Blind Faith (29 page)

“I know that now, honey,” Leslie said in a subdued tone, “and I’m sorry for the strain it put on both of you.  I have no doubt that his feelings for you are genuine, and I’m happy for you.  Will loves you very much.”

“Did he tell you that?”

“He didn’t have to.  I got my first clue when Will invited us into the kitchen so we could talk while he fixed dinner.  Of course, when I saw how he’d mutilated the salad, I offered to help.”

For the second time since her mother walked in, Serena’s cheeks flamed with color.
 

“Actually, I think the hatchet job was my doing.”

“I know,” Leslie laughed.  “Will told us that was the reason he banished you from the kitchen.  I’m just sorry you were so worried about tonight.  He said you
had
been a little…edgy about all day.”

Serena grinned at her mother’s choice of words.  “Is that how Will described my mood earlier?”

“Well…he may have phrased it a little differently.  At any rate, he was very straight forward
with
us.  He wasn’t happy that you were caught in the middle and made it very clear he wouldn’t tolerate us upsetting you.”

“He said that?” Serena grimaced.

“Yes, and a lot more too,” Leslie replied, sounding as if she actually admired Will for it.
 

“He said we could ask him anything we wanted to know about his family, his background, even the balance in his bank account and he
would
be glad to answer. 
But
, once you joined us, the Q & A session ended.”

“That must have gone over like a ton of bricks,” Serena groaned.  “Don’t blame him, Mom.  He was just worried about how uptight I was.”

“Serena, you don’t have to defend him.  I thought it was sweet that he wanted to keep us from heaping anymore stress on your shoulders.  Any man who will take over in the kitchen so you can relax in a nice hot tub is worth keeping.  As a matter of fact,” Leslie said with a trace of laughter in her voice, “he reminds a bit of your Dad.”

“He does?”

“Uh huh,” Leslie looped her arm around Serena’s waist and propelled her towards the door.  “
Tony
uses the same power of persuasion your Will does.  Honestly, how can you say no to the man you love when he
is
kissing you senseless?”

                       
                                       
***

Two weeks later
,
the roles were reversed when she and Will were invited to dinner at her parents’ house.  Serena was ecstatic that both her mother and father had warmed up to Will and accepted he was an important part of her life now.  And she was thrilled when they were greeted at the door by Anthony and Sawyer,
despite the fact
they spent the entire hour before dinner reliving every football game they’d played in high school. 

Part of her wanted to stay and listen because she liked hearing their light hearted laughter and the constant banter about who was the better player.  But she also felt Will needed this time with his old friends for some guy talk without having to worry about including her in the conversation.  Feigning boredom, Serena excused herself and wandered off to the kitchen where her mother was busy icing a cake.

“I should have done this last night,” Leslie bereted herself.  “You’d think by now I
would
know not to invite the boys unless I intend to bake a cake for dessert.”

Serena smiled.  Her brother’s were cake fiends.  “Chocolate cake with chocolate frosting?”

“You can smell that over the roast and garlic mashed potatoes?”

“No, I just know Anthony and Sawyer.”  Serena felt her way along the edge of the table and pulled out a chair.  “You probably had something entirely different planned and they conned you into making a cake instead.”

“You’re right, but they don’t make it home as often as they used to and I’m not above bribing them with cake if that’s what it takes.”

Serena sat down, making a clicking noise with her tongue.  “You’re such a marshmallow, Mom.”

“Ha!  You’re going to be ten times worse when you have kids.”

“
If
I have children,” Serena muttered despondently, the internal debate picking up where it left off when she’d last pushed it from her mind.

Misconstruing the sudden downward shift in her daughter’s mood, Leslie stopped what she was doing and went to Serena.  “There
is
no reason you can’t have children,” Leslie said as she sat down next to Serena.  “You told me yourself the doctor said the scar tissue would make it more difficult but not impossible to conceive.”

“It’s not that I
can’t
have children, it…it’s just that…” she shook her head, making several attempts to swallow the painful lump in her throat before she managed to croak out the rest.  “I don’t think I want to have them.”

“What?”
  Leslie’s tone was incredulous.  “You love children and would be a wonderful mother.  How can you say you don’t want a child of your own?”

Serena clasped her hands together and drew in a steadying breath.  She shouldn’t have said anything.  If only she
had
talked to Rose about it instead of burying her doubts so she wouldn’t have to deal with them.  Rose was the voice of reason and would have responded in a rational manner, while her mother’s reaction was purely emotional.  She could have talked to Rose without feeling as if she was committing an unpardonable sin by admitting she chose not to have children, whereas the only thing that would come out of a heart to heart with her mother was a healthy dose of guilt and a good cry.   

“Is it Will?” Leslie asked.  “Did he say he didn’t want to have children?”

“No!  Will has nothing to do with my reservations about raising a family.”

“Have you talked about it?”

“Only in general terms.  And please don’t bring the subject up, Mom.  I would die of embarrassment and I can’t imagine Will would feel very comfortable talking about it either.”

Leslie’s reply was crisp.  “Fine, I won’t bring it up,”  

With an exaggerated sigh, Leslie stood up and scooted the chair in, clearly unhappy at being shut out.  Serena should have known it was too good to be true when her mother returned to the task of preparing dinner with no further comment.  She heard the oven door open and close and the soft shuffle of her mother’s feet as she moved around the kitchen.  For those few, brief moments in which her mother remained silent, Serena allowed herself to believe that was the end of it.  But
,
of course
,
it wasn’t.

“If you don’t want to discuss your reasons with me, I guess I have to accept it, but you really should let Will know how you feel before you get married.”

“Married!”
  Serena choked out. 

“Isn’t that what two people do when they’re in love?” 

Serena didn’t reply right away.  How could she?  If she gave the obvious answer and said yes, it would only pave the pathway for a whole new slew of questions.  Thank God, Will wasn’t within earshot of the kitchen right now.  Yes, she dreamed of being his wife, but he hadn’t even broached the subject of marriage and she didn’t want him to feel pressured into asking her.  Of course, she wouldn’t have to worry about it for long because Serena was positive she
would
die of mortification if her mother started hinting at setting a wedding date.

There was only one way to spare both her and Will the embarrassment they were about to be subjected to, and that was to nip this conversation in the bud before they all sat down to dinner.  Clamming up would make her mother think there was something wrong with their relationship, and getting defensive would give the impression
Serena
had something to hide.  Self preservation and the desire to shield Will meant she had no choice but to go on the offense; not an easy task for someone who preferred to remain quietly in the background and avoid confrontation.   

“You’re fishing, Mom,” she asserted.  “Much more subtle than your usual head-on approach, but you
are
not going to wheedle anything out of me because there
is
nothing to tell.”

“Meaning Will hasn’t asked you to marry him yet?”

“No.  We haven’t discussed marriage or children or plans for the future.  Right now we’re just…taking it one day at a time.”

“Are you afraid to talk about those things with Will?”

She shook her head, the denial on the tip of her tongue.  For as long as she could remember, Rose had been the one she turned to when something troubled her.  It wasn’t because she felt her mother was unapproachable, but there always seemed to be some drama revolving around McKinley, or the boys were being a pain, and Serena could never bring herself to add to the burden. 

Then after the attack, she
had
shut her mother out completely
.  I
t suddenly occurred to her how much it must have hurt; knowing your child had been violated in the worst possible way, watching them slowly slip away from you and feeling utterly helpless to do anything about it.  Serena hadn’t missed the caution in her mother’s voice just now, and why wouldn’t she try to guard herself against the rejection she expected from her daughter?

“Yes,” she finally said, “I guess I am a little afraid.”

“Have you…talked to Rose about it?”

Serena’s chest tightened.  All this time, she thought she’d been sparing her mother from further worry when the reality was she
had
only compounded it.  Choked with emotion, she cleared her throat then let the words spill out.

“No, I think sometimes a girl just needs her mom, you know?” 

                       
                                       
***

He should have made a noise of some sort; coughed, rattled the empty beer bottles he was holding,
anything
to let them know he was there.  Will glanced down at Rufus, feeling even guiltier for ease dropping because the silly mutt seemed to be emulating him and hadn’t made a sound.  Maybe Rufus sensed, just as he did, how important it was not to intrude on the two women yet.  One thing Will knew for sure; confiding in her mother was monumental for Serena.  And yes, he should have backed away and let them have this private moment, but he
had
been rooted to the spot when he heard

Serena’s reply about being afraid to talk to him.  Right or wrong, he couldn’t leave until he heard what else she had to say.

“Is Will that difficult to talk to?” Leslie asked.

“No!  He’s been wonderful…patient, more patient than anyone I know.  But I’m scared, Mom.”

“That he won’t ask you to marry him, or that he will?”

“That he will,” Serena said miserably.  “What if
he
asks me and then realizes he doesn’t want to spend the rest of his life with a…a blind woman?”

“Will doesn’t seem like the type to do something without thinking it through,” Leslie replied.  “He wouldn’t ask if he wasn’t sure it was what he wanted.”

“Well…what about children?  He probably hasn’t even considered how useless I would be.  I mean, how can I take care of a baby properly?  And once our child becomes a mobile toddler, how can I protect them from climbing on stairs or sticking their finger into
a light socket, or…or…getting into cupboards with dangerous cleaners? 
What if our child got hurt because of me?
”

Leslie calmly dismissed each of Serena’s concerns.  “You wouldn’t be the first blind woman to have a child, and I’m sure they all have the same worries.  But like everything else you thought was impossible to do without your sight, if it’s something you really want, you
will
find a way to accomplish it.  As for all the other things you mentioned, the solutions are simpler than you think.  A baby gate in front of the stairs, socket protectors over all the outlets, child proof locks on cupboards, and don’t forget you’ll have Rufus there when Will is at work.  He’ll watch after your little one just as he watches after you.”