Mary laughs, "It happens once in a
blue moon. The moon appears blue because of dust and debris in the air."
I feel sad. I know they’ve blown
something else up. The bombings in the beginning were bad. The TV's in Brian's
bunker were filled with images of the war in the beginning. The sick wandering
the streets dying, or somehow living with the sores and brain damage from the
high fevers.
The bombs dropped when the countries
assumed it was viral warfare from each other.
The mess they left us is bad enough, but
to have the group who masterminded it all to be left behind with us is unfair.
I lose myself in it all and watch the
moon. We made such a mess of this place.
I look to the side of me and the water is
flat again. Sarah and Mary have climbed out. The stars are reflecting in the
water. I am lying amongst the stars. I am one with the universe.
The only ripple comes from my body. I lie
completely still and am one with it all. I am in the sky, floating and being.
The moon is so bright the stars seem
muted up close to it. I feel the waves rock me. I look up to see Jake in the
water with me. I let my body sink. I am naked. I imagine he as well.
"It's so amazing here." Anna
shouts from the shore on the big rock.
Jake looks up. The beauty silences him.
Anna jumps in, barely making a ripple in
the water. She surfaces next to me.
She smiles, "Meg is never going to
forgive you."
I snort, "She's lucky I don’t tan
her hide with Jakes belt."
He frowns, "Keep me out of your
savagery. I'm a lover, not a fighter."
Anna rolls her eyes, "Who have you
been loving?" Her face goes red when she realizes what she's said.
He laughs.
I see a white figure jump from the rock
in a perfect dive. Will surfaces beside Anna. He makes a face, "Are you
guys naked?"
Anna swims away from him, "Okay
gross. You couldn’t keep that conversation in your mind? I'm in my
undies."
Jake laughs again. "Me too."
Will nods. "Okay good. Me too."
His eyes dart to me. I can see the glisten of them in the moonlight. "What
about you?"
I laugh and point, "Just stay over
there."
His booming laugh echoes off the rock
walls. There is joy and mystery in the swimming hole.
Jake looks at Will, "So this is
where you were?"
Will gives a short nod, "Some of the
time."
Anna snorts and splashes him,
"Rough. We were out running away from slavers, the others, the infected
who just don’t die, and you were here?"
He looks sad, "I came for you."
I feel awkward in the conversation. I
want to climb out but I don’t want to flash my naked butt at them when I do. I
turn and look up at the moon again and try to keep my body in the water.
Her voice is emotional. The humor is
gone, "When? When did you come for us?"
"Anna they made me work in a camp
for a year and then they tested me and sent me to the breeder camps. I was
there for three months. I looked for you after that."
She sounds pissed, "How long? For
how long?"
"Anna stop okay. We're altogether
now." Jake pleads with her.
"No Jake. He left us."
Will sighs again, "Anna I looked for
two years. Every town, every bar and brothel. I looked in the slaver camps I
snuck into just in case. I looked. I mourned you. I made a small headstone and
had a funeral because I couldn’t bear to be empty anymore. Ask Emma. When I met
her and she said your names I almost got eaten by Leo for attacking her. We
walked across the mountains and looked for you. I looked. I've crossed the
country three times."
She sobs, "You left us. We starved.
We ran and fought and ran some more." Her sobs are muffled.
I look and Will is holding her, "I
have you now. I will never leave you again."
Jake is in on the hug. I pretend to watch
the stars and moon. I wish I were on the moon. I am cold and uncomfortable. I
don’t understand what is happening. How can they say such cruel things to each
other and then hug?
They all hug and sniffle and finally I
can't take it. I dive under the water and swim under it all the way to the flat
rock. I leap out and pull myself up on the rock. I grab my clothes and run up
the hill. I hear their voices calling me.
It's just like the first time. I need to
start making reservations so I can have the bloody water hole to myself. I pull
my tangled and sopping wet clothes on, on the trail. I can feel the dirt
sticking to my feet and being dragged into my pants. Before I'm even fully
dressed I run up to the fire to hide out.
Mary walks up to me with a mug of cider. I take it and sip it. The sweetness is
overwhelming but the warmth is amazing.
"Meg isn’t the first girl with Eric.
I'm sorry I doubted you."
I want to nod and say okay but I know I
broke the law too, "I'm sorry for fighting. Is his arm okay?"
She laughs, "Nope. He had to get
stitches and you broke his nose and blackened both his eyes."
I grin and sip the cider, "I want to
feel bad. Does that count?"
She giggles and the white haired devil
comes to my side. Leo is lying at the fire.
Mary kisses his little hands and speaks
softly to him. "No wolfie okay? He's sleeping and he will bite you."
The little beast curls up in her lap and
I have a hard time hating him. It's fleeting. A spark lands on him and he
shrieks. She caries him off to bed.
Meg walks up but doesn’t look at me. She
speaks as if it's to the fire. "I don’t want to forgive you but I know
what you was at. My momma would have liked what you done. I have to be honest
about that. My momma always said no older boys."
I hand her my mug and she sips it.
"That’s generous of you Meg. I
didn’t mean to lose it. I just don’t do well with that sort of stuff."
Meg bumps against me with her arm,
"Oh shoot Emma I knows you a virgin. You got a sign over your forehead, it
says pure."
I cringe, "Not so much
anymore."
She turns sharply, "What? With Jake?
I figured Will but after meeting Jake I don’t know which I'd take. Though it's
good you picked cause between me and you Mary has been eyeballing the younger
brother like a bear in heat."
I laugh. My granny always said that.
I shake my head, "At the breeder
farms…"
"Oh lord. No. Not you. Not like
that." She interrupts and covers her eyes.
I shake my head, "No it's not like
you think. It's all done with machines and instruments. No men. The doctor did
it with a metal rod I think. I saw a flash of silver anyway."
She looks horrified. She crosses herself
and it's the first time I've seen someone do that in a long time. "No
wonder you come back and attacked Eric. You aint never gonna have sex after
something like that."
I laugh. I'm not traumatized from the
event. I explained what had happened to me when I saw Anna in the center. I
know what a virgin is. I know I am not, not technically.
"I feel okay with it. It was bad for
a day. I've done worse things in my life."
She accepts it and smiles, "Aint
that the truth." She sips the cider and in the firelight.
I forget everything. I let it burn and
float away with the ash from the logs.
"So you aint picked one of them
brothers? They both like you."
I shake my head, "That's a
dilemma."
She giggles, "Not a bad dilemma if
you ask me."
I shrug and sit on the log. I hear a twig
snap and look to the right where the path is. I laugh instantly. Will is naked.
He's holding clothes over his genitals.
"I want my clothes Emma. Now."
"What?"
"You took my clothes." He
raises an eyebrow and walks into my tent.
His bare butt almost makes me stop
laughing. It's muscled and for a split second I glance at Meg. She makes a
biting gesture like it's an apple. I nod and follow him to the tent.
I contemplate for a split second just
taking the clothes off and standing naked outside of the tent for everyone to
see. I might actually be safer outside naked, than inside and half naked.
I stand there for a second and
contemplate my dilemma and how much it just got worse.
Looking down at the outfit, I can't
believe I never noticed how huge the clothes I'm wearing are or that they smell
just like him.
"Emma. Now." His voice makes me
jump and without thinking I step into the tent.
I can't see him in the dark of it. I am
grateful. That means he can't seem me either.
I pull the shirt off and hold it out into
the darkness. His hand meets mine. I take the clothing in his hand and pull it
on. I pull the pants down and feel weird being half naked in front of him. I
hold the pants out for him but he pulls me into his naked embrace. My t-shirt
is the only thing either of us has on. His hands are on my bare backside.
His lips meet mine. He pulls me up and
squeezes the air out of me. His face is buried in my neck. My feet touch the
floor of the tent again and his lips drag up and down my throat until he meets
my lips again. He sucks and kisses and I feel lost in it all. His tongue meets
mine as his hands roam my back and bare bottom. I hear myself moan. My skin is
on fire. I don’t even know what I'm supposed to do next. I can feel his body
against mine and I know what he wants to do next. I panic and push him away.
He laughs a throaty laugh, "You're a
little tease. It's only going to last so long."
I stumble back and quickly pull my pants
on. My body feels funny. My pants feel tight and constricting. I feel weird
about his hot and cold routine. My brain instinctively reminds me of the girl
in the short shorts kissing him.
"I don’t want to be a notch on
someone's belt Will." I walk out of the tent and feel proud of myself. I
love when I can use lines from granny's romance novels. It feels like she
handed the wisdom down to me through the books.
I don’t actually get the image of
notching a belt every time you make love to someone but Will is exactly like
the roguish men in granny's novels. He is too good looking and cocky.
I want to be the virginal bride who falls
for the right guy. The guy like Jake. Honest and loyal and fun and sweet.
I stand at the fire and let the heat seep
into me.
Meg glances up and smiles, "That
tent's been awfully busy lately."
I frown at her, "Remember you're
fifteen, please. You aren’t twenty-five."
She shrugs, "Aint no one getting to
no twenty-five Emma. We gotta live for today and enjoy what we got right now.
Two months ago I had a momma. Now I got you. I'm grateful. Even if you are a
pain in the ass."
I snort at her.
Sarah walks up and snuggles into my arm.
I think about the creepy guy who got his dirty old man claws into Meg and I
whisper in her ear, "You stay with me or Meg or Mary or Anna at all times
okay?"
She glances up at me and nods,
"Okay."
"Don’t go in the woods or tents with
anyone you don’t know or any men. Men are the devil."
She responds with a shiver and a cuddle.
I should probably follow that advice as well.
"I like Will and Jake." I hug
her tighter and walk to the bonfire. Jake is already playing the guitar.
Apparently they're a musical family. Anna is sitting on a log waiting for me.
When I sit she passes me a glass of cider. It tastes like it has liquor added
to the already strong cider.
Will carries his guitar over and sits
beside Jake. They smile at each other. Will joins in and starts singing. Their
fingers move fast. Meg smacks a tambourine.
"This was our dad's favorite song.
Group called The Lumineers. They were huge in 2012. Dad and Jake and Will saw
them live in Denver." Will's voice is perfect for the song. He and Jake
sing shouting something about Ho and Hey. I am in love with them and how big
they make my world feel.
People are dancing around the fire and
drinking. I feel like I'm camping not hiding in the woods as the word falls
apart.
I watch Sarah and Leo splashing around
the swimming hole. Her dog paddle matches his.
Jake sits next to me, "You avoiding
me?"
Heat creeps up my cheeks, "No. I
just, you know. I just, well. No."
I am an idiot.
He laughs, "You are. I'm sorry I
kissed you that day. If I'd known you were going to get weird I wouldn’t have
done it."
I glance at him without taking my eyes
off Sarah and Leo, "Don't be sorry. I'm glad you kissed me."
His goofy smile makes my face hotter. His
eyes make me happy. He's sweet and honest and I love him. I know I do.