A biting chill raised the hairs on the back of my neck as I contemplated my soul being snatched, and being sent to the Underworld to dwell for an eternity. I was terrified. The thought alone was debilitating. I was thankful that I was sitting down.
“I’m trying to remember, yet nothing I try seems to help. I don’t remember anything. What should I do? How do I find the strength?” I asked Athena, anxiously. “Please tell me.”
“The answers are within. You must free yourself from what you know.” Those words left me feeling profoundly mystified; puzzled to my core. And with that the Goddess Athena turned and walked out onto the veranda, and vanished into the cloudless sky. She was gone.
Her words still hung in the air and played in my head over and over again like a scratched cd.
It is within yourself that you will find the answers…
You have the strength were you lack the aspiration…
Free yourself from what you know.
You hold the strength were you lack the aspiration…
Was this a riddle? Did Athena mean that I supposedly have the strength, but I didn’t want it? Perhaps she’s right.
No other being possesses the ability to assist you.
That was simple and straight forward although her next statement was a little tricky.
Everything stems from you through your father.
By everything, did Athena mean survival or power? Probably both.
Zeus wishes you to embark upon this alone.
Zeus wants me to do it alone. I didn’t believe that I could, and didn’t quite get why I had to, but I guess I was expected to comply. I didn’t know when I got up, but I was now out on my balcony. The blistering sun bore down on me as I leaned against the wrought iron railing which posed to be the only obstacle to landing head first onto the stone path below. I expected to see all of the twelve below again, moving about gracefully through the garden, but it was as it was before when I’ve looked down into this mystical garden; a perpetual abundance of Demeter’s gift. But only that. No statues. No gods.
I sucked in a deep breath as if it were my last; taking in the familiar view of the Sierras, and below that, the minute town that resembled a scene of an old western film that I would never have selected to watch. All the while, and for the umpteenth time, I wondered why I’d been chosen to save an entire kingdom of powerful descendants of gods. With my fists balled up, I fought to expunge tortured thoughts of suicide that steadily invaded my mind, whenever I stood in this spot. The drop from up here could do permanent damage, but it still wasn’t high enough; just two stories up from the garden.
I was forced to turn away, but not before I allowed the golden haired boy into my view. Gerald was where I knew he would be, hoping to see me. He stood across from me, alone on his veranda. His hair fanned away from his face with the gentle and early evening breeze. He waved and I waved back.
Then I walked back into my room. I could totally see how I could fall for a guy like that. Besides the fact that the boy was gorgeous, his kindness and vulnerability was evident, even with the distance of the two gardens between us. Gerald was beautiful inside out. I automatically felt guilty for the way I had treated him before I was thrust into the future. I had used him, knowing that a relationship with him could never go anywhere.
Gerald may have brought about the much needed illusion of normalcy, but I no longer knew what normal was. At some point I knew that I would have to make things right with him, and tell him how I feel once I knew what I was feeling. But right now I had to plan a visit, and use him again. I had no other way of making contact with Winston. Winston was the real enigma. I was dying to find out what he knew and he seemed just as eager to tell it.
Another visit to the Bergnum estate was crucial in gaining the knowledge I believed would ultimately get my memory back and essentially save my soul.
But I’m scared to death of leaving this house. I wasn’t so sure that the Apolluon couldn’t hurt me after hearing Athena’s warning. I couldn’t shake her words. The probability of running into the Apolluon again was a certainty.
Dinner was quiet tonight. Bethany decided to have dinner in her sitting room. She complained of a headache. I knew better. If I were her, I guess I would want as little contact with everyone for one night. The children ate quickly and were sent up to their rooms as usual. Thaddeus and Alexandria barely spoke to me, anyone at the table, or to each other. I couldn’t help but wonder what that was about. To no fault of my own, I was beginning to feel like a selfcentered person; believing that everything had something to do with me. I couldn’t help wondering if their lack of banter had to do with their evident disappointment of me returning as a disobedient amnesiac. It was pointless to worry about how they felt at the moment. It can’t be any worse than the rollercoaster of emotions I’m riding, and have been on for the past three days. Has it only been three days?
It was obvious that Evan’s mind was preoccupied as he played with the food on his plate. I guess it can't be easy to have the love of your life reject you.
Like a little boy forced to eat veggies, he continued to play hockey with his Brussels sprouts.
I wanted to talk to Evan about my encounter with Athena, but every time I thought to bring it up, Thaddeus would begin talking about the mines, and how much silver they were extracting each day. The man seemed a little obsessed with the lucrative minerals. I chewed my food quickly as I tuned in and out of the conversation regarding all the silver that was being hauled to Bedwyn City through Gold Hill on the Bergnum railroad. It was a different side of Thaddeus that even Evan appeared to be tuning out. After dinner, Thaddeus and Alexandria excused themselves as did Evan and Nikolas, so I never got the chance to divulge what Athena had proclaimed. I wondered, with the sensation of icicles slipping down my back, if my memory would return before my soul could be snatched.
TwentyThree
The Femme Fatale
I fell asleep quickly, every ligament exhausted, to wake up from my slumber with the room still dark. The wispy fingers of the moon’s haze delicately clawed through the lace curtain panels, bringing in inadequate light. I peered at the marble and gold clock, and was surprised to read that it was only three in the morning. Lying still for a moment, no longer feeling sleepy at all, but strangely full of energy, I wonder what, if anything had awakened me.
I didn't hear anything; not a sound. The house was tranquil. The dead silence was only broken by my own uneven breathing. It's not unusual for me to wake in the middle of the night but whenever I did, I’d be groggy and desperate to fall back to sleep. This night was antithetic because I was bursting with unexplainable energy.
I jumped out of bed and began to pace the wooden floor. Athena’s words rang like chimes in my head. I was running out of time. My memory should have been restored an hour after I got here, and it has been three days since I time travelled, and only bits and pieces have returned; nothing substantial. I’ve prayed every night that I would wake up the next morning either back in the future with this nightmare long forgotten, or if I woke up in the past I would wake knowing everything about myself. I prayed that when I woke I would have all my hopes, fears, emotions in check. Instead I’ve awakened every morning with neither prayer answered. Existing in a fog for months or years like some terminal amnesiac is not what I considered to be living. That’s if I got to live. According to Athena, I was doomed. Hades had plans for the strongest Ischeros once the Apolluon figured out whom that was.
I stopped pacing and sat on the bench at the foot of my bed. I held my head in my hands, and pressed my elbows into my thighs. I had contemplated mentioning my brief encounter with Athena to Evan last night, but thanks to the long winded and silver boasting Thaddeus Capius, I never got the chance. Evan should be privy to the timetable of my capture and death. I expected that he would know what to do. Evan would protect me. Surely he had a plan. Perhaps Zeus will jump in and save me from his evil brother. Surely a father wouldn’t hesitate to defend his daughter. He wouldn’t allow his daughter to die and be sent to the Land of the Shadows. Had I been praying to the wrong God?
Now that I’ve accepted the idea of Zeus as my father, it’s brought on thoughts of my fake parents and the ill feeling that wouldn’t subside. They won't remember my existence, and would probably not acknowledge me if they saw me now. I still missed my fake parents terribly; more so the normalcy that comes with powerless, nondeities as parents.
Damn it. Here I go again.
The tears rolled, and my cheeks were damp. I held my face in my hands and cried. I would have wailed, but that would risk waking the entire household. Stop it, I scolded myself. I’m tired of crying about things that I couldn't change.
Evan came to mind; Evan, my resurrector. Evan, my powerful werewolf slayer. Evan, my soul mate. Evan, my fiancé. Could I fall in love with someone I genuinely felt I didn’t know? Was that even possible? I knew that I felt something, and it was dangerously surfacing. A part of me wanted to express what I was feeling for him, yet the other part of me, the stronger part of me, that wanted to know more; a lot more, fought for control.
During dinner last night, it was obvious how I had hurt Evan. He had sat wounded, not saying a word. He had kept his eyes on his plate, and his hands busily shifting his food around. Making amends was a concern but not a chief one. I knew if I tried to make amends now, he might that as a sign to start wherever we had left off two years ago. Because I didn’t remember being in a relationship with him, I felt inexperienced since I had never really had a real boyfriend. I felt like a nervous kid learning to ride a bike with training wheels, and beside me was an impatient parent who kept suggesting that the training wheels be taken off. I wasn't ready to remove my training wheels. Evan would have to wait if his feelings were sincere. At this time I wasn't able to offer him any other choice.
I watched the lace curtains on my windows as they lifted gently in the faint breeze that was barely a breeze at all. It made the lack of air conditioners in this point in time almost unlivable. Usually, during autumn, the days were still very warm, and the evenings only slightly cooler, but pleasant. This night was as antithetic as the last. I was thirsty, so I decided to get a drink of water. I stretched upward with my arms extended above my head, and my feet taut like a ballerinas as I got up from the bench, and slipped my feet into my uncomfortably toasty slippers. I threw on my silk robe, padded across the large room to the double doors, and cracked one of them open. I was halted immediately by what I saw in the aperture. Quickly minimizing the open space between the two doors, so that I wouldn't be noticed, I slyly peered through, and saw Bethany quietly making her way to her bedroom.
She was wearing the same dress she had worn yesterday and the matching bonnet to her dress, so I presumed that she must be coming home from somewhere. At three in the morning? She moved at a snail's pace, and appeared to be gliding on a slow motion belt similar to the ones you grab your luggage off of at the airport. She disappeared into her room through her doors without ever opening them.
I stood at my door for a long moment wondering where she could be coming from at this hour. I finally closed both my doors when I couldn't come up with a conclusion. I opened the doors to my veranda and the aroma of the roses, freesia, lilac, and orange blossoms wrapped around me like a tender hug, and flooded my senses. I focused, and looked down at the dim town below.
The light posts were all lit, but I was too far above town to see anything, or hear any sounds coming from C Street. The only places known to be open on the main street at this time of night, were the saloons. Bethany wasn’t the type that hung out at all hours of the night at a saloon.
I left the veranda, and cracked my bedroom doors open once more. I stuck my head out this time, and noticed the light coming from under Nikolas’
bedroom door. I couldn’t be sure if his light had been on when I saw Bethany come in. There was light streaming out from under Bethany's as well. I looked down the opposite end of the long and wide hallway to Evan's room, and saw that his lights were out.
The silence was abolished when I began to hear faint voices. I tried not to breathe so that I could be sure. Even though they were muffled, I was absolutely certain I heard voices. I tiptoed out into the hallway, and stopped when I was right outside Bethany's doors. Once I realized that the voices weren't coming from there, I cautiously tiptoed in the direction of Nikolas’ room. With my ear against one of the double doors to his bedroom, I heard Bethany’s and Nikolas’ voices clearly.
“Why were you with that whore?” Bethany hissed.
“Calm down Beth, or you will alert everyone in this house.” Nikolas demanded, in a gruff whisper.
“Calm down? I will not calm down.” Bethany challenged angrily. “That harlot has been stalking Cordelia and I.” When I heard my name mentioned I almost ran back to my room, but eavesdropping was quickly becoming a passion of mine. I felt guilty doing it, but it seemed to be the only way I ever found anything out. Everyone seemed hell bent on keeping me out of the loop.
“I know,” Nikolas said, sounding exhausted. “But, right now, you're behaving like a child. It's not what you think Beth.” Nikolas tried to explain defensively. He didn’t appreciate Bethany’s accusatory questioning, and I could tell that he was getting angrier as his tone dropped about forty degrees.
“And what am I thinking Niko?” It was obvious that Bethany was irritated by Nikolas' icy tone, because hers sent chills down my spine. “Your gifts don’t include mind reading therefore, don't presume to know what I think Nikolas! I saw you leave her house!”
“Did you follow me?” Nikolas demanded.
“No... I didn’t follow you. My visions, when they do come, have never betrayed me. So tell me, why are you paying her visits?”
“Your visions you say? Well then you should have all the answers.” Nikolas acknowledged sarcastically.