Born Different (30 page)

“Everyone
thinks that Grace is perfect and she is, but not like in the way
everyone thinks that she is. Behind her beauty there is real pain
and behind that pain lays her true beauty. All I know is that I
love her and I can’t do anything now other than follow my heart and
listen to my instincts. Face my own fears. For the fear of living
my life the way I was, being all hidden and hunched and keeping
myself and my art and everything a secret from everyone, was
killing me too. So here it is, here is all of me. And you can love
it or hate it. You can judge it all you like. But this is it, this
is all I have to offer, this is all I’ve got. I am me and it has to
be good enough that I can just be me and express who I am. Not a
better or worse version. Just me. It sounds so simple, I’ve been so
consumed with hiding who I am, when really I should have just been
myself. And the funny thing is...is that I thought that was me.
That the shame was who I was.

These are my
wings. You probably know me for my hump but I was hiding a secret.
I have wings. That’s it! I thought it was a big deal but it doesn’t
really matter anymore. And you might have secrets you hide too,
secrets that make you think you can’t achieve your dreams but you
know I am finding out that our secrets are who we are. Don’t hide
them, don’t think you are defective. Those defects of character
that you have, your shame, your secrets, reveal them and you will
see that you have strengths too. Life is too short or too long to
hide. Don’t let life make you ill, make you sad or make you hurt
another human being. We are all unique and that’s ok. Live life
people, I mean it, you got to live your lives how you were meant to
, not how you are told to or how you think you should to please
others. Be yourselves. Be yourself and live your one true life the
best you damn well can. And love. Not just what you are told to
love, entertainment things, celebrities, brands and possessions,
but your family, your friends, animals, strangers even. It makes
you feel better and if most of us lived like it I think it would be
a far better world and existence for all of us. Break free from all
of the brainwashing that surrounds you. Question everything and
search for the truth. But don’t believe me, question everything I
say too! Use your own brain, come to your own decisions. And be
kind to each other and the planet. If evil is necessary, it would
be nice to keep it to a minimum. Go home and talk and listen to
your family and friends, ask them how they are. Don’t neglect the
ones closest to you without even realising it. I am beginning to
realise that these are the true treasures of life. Not the stuff
you can buy. Not at all. For all the people in power we put on
pedestals to tell us all what to do, we’re miserable, too busy to
love fully. Time to wake up! Make changes. Time for action. Love is
the only thing that makes any sense.”

Finished, Gabe
stumbled off the stage and into the stunned crowd. He could run now
and he did, straight past his friends who had started to clap. As
Gabe left the building he realised that everyone was clapping now
and cheering and feet stomped as people were getting up off of
their chairs and standing up. Gabe had got a standing ovation.

Gabe got home
and started looking for all the things he needed to take up to
Grace and his mum got home not long after to find him running
around.

“Well, Gabe,”
was all Gina could say. She was astonished, proud and still a bit
mixed up with the turn of events. It had not all sunk in yet.

“Mum, I know,
but Grace is ill. We’ve got to get her some stuff and we have to
get back and sit with her. She’s up there on her own mum.” So his
mum started to run around, swapping the things Gabe had packed for
some things that were a bit nicer.

She wanted to
tell him that everything was going to be ok, even though she was
unsure herself that it would be. Before they left the house, she
stopped Gabe and gave him a present, a necklace made of
semi-precious stones.

“I got one for
Grace too. Each stone has a different healing property. I was going
to give them to you this afternoon, after…but…”

“Mum…”

“Yes
darling.”

“Thanks I…I
love you.”

“Thanks darling
and you know I love you too but the way you said it, it sounds like
you are saying goodbye.”

Gabe threw his
arms around his mum and held on to her as tight as he could.

“It’s for your
chakras, for healing properties, for courage, for luck, for love,
for everything that you are going to need love,” Gina said through
her tears, choked up on all the intense emotions today.

For a moment,
Gabe, thought that he understood. That we all need to believe that
we have superpowers sometimes.

Gabe and Gina
stayed with Grace till late and no one else turned up. Grace just
lay there asleep and it looked like she was hardly breathing and
Gabe kept checking to make sure she was. She was heavily sedated in
order to detox, he knew that, but it didn’t stop him worrying that
she would never wake up.

Gina had put on
one of the CD’s she had bought for Grace and had opened some
jasmine essential oils to make the room smell sweeter and bring
some calm to this area where they were surrounded by the smell of
hospital cleaning fluids and of sickness.

Visiting time
was over, it was late and despite Gabe wanting to stay here the
night he knew he had to sleep. Gabe stopped pacing for a minute and
sat down next to Grace and, as she was still asleep, he wrote her a
letter in case she woke up and he wasn’t there.

“Are you sure
her family know she is here Gabe?”

“Yes,
absolutely sure. But I had a feeling they wouldn’t turn up.”

“Weren’t you
scared the dad might, after last night and…”

“No, not
anymore mum. They can’t hurt me anymore than they have done. What
are they going to do? My worst fears have already materialised so
there is nothing left to fear. If I had lost her mum…” Gabe
couldn’t finish his own sentence, it was too painful and he didn’t
need to anyway.

“It’s ok Gabe.
Cry, it’s alright.”

“I feel like
such a stupid big kid. So out of my depth. So damn powerless.”

“Gabe, crying
is a good and natural thing to do. Especially with all this
emotion. Don’t bottle it up. That’s what makes people ill.”

“I love her
mum, I really love her and I’m so scared and frightened that really
I do not know how to do the right thing. How I can fix all
this?”

Through his
sobs, Gabe realised that Grace had opened her eyes and was smiling
at him.

“What’s wrong
Gabe?” Grace spoke softly, calmly and quietly.

“Nothing,
Grace. Nothing. Everything is alright. Everything is going to be
alright.” Gabe dropped to his knees beside her and held her in his
arms.

“Am I
alive?”

“Yes babe, you
are. You’re in the hospital but you are going to be alright. I am
going to get you better.”

“Ha! Is that a
promise?”

“Yes it bloody
well is Grace. Remember my dreams, our dreams, everything we spoke
about? Well they can come true eh, you believe that?”

“You know I do
Gabe, more than anything. I have to.” Grace was crying, tears that
she had not shed, the emotions that had been bottled up for so long
that they had hardened, were now dissolved and flowing freely in
escape of the years of repression.

“Well they’re
going to come true and not in five years or ten years. Now! Ok? I’m
going to make it happen now, this year, soon. As soon as humanly
possible. OK?”

“Ok Gabe. I
believe in you. I believe in you more than I have ever believed in
anything in the whole of my life. You loving me…” Grace began to
cry so much that she could not speak another word. Her actions, her
raw emotion spoke volumes. Too weak to cover or hide her face,
Grace just let the tears well up and over and down her cheeks, the
tears rolled down her face in streams.

“Please don't
ever do that to yourself again,” said Gabe, even though he didn’t
know if Grace could promise him that.

A nurse knocked
politely, happy to see Grace awake and informed them that her
mother had been but unfortunately she had been inebriated and a
bottle of vodka had been found on her, so she had to be escorted
off the premises and could only come back once she had sobered up
or was accompanied.

An emptiness
filled the room but quickly came to an abrupt halt, when Grace’s
father crashed into the room like a dark cloud of thunder, with his
voice booming. Why had she been so fucking stupid? What a fucking
idiot she was. How ugly and spotty she looked.

Grace’s dad was
obviously pissed but they did not stop him from coming in because
he did not turn weak with the drink. He became even more powerful
and instinctively people did not stand in his way. If anyone did,
he knew that all he had to do was peel one of the fifty pound notes
from his heavy wallet to silence anyone into submission. Most
people’s silence could be bought for very little. And why not? That
money could be used to buy something nicer to eat for dinner for
them and their children or for new school shoes. Was it worth it to
get involved? No, it wasn’t.

“Your mother is
out of the picture now, I will finance a nice flat for her in the
city and it will just be the three of us at the house from now on.
And you can get yourself a job within a week of getting out of here
or you can be out as well!” The veins in his neck bulged bright red
to maroon with the strain of shouting while keeping the volume
down.

“Just us three?
So you are not having an affair?” Grace whispered but she knew that
he was, the ‘other woman’ had been calling her mum for months and
revealing the secrets of their affair in graphic detail whenever
the two of them had had a row.

“Affair, how
dare you! Your mother is a bloody liar! The woman is hostile, I
never saw her give you or your brother any affection. Not that it
bothered me she was unaffectionate. But for your information, I do
have a girlfriend and she will be moving in. And she is a damn
sight more attractive and together than you are or probably ever
will be. Look at the state of you. My girlfriend wouldn’t leave her
bedroom in the morning unless she was fully made up, hair and nails
done perfectly. Not like you who can’t even be bothered to brush
her hair and with all those spots on your fat face. And what’s that
smell? You need a good bath with a couple of bottles of
disinfectant thrown in!”

Grace tried to
sit up in some vain attempt to make herself look more presentable,
prettier but she was too weak and she just started weeping.

Gina and Gabe
were just too shocked to believe that what they were hearing was
actually true.

“Lulu,” her
father said the name with a gentleness that he had not afforded
Grace. “Lulu is pregnant.”

“Mum will never
survive on her own, she’ll kill herself!” Grace had been thinking
of her mum and all that other stuff he had said about her, all that
awful shit and crap and lies and bullshit he had said, she had just
taken. Accepted as true.

Gabe didn’t
know what to say and for a moment he thought that perhaps he had no
place here. If it was up to him he would say, ‘Never have anything
to do with your family ever again! Walk away! Run away! Leave
them!’

“Come on Grace,
let’s just worry about you for now eh! We are all adults ok? They
have their lives to live and you have yours, ok? You can’t save
anyone.”

“But you can
Gabe. You are saving me.”

“And you are
saving me Grace.” But this was different. They loved each other.
Real love. True love. Soul love.

“I don’t know
Grace, I don’t know how it works. Maybe because we both want to be
saved, I don’t know.”

Grace’s father
picked up the dressing gown and pyjamas Gabe had brought for Grace
and he threw them in the direction of Gina so that he could sit
down.

“Oh for
Christ’s sake will you listen to it! You can leave now I’m here,”
Grace’s father said mockingly and so sternly that Gabe half thought
he should do what he was told, until he caught himself.

Gabe took in a
deep breath and he replied to the older man. “We’re not going
anywhere. Why don’t you leave?”

Gabe tried to
be polite, this man was older, richer, successful; all the things
that demanded respect. But Gabe was torn as he also knew that this
man was cruel, evil, unbalanced and massively dysfunctional.

“Look boy, what
are you going to do? House and feed her? No! Put her through
university? No! You couldn’t even afford her mobile phone bill. You
are a cripple, walking around with a pair of fairy wings on, like
the freak that you are. You’ll be lucky if you get any sort of job.
You are going nowhere, fast. And what no father too? Ran off before
you were even born! You are from the same cloth. You’ll be the
same, run off at the first opportunity. And your mother…”

Gabe stood up
so forcefully that his chair clattered and toppled backwards behind
him, crashing noisily on to the hard floor, making everyone jump
and immediately look in his direction. Nathaniel was just coming
into the room, escorting and holding the arm of his mother who had
managed to sober herself up a bit and not attempted to smuggle in
any alcohol this time.

With all eyes
fixed on him, Gabe spoke with a control and venom that he had never
summoned or used before. Gabe, who was usually so quiet and
awkward, usually so mild mannered. Gabe, who didn’t like any form
of confrontation or argument, spoke now with a passion and
force.

“Hey you! You
jumped up pathetic piece of sorry excuse for a father. Your
daughter is lying here half dead. Your wife and son have only just
turned up because they are too sick to even look after themselves,
let alone Grace!”