I sob because a doctor took my virginity.
When Anna explained what had happened to us both, I never cried then. I was
strong for Sarah. Now I cry for my loss.
I sob because I never imagined in all my
life I would be here in this moment. It's a dream come true.
I feel other arms beginning to hug me. I
feel fingers biting into me.
"Emma." I know it's Sarah's
voice.
Will is holding me so tightly I can't see
anyone. My face is buried in his massive chest. I am breathing him in. It's the
sweetest air in the world.
"Emma." I hear Anna scream and
another body is crammed into the massive hug.
I tap lightly on his chest. He lets me go
a little but not completely. His eyes are red. I don’t see tears. He gives me
his smile that makes my insides twist into knots. I turn away from him. His
arms stay on my waist. I pull Anna and Sarah into me. We hug and shake.
Sarah snuggles her way into my armpit.
"You smell." She whispers. I
laugh into Anna's mass of dark hair. Her and Sarah both look shiny and clean
again.
I look down at my dirty skin. "All
that work to clean me up and I came back just as dirty as when I left."
Jake walks up with his goofy grin,
"I think you're dirtier." I feel Will holding my waist tightly, but I
pull away and run to Jake. My robe is flapping. I pull it around me and hug
him. His arms sweep me up into his embrace. He kisses my filthy face like he
did the other time.
"I missed you Em."
"I missed you too."
"Did you follow the broken
branches?"
I laugh in his chest, "Yeah. I did
notice you left me nothing. Not a water bottle, nothing."
He pulls me back, "We didn’t know
where to put it." I look back at Will. He is smiling with his mouth, but
his eyes are aflame. I hug Jake harder and ignore the flames in Will's eyes. I
haven’t forgotten the girl in the micro shorts who mauled him like a bear. Or
the fact he called me his friend. He has no right to feel slighted by me
hugging Jake. I knew him first.
Jake puts an arm around me, "So
what's the plan?"
I look at Will, "The other camp. The
rest camp." I need to collect my wolf and my friend. I've been gone too
long.
Will nods, "Yup. Anna and Sarah
should be there anyway. And probably Jake too."
Jake's eyes narrow, "Hey!"
Will smirks, "You have no
capabilities here Jakey. You're still healing."
"Anna how's your arm?" I ask.
She moves it gingerly, "Dislocated.
No biggie. Still sore but at least it's back in the socket." I gag. She
laughs.
Jake leans in and whispers, "Did you
really miss both of us or just me?"
I give him a shove.
"We leave today."
Will looks at me and stare for a second,
"You sure?"
I nod. He looks at Jake, "Get a
couple back packs ready." He looks at Anna, "Go see Lisa at the big
tent over there and find out if they have anything they need brought up with
us." He looks at Sarah last and smiles, "You find out if any other
kids need to come too okay? Ask Marg at the far side."
Everyone looks at each other and leaves.
He looks at me, "You need to put
some clothes on."
I look down, "I need to clean up a
bit."
He takes my hand and starts through the
crowds of people. I see people looking at me when they talk. I feel my face
flush. His hand has eaten mine up. My arm burns slightly where he pulls it. We
get to a tent with pails and a small hose coiled around the floor. He takes a
white sheet and holds it up, "Okay, go hard."
I raise an eyebrow.
"The buckets on the right are clean
water. Scrub yourself and I'll hold the sheet up so no one sees you."
"I don’t want you to see me."
He smirks, "I won't peek. I
swear." I don’t trust the glint in his eyes.
I hesitate for a second and decide I care
less about him seeing me than I do about having the remnants of the garbage
truck on me.
I wince when I lift a small pale of
water. It's cold but I can see straight to the bottom. It's clean. I pick up
the soap off the shelf where it's dried. I can smell the lye. It stings my skin
as I lather and start to scrub.
"How bad was it?"
I am trying not to fall over as I peel
the bandages off my feet. The sores looked mostly healed. I scrub everything.
"Bad." The lye stings the
blisters on my feet. My eyes water. I rinse my feet quickly to get the soap
off.
"How bad."
"What did Anna say?"
He peeks over the sheet, "Nothing.
Why the hell do you think I'm asking you?"
I blush, "Hey turn away." I
sigh and start scrubbing my arms and chest. I have to keep rinsing the soap
because it gets caked easily in blood and filth.
"It was scary bad. The place is so
white that you feel like a ball of dust and dirt walking in there. The nurses
and doctors are all shiny and clean. Like the fall never happened. They glisten
and seem like they want to help you. The rooms are clean, the food is
amazing."
"Doesn’t sound too bad."
I peek over the cloth, "It's not
real. It's an illusion. They're fattening you for the slaughter. They get you
pregnant three times and then they kill you. We rode out in body bags in a
garbage truck full of dead women and girls."
I watch his face. His lip curls into a
sneer, "You're positive?"
I nod, "The bags tore when we were
scrambling in the truck trying to get away."
His mouth betrays very little emotion but
his eyes are full of it. I pour a pail over my body and rinse off. I don’t get
my face wet and when I rinse my hair I tilt my head back. My arms tire easily
from the scrubbing. I'm not looking forward to making the trip to the other
camp. I force myself to focus on Leo and Meg.
"Can you get Anna? I need my back
cleaned." I don’t normally wash it, but I want every bit of the garbage
truck off of me.
"No. I'll do it." I want to
argue but I don’t. I'm not sure why.
I just try not to think as he bends and
picks up the soap and a pail. I close my eyes. His hands drag the soap softly
along my back and then the soap is gone. His fingers are creating heat trails
up and down my spine where he touches me, bare skin to bare skin. His strong
hands knead my shoulders, relaxing me.
"Relax." He whispers into the
tent. I don’t look at him. I ignore him and enjoy the feeling of another person
touching me. I imagine my granny cleaning me.
The cold water is shocking where he has
touched my back. He tilts my head and rinses my hair again. My hands don’t
move. They cover my breasts. I'm frozen like a statue.
His huge hands stroke the long locks. I
can feel myself thinking things, things I've read about.
He squeezes my hair, "Emma what
happened before with you and Jake."
My stomach clenches.
I feel a towel wrap around my hair and
twisted up.
I don’t turn and face him.
He wraps a thick towel around my
shoulders. I wrap myself quickly.
He turns my shoulders, "Is that what
you want? Do you want to be with my brother?"
I shake my head and his eyes light up. I
open my mouth to speak but he bends and presses his lips against mine. His kiss
is soft but hungry. I push on his firm shoulders but his arms have pulled me
into him. I finally get my face away from his and gasp, "I meant I don’t
know what I want."
His grip tightens. His blue eyes sparkle
with anger, "You shook your head. That means no."
I feel intimidated by him still. My lips
tremble. I clutch the towel.
His lips turn into a bright smile,
"Don't look at me like that Emma. I can't be mad when you look like
that."
"Why are you mad at me?" I
sniffle. I want to shout things at him. I don’t know how to be around him.
He pulls me in again and kisses me
softly. His hot breath makes me shiver again. "I'm not going to stop
fighting for you."
I nod into his face. "I need
clothes."
He kisses my forehead beside the bandage,
"You need that tended to before we go."
He walks to some huge trunks in the
corner. He opens one and pulls out a pair of khaki pants with pockets on the
sides and a long sleeve black t-shirt. He throws them at me.
I miss my underwear and sports bra. I had
kept it for years. I miss my mother's jewelry.
I pull the t-shirt on and try not to
notice the pain in my body.
"You are black and blue you know
that?"
I look down for the first time and see my
skin is all bruised.
"I was clean and shiny. My hair was
glossy."
He nods, "I saw the girls at the
breeder camps. They looked like people did, before." I wiggle into the
pants without revealing my naked body to him. That doesn’t stop him from
watching.
His blue eyes are scaring me.
Anna pokes her head in and smiles,
"You guys ready?"
Will speaks but doesn’t take his eyes off
of me, "Yeah, just need Emma's head re-bandaged."
Her grin is annoying. I glare at her. She
puts a hand out for me, "Come on, I know the way." I give him a wide
birth and take her hand. I look back at him watching me like a predator.
She smiles, but I frown. "He scares
me."
She laughs, "He is different. Let me
tell you. He used to be such a dork." I grip her hands tightly.
An hour later, a new bandage, and a shot for tetanus and
antibiotics and we are on our way. I chew a leg of turkey Jake found for me. I
gobbled a bowl of oats when the first aid guy was redoing my bandages. Sarah
has apparently eaten them out of house and home. I tried to explain she is used
to a lot more food. That earned me a cruel grimace from the cook.
The trail doesn’t seem familiar. I see
the broken branches and want to smile but I don’t. I touch one with the tip of
my turkey free hand and glance back at Jake. He grins and winks at me. He's so
easy to be around. I love his carefree smile and worry free ways.
I slow down and toss the turkey leg into
the bush. I miss Leo. He would have eaten it.
"How the head?"
I look at Jake who's waiting for me.
"Good. Sore. How's the leg?"
He nods in the direction of the turkey
leg, "Better than the turkeys." I laugh. Meg is going to love Jake. I
know this.
"Did you miss me?" He asked and
nudges my shoulder. I feel my face light up instantly.
I nudge him back, "Yeah. I missed
everything. Anna missed you a lot. She was pretty excited when I told her you
made it to the camp."
He nudges me back, "I missed
you."
I feel my lips curl up into a smile,
"I miss Leo."
He laughs his hearty loud laugh that will
one day get us all killed, "I miss that wolf more than I missed my own
brother." I see Will's eyes glance back at us. He doesn’t look impressed,
"Hurry up you two."
Jake laughs again and nudges me harder,
"I think he likes you."
I smirk, "I think he likes girls in
general. Did you meet the one in the tiny shorts and barely there tank
top?"
Jake laughs, "I did. She is uhm,
interesting. She's a masseuse actually."
I raise an eyebrow, "What's
that?"
He snorts, "She rubs your skin to relax you. It's called a massage."
I roll my eyes, "Big shocker there.
I know about massages. I just never knew the people who did them were called
that." I think about her touching Jake or Will and I want to stab her in
her pretty blue eyes with a fork or a spear, which ever was on hand. Hopefully
the spear.
"Did you get a massage?" I ask.
He laughs, "No I saw the line up of
dudes going in and decided to wait for you to come back."
The smile on his face makes me feel like
we are the only two people in the world.
I bet Will has had a few massages. I want
to break things. Instead I focus on Jake and a funny story he tells me about
killing the turkeys.
Will is making a fire when Jake and I
crest the hill. Sarah is helping him and listening to every word he says. Kids
love Will. It's weird. The little white haired swine who attacked Leo liked
Will too. Thinking about the little brat at the camp makes my skin crawl. I'm
grateful Sarah is a good kid. Her and Meg are my kind of kids. Not really kids
but still young enough to be called a kid.
Will gets the fire going quickly.
I take my bow and quiver that he kept
safe for me while I was away, and head into the forest.
The quiet of the forest fills me. I relax
and feel the bow in my hands. Everything is relaxing. I can feel the tension
leaving my shoulders as I roll them a few times. I pull out an arrow and pull
it back. I hold it taut and ignore the pain in my arms or the tremble of my
line.