Big Easy Temptation (27 page)

“I’ll get on it,” he replied. MI5 was England’s version of the FBI. “It’s been years,
though. I don’t know what they’ll have. CCTV feeds are only kept for so long.”

“Try anything.” This was the first real lead they’d had in so long, and Dax meant
to follow it as far as he could. “We’ll pull all his credit card records and try to
figure out where he went while he was there. You two let me know what you discover.”

“Will do,” Gus said. “And you should really work on that other project we discussed.”

“Five hundred bucks says Dax is shit out of luck,” Roman offered.

Great words of encouragement from one of his best friends. Good to know he had support.

“Oh, I will take all of your money, Calder,” Gus shot back. “Bye, Holland. Have a
good time with Dax. I’m coming to see you in a few weeks. Plan something fun.”

The line went dead.

He turned and Holland was still looking at that phone wistfully, as if she hadn’t
wanted the call to end.

She’d cut herself off from everyone to save him. He had to find a way to give it back
to her. Maybe Gus was right. Maybe charm would work. And oral sex. He was willing
to give it one hell of a shot.

*   *   *

H
olland stared at the screen, her mind wandering.

“Did you find anything?”

She shook her head as Dax brought her out of her thoughts. She’d been remembering
those days three years earlier when she and Dax had finally come together and everything
seemed possible. Today he’d lingered in her space. She sat at her laptop, running
through reports and looking at his father’s credit card receipts from the London trip.
Dax hovered right behind her, crowding her. She could smell the soap he’d used earlier,
feel the heat of his body. Every now and then he
brushed against her, skin to skin, and she remembered exactly how long it had been
since she’d felt real lust.

Hours had passed, and now the day was sinking into night again. Dax was still here
and he showed not a single sign of leaving.

“I have receipts for fuel,” Holland replied. “I found a rental car agreement, too.
He bought gas twice. My question is why would he need a car in London? It’s so much
easier to use public transit. Even getting to and from other major cities in England
is easier to do on trains. So I think he was heading somewhere off the beaten path.”

Dax nodded. “Where did he purchase the fuel?”

She winced. “Just outside of London. It looks like he filled up the tank both times
at a petrol station on the M25, the highway that runs around London. From there he
could have gone anywhere, though I suspect he was heading north from the placement
of the station.”

She wished she had better news. Hell, she wished she could simply solve the whole
thing so he could go on his merry way and not sit across the table, tempting her with
what could no longer be.

He’d behaved perfectly all day. He’d even brought takeout back for lunch so they didn’t
have to pause long. He’d brought exactly what she’d asked for. A spinach salad. The
bastard had also brought a muffuletta sandwich and a dozen macaroons from the bakery
down the street. And pralines. He’d claimed they were a late afternoon snack. He’d
even made her a cup of tea to go with it.

Damn man. Somehow her appetite had come roaring back, too.

She was already wondering if she could sneak in a glass of that stupidly excellent
wine with whatever dinner Dax cooked up. He’d brought a sack of groceries in earlier
with their lunch, claiming she needed a proper meal.

She’d really been skimping on her calories lately. Somehow she’d let Chad the Ass
convince her she was carrying a bit too much weight. It had been a subtle thing, really.
He’d mentioned his own diet and then somehow she’d started falling in line.

The realization was maddening because she wasn’t the sort to change for a man. And
she was only eating the stupid pralines now because they tasted good.

Dax sighed. “That led us nowhere. And he didn’t use his credit card for anything but
the gas and hotel.”

“He withdrew a thousand pounds sterling at Heathrow, so he probably used cash for
everything else.”

“Damn it. What was he doing over there?” Dax sounded as frustrated as she felt.

Her cell phone rang. Holland looked down, saw who it was, and sent his ass straight
to voice mail.

Dax speared her with a glance. “Should I have a talk with your erstwhile suitor?”

“He’ll eventually go away.” She was fairly certain of that. It was her uncle who wouldn’t
leave her in peace. He’d left a single stern message asking her to call him because
he’d heard that she was in serious trouble.

She was in serious trouble because she was already softening toward Dax. At one point
she’d actually found herself nearly touching him like old times. She’d stopped short,
before she’d lost her head in all his warmth and muscled goodness.

“How did you get involved with him?”

“How did you end up married to a woman you never even dated?” She sounded like such
a freaking shrew. The words just popped out, bubbling up and exploding like a nasty
volcano of jealousy.

He sank into the seat beside her. “I was stupid and foolish and so angry I couldn’t
see straight, so I got drunk as shit. I make lousy decisions when I’m drunk as shit,
sweetheart.”

She stood up. “I’m not talking about this.”

“We have to.”

They did not. She shook her head and strode away, escaping onto the balcony for some
fresh air. Her body felt tight, every muscle as taut as a bowstring. How would she
survive being locked in with him for days? Weeks?

Fresh air didn’t help. The humid air dripped moisture. And being out on the balcony
only reminded her of the way he’d once touched her out here. In fact, she couldn’t
forget what it felt like to have his hands on her. Dax was a furnace in bed. He gave
off so much heat she didn’t need a blanket, only his body wrapped around hers. She
didn’t remember a time she’d felt so safe. So loved.

She rubbed at a spot just above her chest. It felt tight. The ache just wouldn’t go
away.

“Holland, we can’t ignore it forever.”

Naturally, he wouldn’t give her a second alone. “Watch me.”

“You were always stubborn.”

“Tell me something, Dax. Would you have come back if you hadn’t found that lead on
your father’s case?” She knew the answer, but she wanted to hear it from him. He would
never have come back. He wouldn’t have spoken to her again.

He moved beside her, leaning against the wrought-iron balcony. “Eventually. Maybe
not so soon, but yeah. I would have come back.”

“Liar. You never would have forgiven me.”

“I was angry, I’ll admit. But even when I was pissed as hell at you, I still knew
that you were the center of my world. You have been since the day I met you. You were
my dream girl back then. When I thought you betrayed me, you became my nightmare.
But I was focused on you. Loving you, hating you, it didn’t change the fact that you
were and always will be everything to me.”

Holland closed her eyes. Sweet words . . . but she wasn’t sure she believed them.
“It doesn’t matter. I moved on. I knew when I let you go that it was the end of any
relationship we had.”

“Did you?” He turned to her, looming over her in the late afternoon light. “Really?”

She forced herself to face him. “Yes, Dax. I knew it the minute I got that call.”

“So why did you get involved with a boy you knew you could never love or marry if
you had truly moved on from me?”

She’d asked herself that question a lot, but she wasn’t about to admit that to him.
“I liked Chad. We move in the same world.”

“Law enforcement.” Dax scoffed. “That means nothing. If that pretty boy cares more
about his arrest record than his hair gel, I’ll eat my khakis for dinner. I know his
type. We have them in the Navy. They want to be officers for the privilege it affords
them. They view it like a corporate job and start climbing the ladder.”

“And you don’t, Captain?”

“I work my ass off for my country and my men. I’m not stupid. I’m not going to move
much above where I am now. I might get a better ship because I’m damn good at my job,
but after the scandal with my father my name is crap.”

Thereby proving her point. “Hence we’re working to clear your name so you can achieve
your destiny, Admiral Spencer. I’ve always known that’s where you were headed.”

“You know so much about me, huh? Did you know I was ready to leave the Navy that day?”

“Bullshit. I know you said that, but I doubt you really would have done it.” He couldn’t
have been serious.

He simply nodded. “I’d made the decision that having a family with you was more important
than my career. I’d decided to call Zack and ask for a job since you could easily
transfer to D.C. I didn’t want to end up like our parents. We need to be together
every day, every night.”

Had he really decided that? Or was this little speech something he’d dreamed up to
appeal to the romantic in her so he could insinuate himself back into her life? She
couldn’t go down this road with him again. The last time had hurt too much.

She’d been right to fear the power he could wield over her. Growing up, she’d feared
being like her lonely, heartsick mother who had waited her entire adult life for a
man. After Dax had left New Orleans, Holland had become that woman. He alone could
twist her inside and out.

“It doesn’t matter anymore,” she insisted.

“Yes, it does. I want you to tell me what you really saw in Chad
Michaels.” He gritted the words out between his teeth as he moved in, invading her
space. “Why did you date him?”

“I was attracted to him.”

“That’s a lie.” He moved in, forcing her to take a step back. “I know the kind of
guy you’re attracted to, and it’s not a metrosexual boy posing as a man. Try again.”

She didn’t want to play this game with him and yet she couldn’t force herself to move
away. If she wasn’t careful, something would give way between them. Holland felt helpless
to stop it. Her rational side seemed to have shut down. Her softer side was more than
willing to play the antelope to Dax’s prowling lion. “I was lonely.”

He shook his head as he moved in again. “You’ve never minded that before.”

He was going to make her admit it. Out loud. She suspected this was Dax’s version
of therapy. Chad would have hauled her into an expensive shrink’s office where she
would have discussed her feelings for fifty minutes at a time. Dax’s therapy would
involve something more physical.

Somehow, she thought Dax’s methodology would be way more helpful.

Maybe he was right. Maybe they needed to have it out. Maybe they needed to be honest
with each other once and for all.

“I dated him because I didn’t give a shit, Dax.” She retreated again until her back
hit the wall and she had nowhere else to escape.

He didn’t stop coming for her. He moved in until mere inches sat between them. His
chest almost brushed her breasts. When they did, would he be able to feel how hard
her nipples were? When his hips locked against hers, would he feel her heat and know
she was wet and ready for him simply because he was close?

She knew she should, but she couldn’t force herself to push him away anymore.

He was wrong. She had been lonely. Chad had taught her that no one could fill the
void but Dax.

“Finally, we’re getting somewhere.” He lifted his hand, fingers brushing back her
hair. “You knew you couldn’t love him. Tell me how you knew.”

She looked into his eyes, nearly getting lost in the depths. She’d been cold for so
long. But not today. Not right now.

Between dealing with Chad, being so close to Dax, and talking to Gus for the first
time in years, she teetered on an emotional edge. Just a little shove would send her
over. Then she could let go of the terrible past and dismal future. She could forget
sorrow and heartbreak and what might have been for a few hours in Dax’s embrace. She
could sink into him. Of course it wasn’t forever. She knew how this would end, but
maybe if she went into it with her eyes open this time, maybe she could preserve a
piece of her heart.

“You know why.”

He lowered his head down, their foreheads touching. “I need to hear it.”

“You’re a bastard.” She wanted him to kiss her so she didn’t have to admit it. If
he took her lips with his, pressed their bodies together, she could forget everything
except how good it felt to be with him.

“Yes, I am. But that doesn’t change anything. I need to hear the words from you.”

She shouldn’t give a damn about his needs, but she wasn’t sure she could go another
second without his kiss. Her desperation underscored all the reasons she should run
as fast as she could. She simply couldn’t deny him. “I knew I couldn’t love him because
he wasn’t you.”

Relief and triumph consumed his expression. He cupped her face as if she was something
infinitely precious and breakable. “That’s how I feel, too. For me, it’s always been
you. It always will be you.”

He leaned in, his mouth descending on hers. For the first time in years her body sprang
to life. She couldn’t wait to wrap her arms around his lean waist and tug the T-shirt
from his jeans. Not to get it off his body. That could wait, but she needed to feel
his skin under her palms, warm and alive.

She’d dreamed of him dead so often. After those nightmares, she’d closed her eyes,
hating the fact that he was still miles from her, despising the fact that she couldn’t
touch him and assure herself that he was still somewhere out there. Their breakup
had been like a death, killing something deep in her soul that she’d thought gone
forever. Touching him now felt like a reawakening. Holland knew from experience that
the love she gave to him could be filled with such beauty and pleasure. It could also
cause immeasurable pain.

She shoved the thought aside. She would have time to decide her future later. For
now, all she wanted was to revel in how right it felt to be pressed against him, open
to his touch.