Born Different (27 page)

Gabe and Grace
naked, entwined and holding onto each other tight, locked into a
moment that they wished could last forever.

“I love you
Grace!” They kissed and became embroiled in their embrace, lost in
a passion, unaware of their actions, just moving on pure
instinct.

They made it to
the bank of the river, to the soft sand and they made love again.
Washing over each other, in a ritualistic dance with one another
that came from a pure unlearned source, a carnal knowledge.

It was a dance
of love to the rhythm of life.

They felt as if
they had been blasted into the sky, far into space by a rocket and
were now slowly drifting and swaying back down to earth. Complete,
satisfied, with the discovery of a moment that came close to
feeling like the meaning of it all.

Gabe wrapped
Grace in a blanket and they sat warming up by the fire, drinking
and drinking and looking up at the sky and feeling the ground
beneath them. They were there in a place that was timeless, a place
that had been there for millennia and would probably be there for
another. This was a place where the feet of ancient people had
walked and where the feet on people in the far off future would
also walk. But in this moment in time, they were there. Grace and
Gabe looking up at the stars that had been there since the
beginning and would be there till the end. The same stars that all
the people that had ever lived had seen and all the people that
would ever live would look up at and wonder about too. The sky that
was there before anything, before people, before science, before
religion. The sky that had witnessed it all and held all the
secrets.

“I love you
Grace,” and she smiled at him, with her mouth and with her
eyes.

“I know
Gabe.”

As Gabe lay
there, he realised that he had to believe that good triumphed over
evil in the end, in the grand scheme of things. That light
eventually won over dark. That love would conquer over everything.
That love was the cure. Gabe had to believe that. That was the
world that Gabe wanted to live in.

He felt good.
Being here felt like Heaven on Earth. Heaven on Earth, Hell on
Earth. Gabe was starting to understand things he had heard or read
numerous times in the past that he thought he had understood, but
he hadn’t at all. Maybe nothing you saw or were told was ever
really truly understood by you until the penny finally dropped in
your own mind. Not until you learnt the lesson for yourself,
experienced the truths first hand. Or the synapses of your brain
finally made the right connections so that things started to make
sense where they hadn’t before. Or whatever it was. Increased stage
of personal evolution, unlocking the potential of you genes, who
knows? Gabe didn’t think he knew anything, if anything, the more he
figured out, the more he realised that he knew absolutely nothing
at all, other than it was all a miracle.

In the morning,
Grace and Gabe woke up in time to walk down to the cliff’s edge to
watch the sun rise up from the distant horizon. They were both
tired and scruffy and unwashed but in those very early hours, they
were alive, conscious and grateful of just being alive.

Then Grace’s
phone started ringing and shocked them both as they had quickly got
used to just hearing the sounds of nature; and such a modern day
noise was so out of place here, it was almost offensive to the
eardrums.

Grace answered
her phone and Gabe could see that she was panicking and getting
irate. Something was being said, on the other end of the line, that
was upsetting her and Gabe was desperate to know what it was. It is
rarely good news when someone calls in the small hours.

“I’ve got to go
home Gabe.”

“What’s the
matter?”

“Mum and dad
have been having a big fight all night. He's torn all her clothes
off of her and thrown her out into the street. She is wandering
around, out of it, with no money and nowhere to go. That was
Nathaniel, he’s there now but he won’t be for long. I’ve got to go
back and sort it out.”

Grace looked
strained and all peace was lost from her features.

Gabe drove her
back as fast as he could. Grace told him to drop her off at the
bottom of the road, not to drive up to the house.

“Please don’t
come up Gabe, please don’t get involved.”

So he
didn’t.

“Ok Grace, just
go home and I’ll ring you ok. Or ring me, I’ll be right here. Ok
Grace and I love you.”

“Thanks Gabe!”
She hugged him tight and firm like she didn’t want to let go, even
though she had to, and then Grace ran up the hill as fast as she
could.

As Gabe always
did when he had a lot on his mind, he isolated himself. He didn’t
feel like he had much choice. He kept his phone on him constantly,
waiting for a message from Grace but every time he looked it was
only one of The Damned trying to get his attention. Gabe didn’t
even read the messages from them. They had made their peace and he
really did need to borrow the van to move his gear down to The
Exhibition. But he didn’t want to hang out with them, not today,
not ever. He didn’t want to get involved in their next drama that
was for sure.

Gabe didn’t
even want to hang out with them in the heat down the park, talking
shit. He wanted to just think and dwell on the last couple of
nights he had spent with Grace, to think of nothing else. But he
was worried. Grace had not rung and he didn’t know if he should go
and find her. He wanted to but she had told him not to. He was
stuck, caught, so he created furiously. He opened up the sky lights
to let the sun beam’s keep him company and warm his skin. He
painted and glued and built up his sculpture until he had no more
energy and needed to rest; needed to go back into the house and sit
with his mum and eat and get his strength and senses together.
There was no point in falling apart, Grace needed him. He needed to
be strong for her, not go to pieces now. And The Exhibition
tomorrow, what would he wear? How would be present himself? The
black dye was washing out and looked a mess now but he was going to
stick with the all black thing. Things seemed to have picked up
since he’d started wearing all black and also his mum had gone into
his room during one of her ‘episodes’ and cleared out all his other
clothes and bought him a few more black pieces, so really he had no
other choice.

Gabe got his
phone out of his pocket and was about to check for a message from
Grace, in the hope that he had somehow failed to hear or feel it
come through, when there was a knock at the window of his
studio.

And there they
all were; Frank, Dave and Johnny. All waiting out in the garden for
Gabe to let them in.

“Come on mate,
let us in.” Frank looked like the sun was shining right out of his
eyes he was that happy.

“Dave’s got the
tattoo gun.” Johnny offered as he held up Dave’s hand, which was
holding a bag as some kind of proof.

Gabe stood
there in his locked studio, surrounded by his paintings that were
ready to exhibit and with the sculpture now basically finished,
with his own wings out. His instinct kicked into gear and he went
to immediately reach for the bandages abandoned on the floor but he
stopped himself.

Grace knew
about the wings now and his friends? Was it their turn? Did he not
owe it to them, these guys that had been there for everything? What
if it ever did get out in a few years and they looked back at their
time together and he hadn’t told them, after everything they had
told him? Would it somehow kill anything good they had ever had
between them? Would Gabe’s secret, his lie, just serve to blacken
any good memory of any experience that they had shared? Would he be
a hypocrite for not telling them, worse than they could ever be?
For all he went on about their bullshit, when he was the one
telling the biggest lie. Gabe realised that he had to tell them, he
had to tell them now, it was time. And the best way to do it, to
show them his wings, was to simply open the door.

Gabe’s friends
were happy just to be let into his sanctuary and for a chance to
see his paintings and sculpture for The Exhibition. As they fell
into the studio and took in all the art work that dominated the
walls that was bright and bold and shocking in its energy and
vibrancy, it was a good minute before they all started to turn to
look at Gabe properly. Dave noticed first and just stared.

“Oh my fucking
God!”

The others
looked to the oil and acrylic paintings, that were huge and full of
images that could garner that statement, then they looked to the
sculpture that was even bigger and even more stunning and erotic
than the paintings, and then they turned to Gabe to see what Dave
was really referring to.

“Where’s your
hump Gabe?” Frank asked incredulously.

“This is my
hump,” was all Gabe could reply.

“Wings!” Johnny
said with a nod and look of approval.

And then they
all jumped on him like he had scored a goal, the goal to win the
championship. They were elated to realise he had wings and this
made Gabe in turn, feel more elated too.

“You are one
crazy dude,” was all Dave managed to say.

They all sat
down on the cushions on the now tidy and clean floor of the
studio.

“My dad is out
of prison,” Dave started as he set up the tattoo machine. The
others were taken aback as Dave never spoke about his dad being
released.

“He knocked
over a lad drink driving. The lad is alright, now, but my dad will
never forgive himself. He’s never touched a drop since. He’s
helping young adults in the area with the same sort of issues as
he’s got. He doesn’t want me doing the things he used to do. And
you know, what with the baby on the way and everything, well, I’ve
pawned my gold necklace.”

Dave had never
told them any of this before, not a hint of it.

Then it was
Frank’s turn. “I’m moving out of the house. I didn’t realise but
it’s in my name, I got it when I turned eighteen, so can sell it if
I want. I’m going to go on a Yoga retreat for the summer and maybe
get a job in the area when I get back. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you
about Alistair, I never thought that he would really like me, love
me. But…he does. I wanted to get back at him for keeping me at a
distance. I thought that he had used me. I believed what I knew
about him already and thought he must be using me and was going to
leave me after what I thought I’d sacrificed to be with him…you
guys. But I knew when we got the box what is was. I didn’t hate him
that much. I just wanted to punish him because I love him.” This
time, Frank didn’t cry, he just gave a wide grin.

The three men
then turned to Johnny. If Johnny had any secrets, anything to
confess, then now was the time to share. But all Johnny said was,
“So are we all going to get a tattoo now then?”

Dave had drawn
a design and the others all explained the reasoning behind it as
Dave got out some tiny ink holders and filled them with black ink
and he showed them where he had drawn the tattoo on his own inner
wrist. He said he would tattoo himself first. He had been
practising and he had, by his own admission, got very good. He
turned on the electric and they all got excited as the buzzing hum
of the tattoo machine spun into action.

They had to get
the tattoo now.

They had
decided on something, something that was quite simple. On the
inside of their left wrists they were all going to get a tattoo of
an eye, stylised in a simplistic form, with three simple lines
underneath. They were going to get their matching tattoos put where
all the veins were visible, raised and blue, where it was easy to
slit and end it all. But they wouldn’t. Not today. Not ever now, if
what they had come to believe stayed true, if they stayed true to
the truths that had been revealed. The eye was to represent what is
the window to the soul, to a knowing, to a higher consciousness and
the eye was a reminder to keep their eyes open. To question
everything in search of their truth. And the lines beneath were to
represent each other, the individual one of them would always have
the other three even if they weren’t there, wherever they were in
the world, they would be there for each other; a line each like the
letter ‘l’ to also represent all the words that they thought
embodied everything that they wanted to convey in the simple
message. Live, life, laugh, learn, loss, love. lll

They had to
live their one and only life and laugh and learn, educate
themselves, accept there would be loss and learn from that too and
most importantly they had to love.

Three lines,
three friends, three elements. Heart, mind, soul.

And really,
Dave could hardly fuck up a stylised eye and lll.

They were
beginning to realise that good things could happen to them, not
only was it possible, it was already happening. They were not
beyond or below dreaming, they had to dream. Their childhoods were
over; what should have been the best times of their lives. But they
had learnt some important lessons and they had more mistakes and
lessons to learn. And they thought that day, in Gabe’s studio, with
their fresh well done tattoos, that something important had been
recognised...that they had survived.

Life had taught
them that nothing is ever as it seems. That it was better to love
and be honest than to fight and that the truth could set them free
from their own bullshit built prisons. It had begun to show them
what love was and what love wasn’t. Not to take anything for
granted. That everyone has secrets. And mostly, that anything was
possible.

The four boys
were now in the arena of men and they studied their new wounds,
their new tattoos. It didn’t hurt that much even though Johnny was
happy to provide some anaesthetic in the form of vodka.