“Thanks.”
Because she was chilled, she turned on the fireplace. She was surprised when she turned back around and he was right there.
He captured her bare shoulders in his hands. “It’s time we had that talk.”
Her tummy twisted into a dozen knots.
“I want you to move in with me.”
“You…” Her mouth went slack. She couldn’t have possibly heard him. “Move in with you?” she repeated stupidly.
“It makes sense. I want you in my bed at night. I don’t like letting you go home late at night, and if I’m here, I prefer to stay. My place is bigger than yours, and there’s plenty of room for your photography equipment—for you to have your own space. You can rent out this place or sell it, it’s up to you.”
He’d clearly been considering this for a while.
“This was supposed to be a short-term thing,” she protested. She’d been so prepared for their discussion to go a different direction that she was scrambling to keep up.
“You’ve had my collar on you, Kelsey. I like it there, knowing you’re mine, under my thumb, subject to my whims and discipline.”
Suddenly she felt suffocated.
His words were a stark reminder of the person he was and his expectations.
She’d spent most of her life making her own decisions, avoiding men who thought they knew best.
Her sexual attraction to him made his power over her all the more complete. She wanted to please him. But she couldn’t do it at the expense of her own goals and dreams.
He tightened his grip slightly. “Say yes,” he encouraged.
“I’m sorry.” She shook her head.
“Your place is a little small, but we can make it work at least temporarily.” He glanced around. “Unless there’s a different place you’d like us to consider?”
“Nathan, no. You’re not listening to me. I wasn’t looking for a long-term relationship. This was only about going to the club, about exploring.”
Fuck it all.
He scowled, as if perplexed, and more, hurt. Anything but that. “Living with you won’t work for me. I can’t be with someone who tells me what to do all the time.”
“And you think that’s what this is about?”
“You don’t?” She pulled away from him and went to stand closer to the fireplace. “You’re my boss at work, and if I said yes, you’d be the boss at home, too.”
“How is this a problem?”
“Could you be any more obtuse?” Frustration collided with regret. “You want me as a submissive, you just said that, something about whims and disciplines and a collar.”
“Of course.” He frowned, obviously confounded by her statement.
“That’s not what I want.” She forced the words past the lump lodged in her throat.
“Is that true?” He folded his arms, making him look all the more powerful and appealing. “You don’t like it when I pull you over my lap? Make you bend over? Tie you to the spanking bench?” He took a step toward her. “Or when I tie your hands above your head?”
She loved it. They both knew it.
“Or when I pull off my belt and double it over and you know what’s coming? How about when I fuck you? How about then, Kelsey?”
Her mouth dried. “I need some separation,” she insisted.
“And you don’t want to be with a man who has a constant hard-on for you?”
“Nathan…”
“You have a safe word, Kelsey. You’re free to stop any scene. You’re the one in charge.”
That was the bigger problem. She hadn’t wanted to stop any of them. The more she got, the more she wanted.
“How about someone who will protect you, care for you?”
“I’ve been honest with you from the beginning,” she said, her voice cracking. “About my background, about the importance of me making my own decisions. I can’t let someone else decide what’s best for me. I spent years fighting to get where I am.”
“So this…this week has been nothing but a fun little experiment for you?” Jaw set, he crossed to her then brutally dug his fingers into her shoulders, forcing her to meet his gaze. “What we did, what we shared, the fact you submitted to me, wore my collar, fucking or making love meant nothing?”
“You’re an excellent Dom.” She felt as if she were navigating a minefield. “And it was an experience I’ll never forget.”
“An experience.” His eyes were darkened by daggers.
Clearly he hadn’t been prepared for her to tell him no. And likely most people didn’t refuse him.
“I want to be clear. You’re saying our personal relationship is over. You don’t want any further after-hours contact?”
“Unless it’s business-related, no.” She remained resolute, knowing the exterior was a façade in danger of crumbling.
“Nothing?”
She gave a half-smile, but it faded before it could fully form. “I’ll see you at work on Monday.”
Tension grew, stretched, dragging her resistance to its limits.
He gave a tight nod.
She exhaled.
He released her, and she rubbed at the marks his fingers had left on her skin.
“No need to show me out.”
Nathan stalked to the couch and snatched up his jacket but didn’t wait to put it on. She realized that was the most uncontrolled emotion she’d ever seen from him. Under all circumstances, he was cool, collected.
With a decisive click, he closed the door behind him. The precision reverberated with a more pointed statement than it would have if he’d slammed it.
Numb, heartbroken, she sank into the couch and stared at the flickering flames, unable to chase away the cold…and the stunning, shocking hollowness.
* * * *
“You did
what
?” Andi demanded. “What in the ever-living, Christ-giving, Satan-sucking balls are you thinking?”
That wasn’t the type of support Kelsey had thought she’d get from her best friend. But she should have known better. “You’re not helping.”
“Oh. Sorry.” Andi made a show of cleaning out one of her ears. “Okay. Start over. I clearly didn’t hear you right.”
Kelsey exhaled and reached for her wineglass.
After Nathan had left, she’d sat on the couch for a full hour before she’d forced herself to get up and shower and dress in something other than club wear.
She’d spent the next two hours moving about the condo listlessly, shifting papers, looking at photographs only to put them back down without even really seeing them.
Two days ago her life had been filled with excitement and adventure. And now the adrenaline had seeped away, she’d been left raw.
Unable to stand her own company and her tumultuous thoughts any longer, she’d put on a pair of sheepskin-lined boots, jeans, a jacket and a scarf and headed out of the door.
Mr. Martinez had been in the hallway, and he’d flattened himself against the wall, clutching the lapels of his robe. “Oh. You have clothes on. I was preparing for another heart attack.”
She’d shaken her head.
“Twenty years ago, I could have taken that. But now?
Ay, mami.
”
She’d grinned, but she’d remained in place until after Sinbad had rolled past, cheeks twitching.
The man had scooped up the rodent, hurried inside and slammed the door.
Wanting to keep herself busy, she’d headed out for a long walk then ended up in the museum district. Not finding anything to entertain her, she’d wandered around aimlessly. Eventually, feeling sorry for herself and realizing she hadn’t eaten anything other than a scone all day, she’d entered a small, trendy restaurant. It was generally the type of place that would energize her. But late on a gloomy, alone, broken-up Sunday afternoon, it had made her even more depressed.
She’d picked up her phone and sent a message to Andi saying she needed company, ASAP.
Andi, true friend that she was, had responded with two questions—
Where are you?
Have you ordered wine?
When the waiter had come over to take her order, Kelsey had ordered a bottle of the restaurant’s finest merlot.
Andi had breezed in less than thirty minutes later, sporting a raven-colored bob.
“It’s a wig,” she’d explained as she’d sat down and filled a glass. “Didn’t have time to do my hair. Now. Talk while I drink.”
Kelsey had given her a thirty-second update, starting with the fact they’d gone to Deviation and ending with the announcement that she’d ended their personal relationship.
“Give it up, girlfriend,” Andi said. “I need more details. Start at the beginning and let me absorb it this time. He got you to Deviation, and then what?”
Kelsey swirled her glass and let the wine dribble back down. “He gave me a flogging on the Punishment Pole. Then we went into the bar while I remembered what day of the week it was.”
“Then he ripped your clothes off you in the hotel room? Don’t you think it’s fucking hot that he couldn’t even wait to get you home?”
Especially since he was so conscious of every expenditure. “It was.”
“Everything went okay? I mean, you didn’t fight or anything?”
“No.” She glanced down, remembering the way he’d done her up the ass.
“You’re blushing! It must have been good.”
“Yeah. It was. We grabbed a Starbucks before heading home. And then he asked me to move in with him.”
“You’re telling me that Nathan Donovan took you to a club, flogged you hard, got you a nice hotel room, asked you to move in with him, and you rewarded him by dumping him on his hunky-dunky-hottie ass? Have you lost your gray matter?”
“A week ago I didn’t even know him.”
“The man moves fast, I’ll give you that. Is that the problem? Is it too soon for you?”
“No. It’s more than that. I don’t want to live with any man. Especially one who is so overbearing. Being with him twenty-four-seven all day, every day? I’m afraid I’ll lose my sense of independence, who I am, what I’ve strived for all my life. I’ve worked too fucking hard to give it up now.”
They each took a drink of wine.
“Are you going to be able to keep working with him? When Lorean and I break up…” She rolled her eyes. “Some mornings I just want to stay in bed and sob in my pajamas. One time I did. Ate an entire pint of ice cream for breakfast. And shit… The amount of mimosas I have when things suck just doesn’t bear thinking about. Maybe I’ll open a liquor store. At least I can make money from myself. Wait. Did that make sense?”
“Yeah. In a strange way.” Even though the glasses didn’t need to be refilled, Kelsey did so anyway. “Lara Donovan called me the other day.”
“Did you tell her I’d give her a free service?”
Kelsey glared at her friend in a way that should have left Andi six feet under.
“Oh. Sorry. We’ll get back to that. I’m going to do Erin, thanks to you. Well, Mr. Hottie Boss. Oops. Sorry again. You were saying?”
“She’s hiring for a CEO position.”
“Who? Lara?”
Kelsey nodded.
“And she called you?”
Again, Kelsey nodded.
“Wait, that’s his sister-in-law, right?” Andi whistled. “That’s messed up.”
“It doesn’t mean I would get the job. But she’d like to talk to me about it. Nothing formal, just a talk.”
“Are you going to meet with her?”
She exhaled. Until this moment, she hadn’t made a decision. “Yeah. I think I am.”
“Wow.” Andi took a long gulp. “Wow, wow, wow. You’d quit Newman Inland over this or, rather, quit Donovan Logistics?”
“I can’t watch him date someone else, move on.” And she knew it wasn’t possible for her to see him every day and not yearn for him. Worst of all, she was afraid that if she spent time with him, she’d end up begging him to dominate her. The D/s was already part of their relationship, something she liked. Because of that, she was incredibly vulnerable to him. A clean break was better for them all.
“Aww, crap, Kelsey. Did you fall in love with him?”
“It’s a good career move,” she said. But she wasn’t sure which one of them she was trying to convince.
“You did, didn’t you? Damn it. Damn you. You fell in love with him. Now what are you going to do?”
“Gotta keep moving forward.” Kelsey gave a false, brittle smile. “Companies to run. Dreams to chase.”
They ordered a second bottle of wine and a plate of French fries smothered in cheese.
“Anything else?” the waiter asked.
“Ice cream,” Andi said. “And chocolate cake.”
“Do you want me to bring them out with the French fries?” he asked, sounding incredulous.
Andi glared.
“Got it.”
Kelsey’s attempt to hold back the pain was failing. Her eyes were full of tears she refused to shed, and she offered a toast. “To the man who has ruined me for all others.” And then, damn it, despite the fact she was a strong woman who needed no one, the tears fell.
Chapter Seventeen
“She’s been fucking shortlisted?” Nathan dug his hand into his hair and stared at Connor across the small bar table.
More than an hour before, Connor had called to ask if they could meet for a drink. The request had been so unusual, and he’d been so fucked up since he’d walked out of the door of Kelsey’s condo yesterday, that he’d grabbed his jacket and told her he was leaving for the day, offering a brief nod and nothing else as he’d passed her desk. He’d driven to the hotel that housed one of Lara and Connor’s favorite restaurants, ridden the elevator to the nineteenth floor, secured a window table and downed one of their finest scotches before his brother had arrived.
Connor had discussed overall business strategy for a few minutes before Nathan had told him to get to the point.
After Connor’s drink had arrived and he’d downed it in a single swallow, he’d looked at Nathan straight and delivered the news that Kelsey was among the top candidates being considered for a position at BHI.
“What the fuck do you mean, she’s been shortlisted?” he repeated. Through his shirtsleeve, he saw that annoying heart frantically pulsing. But this time it wasn’t pink. It was red. Blood-drippy red.
“If you remember, you’re the one who said it was okay for Lara to pursue Kelsey as a candidate at BHI.”
“I don’t give a shit what I said. That was before we acquired Newman Inland Marine. Our research on her was correct. She was more than Newman’s executive assistant, she was operating in the capacity of a VP. She knows every bit of the business and is considered a key employee. I want her removed from consideration.”