He leans in to kiss me but I pull back
and look at Sarah, "Not in front of her."
He looks down, "Sorry. I forgot
you're a role model now."
The idea of it makes me laugh, "Yes.
Either there is no god at all or he has a great sense of humor."
Sarah splashed Leo and he swims to the
shore. He shakes and splashes dog water on us. I put my hands out as if they
will stop the flood of raindrops being fired at us. He makes his silly wolf
face and shakes once more.
"You little brat."
He pads to where I am and lies in the
sun.
Sarah swims to the flat rock and looks at
us. Her blue eyes sparkle in the sun like Jakes.
"You guys kind of look
related." She says.
I look at Jake and raise an eyebrow.
He wraps an arm around me, "Maybe
one day we will be. By marriage."
I squirm out of his arms, "You're a
goof."
Anna comes down the path. "Hey
guys."
She pulls her shirt off and her pants
down. She jumps in the water. A flash of beige underwear and a white tank top
fill my view.
Jake covers his eyes, "It burns. It
burns. Why don’t the villagers knit swimsuits? Jesus."
Anna laughs and splashes us. "Yeah
because I would wear knitted undies moron."
She swims in a circle and smiles at me.
"I love this place."
"It's pretty awesome." I say.
"Are we staying here?" Sarah
asks and pulls herself up onto the rock. She lies next to Leo in the sun. I can
tell by the shift in his position that Jake is uncomfortable. Underwear isn’t
great coverage.
I look at the water and nod slowly,
"You and Anna and Meg are. I have to go and free the women from the
breeder camps."
Jake looks back at me. He disapproves.
"You aren’t doing anything that involves that place."
I look at him but don’t bother starting
an argument. I know what I have to do.
I turn to Sarah and smile. "It is
amazing here. We are lucky."
"Jake you and Will are amazing
musicians."
His cheeks redden. "Yeah dad was big
on music. Only miss thang over there and mom were non-musical. Me and dad and
Will were always playing instruments."
Sarah grins at him, "Can you teach
me?"
He nods. "Yeah maybe I can teach you
and Emma at the same time. You know this week sometime."
I glance at Jake and try to ignore his
incredibly long eyelashes or grin, "I'm going up."
He stands awkwardly. His leg is still not
one hundred percent. "I'll come with you."
"Anna can you hang with Sarah and
make sure she doesn’t drown?"
"Yup."
Jake takes my hand in his and pulls me up
the hill. "Want to take a nap like the one we had on the couch at the
farmhouse?"
I chuckle, "No I want to find out
what the capabilities are of the camps. We're going to need help."
He kisses my hand, "I think the nap
is a great way to brainstorm."
I grimace at his lips on my hand, "I
don’t know the last time I washed that."
He spits on the ground, "You are the
least tactful person I've ever met."
I grin, "I was raised by wolves.
What do you expect?"
He laughs and pulls me into his arms. He
presses his lips against mine and guilt rips through me. I push on his chest
and think about his brother's lips against mine only days before.
He looks hurt, "Is there something I
should know about? Something with you and Will?"
I shake my head, "No." It's a
lie. I know this but my lips speak before my brain can think. I can't bear the
thought of hurting him.
He kisses me softly, "I think there
is."
I close my eyes. I feel like I might cry,
"I need to save the world before I can have this conversation." I can
feel his lips curl into a smile against mine.
"Let them all kill each other. Stay
here with me."
I open my eyes and let the few tears that
have built up drip down my cheeks, "I can't."
He looks hurt again, "You mean you
won't."
I bite my lip, "Does it matter? I
can't leave them there."
He shakes his head, "You've changed
Emma. You never cared for anything and now you care about everything. You pick up
strays every time you go out there."
"My dad warned me, if I cared about
anything I would care about everything."
He kisses my lips once more, "We
broke you."
I shake my head and pull away from him,
"You saved me." I walk up the hill fast. I know he can't catch me.
Tears blind me.
I break into a run and flee for the
safety of the forest. I know the guards in the trees can see me running but I
don’t care.
My hands dig into the soft dirt on a hill
as I pull my way up it. I jump over the other side and let the sadness of it
all flow out of me.
Images of the garbage bags tearing open
flash behind my closed eyes.
I cover my eyes with my hands. The dirt
on them blends with the tears.
I hear a loud snap. I look up expecting
Leo. He always knows when I'm sad or lost.
Through the water works I see a man. I
know who it is instantly. I can smell him.
He sits and pulls me into him. I want to
fight him but I can't.
I sob into his shirt. "They were
hollow. The bags ripped open and they were hollow. No eyes. No guts. Just flaps
of skin. I can't leave them there. There was a girl. A little girl."
He strokes my head, "Okay. Okay. We
won't leave them there."
His fingers brush the top of my head.
Will kisses the top of my head. His hot
breath on my scalp calms me.
"When I was there I met a guy named
Dillon. He was young like me, eighteen. We worked an apple orchard together in
southern Utah. When the doctors came through looking for young healthy men they
picked us both. We went to the breeder camp you were at. They tested us and
made sure we were healthy. I passed the tests but I guess Dillon's blood showed
he carried a gene for Huntington's disease. He didn’t have it but if he had
kids they could get it, maybe. Maybe not." His voice lowers, "They
told him he was going to be let go because they couldn’t use him. He shook my
hand and told me best of luck. Said he would see me again. Told me he was going
to try to find his mother and father in Idaho."
He quivers and he takes a breath, "I
was walking through the halls, past all sorts of windows. Dillon and three
other guys we had been brought there with were walking out in this garden area.
Through the window I watched as a man came out with a gun and shot them all
before any of them could register what had happened."
I had stopped crying halfway through the
story. I hold my breath and look up into his watery eyes. "They said it
was an accident they walked us that way. They didn’t mean for us to see it. But
I knew. They did it as a warning. Bullshit wouldn't be tolerated and each of us
meant nothing to them."
He doesn’t look at me. He speaks like he
is inside of the story and can't break away, no matter what. It is his guilt to
live with. The guilt of being the one to live.
"So I know what you feel about it
all. When I met the scientists who were there with a gun against their heads I
knew there was still a chance. They wanted to stop it and let mankind start
over. Humanity exists Emma. It's inside of every one of those garbage bags.
It's inside of the people trying to eek out a life in the mountains like you
were."
The memories of my old cabin fill my mind
and I smile.
He laughs, "The smile that crosses
your lips when you think about that old cabin is hilarious. You go from
slightly insane and moody to Susie home-maker."
I frown, "Who's Susie?" He's
one to talk about looking grumpy.
He laughs again and kisses my forehead.
"We need to go back."
I stand, "Thanks for letting me,
uhm, cry."
"You are the most incredible person
I've ever met. You lived through it all." He pulls me into him and grips
my back.
I hear a noise and see Leo watching us.
He looks sad. I drop to my knees. He jumps up on the log and down in front of
me. He puts his paws up and hugs me.
I breathe in his fur. The smell of him
brings me home.
"I love you too boy."
He looks at Will and makes a throaty
noise.
"He hates me."
I pull back and stroke his huge ears,
"No he doesn’t. He hasn’t even tried to eat you yet. Don’t be a
baby."
We walk back and I am resolved in my
debate about going back to the breeder farm. I glance at Will and Jake's words
ring in my head. I never feel guilty when I'm in Will's arms.
I silently agree with Jake, I am broken.
"I don’t give a good goddamn what
the fucking conditions in there are Will. I am not sending my men into the fucking
farms. It's a suicide mission. Think with your brain and not your cock.
Jesus."
The crowd can't help but watch from
outside the tent.
A man beside Marshall glares at me,
"She's filling your head with stories. Lisa's sister went and got a condo
in the city. They don’t fucking kill them." He paces around the maps like
a caged animal.
I feel my fingers twitching but I let
Will do the talking.
"She saw what she saw. She isn’t
making it up. My sister saw it. Are you calling my sister a liar?"
The red-faced man throws his arms in the
air, "I'm not calling them liars, just confused. Some of the girls aren't
going to make it. Not every woman lives through child birth."
He is back peddling.
Will leans over the table and looks at Marshall, "Marshall huge dumpsters
full of dead women in body bags. The nurse told them what was going on. There
are no condos in the city."
Gasps and whispers fill the crowd outside
the tent.
Star is there beside Will suddenly. She
reaches down and touches his lower back with her hands. I want to focus on
Marshall and the fighting but her cut offs look shorter than ever and her tank
top is tighter.
I leave the tent and walk away. I am not
waiting for them to decide. I'll figure it out on my own.
"You were the one in the
farms?"
I look over at a lady with long brown
hair. Her face is old but I would bet she isn’t that old. Her eyes look young.
I nod.
"My sister is there. She went last
year. They took her."
"I'm sorry."
"Is it true? Are they killing
them?"
I nod again.
"I knew it. I was in the city last
year. That's how she got caught. We went there and she got taken and I got
kicked out. I was a smoker, before. Said I have a seventy percent chance of
getting lung or throat cancer. Wouldn’t take me. Then they kicked me out of the
city."
I sit at a small table with some stump
chairs, "What was the city like?"
She shakes her head and sit across from
me, "Like nothing you ever seen, even before."
She rubs her dark eyes, "There
wasn’t no one like us. You know looking like they spent any time out in the
woods or old abandoned houses. We tried sleeping in an alley but they patrol
them all night. Me and Amanda, my sister, we found a place under a building to
sleep. There was no one like us. The women are all thin and pretty and they
have little kids and everyone is too clean. They eat like they aint never been
hungry. Pick at it and then throw it away."
My lips curl into a smile, a bitter and
expressive smile. "Well maybe we should show them what it's like to be
hungry."
She puts a hand over mine, "The kids
are weird. They aint normal. They are like little adults but they have bad
tempers. We was hiding in the back of a building and a pack of them came along.
They was maybe twelve years old. All beautiful and perfect looking. They
attacked an older woman and killed her. They smiled while they done it."
My skin shivers.
She shakes her head, "If you want
help getting them girls out I'm in. I got people here too. When they find out
Amanda is going to be killed after she has her babies they'll help."
I admire her bravery. She may be skinny
and tired looking but I can see a fire in her tired eyes.
"I'm Emma."
She cackles and coughs, "Everyone
knows who you are sugar bee. I'm Nannette. Everyone calls me Nan." She put
a boney hand out. I take it. It feels soft compared to mine.
"How old are you?"
"Twenty-nine."
I honestly would have guessed forty. I
hold my face muscles still and smile, "I'm nineteen."
"You look about fourteen. You're
plump like them city people are. Having enough water and food does that to
you."