Between Now and Goodbye (25 page)

'And you're almost back to normal.' I grin at her. I can feel her heart racing in her chest, she's that close to me.

'I uh...I have to go.' She pulls back, looking flustered and hot. Her cheeks red.

'But we're watching a movie.'

'Yeah, I uh, know... I just... I'll be right back, I just have to go to my house and... do... uh... I'll be back.' She stumbles towards the fence.

'You ok?'

'Fine.' She calls over her shoulder. 'I'll be back in a minute.'

'Yeah, ok.' I call after her. That was incredibly weird.

Thirty – Julie

After everything I did for her today, she had the nerve to throw those clothes back in my face. All I did was tell her that she was being ungrateful, that she looked better how I'd styled her, and yes, ok, maybe I went a little overboard when I told her she was a cheaply dressed embarrassment, but I was angry.

I left the clothes there with her, because I'm a size four and have no use for the clothes I bought for her. So I told her she'd just have to pay me back for them. That's when she threw them at me and started yelling. Then she changed into some of her own clothes, took off the make-up I spent ages doing and stormed out.

I didn't stick around to see if she'd come back. I just stormed out and drove back home. I was trying to do something nice for her. Make her better. Take her out of her decidedly thrift store style, and give her just a little bit of class.

If she was this difficult when she lived with her dad, I wouldn't blame him if he spent more time working, and wasn't around her all that much.

She was horrible today. Just because as she put it, she felt like I was telling her she wasn't good enough to be my friend, which I mean, come on, it's not like she's exactly on the same level as me, I'm her friend because Charles made friends with her when she moved in, and I've known Charles my whole life. If she'd moved into a different house, and never started hanging out with Charles, I never would have even noticed her.

I wanted to improve her and she threw it in my face, so why shouldn't I charge her for the clothes she wore today? I can't do anything with them now.

I flop down onto my bed, pull my laptop towards me and open up the file on Libby's dad.

I have to think about this logically. Perhaps the reason Libby is so against change, is because the last big change she had was losing her dad. If I can reunite her with him, then she'll have to see that I only ever do things to make her life better.

I didn't get a lot of progress made last night. Wherever they lived in the past, they seem to have kept a very low profile. Especially Libby. I haven't been able to find one single hint of her in any of the places, even when I've found odd snippets of information about Pippa or their mom. The closest I've found is that first article I found about Pippa, which mentioned she had a sister but didn't give her a name.

I ended up getting frustrated and giving up on the search last night. How can three people have moved about so much, and left hardly any trace of where they'd been? I don't even know what her dad's name is yet, and that's making this search infinitely harder.

I pad down the stairs, leaving behind me yet to be restarted research. I usually hate it when the doorbell rings on days when the housekeeper is off, but today it's a welcome distraction from the seemingly impossible task of finding Libby's dad.

'Morning Charles.' I smile as I pull the door open. I kind of suspected that it would be him. He's not taking this whole break-up thing well. It kind of makes me happy that he still wants to fight for me. So I smile and let him in. As soon as he steps inside, he hands me a large bag.

'What's this?' I smile. Presents will always give him bonus points.

'Those are the things you bought for Libby yesterday, notice how I used the phrase you bought, since she neither asked for or wanted them. So, you can have them back and either alter them to fit you, or give them away to charity or a friend. You won't charge her for them, because once again, she didn't ask for them and she didn't want them. You guilt tripped her into letting you dress her up and completely change who she is, so you won't charge her for the clothes.'

'You don't get to tell me what I can and can't do,' I snap at him, dropping the bag down onto the floor, 'you couldn't do that when we were dating, so you definitely can't do it now.'

'You're going to apologize to her for how you acted yesterday, and don't you dare ever tell her that she's not good enough, because she's perfect the way she is, and nobody deserves to have their friends make them feel worthless. Got that?'

'You're not her protector you know, you don't have to rush to her defense every time she decides to be overly sensitive.'

'No, I'm not her protector, but I am her best friend, which means I am going to protect her. I just hadn't realized that I'd ever need to protect her from you.'

'You don't have to protect her from me. I wasn't hurting her, I was making her better.'

'No.' He says, 'You were making her into someone more like you, but that isn't who she is, and when she told you that she didn't like it, you made her feel worthless about herself. You can't play with people like that.'

'I wasn't playing with her.' I snap. I cannot believe I am standing here having him yell at me. Isn't he supposed to be trying to win me back? Isn't he supposed to be the one who loves me and would do anything for me? So why is he yelling at me?

'Apologize to her, because she doesn't deserve all those things you said to her yesterday.' Charles talks calmly now, and in a way that's worse than when he was yelling.

'I was only trying to help.'

'I know that in your way you believe you were trying to help, but you need to listen to people. If she's happy with the way she looks, then leave her alone and don't make her feel bad about herself.'

'I'm sorry, ok?' I say looking down at the ground. I don't want him to be mad at me, because if he's mad at me, he might stop trying to fight for me, and if he does that, he might start moving on, and then I might not be the first one to move on. 'I shouldn't have done it and I won't charge her for the clothes. I was just upset.'

'Will you apologize to her?'

'Yes.'

'Without using expensive gifts as an apology?' He raises an eyebrow.

'Yes, without expensive gifts.' I nod.

'And you'll let her know that you don't need her to be dressed in designer clothes to be her friend?'

'Sure, yes, ok.' I nod and then smile at him, 'You're not really mad at me are you?'

'Right now, yeah, I am.' He shakes his head, 'I don't like seeing my friends get hurt.'

'I know you don't, you're the most loyal friend ever.' I reply, 'I really am sorry.'

'Then tell Libs that, because you really hurt her.'

'I will, I promise. I'll make it up to her.' I say, thinking about the file on my computer. That will be the perfect way to make it up to her.

'Good.' He sighs.

'So...' I say thinking for a second. I need to keep Charles hopeful about our relationship if I'm going to move on first, 'Feel like doing something today? We could go watch a movie, or grab some lunch at that great little Greek place.'

'I can't, sorry.' He smiles apologetically and I know he's not entirely angry at me anymore.

'Oh, that's ok, are you busy with your mom?'

'No, Libs mom has taken my mom and the kids out for the day.'

'Oh, so, what are you doing today?'

'Libs, Colin and I are going for a hike.' He replies, 'You're welcome to join us.'

'A hike.' I laugh loudly, 'Yeah, no thanks.'

'I figured.' He nods, 'You'll call Libs later and apologize?'

'Yeah.' I nod.

'Good.' He smiles at me again, 'I'll see you later.'

'Yeah, ok.' I nod again and watch as he leaves.

Thirty One – Libby

'You look different.' Colin stares at me when Charles and I get out of my car at the bottom of the hiking trail we'll be taking. I spent the entire ride over her, trying to figure out why I freaked out when Charles held me last night when he got the hose out. I've managed to convince myself that it didn't mean anything, just a momentary blip. 'Did you do something to your hair?' Colin asks.

'No.' I say, because even though my hair was very different yesterday, after Charles raining the hose down on us, it's back to normal today.

'Did you lose weight?'

'Since yesterday?' I raise an eyebrow.

'Well, you could be wearing that stuff that makes you look smaller, the Lycra stuff. My mom uses it.'

'Colin, she's practically skin and bones, what would that stuff pull in?' Charles laughs.

'Ok, true, but something is definitely different.'

'I now see why guys have a reputation of being unobservant.' Charles says, 'Colin, her skin is several shades darker.'

'Oh yeah, how did that happen?'

'It's a long story and one I'd rather not go into.' I sigh.

'The main thing is that she looks nice exactly how she is.' Charles says. A warm fizz starts in my stomach, which is crazy. Yes, it's nice to be flattered, but I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm going to burst into tears if someone criticizes the way I look. I suppose I can't really blame him, since I've had three rather large freak outs around him since I came back from New York.

'She does,' Colin agrees, 'very beautiful.'

'Uh, thanks.' I reply. Could Julie be right? Does Colin like me as more than a friend? 'So we should get started, right?'

'Is all the attention, making you embarrassed?' Colin laughs.

'I'm not used to it.'

'That can't be true, someone as pretty as you.' Colin smiles again.

'I'm not pretty.' I say honestly. I've never thought I was pretty. I don't think I look awful, but I'm plain.

'Libs,' Charles stops me and tilts my head up. He's close to me, his eyes holding mine, I feel like I'm about to fall to the floor, 'you are pretty, really pretty.' I haven't taken a breathe, I really need to...Charles steps back, 'Colin tell her.'

'He's right,' Colin says, and I breathe. That was weird, and it's never happened before. I think the heat must be messing with me, 'you're really pretty.'

'Ok, you can stop now.' I blush fiercely, walking ahead of them both. Thankfully, neither of them decide to keep talking about me. Instead the conversation settles into a much more palatable subject.

'I think you've got the right idea.' Colin says after a while of talking. He claps Charles on the back, 'I wish I could drop out of school and just get my GED.'

'Yeah the problem is that colleges and medical schools, they don't see things the same way as you do.'

'They should.' Colin replies passionately, 'You're having to drop out to care for your family, and yet you're still dedicated enough to study and get a qualification. You didn't have to get your GED. So colleges and medical schools should take that into account, and they should let you enroll.'

'He's right.' I say, 'You're not giving up because you hate school, or you can't be bothered, and you're not failing out. You're still getting an education, even if it won't be in an actual school.'

'It doesn't matter anyway,' Charles says keeping a steady pace, 'College isn't a feasible option at the moment.'

'I think you're brave,' Colin says as we break through into the clearing at the top of the path, 'growing up so fast to look after your family. Not a lot of kids would be able to do that.'

'It's not brave.' Charles replies.

'Yes, it is,' I nod, 'what you're doing is incredibly brave and selfless.'

'You see, the pretty girl agrees with me.' Colin grins at me and I groan.

'Please don't start that again.' I beg.

'Ok, ok.' Colin raises both arms up, 'Maybe then we should turn our attention towards the brave and selfless guy who clearly needs a talking to.'

'Why do I need a talking to?' Charles asks.

'Because of a certain ex-girlfriend of yours, that you seem to want back.'

'What about her?' Charles asks.

'She's not worth your time. Things are over between the two of you, maybe you should just let it go now. Find someone new who actually loves you.'

'Julie loves him.' I point out.

'Julie broke up with him.' Colin counters, 'Come on Libby, back me up here. Standing before us, we have a brave, selfless, kind hearted guy. I can't comment on his looks, though he isn't repulsive. Libby would you say in your opinion that Charles is a good looking guy?

'Yes,' I laugh, feeling none of the weird feelings from last night or earlier, proving it meant nothing. 'Very good looking.'

'Well, there you have it. Brave, selfless, kind hearted, good looking, and intelligent. Do you not agree, that he could do better than Julie?'

'You don't know Julie well enough.' Charles protests.

'I know that she doesn't like me because I live in a trailer park. I know she judges people based on what kind of clothes they wear. I know that she tried to change you while the two of you were dating. What I don't know, is what you saw in her in the first place.'

'I grew up with her. She wasn't always so...she wasn't always the was she is now. She never used to care what people wore or how well off they were. We were just best friends and then dated and...'

'And the girl you fell for isn't the girl she is now.' Colin replies, 'You guys have been broken up for a while now.'

'Five days.' Charles replies.

'Right, so in those five days have you actually taken a step back to look at the relationship you had with her. Look at who she really is and not just the idea of her you've carried with you since you were kids?'

'I don't need to take a step back. I love her.'

'Colin, if he loves her then it's up to him if he tries to win her back.' I say. Charles is always standing up for me, so I feel like I should stand up for him, even if I'm starting to agree that Julie isn't the best person for Charles.

'Do you know how many girls there are at school who would love to be your girlfriend?' Colin asks. 'Nice, sweet girls who wouldn't try and change you. Libby, don't you think that Charles deserves a nice, sweet girl who won't try and change him?'

'I think Charles deserves the respect to choose who he wants to be with.' I say sitting down in the tall grass, letting it tickle my bare legs.

'Thank you.' Charles sits down next to me, 'You see, this is why she's my best friend.'

'Ok, ok.' Colin raises his arms up and sits on the other side of me, his hand brushing against mine. He doesn't move his, so I move mine up onto my lap. 'The two of you are hopeless, neither of you see the good sides of yourselves.'

'No,' I shake my head, 'but we see the good sides of each other, and really that's what counts.'

'Very true.' Charles nods and lays back on the ground. Closing his eyes and letting the sun hit him. It's nice seeing him so relaxed, he's been so stressed lately, that seeing him like this feels good. I only hope that it can last.

The relaxed Charles doesn't last long. It doesn't even last until we walk into his house that evening, because as soon as we step inside, Katie springs on us, tears spilling down her face.

'What happened?' Charles reaches for her as she rushes towards him. She hugs him tightly.

'Mom's really bad,' Katie sobs, 'she had another seizure.'

'Where is she now?' Charles asks.

'Libby's mom and I got her into bed, she's sleeping. Charles it was...I've never seen her have a seizure before, I always leave when they start but I didn't this time. I tried to be strong for her, like you are, but it was horrible.' Katie holds onto him tightly, and I rub her back. 'It's really bad isn't it Charles? Worse than I thought?'

'It is bad.' Charles says quietly, 'But there's still hope.'

'There's always hope.' I add.

'I just hadn't realized how bad it was.' Katie cries, 'I wish I had known.'

'I'm sorry,' Charles holds her tightly, 'I should have told you more, I should have made you realize how things were.'

'I didn't want to know. I do now, though, Charles, I need to know.'

'Ok,' he nods, 'Ok, we'll talk now. Wait for me in the lounge and I'll check on mom and then be in to talk.' He says, she nods tearfully and walks off.

'Char, what do you need?' I ask him.

'Uh I...I don't...' He shakes his head, tears in his eyes that break my heart, 'how do I tell her Libs? How do I tell my fifteen year old sister that our mom isn't responding to treatment?'

'You treat her like she's me. You can talk to me about all of this stuff. She's more mature than you think Char.'

'Ok.' He nods, 'I hate this.'

'I know.'

'I mean it, I really hate this.' He says angrily.

'I know Char.' I want to make this better for him, but there is no better in this situation. All I can do is help him where I can. 'What do you need? Do you need me to talk to her with you? Do you want me to sit with your mom, because my mom will need to leave, she has sewing class tonight.'

'Uh...mom's sleeping so she's fine.' Char shakes his head, 'The kids will need dinner so...'

'Say no more, I'll whip something up.'

'Are you sure, you can just order...'

'Please,' I laugh, 'I'm an aspiring cook, I will not be ordering in.'

'Fair enough.' He smiles, 'Thanks Libs.'

'No problem.' I smile. 'It will be ok Char, she's mature enough to handle it, and you'll know how to tell her, how to comfort her.'

'I hope so.' He says. I hope so too, because he doesn't need any more stress in his life.

Thirty Two – Charles

After the night that I came home from the hike to find Katie in tears, mom actually started making progress, and she hasn't had another seizure in two weeks. This week she's starting a new round of chemotherapy, one which will hopefully shrink the tumor to a size which can be operated on.

All of us are hopeful, with me and my mom airing closer on the cautious side of hopeful. I was more hopeful after just a week of no seizures, and less vomiting. However, my mom warned me not to get too hopeful, because she's gone through good patches like this before.

So things with my mom have been better on the whole for the past two weeks. Things with Julie, not so much.

Julie and Libby aren't fighting anymore, which is a good thing. However, I'm supposed to be a long way into phase two, proximity. It just seems that Julie and I don't spend much time together. I'm either at home busy taking care of things, or I'm at my new job.
She's always busy working on some secret project with Carly, one that she won't reveal a thing about. I assume it's got something to do with her end of summer party.

I've been spending most of my free time with Libby, because despite Julie calling her home from New York, so that they could spend more time together. Julie has been more interested in this secret project, and has actually only spent a couple of days with Libby.

Today is one of the days that Libby is spending with Julie down at the beach, and it's the first time in almost two weeks that I've actually seen Julie for more than a couple of minutes.

I'm down at the beach with Julie, Libby and Colin. While Katie is back at the house helping mom out. That's one other thing which has improved over the past two weeks. After having that conversation with Katie about how things really are, she's been around the house a lot more often. Mom's illness doesn't seem to scare her as much as it did before. She's even been having cooking lessons with Libby, so she's been helping out a lot by making some of the meals.

So today I have some time to myself, which feels strange. Libby's been teasing me that I was like a parent leaving their kids with a sitter for the first time. Constantly wanting to check on them.

I look up now over to Libby. She's in the water with Colin, both of them jumping over the waves as they roll in. I'd wanted to go in as well, swim off some of my anxiety. I didn't go in though, because Julie wanted to stay on the sand and work on her tan, and I'm working on proximity.

'What do you think of that?' Julie asks, nodding towards the water.

'Of what?' I ask.

'Of Libby and Colin.' She rolls my eyes like it's the most obvious thing in the world.

'What about them?' It's clearly not obvious to me.

'What do you think about them as a couple?' She asks.

'They're not a couple.' I choke out.

'No,' she keeps her eyes on them, 'but they will be.'

'You think?' I watch them as well. They're laughing together, both of them look carefree and happy. Are they thinking of becoming a couple? I never would have put the two of them together, but I suppose there's nothing stopping them. They get on well, they've known each other a while and they're both nice people. I just, there's something I don't quite like about the two of them together. I can't see it somehow.

I feel an elbow hit into my ribs and I realize I've been staring at Libby and Colin, and not paying attention to whatever it is that Julie just said.

'Sorry, what?' I shake my head and turn back to Julie.

'I said that Colin obviously really likes her.'

'Maybe, but I don't think Libs likes him that way.' I say instantly, 'She's never mentioned it.'

'No, but she wouldn't would she.' Julie shrugs, 'She plays things very close to her chest.' She adds.

'So you really think they'll start dating?'

'I do,' Julie nods, 'or at least I'm sure he'll ask her and she'd be an idiot to say no.'

'Why would she?' I ask, 'If she isn't interested in being more than friends, then why would she be an idiot to turn him down?'

'Because she's never had a boyfriend before, and she's starting her senior year in the fall.'

'So?'

'So she doesn't want to go into her senior year never having had a boyfriend.'

'Why?' I don't get where she's coming from on this, 'You don't even like Colin, and yet you'd encourage your best friend to date him.'

'Well, yeah I don't like him, but for Libby he's fine.'

'How exactly do you work that one out?'

'Well, and don't take this the wrong way because I love Libby, like a sister, but she's not exactly going to do better is she? I mean, she's so closed off about a lot of things. It takes a really long time to fully gain her trust. She's known us for two years, and she still hasn't told us about her dad. Don't you think that's weird?'