like that.

Part of the reason I agreed to switch colleges was that Coastal has a better education rating, which means my degree will be more valuable.

“How was the trip?” Mother asks, making polite conversation.

“It wasn’t too bad. I’m just tired. Do I have time to take a nap before dinner?”

“Adults don’t take naps,” she huffs. “And anyway, dinner will be ready in just a few minutes, so the answer is no, you don’t have enough time to nap.” Clearly, she’s never been to college.

I’m exhausted but I ignore it. “Great. I’ll just take a few minutes to freshen up,” I say once we’re in the guest room. It’s plain, but the bed is massive and looks comfy. I can’t wait to go to sleep.

She nods and leaves me alone. I sit on the bed and it’s just as comfortable as I imagined it would be.

“Don’t get too comfortable.” Hazel’s at my door. Great.

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” I mutter. “But if I were you, I’d get used to seeing my face.”

She takes a step into the room. “What does that mean?”

“Nothing,” I say, deciding now is not the time to tell her about my transfer. “How’s school so far?”

She sighs, walking in and sitting on my bed. “It’s hell. The guy I want is a player, but I can’t help that I like him. Roman is really attractive, but he’s got a baby mama, who happens to be my fucking roommate.”

“Whoa. That sucks. How hot is this Roman guy?”

She closes her eyes. “One of the hottest I’ve seen. He’s just delicious. I slept with him.” Her confession surprises me. I never pegged her for easy.

“Really? So you guys are dating?”

“Not exactly…” she says. “He thinks I’m psycho or something because I told him I was in love with him after like a week.”

“Umm, no offense, but that is a little pyscho,” I say with a laugh.

“I know! I couldn’t help it. Things just felt so real, so amazing with him. I blurted the words out before I really knew what I was doing.”

I nod. “Did you tell him that?”

“No.”

“Well, why not? Guys tend to understand when girls say things they don’t mean,” I tell her.

For the first time in our relationship, I feel like we’re doing more than getting along, we’re bonding. It’s actually nice. She’s not an evil bitch, after all. She’s a real person with feelings and fears.

“I don’t want him to think I’m weak,” she admits.

“I’m sure you’ll figure it out,” I say, encouraging her.

“Yeah. We should go down to dinner, I guess,” she says, standing up.

Together, we walk down to dinner. I think we’re going to be great friends.

Seven

At dinner that night, Hazel’s dad announced I would be going to Coastal Carolina, effectively ruining any chance I had at being her friend. She didn’t talk to me the rest of the break.

I wish I’d reached out to her more, but I can’t change the past, no matter how much I want to.

We’ve been back at school for a week and I’m struggling. One of my professors has suggested I try grief counseling, something I’m not all that excited to participate in, but even I can tell I need help. I’m falling into a depression that begins and ends with Hazel.

My first meeting of grief counseling is tonight. I’m nervous as hell, but decide I won’t say anything. I walk into the room, prepared to hate everyone there. But in the far corner, I see Roman.

“Hey,” I say, approaching him.

“Oh, hi. What are you doing here?” he asks.

“I’m not doing very well with Hazel’s death. Is that why you’re here?”

He looks away. “Partially. Tonight is my turn to talk, so I guess you’ll hear the whole story when we start.”

I don’t say anything as our counselor walks up to us and introduces herself to me. She directs me to my seat, because apparently we’re all a bunch of five year olds and have assigned seats. I keep my opinion to myself, though, sitting down and waiting for the thing to start.

I don’t want to talk about my issues, not in front of someone I know, but if they ask me to, I know I will. I need to talk to someone.

“Welcome to grief counseling. Everyone is here because they’ve lost someone important to them. Tonight, we’ll be hearing from Roman, who has been with us all year. He also recently lost someone close to him last week. Roman?” The counselor looks to him and he stands.

He seems to be struggling to speak, but when he does, his voice is clear. “Several years ago, my brother was in a severe car accident. He didn’t die, but he’s been in a coma ever since. I go and talk to him sometimes, willing him to wake up. He’s older than me and I’ve realized in the passing years that I need him. I try to stay hopeful that he’ll wake up, but some days, it seems so pointless. I haven’t gone to visit him in weeks. I feel bad about it, but he’s gone. At least, in my head, he is. I can’t have a conversation with him, can’t play a friendly game of basketball with him… It’s like he’s already dead and has been for years.”

He takes a deep breath. “Last week, a girl I used to date passed away. She killed herself, actually. I was the one who found her. I haven’t been able to function all that much since it happened.”

He stops, tears forming in his eyes, and in mine. I can’t help but feel so emotionally attached to him. We went through the same trauma, at least with Hazel, and my heart tightens, constricting my breathing.

“I miss her.” He sits down, done speaking.

“Thank you for sharing with us, Roman. We appreciate your openness and honesty,” the counselor says. She turns to the rest of us in the circle. “It’s okay to have negative feelings toward the person who has left your lives. It’s perfectly normal. This is the anger stage, and we must accept our anger, embrace it.” She keeps talking but I find myself staring at Roman, who is pushing tears off his cheeks.

After the session is over, he comes over to me. “Hey.”

“Hi,” I reply, looking up at him.

He looks nervous. “Do you, umm, want to get a burger or something? Maybe we could talk?”

“Oh, I’m not sure,” I say.

“It’s not a date. But I feel like I can talk to you. We’ll just go as friends. You can even pay for yourself,” he says.

I laugh. “Okay, sure.”