Beyond Ransom (The Ransom Series) (16 page)

Leo glances back at me with an
expression that he knows I’ve
just
heard what the man
said.  He tries to open his mouth to
speak but thinks better of it.  He just smiles instead.

I carefully sit up on the couch as Jack
leaves and closes the door behind him.  I feel like I haven’t sat up in ages.

“If you’re all set, I’m going to take
her to my room,” Leo half-asks, half-declares as Mark takes his seat behind the
large desk again.

He smiles widely at Leo, going about
his business on the laptop as he speaks.  “You may want to lay off the fucking
for a few nights.  Give that shoulder a chance to heal and let the girl regain
her strength first.”

Leo ignores Mark’s tease completely
as
he
approach
es
me.  He moves to pick
me up in his arms, but I hold out my hand to stop him.  “Let me walk.  I need
to move these legs.”

It takes a moment, but Leo finally steps
back and offers a hand to help me to standing.  My legs initially feel wobbly
but quickly normalize as I move toward the door.

It’s the strangest feeling being free
from restraints and torture just feet away from the man I have loathed and
feared and fought against for the last few weeks.  It’s as if he’s just an
acquaintance or friend or colleague and not the psychotic asshole who took me
from my family and my life and tormented me for
week
s
on end.  One would never know how this man violated me in the time I spent with
him before.  It seems almost normal between us now even though the reality of
this situation is far from normal.

Leo can clearly see these thoughts
making their way to my face as I look at Mark, and he makes the right move to
help encourage me out the door so I won’t say anything.  He speaks for us both
instead.  “Goodnight, Mark.”

“Sweet dreams,” Mark replies with a
smile toward me.  Despite
my improved situation here
, I
still can’t help the shudder that overtakes me
when I’m under his gaze
.

Sanctuary

“What is this place?”

The f
urther
we
walk through this building, the more confused I become a
bout
what it used to be before it became
the
base of
Mark’s
operations.

“That’s a loaded question,” Leo says
ahead of me as he leads me up yet another staircase.  “It used to be a
factory.  Honestly, with what little is left on the first floor
,
I don’t even know what they made here, but you’ll rarely see that
part of the building.  It’s the decrepit front that protects us from the
outside world.  The innards of the building are where we’ve setup shop: the administrative
offices and kitchen and the apartments on the upper floors.”

“So that’s where we’re heading.  You have
your own apartment in here?”

Leo
beam
s
a
grin
at me as we enter another long hallway with multiple
identical doors.  “It’s nothing fancy, but it’s my own space.  I’m happy to
share it with you.”

Something warm and light
radiates
within my chest at the thought of this.  It’s the first time that
I haven’t felt weighed down in guilt about my decision to save Leo and stay
with Mark’s crew.  In Leo’s room we can both be free.  We will at least have
that space for us.

Leo laughs at me, and I love the
sound.  I need to make that sound come out of him more often
,
because the world needs to hear it sing through the air and make
everything brighter with its loveliness.

I need to make him laugh at other
things, though, because it’s unnerving to have him open
ly
laughing at me for no reason.

“Okay, what’s so funny?”

The look on Leo’s face turns more
serious.  I’m clearly not going to get the real answer to my question.

“This is surreal, you know.  This was
never supposed to happen.  I told myself I couldn’t get this close to someone,
but how can I not give in to this when you’ve chosen to stay with me?”  He
places a soft kiss on the top of my hand, leaving me breathless
,
before pulling me around the nearest corner to a run-down door.  “We’re
here.”

With a turn of the key in the lock
,
Leo opens the door and turns on the light to my new home, and I
instantly know what this is to me.

Sanctuary.

Almost everything
is compacted into one
main room that takes up the majority of the space.  A double-size bed is
against the peeling white wall on one side of the door with a tiny kitchen full
of decades-old olive green appliances on the other side.  A small table with
two chairs and a worn plaid fabric couch round out the rest of the main room. 
The only small window in the room is painted over so that no light goes in or
out of it.

At the end of the room I see the most
exciting part of the space: a separate bathroom.  A hint of a shower curtain is
even visible through its doorway.  I can finally have a place of privacy to
shower and do my business
in
without the fear of
someone watching
or listening from two feet away
.

“So perfect,” I say
,
taking a few steps into the room.

Leo sets down his keys on the narrow
bit of kitchen counter
and looks unconvinced
by my
observation.
 
“You don’t have to say that to make me
feel better.”

“I’m not
just saying it
.  There is nothing wrong
with
this
space.”  I stare at him for a moment, his expression remaining the same. 
“You’re talking to a girl who just spent the last few weeks of her life locked
up in prison cell.  This place might as well be
a
fucking Ritz
-
Carlton.”

Leo’s expression finally softens, but
he still looks sad.  “I didn’t want this for you.  You could have been back
home right now with your family, spending the night in your own bed with your
own things.  I have nothing for you here.”

I close the space between us and let my
hand and gaze linger low on Leo’s chest.  “You’re here.  That’s all that
matters.  Things are already better here than they were back at the prison. 
Mark’s even acting halfway human.”

Leo lets out a sarcastic laugh.  It
sounds unnatural coming from him.  “Don’t let Mark fool you.  You may have
chosen his side, but he’s still your enemy.”

“I chose your side, not his,” I
counter.  “I’m in this for you.  For us.”

Leo catches me glancing up at him, and
something briefly sparks between us.  I see the need building in his eyes and
feel the same power growing within me.  My breathing quickens with the building
heat in my body, my chest rising and falling with deep breaths against him.  He
dips his head down to kiss me but stops when his eyes dart to the bandage on my
shoulder and the sling holding my arm.

“I can’t,” he says, turning away from
me.  “We shouldn’t.  You’ve been through a lot, and I’m not just talking about
the bullet hole in your shoulder.”

“I’m fine, Leo.  You fixed me up.  I’m
healing.”

“You’re not fine!” he yells at me, and
I
wonder where the smiling and thoughtful Leo from moments
before has gone off to.

I shrink back from him, tears
immediately forming
in
my eyes.  If I were anywhere
else right now
,
I’d run
.
 I’d
put space between us and go be alone somewhere to get my thoughts straight, but
I can’t do that.  I have absolutely nowhere else to go.

Leo’s next to me in seconds, holding me
gently against his chest.  “I’m sorry.  I’m so sorry.  Don’t listen to me. 
God, I am such a fucking idiot.”

I let the tears fall into his shirt as
he holds me.  They’re the pent
-
up tears from all day
finally being expressed and
put
out in the open.  Everything
hits me at once, the shame and guilt and pain from abandoning my family for
someone I care about but hardly know, someone who hurt me repeatedly but also
helped me and protected me.  I hope Leo cares about me as much as I care about
him, or I really did just make the biggest mistake of my life.

When Leo lets go of me to read my face
,
I don’t attempt to hide the fact that I’m upset.  I need to turn
off my brain and escape my reality for a
while.  I need to sleep.

“Rest,” I say softly.  “Jack said I
need to rest.”

A tiny hint of a smile plays on Leo’s
lips.  “I always say you need to rest, but you don’t listen to me when I say
it.”

I return his tiny smile with my own. 
“That’s because I’m a stubborn teenager.”

Leo pulls me against him, being careful
not to touch my shoulder before guiding me toward the bed.  “Well we
had
better listen to Jack, then.”

As I take a seat on the bed
,
Leo supports my back and lowers me carefully to the pillow.  The
pillow is flat and the bedding is not that much better than at the prison, but that’s
fine because I think I could fall asleep standing up at this point.

When I’m settled in on the bed
,
Leo takes a seat next to me and observes me, moving loose strands
of my hair away from my face and brushing his fingers softly over my skin.  His
touch is relaxing
,
and I can’t help
closing
my eyes and let
ting
myself be taken away
by it.  We’re both silent for a long moment.  It’s almost peaceful.

“Thank you for choosing me.”
 
I hear the breath of his words on my lips just before he kisses
me.  It’s a gentle gesture, and he continues to thank me with his lips until
our movements hit a peak and we open our eyes and both know we need to slow
down.

“Lie down with me?” I ask, not ready
for Leo to leave my side.  “It would help me sleep.”

It takes Leo only a moment to comply. 
He lifts me slightly to scoot me all the way over on the bed
,
leaving just enough space that my arm won’t touch the wall.  In
the small size of the bed
,
he lies on his side facing
me, sneaking his arm around my waist and carefully pulling me toward him.  His
nose is in my hair, his face nuzzling up against me, and I can hear him
breathing in my scent.

It seems so right to be here with him
despite how wrong
my overall
situation is.  I try to
push away my recent memories and absorb this feeling and this moment to take
their place.

I think we can make the best of this. 
I know Leo will protect me and help me through this, and maybe he will have a
chance at a better life, too.  If I can give him that, then being here is all
worth it.  It’s well worth the sacrifice.

“I’m glad I chose you, too,” I whisper
before closing my eyes.  Leo hugs me tighter.

I will rest, and maybe tomorrow will be
a better day.

Purpose

Even after two weeks of living in this
place, it’s still strange to awaken to a sense of comfort and not fear, to have
drywall surround me instead of cement, to know that there is a locked door
between me and the people who
could
hurt me in this
building and the holder of the key cares about me and wants to protect me.

It’s scary to think that he also holds
the key to my heart.

Leo’s heart, however, remains a
fortress I have yet to infiltrate.  In these two weeks
,
we’ve been so close together, yet we almost seem to have grown
apart.  He’s been shut off to me, closing down the moment I try to talk to him
about anything related to us.  We spend nearly every waking minute together,
and yet he’s so distant I feel like he’s worlds away.  We hold each other and
share the same bed and maintain as much physical contact as possible throughout
each day, but the moment my touch moves toward intimacy
,
Leo pulls back.

I wish I could say I was ignorant of
the cause of Leo’s strange behavior with me, but I see it in his eyes and feel
it in his demeanor whenever we’re together.  He still feels guilty.  He thinks
I gave up my life for him and feels unworthy of such sacrifice.  I see the
guilt consume him more and more each day.

I need him to understand that, yes, I
did give up my life for this, but I was wiling to do so for him, to give him
freedom and life that would have been taken from him the moment the police
showed up to get us had I taken Mark’s offer to let me be free.

My eyes open to the white ceiling above
before my head turns to the side to find Leo busy doing an intense set of pushups
silently on the floor across the room.  He’s shirtless, his tattooed skin
glistening with sweat, and his hair falls wildly around his face.  With each
movement of his body downward and back up again, I see the muscles shifting and
contracting in his arms and broad shoulders.  The
welts
on his back from the last day at the prison are healing nicely,
the red marks still visible but no longer the bloody crisscross of lines they
once were.

I absentmindedly pull my fingers to the
wound on my shoulder, so happy to feel the beginnings of smooth skin over the
hole
that has closed up
.  It’
s preparing the
scar that will forever mark the day of the decision that changed
the
course of
my
life
.

Leo continues his morning exercise
routine as I lie still and observe him, appreciating the speed and grace with
which he moves his body.  He is the pure definition of dedication in everything
he does to stay in ridiculously good shape, which is a huge benefit not only to
his role in Mark’s business
,
but also to me in the
scrumptious hunk of flesh I get to wake up next to e
ach
morning.

He’s approaching the end of th
is
set of pushups.  I can hear it in the rapidly quickening breath
from his lips.  I’m secretly in love with that sound.  His frantic breathing
reminds me of the one and only time he made love to me.  My body aches for the
day
that
he will make that sound on top of me again,
but I resolved days ago not to push him about that anymore.

Eventually he’ll be ready to open up to
me again emotionally and physically, and when he does
,
I’ll be waiting for him.  I have all the time in the world.

With one last push off the floor
,
Leo returns to standing, grabbing a
towel
from the nearby chair to wipe down the sweat from his face and neck.  He
catches me watching him, and the subdued smile that lights up his face is
enough to take my breath away.  He is stunning in every sense of the word, both
inside and out.

“Good morning,” he says, taking a seat
next to me on the bed as I sit up to meet him.  He leans over to me, placing a
gentle kiss on the side of my cheek.  I love even his smallest offers of
affection.

As he pulls away
,
I take the side of his cheek in my hand, not ready for him to
leave
his
close proximity to me so quickly.  I hold my
hand there for a moment and take in his conflicted blue eyes.  Every day I look
at them to find that spark of life and love and happiness, yet all I ever see
is guilt and pain.  My face falters.

“What is it?” Leo asks, concerned.

I lower my hand from his face and look
away, remembering that I’m supposed to be giving him space to figure this out. 
“Nothing.  It’s nothing.  Don’t worry about it.”

Leo
doesn’t press the question
any further.  He
seems perfectly happy to move on from this
topic of conversation.  “I can bring up some food today if you want.  Breakfast
in bed?”

I shake my head.  “I need to get out of
here for a
while, even if
that means visiting the mess hall and being drooled at by a bunch of hungry,
horny men.”

Leo laughs, but I know he realizes the
truth in my statement.  He hates it when we eat with the other men in the mess
hall.  No one has ever been allowed to bring women anywhere near this building,
and Leo has one living in the same room as him.  He feels every bit of their
resentment toward him while I get their stares and glances like I’m some prized
possession they all want to pocket for personal pleasure.  It creeps me out
every time we’re down there, but I still enjoy the change of scenery.

“Okay, mess hall it is,” Leo agrees. 
“I need
to
shower
,
then we’ll
go.”

This is the part when in prior days I
had tried to talk or strip my way into the shower with Leo, but my advances
were always countered with some explanation or excuse why I shouldn’t join
him.  I’ve given up at this point, so I smile and nod to Leo before getting out
of bed to get myself ready.

After a few days of trying to fit into
Leo’s shirts and sweatpants that I had to roll up in various ways to get even
close to fitting me properly, I was finally given a trash bag
full
of various T-shirts, jeans, socks, and undergarments that are now
my new wardrobe.  I still haven’t figured out who actually procured the
clothing, but their choices of low-cut tops and lacy bras and underwear didn’t
go unnoticed.  Leo swears he knows nothing about i
t.  H
e hasn’t complained one bit
, though.

I throw on some faded jeans and one of
the more conservative tops, having abandoned my attempts at getting Leo’s
attention with increased amounts of cleavage when all I was doing was
attracting stares and catcalls from the rest of Mark’s crew.

My toes wiggle into a pair of black
flip-flops that came with the bag of clothes.  I continue to wonder if these
shoes were chosen for me on purpose to keep tabs on my location.  Anyone in the
building can hear me coming from a mile away with all the noise the
se
shoes
make slapping against the bottom
s
of my feet when I walk.

By the time Leo’s ready and we’re walking
down the staircases to the mess hall, things turn quiet between us.  Leo seems more
weighed down than usual even though he should be grateful I’m able to walk
around freely within this building and sleep in his bed each night.  I wish he
could see the positive in our situation like I’m trying to.  It’s incredible
how much he cares about me, but he worries too much, and it’s only going to
harm whatever relationship this is between us.

I made the decision to be here.  I
chose him and this life over my family and what I had before.  He needs to
trust that I can do this.  I’ve survived up to this point, and I don’t plan on
changing that any time soon.

The small mess hall is busy and loud
for this time of morning.  I’m still not entirely comfortable being around
these men.  Some are recognizable from the prison
,
and
some are new to me since arriving here.  They’re all equally pissed off and
jealous over the fact that Leo has me all to himself and they aren’t allowed to
have any women here.

They all stare at me and glare at Leo
as we walk in, and I immediately regret declining Leo’s offer of breakfast in
bed.  Will it always be like this?  Will I continue to be the outsider and sole
female among this group of criminals
for the months and years to come
?

We grab plates and take our fill from
the large trays of eggs, bacon, and fruit set out on the counter near the
kitchen.  I’ve started to put back on some of the weight I lost at the prison. 
It’s amazing what eating real food at regular intervals throughout the day can
do to make a person healthy.

Leo prefers that we sit at a table
against the wall where I can have my back to the other men in the room and he
can keep an eye on them over my shoulders, but today I’m feeling
adventurous
.  I want to step outside of the little safety box he’s placed me
in and get a true sense for where I stand among these men.  I want to know if
Leo’s worry is warranted, if I should be more anxious or concerned about my
situation here, so I sit down in the seat against the wall with a perfect view
of the room around us.

Leo’s looking at me like I’ve sprouted
an extra head.  “What are you doing?”

“I’ll sit here.  It’ll be fine.  Stop
worrying,” I say with a reassuring smile.

Leo glances behind him and looks back
at me uneasily.  “I don’t think this is such a good–”

“Relax.”  I take Leo’s plate from his
hand and set it down on the table in front of the chair where I should be
sitting.  “I’m a big girl.  You don’t have to hide them from me or me from
them.”

After a moment of indecision
,
Leo finally takes a seat and we quietly enjoy breakfast.  I
occasionally glance behind Leo and catch the stares of a few of the men.  Most
of their looks are innocent, more of curiosity than of malice or ill-intent,
though one of them licks his lips and winks at me in a poor attempt at
seduction.

I think about where I’ve been, where I
am, and where I’m going among this motley crew of criminals.

“I don’t really fit in here,” I observe.

Leo stops mid-bite.  “You think?”

“Well, obviously.  But that’s not what
I mean.  I don’t belong.  I don’t have a purpose here.  You told me before that
it’s important to have a purpose in this business.”

He continues eating for a moment before
addressing me again.  “What d
o
you have in mind
exactly?”

I think about this for a moment,
forking my eggs around on my plate lazily.  “You could teach me some of the
medical knowledge you’ve picked up from Jack, or Jack could teach me.”

“I don’t know.  I’d rather just keep
you out of the business.  It’s not a good place for you to be.  It’s not safe.”

I knew Leo wouldn’t be keen on this
idea.  “If I liked safe
,
I would be at home in my bed
right now and you’d be in jail.”  No response.  “If I’m going to be here anyway,
I might as well make myself useful, don’t you think?”

“You can be useful by being there for
me at the end of the day.  If you can stay out of trouble
,
you’ll be doing more for me than you know.”

“I get it.  I don’t want you to worry
any more than you already do.”

A long pause draws out between us, and
I feel that this conversation is over.

Looking around the room again at the
men fueling up to go out and do Mark’s bidding, I can’t shake the feeling that
I’m expendable.  In a strange way
,
I feel the need to
have a place and purpose among them, not just to earn their respect and
acceptance, but to help ensure my own survival.