Bound by Duty (Bound Series Book 1) (13 page)

He tilted his head and I could tell he hadn’t thought about it himself. “I don’t know. Probably because that’s what my dad called my mom. I have some of their old letters and he always called her doll.”

I couldn’t stop the blush that crept across my cheeks and the nerves that fluttered in my belly. It was both a compliment and a little too real to have our…situation…compared to the iconic love he saw in his parents. “Okay, then. See ya.” I tripped over the words, shyness taking over.

As I went to push myself out the door, Aidan pulled me back toward him, my face stopping dangerously close to his. I looked from his eyes to his lips and back. They were swirling silver and projected exactly what he was feeling. He leaned in until our foreheads were touching.

“I’m not going to do it because I can tell you’re still scared, but I want you to know that I
want
to kiss you, Amelia. I really want to.” He so rarely said my name that, in that moment, his voice husky and deep, I wanted to let him. I wanted to move the extra half-inch to do it myself. But, it would take us somewhere that I
shouldn’t
go.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath as I nodded ever so slightly. “Okay.” It was a tiny word. The same word that started everything, but now I used it to neither agree or disagree. “Okay,” he replied, assuming my consent that the time would eventually come. “I’ll be in touch, doll, you can count on it,” he whispered. Again, I tried to smile, but I know it didn’t go further than my lips. He looked confused as I fumbled my way out of the car and into my own.

I waved as he pulled away, trying to look as happy as I’d been just minutes before. As soon as he turned out of the parking lot, I burst into tears. I had made a selfish choice, thinking only about myself and the relationship I wanted. But, now I had fallen for someone. A human. A tortured yet amazing human who already saw too much of the person so few people had ever tried to know. And, I still didn’t know what my final choice would be when the time came. There were just too many unanswered questions.

I got home and found Bethany sitting on the couch, surrounded by notes and textbooks. “How’s your new boooooyfriend?” she drawled out with a laugh, like we were in fifth grade and going to start talking about people kissing in trees.

I shook my head and dropped down beside her in the one place she hadn’t covered in paper. “I don’t know, B.”

“Um, hello, girl? What do you mean you don’t know? I saw you two love birds yesterday. You were almost drooling all over each other. What’s not to know?” She looked completely baffled and I hated that I couldn’t just be out with it.

“It just might be too much, too fast. He’s just…intense, and I think it’s moving more quickly than I’m ready for.” I couldn’t even look at her as I said the words. They weren’t the truth and she’d know it.

“Ohhhh. I see exactly what’s happening here.” Bethany shoved her books and notebook to the floor and shifted so we faced each other. “You’re scared. Honey, that’s normal. Be scared. Enjoy being scared. He’s new and scrumptious and scary. That’s how it’s supposed to be!”

“It’s not that simple. He’s been through a lot. What if I disappoint him like everyone else has? People did that to me. I can’t do that to him.” I felt so guilty already, just knowing that I would more than likely have to follow through with the betrothal. That there may very well be nothing I could do about any of it in the end.

“Is that your plan? Are you planning to string him along and then just drop him?” I looked up, surprised and shocked that she would even ask that. “Just what I thought,” she said with a smirk. “Of course you aren’t.”

“Amelia, you’ve got to trust yourself a little more,” she said, patting my knee. “Relax. Chill the heck out. It’s not all life and death. What you feel right now could last forever or it could last three freaking days. Maybe you’ll find out that he chews his food with his mouth open and you can’t stand the sight of him anymore. Just let it be what it is.” With that, she tapped my hand with her own and picked up her books again.

I spent the rest of the night stewing over that and finally decided she was right. I wasn’t in love. This was all new. I needed to cut myself a break and just chill out. I grabbed my phone and sent Aidan a quick text.

Double date this weekend?

His response came minutes later.

I suppose Richie Rich isn’t optional?

I laughed out loud as I responded.

They are a package deal, but he isn’t that bad.

If it means I get to sit next to you, then I can handle him. ;)

I kept trying to think of clever responses but eventually gave up and just grinned as I stared at the screen.

We hadn’t been able to have our double date over the weekend like I’d wanted, but the free time had given Aidan and I more one-on-one time and I wasn’t complaining. We were in an easy rhythm that felt safe. Meeting for lunch, texting relentlessly, and finding out as many random factoids about each other as possible. His favorite color was blue. He loved alternative and hated country. He hated cold pizza. The one thing we didn’t do was kiss. He had made a few attempts since our conversation in the car and I was able to circumvent each one. Not always gracefully, but it worked and he seemed to get the message because he backed off. I wanted to kiss him, but knowing deep down that I might have to leave him made me continue to pull back. Kissing meant commitment. I couldn’t do commitment.

We finally managed to sync up schedules, so Aidan, Micah, Bethany, and I were sitting on an outdoor patio, eating appetizers, and chatting as the sun went down. People were everywhere along the boardwalk, enjoying what was left of the seventy-degree day. We were all laughing at a joke Micah had made — and a little at him. He never seemed to realize just how prudish he could come across.

“But, really,” he said as he tried to contain his long hair in the leather tie he miraculously always seemed to have, “don’t you think the women of this country have something better to do than watch some ridiculous television show that proves exactly how impossible it is to fall in love in a matter of weeks?” Bethany instantly bristled. No one bashed reality TV in her presence and lived to tell the tale.

I rolled my eyes at Aidan and laughed as he shook his head. Listening to the deep rumble of his laugh had become one of my new favorite pastimes. I couldn’t even pay attention to Bethany’s lecture or Micah’s continued skeptical questions because I didn’t know how to stop staring at Aidan.

He sat there, watching me watch him, with a fire in his eyes I didn’t want to acknowledge. I could see that he hadn’t had a haircut since we met and the ends had started to curl. He had that barely-there five o’clock shadow I couldn’t resist and I had to stop myself from reaching over to run my hand along his jaw. My eyes roamed to his broad chest, stretching his bright blue button-down. He had the sleeves rolled to his forearms and the muscles bulged as I noticed him flexing his fist. I finally raised my eyes back to his to find myself locked in his gaze. The bright blue flecks in his eyes stood out against the slate gray depths that were pulling me in and making promises again. Though I successfully managed to avoid any scenarios up to this point where he had another chance to kiss me, that didn’t mean I didn’t want it just as much as I was terrified by it.

I had laid in bed this morning, for the fourth morning in a row after another long, sleepless night, plagued by worse than normal nightmares, scolding myself for continuing this with Aidan. I warred with myself between Bethany and Rynna’s words of encouragement and the realities of what I had learned from Cole about Julia. Would I be strong enough to just walk away? Was it fair to drag Aidan into this without him even being able to understand what was at stake? No matter what I felt for him, I couldn’t justify hurting him. But, every time I convinced myself today would be the day I’d tell him it was over — whatever this was — he would give me that smile and look at me like I was the only person that mattered in the world. It was the thing I ached for; to be wanted for who I was. Aidan had no idea of what was happening to me and he never would. He had no idea what my actions would mean for our people in the future. He just knew a girl. A regular, normal girl.

“Hey. Hey, Ame, what’s wrong?” Aidan leaned into me, whispering in my ear as he tucked me into his shoulder. “What’s going on in that head of yours, doll? I just watched you run away without making a move.” He pressed a kiss to my forehead that sent me into overload. I hadn’t cried in a long time. My emotions and my power had been really level for a while now, but the fact that he saw me — that he read me and knew me enough already to know something was wrong — made it obvious that this was more real than I had ever allowed myself to acknowledge.

I tore myself from him, muttering about having to go to the bathroom. Through my lowered lashes and the dark curtain of hair I’d let fall into my face, I saw the look in his eyes and knew he had seen the well of tears in mine. His jaw tensed and his eyes asked questions I couldn’t answer without the tears falling, so I walked away without a word. This was real. We were real.
What was I doing?

I walked past the bathrooms and out the back door. I wasn’t ready to face Bethany either and she would be sent after me. A sob built in my chest that I swallowed down. It always seemed to work this way; I would think I had it all under control and then one thing would snap me to pieces. What didn’t make sense was that the farther I got from Aidan, the more my power rebelled. It had laid dormant while the realizations mounted, but it wasn’t until I walked away that it pushed back. It pulled and shoved and pounded on me with every step I took until finally I stopped and leaned back against the wall, sliding down to the ground.

Aidan was everything I wanted and wasn’t supposed to have. I sat there silently crying with my knees pulled to my chest and my head down on my arms. I heard someone running toward me, though it sounded as if the footsteps were in a cave. I could feel the emotion rolling off of them and before I could react, they reached down and grabbed me. I was instantly pissed, on top of being scared. When I looked up, I saw Micah get thrown back against the door I had just come out of, his whole body smashing against it with a force I’d never seen, actually leaving a dent in the old metal.

As he slid down and his feet finally touched the ground he whisper-yelled, “What the hell was that, Amelia? I’ve been calling your name and we’ve been searching for you for the last ten minutes. Aidan’s losing his mind. You need to rein yourself in! I was able to follow your signature back here, which means other Mages could have, too.”

Micah was dusting his perfectly-pressed khakis and polo off, shaking his limbs out. He closed his eyes and I watched him stand taller as he clearly used his power to ease the aches in his body from smashing against the door. He looked around, his expression oddly relieved.

I, on other hand, couldn’t move. I sat there, stunned, with my mouth open, my open palms still held out in front of me and my rogue power humming through my system after being set free. It was that same feeling of being on the cliffs that night.

“Oh my,” Micah said as he stooped down in front of me and took in my response to what had just happened. “You’ve never used force on someone before, have you? How far behind are you exactly, Amelia?” He cocked his head to the side and let out an audible sigh. “I’ve let you be, but I think it’s time we have a conversation.”

Before I could react or even laugh to myself over the fact that it was supposed to be me pushing Micah to help me, Aidan came running down the alley with Bethany struggling to keep up with his long strides. I didn’t even have a chance to stand before he scooped me up as if I were a child and, without saying a word, stalked back out of the alley and to his car. I locked my arms around his neck and tucked myself deep into him as he walked, hiding my swollen eyes and the eyeliner that was running down my face. He marginally relaxed; his steps slowing. After he deposited me in the passenger seat and buckled me in, he touched his forehead to mine before slowly inhaling. He looked into my eyes and, in the most simultaneously controlled and violent tone I had ever heard, said, “You can’t keep running from me, Amelia. You’re scared, I can see that. But, next time, you
will
talk to me. Okay?” With wide eyes, the only thing I could do was nod.

It was time. Cole had been blowing up my cell for days because I had canceled our last two dinners and hadn’t come down to the gym. We both knew I hadn’t pushed the issue with Micah, but I didn’t want to have to admit it — or why. And, I really didn’t want to have to lie to anyone. So, instead, I called Micah and set up a time to meet to talk.

I was waiting on a bench near the beach, staring out at the water and trying not to think too hard about the complications of my life right now when he finally sat down beside me. We sat in silence for a few moments, as if daring the other to go first. I finally decided I had called this meeting so it was my show.

“You’ve already figured out I don’t really know what I’m doing and I need help.” Simple. Direct.

Micah snorted a little. “Well, that’s an understatement, Amelia. Do you even know what you are? How did this happen?”

My blood pressure rose a little at his tone. I took a few deep breaths to keep myself calm. “I’m a Mage, Micah, just like you. And, my story doesn’t matter. What matters is that I need to understand how to handle this. Can you help me or not?”

Instead of answering me, he stood and gestured out toward the water. “Let’s walk a little,” he said. I was annoyed that he wouldn’t just answer me, but followed anyway. We walked out toward the rising tide, stopping far enough away that the water wouldn’t reach us. He slid off his shoes and sat down in the sand, so I did the same. I looked at Micah sitting comfortably, albeit stiffly, on the beach next to me. He’d pulled his hair back but pieces of sun-bleached blond were floating in the breeze off the water. A Viking surfer, that’s what he looked like. He was digging his toes farther and farther into the sand and I watched as he stared out at the ocean with the same intensity that I did.