Beyond Broken (11 page)

As I walked into the kitchen, a Post-It note was stuck to the fridge.

Praying for you. Go get ‘em Tiger
—
Bekah

A small smile tipped my lips as I folded up the yellow paper and stuck it in my purse. I grabbed a bottle of orange juice and swiped an apple from the drawer and walked out the door.

When I arrived at the Center, I paused and took a deep breath. I pushed the large glass door open, my hand holding tightly to the cool metal bar as it swung inward and the scent of herbal cleaner invaded my nostrils, calming me with its familiarity.

I clocked in and checked my schedule. Greyson. His was the only chart I had on my to-do list. Just seeing his name kicked my heart into overdrive and again my body remembered the heat from his embrace and the taste of his kiss as he invaded and captivated my mouth in absolute hunger. I sucked in a choppy breath and straightened my spine. With determination, I walked down the hall toward his room, praying with each step.

I reached up to knock on the door but stopped at the sound of loud feminine laughter. My hand paused in mid-air and I leaned closer. Muffled voices reached my ears but I couldn’t make out what they were saying. I took a deep breath and started to knock again but the door opened before I struck it.

“Oh!” A tall blonde woman with a skintight black dress almost walked right into me. Her green eyes were wide as she caught herself before tumbling, but they narrowed immediately as her catlike gaze studied me from head to toe. I took a step back and cleared my throat.

“I’m sorry, Miss… ?” I waited for her to fill in the blanks.

“Alison Fillson.” She extended a perfectly manicured hand and shook mine weakly.

“Sophia Holton.” I introduced myself and offered her a smile, which she didn’t return.

“Ah…” She turned and for the first time since he kissed me, I saw Greyson. My memory hadn’t done him justice. Even in jeans and a white t-shirt, he was beautiful, and my mouth went dry. I had to pull it together. Especially since…

“Thanks for this weekend, Greyson. You…” She paused and glanced to me. “You really are as amazing as I remember.” She winked and kissed him on the cheek before turning to leave. Her red heels clicked on the floor as she sashayed away, the scent of her perfume wafting behind her.

I took a deep breath through the pain her words brought. It hurt to even consider what her words meant. More than anything I wanted to avoid the ‘I told you so’ my mind whispered to my heart. Greyson was watching me as always, searching my face and studying my expression as if reading some captivating novel. I blinked and glanced down. Clearing my throat I managed weak smile.

“How was your weekend?” I tried cheerily as I walked past him into his room which smelled like the girl, Alison. Her perfume lingered everywhere, suffocating me, reminding me that I was replaceable, like I already had told myself but couldn’t manage to believe.

“Uh…good.” Greyson walked in behind me and I turned. He was rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly, giving me a hesitant expression that reminded me of a puppy caught doing something wrong.

“I’m glad. Let’s take your vitals.” I pulled off my stethoscope and logged into my iPad.

He walked over to the couch and sat down, extending his arm and watching me. His gaze was like a physical touch, boring through me with heat and unasked, unanswered questions.

I placed my fingers on his wrist; feeling his heat sear my skin, scald my heart.

“You’re heartbeat is a little quick, but nothing to worry about.” His heart was pounding like he had just run a marathon, quick and powerful. I tried to downplay it, but when I glanced up, I saw he wasn’t believing me. He knew his heart was racing hard. And why.

Pushing aside my morbid curiosity, I moved on to blood pressure and everything else, only speaking to him when necessary and avoiding his gaze at all costs. Just being with him was intoxicating, and as his visitor’s perfume began to fade from the room I began to smell him, his cologne and the spicy mix of masculinity that peppered the cologne’s fragrance. My own heart was beating quickly, forcefully and I just wanted to leave. By all appearances, he had spent the weekend with the beautiful woman, Alison.

Kisses to him probably meant nothing, less than nothing. Nowhere near what they meant to me. And thinking of them together only added to the stabbing pain in my heart. I had, however reluctantly, given him something that I hadn’t shared with many people. I refused to think that kissing was probably the least of what had taken place. Yet my heart whispered the words even as I tried to ignore them. Kissing was one thing — sex, completely another.

I shook my head to clear it and refocused my attention on entering his vitals into my iPad. When I finished, I glanced up. “Is there anything else? Any further concerns or questions you want me to note for the doctor?” I asked, keeping my voice calm and unaffected even if his gaze made me want to cry.

“Nothing that I want to discuss with the doctor.” A self-incriminating smirk tipped his lips and he stood, stuffing his hands in his jeans. He looked unsure, completely out his element, which was strange, unlike him. I furrowed my brow but nodded.

“Okay. Thanks. I’ll be back later to check on you.” I offered him a polite smile and turned to leave. I made it three steps. I counted.

“Sophia…” Greyson practically shouted. The sound of his tennis shoes taking a few steps kicked my heart into high gear, even as it tightened at bit at the way his voice caressed my name. “Sophia,” he whispered, caressing the word with his tone. I closed my eyes, knowing I shouldn’t let it affect me that way. He didn’t care. He’d been with another woman all weekend! He hadn’t been thinking about me at all, not like I had been thinking about him. I took a deep breath.

“Yes?” I turned, using all my self-control to keep an open and polite expression.

“It’s not… Alison didn’t… it—” He started. “It’s not—”

The door opened and I jumped. Turning I saw Dr. Solomon walk in, his head down and studying his iPad. I exhaled a deep breath of relief and took a step back.

“Hello, Greyson, Miss Holton,” Dr. Solomon mumbled and then glanced up, grinning.

I nodded and took another step back, farther away from Greyson. His eyes watched me with a mix of desperation and hurt as I edged away.

“Greyson, today you’ve got an appointment with Dr. Remington, the counselor. This is your final phase of detox. Soon you’ll be home free.” Dr. Solomon said encouragingly.

“Good news, I guess.” Greyson smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. He glanced back to me.

“If you’ll excuse me,” I said to Dr. Solomon, and then glanced to Greyson.

His gray eyes sharpened their gaze as he studied me. He knew I was running.

“Of course. Oh, Miss Holton?” Dr. Solomon called to me and I paused.

My steps faltered. “Yes?”

“It’s good to have you back.” He took a step closer to me and lowered his voice “Can you meet up with me later? I have a question for you. Perhaps at lunch?” His bright blue eyes sparkled, offering me a brief reprieve from Greyson’s stormy gaze. I relaxed.

“Of course.” I left, feeling Greyson’s gaze burn through my back as I did.

****

The day went by in slow motion. By the time lunch arrived, I was famished and emotionally drained. All I wanted was to go home. But with half the day left, it seemed like forever until I’d get my wish. I eyed the food at the cafeteria warily, and finally selected a hamburger and salad, knowing fries would just sit in my gut with all the stress I was putting myself through.

I sat down at an empty table and prayed quietly. As I lifted the burger to take a bite a shadow fell over my tray.

“Miss Holton, perfect. May I sit?” Dr. Solomon asked kindly. I gestured to the chair and chewed my food quickly so I could speak.

“Did you have a pleasant few days off?” he asked as he arranged his own food.

I swallowed and nodded again, licking my lips.

“Yeah. My roommate and I had a pretty relaxing time.” Which was true, I just didn’t want to disclose why I needed a relaxing time.

“Wonderful! I did too. I hit the beach and surfed for a while on Saturday then went stargazing. Do you like stargazing, Miss Holton?” He pierced me with a stunning blue gaze before he glanced down to pick up a french fry.

“I actually can’t say I’ve ever been stargazing,” I answered honestly.

“Maybe sometime I’ll show you, if you’d like.” His gaze was directed back to me, full of promise and hope, yet it did nothing for my heart to lift it from its current state.

“We’ll see.” I lifted a shoulder, not wanting to commit but also not wanting to read too much into his offer. It wasn’t like he was asking me out… was he? Was that even allowed?

“Next time I go I’ll let you know. Maybe you can make it.” He grinned and began eating.

We spent the rest of the lunch hour in quiet, polite conversation. It was a great distraction and kept me from thinking about where I needed to go after lunch.

When I had dumped my tray and I waved goodbye to Dr. Solomon, I remembered that he had needed to ask me a question. I slapped my tray down on the top of the trash can and rushed after him.

“Dr. Solomon?” I called, jogging to catch up.

“Yes?” He turned, an open expression on his face.

“You said you had a question for me, earlier. Was there something I could help you with?”

“Oh! Actually…” His tanned skin took on a reddish hue, as if embarrassed, or maybe it was just sunburn that I hadn’t notice before. “I already asked you, it was about stargazing. Nothing too important. I was just thinking of you when I was out there the other night and wanted to ask you… that’s all.”

But all at once I was hesitant, unsure, and uncomfortable. “Oh, okay. I just wanted to make sure.” I gave him a smile and then waved goodbye. As I walked away, I scolded myself for my stupid heart. Here I had one guy who was so wrong for me, but I was unable to pull myself away, unwilling to detach myself from falling deeper even when I knew I was falling alone. On the other side, I had a great guy, a doctor even, who had spent his life helping people, serving them and who had the perfect smile. Yet could I muster even warm reaction to him? No! But my body burned whenever I was around Greyson. It was messed up, and I was in the middle of the disaster, not knowing when or if I would ever get out in one piece.

I knocked on Greyson’s door, but he didn’t answer. I tried again and then pushed it open. The room had been freshly cleaned and the bed was perfectly made. Greyson was nowhere to be seen. I logged into my iPad and noticed I had stopped in at the same time he was scheduled for his counseling session, something I had missed earlier in my haste to get away. I took a deep breath of release and then turned to leave.

I made my other rounds, all the while knowing that I had to face Greyson soon, and this time there would be no Dr. Solomon to interrupt. As the end of my shift approached and I had finished every last possible thing to procrastinate and keep from visiting Greyson, I reluctantly walked to his room. I knocked.

He opened the door before I finished a second tap. Greyson stood with his shoulders back, fierce determination lighting up his silver gaze. I swallowed, willing my heart to stop racing at the sight of him.

“Sophia.” He said my name that way again. As if he was caressing it with the softest silk, or whispering about a sunset’s beauty.

“Hi, Greyson,” I managed, my but tone was deeper than usual, betraying my own emotions when all I wanted them to do was hide.

He stepped aside and I walked in, the sound of my own heartbeat pounding in my ears.

“How was your counseling session? Dr. Remington is very well known for his assistance in cases like yours.” I folded my hands in front of me after I set the iPad down on the table.

Greyson walked toward me, his gaze shrewdly taking in my posture, then roaming my face as if he hadn’t seen it in years and had been waiting impatiently for that long to see it.

“Good, it went well. I… have a lot to learn.” He relaxed slightly as his shoulders lost their rigid posture and his jaw softened.

“We all do,” I agreed, relaxing a bit myself.

Greyson shifted his weight from one foot another. He closed his eyes for a moment as if debating in his mind over a huge dilemma. As much as I hurt, as much as I wanted to erase my feelings for him, in that moment all I wanted to do was soothe away his pain, give him peace and take away whatever was burdening him.

“I think… No. I know I owe you an apology, Sophia.” Greyson’s eyes flashed open and he pierced me with a direct gaze.

“Greyson—” I shook my head, not wanting to get into it, wanting to avoid this conversation at all costs. I wanted to forget the pain, forget the pleasure, erase it all from my memory but I knew that was impossible.

“No, please…” His gaze haunted me, pleading.

Unable to glance away I stood transfixed, holding my breath as he glanced down and took another step forward.

“I owe you an apology, but not for what you’re thinking.” The words were softly spoken but with a steely determination giving them a fierce edge.

I swallowed as he took another step toward me. “Oh?” I managed.

“First, you need to know that Alison — she didn’t stay with me this weekend.” He lowered his tone, speaking her name with a harsh tone that surprised me.

“Greyson, you don’t need to tell me any—”

“Yes I do. It… it might not be important to you, but it is to me… that you know. I didn’t sleep with her, I didn’t kiss her, I didn’t so much as touch her in any way.” His gaze was powerful, fiery, as if willing me to believe him.

“Okay.” I shrugged, my insides still in knots. I didn’t think he’d lie to me, but…

“I know you have little reason to trust me, believe that I’m telling you the truth.”

I lifted a shoulder and gave him a sad smile. He was right.

“It is the truth. But that’s not what I need to apologize for. I just wanted you to know what really happened when it looked… otherwise.” He rubbed the back of his neck and turned away, glancing to the large picture windows.