Black Girls and Bad Boys: Changing his Tune (12 page)

So why was he so apprehensive?

An ice cold beer would have been so good right then. Just to take
the edge off his anger. He could almost feel the condensation that would wet
his palm as he put his hand around the glass. And the first sip... The froth
coating his top lip while the cool clear liquid filled his mouth.

He got out his phone and called her up. He didn’t trust himself to
be alone and there was no point putting things off.

***

A
s soon as she saw Noah’s face she knew it hadn’t worked. Of course
it hadn’t – when had Wesley ever listened to reason? She should have been the
one to go.

“I’m sorry. He wouldn’t listen.” He came and sat beside her at her
table in the coffee shop.

“Thank you for trying.”

It was lovely that Noah wanted to help her, but this was her
problem. She had to stand up to Wesley or he’d always think she was afraid of
him. There was no guarantee things with Noah would last. If she ended up back
on her own, she needed Wesley to know he couldn’t walk all over her.

She kissed Noah on the cheek and stood up. “I’m going to talk to
him.”

She’d risk him invoking the restraining order. If there even was one
– she only had his word for that. It was long past time she showed him that he
couldn’t push her around any more. What had Noah said? She was dry, she had a
good job and she led a respectable life. Wesley might look like a pillar of the
community from the outside, but she knew different.

“You can’t. The restraining order.”

“Right now, I don’t care.” The more she thought about it, the more
she convinced herself that there never had been a restraining order. What
reason would a judge have to grant one? “I’ve got to try.” There wasn’t much
time left. She walked outside and spotted a taxi rank further down the road.
Noah followed her into the first car in the queue.

They rode back to Wesley’s place in silence, holding hands on the
back seat. Noah paid the fare and climbed out first. He led the way to the
house, but then he stepped aside and she walked up to the door. She thumped the
knocker and took a deep breath. There wasn’t long to wait – Wesley opened up
straight away, his face quickly darkening as he saw who was on his step.

“You. Are you stupid or something?” He turned away from the door.
“I’m calling the police.”

“Yeah, Wes. Call the police. I want to tell them what you did to
me.”

He stopped and spun around. “You what?”

“I could tell them about the way you used to control me – what I
wore, what I said, who I saw.”

He stared her down, folding his arms in front of him.

“Yeah, you’re right. They might not think that was such a big deal.”
The adrenaline raced through her veins and she started to tremble. “They might
be more interested in the night you brought a man into our home and watched him
rape me.”

Shock flickered across his face. Just for a second. But she saw it.
He knew exactly what he’d done. And he knew what everyone else would think if
they found out.

“They wouldn’t believe you. You’re nothing but a drunk who couldn’t
even look after her child.”

“Maybe they wouldn’t, but your neighbours probably would. And the
parents at Lewis’ school. You know what they’d all say?
There’s no smoke
without fire.
”

It was the truth and he knew it. Getting an accusation like that to
stick would be next to impossible after all that time, but enough people would
think back to some little show of temper and believe the rumours. “And what
about when Lewis finds out? You might manage to keep it from him for years, but
when he hears and he asks you what happened do you think he won’t be able to
tell you’re lying? His only parent, the man who brought him up single-handed.
Do you think he won’t know when you’re not telling him the truth?”

“What do you want?”

“You know what I want. I want to see my son.”

For the first time ever, he didn’t give a sneering answer to her
request.

“Let me see him. Just to say hello.”

Wesley looked at her through new eyes. He was cautious, like he was
trying to work out if she’d bite him. “Lewis.” He didn’t take his gaze from her
as he called up the staircase. “Come here.”

The boy came running across the landing and down the stairs. He was
just as she remembered him and totally different. Two years taller and broader.
His face had lost some of its baby roundness. It was easier to see the man he’d
grow into now.

She’d wondered if she would cry when she saw him again, but she was
too elated. She reached for Noah’s hand, needing to know he was there, that
this was real.

“Lewis, this is your mother.”

He looked up at her. Her hand went to her mouth. What must he think
of her? Why did he think she’d left him?

“Say hello.”

“Hello.” He sucked on his bottom lip, as nervous as she was.

“Hello, Lewis.”
Do you remember me?
She thought, but she
didn’t want to ask.

He turned his gaze to Noah, then looked down at the floor.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been to visit you. I really wanted to.” Her
voice broke and Noah squeezed her fingers.

“Daddy said you couldn’t come because you were at work.”

She was stunned. She’d assumed he would have told him she didn’t
care. “I was, Baby. I missed you so much.”

“Your mum’s got to go now.” Wesley gave her a sharp look.

“But I’ll come back and see you again. If you want me to.”

Lewis sneaked a look at his father, then looked back at Angelique
and nodded.

She blinked hard, determined to keep the tears from falling. “Okay,
I’ll talk to your dad and we can spend some more time together.”

“Okay.” He turned and ran back into the house.

“Happy now?”

She wanted to crow, to throw all the nasty things he’d ever done
back in his face and watch him fume. But that was what he would do in her
place. “Thank you. Thank you for not turning him against me.”

“That would hurt him as much as you.”

He was right, but she never thought he would have seen it like that.

Still holding Noah’s hand, she turned away from the man who’d caused
her so much pain. Things would be different now.

***

“W
e should be in good time to get the plane. I’ve already booked our
tickets.”

Angie turned to him and he knew by the look on her face that he
wasn’t going to like what she had to say.

“I’m not coming.”

“But it’s sorted now. He’s going to let you see Lewis.”

“So he says. I’m not taking any chances. I want to get it all in
writing before he changes his mind.”

“We can do that through the lawyers.” But he knew how he’d feel in
her position. She wanted to stay and see it through. She wanted to be close by so
she could knock on his door and look him in the eye if he went back on his
word.

“When will you be back?” He tightened his grip on her hand. Just
when everything was starting to work out, he was going to lose her.

“I don’t know. I...” She paused, her eyes full of conflict. “I want to
be straight with you. I can’t promise I’ll be back at all.”

He wanted to get down on his knees and beg her to come with him. How
would he get through the rest of the tour without her? But she needed to stay.
The decision was hard enough for her without him pouring on the guilt. “Will I
see you again?” There was so much between them. She must feel it too.

“Yes. If that’s what you want.”

“What do you mean, ‘if that’s what I want’? Of course I want to see
you. I’m crazy about you.”

“I just thought, with all the drama and everything...”

“Angie. I wouldn’t have got this far without you. I wish you were
flying back with me tonight. I wish I could drop the rest of the tour and just
be with you. But if I have to wait for you, I will.”

The faintest hint of a smile lit her face. “You don’t know what it
means to hear you say that.”

He kissed her temple. Getting on that plane without her was going to
be like leaving his arm behind.

––––––––

J
ohn met him at the airport with a look on his face that told Noah
to keep his mouth shut.

“Everyone’s already at the stadium, so I hired a car. Do you know
how much money this little stunt has cost?”

“I’ll cover the cost of the car.”

“That’s not the point. Do you know how much we would have had to
fork out if tonight got cancelled?”

“I’m sorry, okay?” He raised his voice more than he meant to. “I’m
sorry. I couldn’t let her go off on her own.” But John didn’t know the reasons
why. It was only natural for him to get angry.

“So where is she?”

“She had to take care of some stuff.”

“That’s all I get? Taking care of stuff?” He puffed up like he was
about to start yelling, then just rolled his eyes. “Well, I suppose that’s one
less expense. If she’s not working, we won’t have to pay her.”

But Noah was going to pay for her lawyer. It would take a while for
him to see the money for the tour, but John had worked miracles with the album
royalties and in the meantime there was always credit. He was good for it.
Because of Angie.

They got in the car and fell into silence. The tightness had gone
out of John’s jaw – they were going to be alright. He still gave Noah the
silent treatment for the full two hours it took them to get to the venue.

It felt beyond strange to walk onto the stage knowing Angie wasn’t
out there or standing in the wings watching. All the applause and cheering in
the world couldn’t make up for that one missing woman in the crowd. When he
found himself thinking about what she might be doing, he threw himself into the
songs and sang out his frustration. Being away from her was only temporary. And
his fans had paid good money to see him – he owed them a night to remember.

When the encore was done, he was riding the usual adrenaline high,
but that night the woman he wanted to share it with wasn’t there. He slipped
away before the others took pity on him and tried to get him to go out with
them. After a quick shower on the bus, he pulled out his phone and called
Angie.

The phone rang and rang, then went through to voicemail. He hung up
without leaving a message. His thumb hovered over her number, ready to redial,
but he put the phone away. It was late. Maybe she’d gone to bed already.
Or
maybe she was out drinking.
She’d come close the day before.

He dialled her up again and got her voicemail for a second time.
What if Wesley had paid her a visit? What if she’d got run over crossing the
street? Endless scenarios circled round and round in his head. What if she was
using the whole Lewis thing as an excuse to get away from him?

A knock on his bunk door interrupted his rising paranoia.

“Noah, you coming out for something to eat?” It was John.

“No, I’m not hungry.” He couldn’t face the idea of eating anything.

The door slid open and John looked him right in the eye. “You’re not
sitting here on your own.”

He thought about arguing, but he knew what John was worried about – that
he’d relapse. Now Angie wasn’t there to chaperone him, John would be taking up
the slack. And if Noah stayed behind brooding he was a lot more likely to start
thinking about liquid ways to take his mind off things. Now the idea had
surfaced, he was already working out which drink he was in the mood for. “Okay.
I’ll come.” He could always give her number another try while they were out.

***

A
ngelique made her way home and let herself into her flat. It looked
so strange after she’d been away for the past week. It was like the time she’d
spent with Noah was some weird dream and now she was back in her real life. She
wasn’t sure how she felt about being there.

When she tried to picture him sitting on her little brown sofa, it
just didn’t work. She was too used to seeing him in his mansion, or on the tour
bus. Noah Trent and normal life weren’t a good fit. What did that say for their
chances as a couple? And that was before you factored in their various
addictions.

She was bone-tired, but if she sat down she wouldn’t want to get up
again, so she dragged herself into the kitchen and pulled a pizza out of the
freezer. While it was in the oven, she had a shower and wrapped herself up in
her oldest pair of pink flannel pyjamas. The pizza tasted like manna from
heaven, but that was mainly because she’d barely eaten all day. Her phone rang
while she was turning on the TV in her bedroom. She looked at the screen. Noah.
Getting under the covers with the remote control, she let the phone ring.

She missed him too much to hear his voice just then. She’d call him
back tomorrow. After she’d sorted things out at The Cloister. When she’d worked
out how she was going to bear the next few weeks without him.

***

T
he next day meant a new town and yet another concert. Noah hadn’t
got through to speak to Angie and as a result he’d had a bad night’s sleep.
John kept telling him not to worry, but it wasn’t that easy. He should have
been thinking about that night’s show, but his head was full of images of Angie
lying dead on the floor somewhere.

He called a couple more times that morning, but she still didn’t
answer. In the end, he gave up and tried to sleep as they drove. It didn’t
work.

When it was almost time to stop for lunch, Noah’s phone started to
ring. He snatched it up off his bed, saw Angie’s name and answered before it
got to the second bar of his ringtone. “Angie.”

“Noah. Look, I’m sorry I missed your calls.”

“That’s okay. How are you?” The strength of his relief was unnerving.

“I’m fine. I start back at The Cloister tomorrow.”

“That’s good.” He was struggling to think of things to say. The
distance between them was down to more than the number of miles. It was like
they were strangers all over again. “I forgot to give you the details of the
lawyer I spoke to.”

“It doesn’t matter, I found someone myself.”

“Why? I’ve already told this guy the whole story.” He’d said it was
in hand, what was she doing?

“John’s been very generous, I’ve got enough to handle it. I know
money’s still tight for you.”

“Do you think I care about money?” He had to hold on to himself to
keep from shouting at her. Why was she being like this? “What’s going on,
Angie? First you don’t answer my calls, now you’re cutting me out of the
custody case—”

“I need some space, Noah. Some time to get my head round
everything.”

He knew what that meant – that she was going to dump him. “You want
to end things.” He’d been so careful not to guilt-trip her into coming back
with him and now she was going to end it.

“No. That’s not what I’m saying. It’s... It’s just been so intense.
Don’t you think so?”

“Yeah, but I thought that was good.” Things had never moved this
fast between him and a woman before. He’d thought it was a positive sign.

“It’s not that I don’t want to see you.” She trailed off in a way
that didn’t give him much confidence in what she was saying. “I just need to
concentrate on work and Lewis for a little while.”

Fine. If she was giving him the brush-off, he wasn’t going to beg.
“Okay. Take care of yourself.”

“Noah—”

But he hung up before she could say anything else.

***

A
ngelique stared at her phone, anger building from way down low
inside her. The minute she stopped putting him in front of everything else he
threw a temper tantrum. She tried to tell herself that it was the addict in him
reacting, but that didn’t cut it. He knew what she’d been through – what she
was still having to work through – but all he cared about was having her at his
beck and call.

She took a breath and did her best to calm down. They were both
upset. He was used to having her to lean on and she’d taken that away from him.
But who did she have to lean on?

Stomping into her bedroom, she threw her gym things into a bag and
walked out of the flat before she broke something. Was this the way it would
always be with them – him playing the weak, wounded artist while she supported
him and pretty much did everything?

It all proved she was doing the right thing by keeping her distance.
She didn’t need all this. Lewis was her priority. Everything else was just an
obstacle to get past.

***

T
he tour bus swung into yet another service station and Noah stormed
outside before everyone else. He didn’t realise anyone had come after him until
he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Hey, what’s going on?” John kept a grip on him so he couldn’t
stride away.

“Angie’s decided to dump me.”

He stared, open-mouthed. “What did she say?”

“That she needs some space for a while. Some other clichés. I don’t
know.” His chest hurt and his stomach seethed with acid.

“If she said it’s for a while, that doesn’t sound like she’s dumped
you.”

“It does to me.” Why couldn’t she just come out and say it? He
shrugged John off his arm and sat down on the grass.

“Don’t you think you’re overreacting?” John sat beside him. “She
might have a point.”

“Fine. Whatever.”

“For god’s sake, Noah. Give her a break. Or is there something else
going on that I don’t know about?” He looked at him, trying to do that fatherly
x-ray eyes thing.

“There isn’t anything.” Nothing that would explain the way he felt,
anyway. In fact, the more he thought about it, the more he realised he was
being unfair. All the things he’d kept from John just made him look more
unreasonable. Angie had been through hell. Somehow, she’d managed to pull
herself out the other side and now he was throwing a fit because she wanted to
take some time out. “You’re right. I’m an idiot.”

John sighed. “I don’t think you’re an idiot. And this is about more
than you and Angelique.”

Noah looked at him. Where was this going?

“Have you thought about going back to Dr Chaudhry?”

“The shrink?”

“Yes, the shrink. You said she helped before.”

But that had been a few years ago. “I worked through all that
stuff.”

“So you don’t think your history might have the tiniest bit of
relevance here?”

“Jesus.” He was right. How could he have spent all that time in
therapy and come away with so little self-awareness?

“I see the penny’s dropped.” John patted him on the shoulder and got
to his feet. “Have a think about it. And from what I heard of that phone call,
you should probably come up with an apology.” He walked off towards the service
station, leaving Noah to marvel at how well he could mess things up without any
stimulants whatsoever.

***

T
hirty lengths of the gym swimming pool went some way towards
working off Angelique’s bad mood. Then she saw that the kickboxing class she
kept considering but had never taken was running in five minutes. What more of
a reason did she need?

After an hour of martial arts basics, she was too worked up to sit
in the sauna, so she took a shower and left. When she checked her phone she saw
six missed calls from Noah. There was a text message too. She thought about
ignoring it – she could feel her temper returning – but curiosity got the
better of her.

I’m really, really, really, really sorry about what I said. Please
forgive me.

N.

The text brought a momentary smile to her face, but then she thought
about the way he’d hung up on her and she was angry all over again. If he
wanted her to forgive him, he’d need more than a measly text message. She
deleted it and set off home.

***

T
wo weeks later, Angie was still ignoring his calls. Three weeks
later he’d stopped trying to talk to her and was relying on increasingly
pleading text messages. He’d sent flowers, chocolates, even a couple of jazz
CDs, but he’d heard nothing in reply. He didn’t know if she’d been able to see
Lewis, he didn’t know if she’d settled back into her new job, he didn’t even
know if she was still alive.

This whole narrative had grown up in his head of how things would be
with her. She’d come to the last date of the tour. Maybe she’d even bring
Lewis. Everything would be perfect and then they’d walk off into the sunset
together.

But his last gig was getting closer and things with Angie weren’t
getting any better. If he wanted his perfect ending, he was going to have to go
out there and get it.

He had to see her. But that would mean risking rejection. She had no
idea how much of a problem that was for him.

So maybe he should tell her. Lay it all on the line and apologise in
person. It was the only thing he could think of. And he wanted her badly enough
to give it a try.

But there were no more nights off. He was at the limit of his credit
cards and John was never going to agree to him dashing across the country on
some personal errand right before the biggest shows of the tour.

The days slipped past and he agonised over what he should do. When
the penultimate gig was over he made his excuses and went back to the bus.
There was still a chance he could get the closing night he wanted. It would
mean calling in some favours that he might not have a right to any more. He’d
pissed off a lot of people when he was at the height of his addictions.

He started making calls. If he had to beg to get what he needed,
he’d just have to get on and do it. And there was one more thing he could do to
raise some money.

***

I
t was still hard to believe how reasonable Wesley was being.
Angelique practically floated home after her second visit with Lewis. The boy
was wary of her, but that was only to be expected. At least he’d managed to
overcome his shyness and ask her a couple of questions this time.

Her lawyer was in the process of hashing things out with Wesley’s,
but it was looking more and more likely that she’d get to see Lewis on a
regular basis. Joint custody might not be right around the corner, but it
wasn’t impossible any more.