“Elijah?”
“Don’t lie to me, Ruben. If you want to fuck me, fine, but don’t lie to me.”
“I’m not lying to you, sweetheart. I swear.”
“You have a child!” Elijah snapped. “And I sure as shit know I didn’t get
you
pregnant in the last half hour.”
“No, Alani came about from witnessing too much violence and too much sorrow. I needed to be close to someone, and so did Mahra.
It just kind of happened after too many bottles of whiskey. But she was the only one, and it only happened that one time.”
“But you married her,” Elijah protested.
“Yes, I did, but I did it to get Alani.” Ruben sighed deeply at the confused look on Elijah’s face. He sat forward and grabbed Elijah’s hand between his. He knew Elijah needed a little bit of space at the moment, but he needed some sort of contact. “The marriage was never meant to be permanent, Elijah. We had divorce papers drawn up right after Alani was born. We just hadn’t had a chance to file them before Mahra was killed.”
“She was killed?”
Ruben swallowed and looked down to where their hands were clasped together. “We were working as aid workers at a refugee camp in North Africa. Our caravan was attacked, and Mahra was killed.”
“North Africa!” Elijah shouted as his face darkened. “Do you know how dangerous that is? There’s a war going on up there. Are you out of your fucking mind?”
“So you do care then?” Ruben was amused by how pissed off Elijah was becoming.
“Of course I care,” Elijah snapped. “I lo—” Ruben arched an eyebrow when Elijah’s face flushed and he looked away, pressing his lips together. He wanted to shout to the heavens with joy, but that in no way would prove to Elijah that he had grown up.
Ruben leaned forward and pulled Elijah’s face around to his again. He could see the fear and hesitation in the blue depths peering back up at him. “I love you, too, Elijah James.”
“Oh, Ruben, I—” Elijah was slowly moving his head back and forth.
For a moment, Ruben wondered if he had imagined the love he had seen in Elijah’s eyes. Maybe he had seen what he wanted to see, what he longed to see. Elijah James was the sexiest-looking man in all of Cade Creek. He could have anyone he wanted.
Ruben was a young, single father with an infant daughter, just recently widowed. He had no job, no prospects for a job, and he lived with his folks. He didn’t have anything to offer Elijah except problems.
And one morning of scorching sex didn’t mean a lifetime commitment. Maybe Elijah had really meant it three years ago when he asked Ruben to leave him alone. Elijah might not be drunk this morning, but after the amount of alcohol he had consumed the night before, he certainly wasn’t operating on all thrusters.
His heart feeling heavy and his mind a confused jumble of thoughts, Ruben dropped Elijah’s hand and started to move off the bed. He wanted to get his clothes and get the hell out of there before he looked like more of a fool then he already did.
“Where are you going?”
Ruben stared down at the hand on his wrist. He couldn’t think of anything logical to say for a moment.
I’m going home to lick my
wounds and try to mend my broken heart
just didn’t sound right.
“Ruben?”
“I—”
Saved by the bell, or the cell phone anyway. Ruben heaved a huge relieved sigh then reached over and grabbed his cell phone off the nightstand. “Hello?”
“Ruben, son, you need to come home.”
“Ma? What’s wrong?” Ruben could hear the wobble in Ma’s voice, a sound he had never heard uttered from her mouth before. “Is Alani okay?”
“She’s fine, son, but you need to come home right now. Your mother is here demanding to see her granddaughter.”
Ruben went from heartbroken to furious in the blink of an eye.
His fingers tightened around the cell phone in his hand as he growled.
“You are my mother. She is not. And I don’t want her anywhere near my daughter.” He grabbed his pants and started pulling them up his legs. “I’ll be home in a few minutes.”
“Just hurry, Son,” Ma said. “She’s very upset.”
“I don’t give a damn!” Ruben snapped the phone closed before Ma could chastise him for swearing. He knew it was coming. His movements were angry and jerky as he pulled his shirt over his head then pulled his shoes on.
“Ruben, what in the hell is going on?” Elijah asked from behind him.
“My birth mother has reared her ugly head. She’s demanding to see Alani.”
“Uh, Ruben, I’m not sure she can do that.” Ruben was pissed. He swung around to give Elijah a piece of his mind, but his mouth dropped open when he saw the man pulling on a pair of the tightest jeans he had ever seen in his life. They might as well have been painted on. Ruben’s mouth suddenly felt dry as he stared.
“What are you doing?” he whispered.
Elijah’s head snapped up. “I’m going with you.”
“Why?”
“I’m going with you because I’m a lawyer, damn it. Your lawyer as of now.” Elijah stopped talking long enough to pull a white dress shirt on and button it up. He started tucking it into his jeans as he looked up at Ruben. “I’m not about to let anyone take that baby away from you.”
“Us.” Ruben pressed his lips together as soon as the word slipped past his lips. He knew he shouldn’t have said it as soon as he spoke the word, but there was nothing he could do about it now.
“What?”
“Nothing.” Ruben shook his head and grabbed his phone. If Elijah hadn’t heard him, all the better. He shoved his phone into his pocket and started for the door only to be pulled up short when Elijah’s hand wrapped around his arm and pulled him to a stop. Ruben closed his eyes and wished he was anywhere else but where he was.
“I want to know what you meant by that.”
“No, you don’t.” Ruben opened his eyes and pulled his arm roughly out of Elijah’s grasp. “You’ve made your feelings more than clear, Elijah. I was stupid to think that they might have changed in the last three years.” He turned and looked at Elijah finally. He ignored Elijah’s quick inhale as he stared at him. “I won’t forget again.”
Elijah kept waiting for Ruben to say something to him as they drove out of town toward the Blaecleah ranch, but the man said nothing. Ruben wouldn’t even look in his direction. It was like Ruben had cut Elijah out. Elijah didn’t like it.
“Ruben, are you going to ignore me all the way to the ranch?”
“Yes.”
Elijah rolled his eyes. “Ruben, you’re acting like a chi—”
“Like a child?” Ruben’s hazel eyes were narrowed to little slits when they swung over to look at Elijah. “Actually, I think I’m acting pretty damn mature for a man that just lost his virginity in a one-night stand.”
“Lost your virgin—” Elijah’s eyebrows shot up. His ass ached from being pounded into the mattress by Ruben, and expertly so. No
virgin
fucked like Ruben did. Besides, he had a kid. That definitely took the whole virgin thing off the table. “You’re out of your mind.”
“Yes, I imagine I am.” Ruben’s shoulders shrugged nonchalantly as he looked back out the front window, but Elijah could see the tension in them. “I actually thought you cared. I guess I got what I deserved for believing in something that never existed.”
“Ruben, I do care but—”
“Fine, you care. Duly noted.”
Elijah banged his head back against the headrest. Talking to Ruben was like trying to run through waist-deep molasses. He wasn’t getting anywhere fast. “Ruben, you’ve had sex. Even you’ve admitted you have. Technically, that means you are no longer a virgin.”
“Fine,” Ruben snapped. “I’m no longer a virgin.”
Elijah’s hand gripped the edge of his seat, tightening as anger filled him. He didn’t care what Ruben said. The man was acting like a child. Elijah wanted to grab Ruben and bang his head against a wall—a very hard wall.
“Ruben, this is ridiculous. You—”
Elijah yelped and grabbed the dashboard when Ruben suddenly slammed on the brakes and the car fishtailed in the snow, coming to a stop on the edge of the road. His eyes widened when he looked over at Ruben to find the man staring at him with such a look of misery in his eyes that Elijah could barely breathe. Had he ever seen so much pain before?
“I am not going to discuss this with you, Elijah,” Ruben said firmly. “I made a mistake, and now I’m paying for that. I get that. But I will not allow you to push the knife in any further. If you can’t leave me the hell alone, then you can get the fuck out of my car and walk your happy ass back to town.”
Elijah swallowed hard. “Okay, Ruben.” Ruben gave Elijah one last long stare then righted the car and continued on down the road. Elijah turned to stare out the front window, trying to figure out how their conversation had gone so badly so quickly.
No matter what Ruben said, he wasn’t a virgin. Alani proved that much. She was living, breathing proof of that. If Ruben’s experience beyond his wife wasn’t much, that was fine. That’s all the man needed to say. He didn’t need to lie about it. It wasn’t like Elijah hadn’t had lovers in the past. He—
Elijah inhaled sharply when realization suddenly hit him like a freight train. He turned to look at Ruben and almost cried out when he realized that the misery he had seen in the man’s eyes was due to him.
And it was still there in every tense line of Ruben’s body.
“Oh, Ruben.”
“No,” Ruben snapped. His hands tightened around the steering wheel, making a crinkling noise. “It is not up for discussion.”
“Ruben, please.”
Elijah once again grabbed the dashboard when Ruben slammed on the brakes. He glared at Ruben. “You really have got to stop doing that. Someone could be hurt.”
Ruben reached across him without looking at him and opened the passenger door. “Get out!”
“No!” Elijah snapped right back as he slammed the door closed. “I am not getting out of this car.”
“Fine.”
Elijah blinked in surprise when Ruben put the car into park and simply climbed out. He rolled his eyes and scooted over to the driver’s seat, putting the car into drive and following behind Ruben.
One of these days, he was going to put that man over his knee and paddle his ass until it was rosy red. Elijah chuckled nervously when his cock jerked at the image. Now was so not the time to be having fantasies about spanking Ruben.
Elijah rolled the window down when the car came alongside the man. “Get in the car, Ruben.”
“No.” Ruben kept right on walking.
“Ruben.”
“Go fuck yourself, Elijah. God knows I won’t be doing it again.” Oh, now Elijah was starting to get pissed. He drove several yards ahead of Ruben and slammed the car into park. He opened the doors and climbed out, stalking back toward Ruben. Anger ate at him every step he took.
“Now, you listen to me, Ruben Blaecleah,” Elijah said as he stabbed his finger into Ruben’s chest. “I don’t know what type of fucking game you think you are playing here, but it’s just reaffirming my belief that you’re not ready for a relationship. And yes, you are acting like a two-year-old throwing a temper tantrum.” Elijah was ready for the fist Ruben threw at him. He grabbed it and spun Ruben around, slamming him into the side of the car and covering him with his body. Ruben might have filled out a bit in the last three years, but Elijah was still bigger than him, even if only by a few inches.
“Let me go!” Ruben growled as he struggled to get away.
“No.” Elijah pressed closer to Ruben. He felt the man suddenly stiffen and go still and knew Ruben had felt his erection. “I’m not going to move until you tell me what in the hell is going on, Ruben.
I’m so confused I don’t know whether to wipe my teeth and brush my ass or—”
“I get it!” Ruben held up a hand. “I get it.”
“Then talk.”
“Why should I?”
“Please?”
Ruben’s shoulders slumped. “Why do you care, Elijah? I swear I will leave you alone. Just let this go.”
“I can’t, baby.” Elijah leaned his head forward and rested it against the back of Ruben’s. “You mean too much for me to see you so sad. And before you say anything, I know this is my fault. I just don’t know how it’s my fault.” Elijah drew in a deep breath and lightly kissed the nape of Ruben’s neck. “I’m not a mind reader, Ru.”
“You’re just not going to give this up until you get your pound of flesh, are you?”
Elijah chuckled lightly. “I’m a lawyer, Ru. Arguing my case is what I do.”
Silence hung in the air, making Elijah wonder if Ruben was going to answer him or not. He began to grow worried when Ruben drew in a deep breath and slowly let it out. Elijah stayed where he was, his front pressed against Ruben’s back. He thought maybe the man might need the extra support. He hoped, anyway.
“Mahra was the first woman I was ever with,” Ruben said softly.
“She was also the last woman I was ever with. And it only happened that one time. You’re the only man I’ve ever been with, and it only happened that one time. So I’ve had sex exactly twice in my entire life.”
“Sweet mercy.” He
was
a fucking virgin. Elijah closed his eyes and tried to breathe as the knowledge that he had been Ruben’s one and only filled every cell in his body. He didn’t know whether to groan at the multitude of complications that brought him or shout for joy that no one had touched this beautiful man except him.
Mahra didn’t count.
“I am so sorry, Ruben,” he whispered against the man’s hair as guilt ate at him. “I took something that should have been so special for you and turned it into a nightmare. That wasn’t my intention.”
“Wha—” Ruben cleared his throat. “What did you intend then?”
“I don’t know if I had any specific intentions, Ru. I just knew I had wanted you since the first day I saw you, and I couldn’t deny myself anymore, not when you seemed to want it, too.” Ruben swallowed as he glanced over his shoulder at Elijah. “But you don’t want me.”
Elijah shook his head as his grip eased slightly. “I do want you, Ru. I’m just not sure what I want.” He hoped Ruben understood what he was saying. Elijah was confused as hell, but he knew he couldn’t live without Ruben. The man was all he dreamt about. He couldn’t see a life without him there in some manner.
“You sure know how to give mixed signals,” Ruben said as he continued to look over his shoulder at Elijah. “What do you want from me?”