Authors: Sandra Kitt
When Alex opened his eyes and looked around he realized he wanted to leave. This room made him uneasy. It was a small bedroom, outfitted and lived in with a woman’s things. It was too cozy, and too in need of the one thing that would complete the domestic picture. A man around the house. He glanced down at the sleeping woman next to him. Valerie was the only woman he’d ever known who looked beautiful while she slept. He swung his body out of the bed.
“Where are you going?”
The voice was slurred and sleepy, but still incredibly sexy and inviting. Alex felt her hand on his back. It lightly stroked the skin and explored the surface with incredible sensitivity. As much as he felt the need to get up, Alex also felt the quickly rising desire that made his penis surge into an erection.
“It’s almost light. I better go …”
Valerie shifted with a sensual twist of her body until she was facing Alex. Her drowsy gaze was warm and welcoming, her abundant hair a flamelike enticement billowing out on the pillow around her. Her hand slid along his thigh, curving the fingers inward, enticingly close to his genitals.
“Megan’s at a girlfriend’s for the night, remember?” Her voice was throaty and seductive.
Alex glanced down at her, feeling the heat of longing. Her nightgown had thin straps that barely held it in place over her body, and a thin fabric that molded to her skin and showed the outline of her breasts and nipples. He watched Valerie’s eyes and mouth, which held the kind of patience and calm of someone who knew she would get what she wanted.
He wished she hadn’t mentioned Megan, but the child was the one person he was most concerned about. At twelve she was perhaps old enough to understand the practice of dating, and men and women being together. Alex wasn’t comfortable with Megan finding out what was happening between her mother and himself. He and Valerie had been very careful to appear to be not more than friends in her company. He didn’t want to give either of them the wrong impression.
“What about your neighbors?”
Valerie smiled. “You’ve never lived in a bedroom community, have you? If you did you’d know that everyone has interesting secrets behind their closed doors.”
Her hand grazed against him, and Alex knew he was going to give in. Alex turned in one swift agile motion and gathered Valerie against him. There wasn’t any foreplay to speak of. They just got to it.
Alex slid his hands up Valerie’s thighs and hips and torso, taking the light gown with him and pulling it over her head. Her skin was very pale, and Alex found it disconcerting that she had so little color, except for her body hair. She had wiggled onto her back, arching it so that her breasts, beautifully formed and firm, jutted out toward him. Valerie boldly wrapped her hand around his hard penis, and Alex groaned as she began to stimulate him.
Somehow, though, this felt wrong. Being with Valerie gave him only some of what he wanted. He looked into her flushed face and then closed his eyes tightly, trying to hold the image. There was another face that would have taken her place. The imagery took Alex by surprise, and confused him. He settled between Valerie’s legs and brought them together. Her body moved with him, and the very center of her held him fast and captive. Neither of them lasted very long. Their climax was explosive. There was no lingering euphoria or deep closeness. It didn’t change one iota the way Alex was feeling.
What he wanted and what he got seemed to keep missing each other. It reminded him, suddenly, of some of the things he’d read in that journal belonging to Dallas. About her family and her relationship to her stepmother. It reminded Alex of himself and Vin. He recalled her feeling caught between two heritages but unclaimed by either. About this deep and persistent ache of emptiness that needed to be filled … by family. About Dallas’s friendship with Valerie and all it meant to her, but also how it had disappointed her.
His feelings seemed like a betrayal, given what he and Valerie had just done together, to be lying in her bed thinking about her best friend. But strangely enough Dallas’s confusion wasn’t much different from his own.
Valerie was curled up next to him, her body flushed and warm. Her fingers played idly in the hair on his chest, and then went still. He knew she’d fallen back to sleep. Finally he got out of the bed, feeling both relief and urgency. Alex headed for the bathroom and the shower, hoping the therapeutic pelting of the water would clear his mind.
He had to be careful. What he wanted and what he was getting were not the same thing.
Valerie smiled when she heard the doorbell. She thought that Alex had returned. She couldn’t think of anything he’d forgotten. He was very careful not to leave or disturb things in her house because of Megan. Valerie had already told Alex that he could relax. She wanted Megan to get used to the idea of Alex’s presence. She wanted them to like each other and get along.
Valerie breezily headed toward the door and loosely tied the belt of her robe. She hadn’t begun to get dressed yet for work and was still naked under the soft flimsy covering. Valerie chuckled as she opened the door. She was going to be late. But so what …
However, she stood with her mouth opened when she saw that it was not Alex. For a moment she hadn’t the first idea who this tall, broad man was. Except that there was an immediate visceral response to his obvious masculinity. Then Valerie placed him. He was Alex’s friend. Ross something-or-other. His alert gaze, his infuriatingly complacent smile, reminded Valerie that he made her nervous. Actually, she was sure that she really didn’t like him very much. Alex spoke with near reverence about his friend, which was another reason Valerie decided she didn’t like the man. She had learned enough about Alex to realize that there weren’t many people he held in high regard. To be singled out was to be made special. She wasn’t sure she’d achieved that status, yet.
Valerie quickly realized that she was fairly exposed in the light robe, and although he was controlled enough to keep his attention on her face, Ross was clearly enjoying the fact that he’d caught her off guard. His nonchalance, his seeming unawareness of her reaction, drove Valerie to be brusque and ungracious.
“What do you want?”
“Good morning,” Ross said with a pleasant smile. “Ross Manning.”
Valerie discreetly tried to wrap the robe tighter about herself until she realized it caused the material to hug her breasts and display them rather prominently. She crossed her arms over her chest.
“I know who you are.”
“Is Alex here?”
Ross took a step into the doorway, forcing her back. She’d had no intentions of inviting him in, but he gave her no choice. And she certainly couldn’t continue to stand in the door with almost nothing on.
“What made you think he would be here?” she asked.
“He was supposed to call me last night and didn’t. We were supposed to get together this morning, now we can’t. It’s late.” His smile widened. “I didn’t have to be Sherlock Holmes to figure out where he’d be.”
“Well, he’s not here,” Valerie said, neither confirming nor denying that he had been. “I’m sorry, I’ll have to ask you to …”
“I think you ought to know, you can’t have him.”
Valerie’s mouth dropped open. She quickly recovered and narrowed her eyes on him. “What did you say?” she questioned in a disbelieving voice.
Ross finally let his attention wander. But it wasn’t lascivious and obvious. His gaze didn’t strip her bare as other men had been wont to do. It was openly admiring, but it was also … polite.
He shook his head. “I can see why Alex is so taken with you. But I don’t think you can write the happy ending you want with him.”
Valerie blushed, something that was as foreign to her as being ignored. “Who the hell do you think you are? Who asked you?”
“I’m his friend,” Ross answered easily, not the least perturbed by her indignation.
“Well, friend or no friend, I don’t think Alex is going to appreciate that you …”
“You don’t understand,” Ross interrupted her. A slow smile began at the corner of his mouth. Amused. Patient. Warm. “I’m not worried about Alex. He can take care of himself … most of the time. I’m trying to warn you.”
Valerie was totally confused. She didn’t know how to respond to such a direct approach. Now, oddly enough, she did feel exposed. It was as if this man had unerringly found a way to look into her heart. Even Valerie wasn’t sure what he’d find.
“I don’t know what you’re up to, but you have a lot of nerve coming here like this and jumping into my business. Now, will you please leave …” Valerie said, walking past him and reaching for the door.
“Don’t do that,” Ross instructed, again in a smooth, even tone. Not a demand. Not urgent or a plea. A preemptive suggestion. He wasn’t finished yet.
“Look, I’m starting to get
real
annoyed with you. I don’t have time for this.”
Ross calmly put up his hand. He took yet another step closer to her, and Valerie stood her ground. That made him smile. He liked that. She wasn’t afraid of him. “Stop playing games, Valerie. Alex is trying to clean the ghosts out of his closet. You’re looking for a good man.”
Ross reached past her, not touching her as he opened the door. Valerie stood back out of his way.
“How can you be so sure that Alex doesn’t want me?” Valerie found herself asking with a combination of defiance and curiosity.
“Oh, he wants you, all right. But it’s not the same thing as being in love with you.”
Valerie watched Ross as he stood in her doorway. He filled nearly the whole frame. “I think you’re jealous. I think it annoys you that Alex wants to spend more time with me than he does with you. You’re the one that needs to get a life.”
He grinned. “I’m working on it.”
“Well, I wish you luck. You’re going to need it. You’re the most arrogant, obnoxious man I’ve ever met. A good friend would
never
try to control a friend’s life.”
“You’re absolutely right. But a best friend would never stand by and let a friend get hurt.”
Valerie felt the blush return. She began to push the door closed on him. “Please go. I have to get ready for work.”
“Okay, I’m gone. But one more thing.”
She glared silently at him but waited.
“Megan is a great little girl. Don’t give her a reason to be disappointed in you.”
She closed the door in his face.
Alex drove into the service center and parked his car along a fence. It was out of the way, and wouldn’t be mistaken as being in need of work. He turned off his engine, climbed out of the car, and glanced around.
The lot looked smaller than he remembered. Maybe because everything looked smaller once you go away and come back. But it also looked exactly the same. The large metal sign with the name of the business,
MARCO MECHANICS, EST. 1947
, was bent from seasonal winter winds over the years. The words were faded and peeling and barely legible. Everything about the establishment looked worn and out-of-date. And it didn’t seem busy. Two cars were pulled up to the self-service pump, being gassed up. There was one car up on a four-pull rack, but no one working on it. There were no sounds of work anywhere. There were several cars in a side lot, and Alex guessed that Vin had acquired them in trade or secondhand in the hopes of rebuilding them to sell. The cars looked like they’d been there for a while. He didn’t think work was going to begin anytime soon.
Alex began walking to the small brick building that housed the office. Through the glass window he could see Vin, seated at an old wooden desk and talking on the phone. Even the furniture had not changed in all these years. Alex stood for a moment, trying to sort out his feelings as he watched his father in some business discussion. As he watched it occurred to him that like Marco Mechanics, Vin was beginning to show his age as well. The realization brought Alex up short. He could see the deeply etched grooves on the sides of Vin’s nose and mouth. The nose itself seemed to have changed shape with age, broadening. His hair, still remarkably thick, had very little grey. The compact body was less muscled and hard, a little more thick, but still sturdy and strong. He wore reading glasses. But there was no question that Vin was getting on.
Still, Alex could see what it was about Vin that would have appealed to women. Vincent Marco was a man’s man in the old sense of the word. He was a strong and handsome man who made gentle women feel protected, shy women feel beautiful and special.
As if sensing his presence, Vin glanced up and caught sight of Alex. He didn’t much like the sense of being the outsider looking in, but it accurately described his relationship with his father. Alex didn’t expect Vin to invite him into the office. That would have been out of character. When Vin glanced back down at a pile of receipts in front of him, ignoring him, Alex just continued to stand there and watch. It had taken Alex years to figure out that just because Vin seemed indifferent to things didn’t mean that he was. Only wary and threatened … and confused. The knowledge, however, did not make Alex feel any better.
He began idly walking around the lot, making note of the equipment and the extent of the services Marco Mechanics provided its customers. When he was growing up, his friend Benny Almos had gotten him an after-school job at a gas station belonging to an uncle. Alex guessed he’d had some idea that if he knew something about his father’s business, perhaps Vin would hire him. They could get to know each other. It didn’t happen.
Alex looked around. There were no customers. He checked his watch. It was still early yet. The place looked the same as that day when he was about fifteen, and had traveled all the way from Brooklyn in search of a man named Vincent Marco. The man his mother had finally admitted was his natural father. The man he used to think would magically show up and claim him, thrilled that he had a son.
Sometimes I think it would have been better if I was just adopted. Then I wouldn’t worry so much if my father really loved me. I would know that he was just feeling sorry for me because there was nobody else who wanted me.
Alex remembered reading that in Dallas’s journal. He’d figured out that she’d come to her father when she was about five years old after her mother had died. Alex could imagine what that must have been like. Vin had stared blankly at him and said, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Then Vin had walked away, and not looked back.