“Why did Katie just tell me you were leaving?” I hissed.
Derek studied his shoes. “I’m not really sure I should—”
“Derek,” I warned in a low voice. “I will
literally
stab you with the end of my stiletto if you don’t tell me what’s going on
right now
.”
“God,” Derek said, looking abashed. “Dramatic much?”
I glared at him.
“All right,” he said, making motions with his hands for me to calm down. “But don’t tell Scooby I told you. He’ll have a major freak out.”
“Whatever. I’m not scared of him. And stop calling him names.”
Derek let out a satisfied smile and said, “It’s part of his master plan to keep me away from the vampires. We have to turn invisible. We have to leave the country and hide out for like ... a long time. Lucas says he knows some werewolves who live in the wild up in Québec or something. He says we have to go where it’s cold, and the werewolves there will help us stay under the radar. We’re leaving—” He winced for a moment with a pitied expression. “We’re leaving tomorrow night, Faith.”
Something dull and painful yanked at my chest as Derek’s words hit me. “We?” I managed. “As in you and Lucas?”
Derek nodded, looking away as he realized the news that Lucas would be leaving as well meant more to me than the news that
he
was going. I felt guilty, of course, but I couldn’t help my reaction. Part of me had always known that Derek would have to hide out for a while in order to keep away from the vampires. But it had just never occurred to me that he would go so far. Or that he would take Lucas with him.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked. “Why did I have to find out like this?”
Derek put his hands up defensively. “Hey, don’t get mad at me. I was told he’d handle telling you. If it were up to me, I’d have told you right away, but he seemed to think waiting would be . . . safer.”
“Safer?” I spat. “What does that even mean?”
But before Derek could answer, a shadow appeared at his side—Lucas. His face was grave and shaded in suspicion.
“What’s going on?” he asked.
I whirled on him. “Derek was just telling me how you plan on going to
Québec
tomorrow without even telling me.”
Derek looked utterly betrayed, and I realized too late that I wasn’t supposed to tell Lucas that I’d found out from him.
Oh well.
Lucas shot a murderous look at Derek, who made an annoyed noise in the back of his throat. “She was going to find out anyway,” he said. “Why’d you take so long to tell her? And why’d you tell
Katie
? She can’t keep anything a secret.”
“Because Katie’s playing a role,” Lucas said. “And a few others. We’ll discuss it later.” He turned to me, apologetic now. “I didn’t want you to find out like this.”
“How did you want me to find out?” I asked, voice like a hiss. “In the morning when I woke up and found you missing? What, were you going to leave a note on my pillow?
Gone to Québec with Derek, be back never?
”
“I didn’t want to give you time to—” He broke off and made a face.
“What!” I shrieked, beside myself with fury. After everything we’d gone through, people were
still
keeping secrets?
“I didn’t want to give you time to plan anything, all right? To somehow sneak along with us. It seemed like something you’d do. Se we’re leaving tomorrow night on the full moon so you can’t . . . so you can’t follow us.”
I was silent for a moment, equal parts furious and flattered that he’d known I’d find a way to go with him, given time. But none of this mattered anyway, because one thing had become completely clear. They were not planning on taking me with them on this trip.
And that was not an option. If they were going, I was going with them. I hated—straight-up
hated
—the thought of leaving CSU, because despite everything that had happened, I really loved it here and wanted to finish school. But there were some things that were more important—family being one of them. Derek and Lucas were my family, and I wasn’t going to abandon them.
“I’m coming,” I said. “Don’t argue, Lucas. I mean it. I’m not going to just sit behind going to class while you two run off and risk your lives. I refuse.” I turned to Derek. “Am I right?”
Derek looked to be in extreme pain and dread emanated from his every pore. “No,” he said, flinching as if the word hurt his tongue. “You can’t come, Faith. It’s too dangerous.”
I let my gaze flicker between Lucas and Derek several times. Both were apologetic, yet resolute. They actually
agreed
on this. And the most infuriating part about it was that they were right.
It was this realization—perhaps more than any other—that pushed me past my breaking point.
“Fine!” I screamed, making both of them cringe. “Leave. I don’t give a shit. Stay in Québec or Russia or China or wherever for as long as you want. Take up my whole lifetime hiding in the forest like cowards. When you finally come back, I won’t be here! I’ll be dead and you’ll have wasted—everything. You’ll be . . .” Tears shattered my vision and cut off my voice. “I hate—the both . . . of you. Hate. . . .”
I felt Lucas’s arms around me and I struggled to get away, but he was too strong and he wouldn’t let go. I cried into his chest, half hitting him as he shushed me.
When at last I calmed, he released me slightly, still holding me close.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “But you’re human. And your life is too fragile. I can’t devote myself to keeping Derek away from the vampires if I’m constantly worrying about you. I’ll arrange for you to have protection—I already have a few pack members who volunteered. It’ll be a long time. And it’ll be hard. But this is the price we have to pay to keep Derek’s venom out of the wrong hands.” He bent and held my face trying to get me to look at him, but I refused, staring at the makeup-smudged lapel of his tux instead. “This is bigger than just me and you, Faith,” he said, a little more firmly now. “If the vampires get Derek’s venom you know what’ll happen. They’ll finally have what they need to take over everything. I can’t let that happen.”
It was selfish and immature, but in that moment, I didn’t care about humanity. I didn’t care about vampires or venom or anything. The only thing in the world that mattered was that Lucas was leaving. And he might never come back.
“Faith, look at me,” he said.
“No,” I whispered. “I can’t look at you.” I jerked away from him again, and this time he let me. Vaguely, I noticed that Derek had left, probably when Lucas started holding me.
“How long will you be gone?” I demanded, already knowing what the answer would be.
“I don’t know.”
“Estimate.”
“Ten years? Fifteen? As long as it takes to stop them.”
The words
ten
and
fifteen
were like bullets through my chest. “And you expect me to wait around, wasting my life away? Without you? What was all that bullshit about spending my lifetime together? Loving me forever?”
Lucas looked down at his shoes, wordless.
“Why’d you say all that to me?” I asked. “Why’d you give me this—” I reached into my clutch and yanked out the tartan. “To remember you by? I don’t want some stupid piece of fabric to hold while I miss you for fifteen years! I want
you
. I want to go
with
you. I’ll brave any danger I have to, just please don’t do this.” I was begging now and it was pathetic, but there was no other choice. I had to make him see that while leaving me for fifteen years seemed like nothing to him—it was a big chunk of my life. It was my best years gone. When he came back—if he came back—I’d be old. I’d be a different person. I didn’t even know if I’d still love him. How could I love someone who left me like this? After he’d promised—
promised
—he would never leave me again?
“I don’t want this either,” Lucas said, eerily calm, as though he had rehearsed these lines earlier. “But you’ll be safer here. I’ve almost lost you too many times. I don’t think I’ll make it if you really died. So I know this is hard, but it’s the only way I can see that you’ll be safe.”
I flung the tartan at him, hitting him in the chest with it. “You can keep your ridiculous tartan. And you can keep the lifetime you promised me. And you can
keep
the love you gave me! Because I don’t want any of it if I don’t have you!”
My last sight was Lucas’s face—a pale, stricken expression I’d never seen on him before—and then I swung around and ran. My heels made holes in the grass, tripping me up as I weaved in and out of the crowds and into the only place I could think to go where nobody would find me: the woods.
I thrust myself into the forest, stopping only to kick my shoes off, and ran hard. I dodged trees and low-hanging branches as I pushed myself harder, ignoring the sting of the underbrush cutting into my feet. This was dangerous, but I was glad for it. Lucas was so scared of me getting hurt that all I wanted to do was hurt myself—put myself in the danger he feared so much. Just to spite him.
So I ran farther, not even caring as my dress tore and snagged in the brush. When a tree branch scraped swiftly against my cheek, I finally stopped, clutching my face. Warmth gushed between my fingers.
“Damn it,” I gasped to myself. I stood there panting for a minute, reveling in the endorphin rush, and then started walking to ease the painful throb of my heart. I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going. I just focused on the movement itself.
Get away from Lucas.
Get away from Derek.
Get away from myself.
I shook my head, trying to erase the memories of what I’d said to Lucas—his face when I’d thrown the tartan back at him. Part of me wanted to turn around and take it back, to tell him I’d wait an eternity for him. But another part was happy I’d shown him how I really felt. He wanted me to be honest, right? Well, that was more honest than I’d ever been with him.
Still, it was probably time to turn around and go back to the party. The initiation would be starting soon and no matter how mad I was at Lucas and Derek, I didn’t want to miss it.
I stepped past an ancient spruce and came to a halt. I’d entered a small clearing around a felled evergreen with cracking bark the color of dust. Deadened grass surrounded it, gray and anemic-brown. And crouching right behind, its coat so close to the color of the grass that, at first, my eyes slid right over it, was the heather-gray wolf.
34
BETRAYAL
I
saw its eyes before I felt its vibe—two glowing pinpricks of acid green hovering behind the felled tree. I should have been scared, but I wasn’t. I think a part of me knew it would be here—that it had survived the fight with Melissa and was waiting to catch me alone. My body was totally numb, my heart beating too fast to feel.
The wolf rose onto its feet, slowly stepping around the log and advancing on me. Vainly, I tried to ignite the connection, knowing all the while what would happen. The wall. The same wall that resided in Derek’s head, that had kept me out that night in the courtyard when the wolf had tried to corner me. The same resistance I felt when Lucas and I had practiced blocking.
In a rush, I realized that this werewolf knew how to block me. This werewolf
knew
what I was.
It dawned on me, then, that this was the end—this was the moment it would finally kill me.
I was sort of mad about it. I’d survived countless supernatural attacks, a car crash, a vampire-werewolf battle, and the monarch vampire’s bite, and now I was going to be mauled to death by some random psychopath werewolf? It just didn’t seem fair.
I backed up against the spruce, supporting myself with the solid bark of the tree, and said, “What do you want?”
The wolf’s ears flagged at my voice, and it stopped its slow advance, body tensed.
“Why are you following me around?” I demanded. “Change. At least tell me why.”
The wolf’s iron muzzle wrinkled over its snout as it snarled. A fresh hit of adrenaline swept through me, making my hands shake.
“Just tell me why,” I said, less brazen now.
A deep growl was all the answer I got. It lowered itself, shuffling its shoulders as it poised itself to lunge.
I pressed myself harder against the spruce, cringing. Why did I come out here? Why wasn’t I spending my last night with Lucas in his arms instead of acting like a spoiled brat out in the woods? Alone.
Damn it, I didn’t want this to happen. I wanted to live. Frantically, I tried to ignite the connection again, but the wall shoved me back out. The wolf jerked forward, barking as if saying,
stop that!
“Then tell me why!” I screamed, beating my fist against the tree.
That’s when it pounced. I heard myself scream, felt my body curl into itself as I covered my head in my hands and crumpled to the ground. Claws dug into my ankle, yanking me into the air and whipping me around like a chew toy. A bone in my leg
cracked
when I hit the ground
.
I cried out, digging my fingernails into the earth, trying futilely to escape.