Blind Faith (31 page)

“If I go off the deep end?” she finished for him.

“I was going to say, if anything bad happened to you.”

“
You
were the one who said I needed to face my fears,” Serena reminded him.

“Face them,
not
relive them.  Look, we’ll find a therapist that specializes in the type of trauma you suffered.  We can even try hypnosis if you want.”

“In a nice, controlled environment where I can feel safe?  No,” she said with vehemence, “I’ve done the therapist thing and it didn’t work.  And, granted, I don’t know much about hypnotism but as I recall, you have no memory of what happens when you’re under so how would that be any different than the nightmares I have?  They certainly haven’t proved to be very therapeutic, which validates my theory that I need to conquer this on both a conscious and subconscious level.”

“There has to be some other way.”

“There
isn’t
,” Serena insisted.

“It could backfire on you, revive the old fears and insecurities you
have
already worked through.  You’ve come so far…”

“Not far enough.”

“I don’t understand you,” Will’s voice was laced with frustration.  “It must terrify you to think of going there, especially since you have no idea if it will do anything but bring the nightmares back in full force.  Why would you want to take that chance?”

Serena let out a weary sigh.  She knew he was only trying to protect her
.  She also knew
why he didn’t want to take part in something that could breach the chasm in her mind that
was
shield
ing
her from the past.  But she needed him, needed the inner strength his presence gave her, and unless he truly understood why she felt compelled to go through with it, Will was not going help her.

“I could give you a million reasons why I need to do this, but it would be easier to show you.  Is the bathroom light on?”

Will sounded perplexed by the radical change in subject.  “Yes…but what does…?”

“Turn it off and shut the door.  Please,” she added when he didn’t move.  Once she heard the click of the door as he closed it, Serena silently moved to the far corner of the bathroom, several feet from where she
had
been standing before.  “Now come to me,” she said softly.

“You’re not in the same spot,” Will said as he shuffled in her general direction. 

It was a fairly good sized room but like most bathrooms, there were obstacles that jutted out, like the toilet and counters and towel racks that made it difficult to negotiate in the dark without running into something.  As Will found out a few seconds later when he stumbled into the laundry basket before angling towards her.  She could hear him patting the objects he came across with his hands; the first of two counters, the shower
door, the wall near the corner she
had
tucked herself into.  Silently sidestepping him, Serena eluded
Will
and positioned herself by the door.

Will’s hand slid across the wall where she
had
been only moments before.  “Where are you?”

“Over here.”

“Just what are you…”  There was a dull thud, followed by a colorful string of oaths.  “I think I broke my toe,” he ground out. 

“Watch out for the…” another dull thud, “…edge of the counter,” she finished.  “Ouch.
 

That sounded painful,” Serena said with a hint of laughter in her voice.

“You won’t think it’s so funny when I get my hands on you,” Will growled as he fumbled his way back to the door.

“I’m right here,” Serena taunted from behind him.  She felt the whoosh of air when he whirled around and tried to grab her, but she was too fast for him and easily maneuvered off to his left.  “You’re getting warmer.” 

She made another tactical move, slowly circling him and tossing out a whispered word or two so he would mock her movements.  When she was sure Will was so disoriented he probably couldn’t tell if he was facing towards or away from the door, Serena stopped moving around and waited for him to find her.

“Okay, you’ve had your fun,” Will slipped his arms around her waist and pulled her close.  “Now do you want to tell me what this is all about?”

“It’s about being in the dark,” she told him, “and not being able to distinguish night from day.  It’s about feeling lost and clumsy and never knowing for sure if your clothes match or your hair is a mess.  And it’s hearing someone say they love you and dying inside because you
will
never be able to look in their eyes or see their face, their smile…”

Serena choked back her tears and made one last attempt to change Will’s mind.  “I asked you to turn off the lights and try to find me so you would get an idea of what I go through every single day of my life.  I feel helpless and frustrated when I can’t find something, and it’s so hard to hold onto my confidence and self-esteem when I can’t do something as simple as finding the
spoon
I
dropped on the floor. 

I don’t want to feel my way around anymore.  I don’t want to be afraid to go someplace unfamiliar because I can’t stand the thought of people feeling sorry for me when I bump into something.  And I don’t want to spend the rest of my life trying to hang on to the faded image I have you.  Please don’t do this to me,
Will,
” her voice quivered.  “I’m begging you…don’t leave me in the dark.”

                      
                                     
***

Will had every intention of dissuading Serena from going back to that horrible place no matter what arguments she presented.  He was terrified it would be too much for her and had a bone chilling image of carrying Serena out of the cave in the same catatonic state he’d found her in seven years ago.  He wanted to believe her eyesight would return on its own; that given time, his love would heal her.  He sure as hell didn’t want to use the shock method, but how could he tell her no when the pain in her voice was so woefully evident?

Will thought about what she’d said.  And yes, he
had
felt a little lost and clumsy, but he had the security and comfort of knowing all he had to do was turn on the light and everything would be back to normal.  Serena didn’t have that option. 

His eyes shifted from left to right and back again without detecting so much as a sliver of light.  With the room still immersed in total darkness he wasn’t even sure which direction the door was in, and that’s when it finally hit him. 
How c
an
she get over what happened to her when Serena’s blindness
is
a constant reminder?

“I’ll do it,” he finally said, “but on one condition.”

“What’s that?”

“We take Rose with us.  No one else in your family would agree to it and I want someone else there in case…anything happens.”

Serena cupped his face in her hands and lightly kissed his lips.  “Thank you,” she whispered.

“When do you want to go?”

“As soon as possible.  Tomorrow, if Rose can manage it.”

Tomorrow. 
Already, the misgivings were beginning to settle like concrete cinders in the pit of his stomach.  The outcome could be disastrous and it would be his fault for letting
Serena
talk him into it.  It didn’t help that his own memories of that night were starting to come out of hiding, memories he
had
purposely shoved to the farthest recesses of his
mind. 

He wasn’t proud of what he’d done to those boys, but neither was he
sorry
.
 
They’d gotten off easy as far as he was concerned.  The difficult part was going to be telling Serena.  There were
n’t many
people who knew the whole story; his parents, Rose, Anthony, and Sawyer,
al
though he suspected they had confided in their father.  He was fairly certain Serena’s mother had gotten the edited version from Tony.  None of them thought any less of him for it, but he was worried Serena might be afraid of him once she knew
the
kind of violence he was capable of.

“Are you okay with that?”  Serena broke into his thoughts.

“If Rose is agreeable, I guess there
is
no reason to put it off.”

“And you’ll tell me everything you can remember?”

Will balked at that.  “You want to do it right now?”

“Well, not in the bathroom,” she said with a laugh.  “I’m really not tired, but it’s okay if you want to wait until morning.”

Will wasn’t tired either and doubted he
would
get much sleep that night anyway. “You make the coffee while I rustle up a midnight snack.”

“It’s a deal.  We can put everything on a tray and take it to the living room so we’ll be more comfortable.”

“Great idea.  And just to show how gallant I can be, I’ll take care of transporting the goods.”

“And to show how grateful I am for your chivalry,” she said with a saucy lilt, “I’ll let you turn on the lights first.”

                       
                                      
***

Will pulled his beat up old Chevy into the clearing and parked next to Anthony’s truck.  This year’s model, of course.  It was hard not to resent his wealthy buddies sometimes, even though Anthony and Sawyer were pretty low keyed about having money to burn.  He sat there for awhile, listening to the sound of girls laughing and the boisterous voices of boys who were trying to impress them.  He wasn’t really in the mood to party despite the fact they
had
creamed the other team at the football game tonight, but he supposed he had to make an appearance. 

Having hoards of giggling females fawn all over you got old, and he didn’t care to make out with a girl he had no feelings for just because everyone else was doing it.  The only reason he let his friends talk him into coming was because he’d heard Serena was going to be here.  He wasn’t sure why he was so sweet on her.  She was too young for starters, and she certainly didn’t have the looks or curves her sister had, but there was something about her that got to him in a way no other girl ever had.

Will shoved the door open and climbed out of his car.  Most of the kids would be hanging out around the
bonfire;
others will have sneaked off to the woods or the caves to make out.  As he trudged down the familiar path, he wondered if he dared try to get Serena alone long enough to kiss her.  He let himself enjoy the image of holding her close and coaxing Serena out of her shyness to experience her first kiss.  And he
would
be her first, he was certain of that.  He’d heard McKinley tease her often enough to know she
had
never been out on a date because she was a
timid little mouse
. 

No doubt, it would boil McKinley’s blood if she knew he was even considering kissing her sister.  Okay, so McKinley was hot,
and
she’d made it clear she wouldn’t think twice about hopping in
to
the sack with him, but she just didn’t do it for him.  Maybe other guys could overlook the fact she
had
made the rounds with half the jocks in school, but he couldn’t.  McKinley had no morals, and she was a manipulator; qualities he definitely had a strong aversion to.  Now
,
Serena…she was different.  She was kind and sweet, and Will liked it that she blushed up a storm when he stopped to talk to her in the hallways.

His fantasy about Serena came to an abrupt end when he spotted Anthony and Sawyer.  They probably wouldn’t like the idea of him dating their little sister and he couldn’t even imagine their reaction if they caught him kissing her.  Granted
,
three years wasn’t a huge gap in age, but Serena was only fifteen…well, she was two days shy of being fifteen, which would make him a cradle robber in their eyes. 
So much for spending time with Serena tonight
, he thought with a regretful sigh.

Anthony greeted him with a hearty slap on the back.  “Hey, Duncan, where have you been?  We were just about to hit up a couple of the cheerleaders and volunteer our services as escorts on a tour through the woods.  You’re welcome to come with.  I’m sure Jennie would jump at the chance, seeing as she
’s
already asked about you twice tonight.”

“Thanks, but I think I’ll pass.” 

Will glanced around and spied McKinley plastering herself to Rick Porter, apparently unconcerned that several members of the football team were enjoying the show as her boyfriend’s hand slipped beneath her skirt to fondle her behind.  Her brothers had given up trying to contain McKinley’s wild streak a long time ago, but he knew it still bothered them to see her make such a public display of herself.  And he’d heard the way guys talked about her in the locker room,
al
though most of them were smart enough not to say anything when Anthony or Sawyer were around.