Authors: Juliana Stone
that day that I had pushed away. Stuff I didn’t want to think
about or remember ever again. Gram had been there with me
for the worst of it, and I remembered her warmth, the scent of
vanilla. And I remembered her tears.
“You told me that I was going to fall a long way down before
someone caught me.”
“Yes.” Gram nodded slowly. “I begged your mother and father
to let you come to me this summer because I truly believed it
was time for you to come back to us. It was time, and I thought
that I was going to be the one to catch you.”
She shook her head and smiled. “But it wasn’t me, my darling
girl. It was Nathan. He caught you.” She squeezed my hand
again. “And I think that he’s still waiting.”
202
BoysLikeYou.indd 202
11/19/13 10:02 AM
BOYS LIKE YOU
“For what?” I asked.
“Why, for you,” she said in a very serious voice, before she
opened her car door and glanced back at me. “To catch him.”
203
BoysLikeYou.indd 203
11/19/13 10:02 AM
BoysLikeYou.indd 204
11/19/13 10:02 AM
The week passed by in a blur of hot summer days spent out at
the plantation working on a new gazebo with my uncle and hot
summer nights spent under the stars with Monroe.
Working with my uncle was good for me. It was hard phys-
ical labor, and I wasn’t the kind of guy who liked to sit on his ass and do nothing. Besides, there wasn’t much time to think about
shit when you were on a hot roof nailing tarpaper down.
There was no time to remember that night, to think about
the stuff I should have done differently. The mistakes I’d made,
the choices that had brought me to where I was.
Of course, Trevor was with me, but that was okay. I needed
him there even if it was only in my head.
But it was those hot summer nights that I looked forward
to, because it was those hot summer nights that made me forget
everything but a girl with dark, silky hair and a mouth that I
could spend hours kissing. Seriously, the girl could kiss, and
over the last week, we’d had a lot of practice.
A
lot.
BoysLikeYou.indd 205
11/19/13 10:02 AM
Juliana Ston e
Sure, there might have been a bit of touching— okay, I knew
that most of her was as soft and sweet as her mouth— but
nothing else. And I was cool with that.
Monroe was different from any girl I had ever met, and I’d
be a liar if I told you I hadn’t thought about what it would be
like to be with her. To hold her and look in her eyes when I was
inside
her
.
But what we had was more than just the physical stuff.
We talked for hours about pretty much everything. Music.
Books. Family.
She told me about her brother. About the kind of kid he’d
been, and for me, to be the guy she was willing to share all that stuff with was huge.
I felt like the king of the world, and for a while there, I felt
like nothing could touch me. That’s what this girl did for me.
But being a king and flying high meant that the fall could be
epic. And in my case, epic didn’t even come close.
It was Friday afternoon, and I’d come to town with my uncle
to pick up a few things at the hardware store. We were nearly
done with the gazebo but had run out of plywood trim for the
base, and we needed to buy more paint.
Once we stored everything in the back of his truck, my uncle
ran to the bank and I walked a block down to the convenience
store to grab us a couple of Cokes.
The girl behind the counter was someone I recognized, but I
couldn’t think of her name. Candy…Candace maybe? She was
206
BoysLikeYou.indd 206
11/19/13 10:02 AM
BOYS LIKE YOU
a year behind me in school, and I tried not to stare as she tugged her top down so that her boobs were nearly falling out. It was
kinda hard not to. They were massive.
“Hey, Nathan. How’s your summer going? I mean, I know
it’s probably hard and everything…and…”
I shrugged. “It’s going.”
I tossed a pack of gum on the counter to go along with
my Cokes.
“I heard you and Rachel broke up.”
I nodded but didn’t answer. I didn’t know the girl, not really,
and it’s not like we’d ever had a conversation before, so why the hell was she chatting me up about Rachel?
“I hear Trevor’s the same. Not really improving. That’s gotta
be weird, you know? It’s almost like he’s stuck or something.”
Annoyed, I ran my hand through my hair and rolled my
shoulders. “I really don’t know.”
And
it’s none of your business.
The bell jingled behind me so I knew I wasn’t the only one in
the store anymore. I cleared my throat, a “let’s get the freaking show on the road” kind of sound, but this girl was dense.
She rang up my order. “So, are you and Mrs. Blackwell’s
granddaughter like, you know, dating?”
Jesus. I handed over a five dollar bill. I gave a non- committal
nod that she could take whatever way she wanted. Was she ever
going to shut up?
“That’s gotta suck,” she said.
207
BoysLikeYou.indd 207
11/19/13 10:02 AM
Juliana Ston e
My head shot up, not really understanding her angle or her
need to talk about my social life. “Why the hell do you care?” I
said sharply.
Surprise widened her eyes and she stammered like an idiot.
“You know, uh, because she doesn’t live around here. I mean,
she’s going back to wherever it is she’s from, isn’t she? New York, I think someone said? And well, if you guys are together, then
you won’t really be together anymore and…”
Right.
“Thanks for pointing that out.”
It’s not like I hadn’t thought about it every damn night for at
least a week. Monroe’s parents were coming in a few days and
then…well, then she was going home and I had no idea how I
was going to survive without her.
Pissed off, I grabbed my stuff from the counter and turned
around without answering.
I turned around and nearly ran over Trevor’s mom.
Holy. Shit. I wasn’t ready for this.
She was even thinner than when I’d seen her at the hospital,
and trust me, Trevor’s mom was already skinny; she didn’t need
to lose weight. The purple dress she wore looked like it was two
sizes too big.
Her eyes were sunken, kind of like the skin around them
was too thin and bruised, and I looked away because there’s no
way I could look into them. Jesus, it felt like someone had just
punched me in the gut.
208
BoysLikeYou.indd 208
11/19/13 10:02 AM
BOYS LIKE YOU
I couldn’t see her pain. Not now.
My chest made this weird whooshing sound, like air had just
been let out of a tire.
I think my heart stopped. Or maybe it was just the weird
sensation of my stomach rolling end over end before falling all
the way to the floor.
My fingertips started to tingle, and black dots flickered before
my eyes.
“Nate, you don’t look so good.” Brenda Lewis watched me
closely, her thin lips trembling, her hands running up and down
her thighs nervously.
I couldn’t answer. I couldn’t say a damn thing, because my
tongue was stuck at the back of my throat and those spots flick-
ering in front of my eyes made it hard to concentrate.
“Shit,” I said, shaking my head to try and stop the roaring
in my ears. What the hell was wrong with me? “I’m sorry,” I
managed to say, though I wasn’t sure she heard me. Or maybe
the words had only echoed inside my head.
“Come with me,” she said.
She touched me, her hand strangely cool and smooth on my
skin, and I let her lead me out of the store.
I don’t think my heart slowed down until we walked a few
feet and stopped near a bench cemented into the sidewalk
underneath an oak tree.
The shade wasn’t dark enough and I wished that it were night-
time, because the shadows were thicker, easier to hide inside.
209
BoysLikeYou.indd 209
11/19/13 10:02 AM
Juliana Ston e
I didn’t know what to do, so I popped open my Coke and
took a sip, my eyes on the sidewalk, on the cracks that spread
out like spidery fingers. The square I looked at was fractured. It was broken and in bad need of repair. Kind of like me.
Kind of like Trevor.
“Nate,” she said softly. “Look at me.”
I
can’t.
But I did.
“I’ve been calling your cell all morning.”
What?
That bad feeling was back in a big way, and for a minute, I
thought I was going to puke.
“Mrs. Lewis,” I said weakly.
“It’s Brenda,” she answered gently. “It’s always been Brenda.”
I nodded and blew out a long, shuddering breath. I was so
afraid to speak. To ask the question that hovered on the tip of
my tongue.
“I forgot my cell at home,” I said instead.
She nodded and wrapped her arms around herself, shiv-
ering as if she was cold. It was hot as hell, nearly 100 degrees, and yet I was the same. I felt like I’d been dipped into a
bucket of ice.
“Your uncle told me you were in the store. I ran into him at
the bank.”
My heart spiked, pounding so fast and furious that, for
a second, I was dizzy. I felt as if I’d just played the toughest
210
BoysLikeYou.indd 210
11/19/13 10:02 AM
BOYS LIKE YOU
football game of my life. As if I’d run every single play myself.
Given everything that I had and it wasn’t enough.
It would never be enough.
That bad feeling I’d had for weeks was back, worming its way
through skin and bone and crushing a part of me that I didn’t
think would ever recover.
“I don’t blame you, Nathan…for the accident. I know you
would never do anything to hurt Trevor or anyone on purpose.
You’re a good boy. I want you to know that.” Her voice was
rough, but strong. “I know that Mike is being hard on you…he
just…Trevor was his world, you know? And it’s just so hard, and
I…” A tear slipped down her cheek and she wiped it away, but
another soon followed.
I didn’t think I could feel any worse or sink any lower. But I
guess I was wrong.
“I just wanted you to know that I don’t blame you. I was a
teenager once, and none of us were squeaky clean, especially
Mike.” She sighed. “I’ve done things that were stupid and
thoughtless and dangerous.” She shrugged. “All of us have.”
“I don’t…” I began and had to stop. “I don’t know what
to say, Brenda. I’m sorry doesn’t cut it. It doesn’t seem to be
big enough.”
“I know,” she said softly.
For a few seconds, there was only silence between us, and
I could see the expression on her face changing, as if she was
gearing up to do something she really didn’t want to do.
211
BoysLikeYou.indd 211
11/19/13 10:02 AM
Juliana Ston e
My teeth clenched, so tight that pain radiated along my jaw,
but I didn’t care. In that moment, all I saw was the fear and pain in Brenda Lewis’s eyes. Fear and pain that I had put there, and
no matter what she said, it didn’t make me feel better.
Her fear filled me up, seeping into every nook and cranny,
and for a second, I saw Monroe’s face, and I wondered where she
was. What was she doing at this exact moment?
Because if ever there was a moment that was going to crack
my world wide open, this was it. I knew that my life was about to change again. I was coming down from the clouds and starting a
free fall that would take me down hard.
No longer was I a king, flying high with Monroe. Nope, I
was nothing but the pathetic excuse of a friend who had put
Trevor in the hospital. I was nothing more than the sum of that
night.
I saw all of that reflected in her eyes.
“Trevor took a turn for the worse overnight.”
I shook my head. “No,” I said hoarsely. “Oh God.”
“Some sort of infection in his blood. His organs are shutting
down. He’s gone septic. There are some other issues, but…”
“Jesus.” I stumbled a bit and she grabbed my elbow, steadying
me against the stone bench.
“Mike and Taylor are with him now, but I know how much
you love Trevor, and I think that you should come to the hospital tonight. I think that Trevor would want you there.”
I stared at her in shock as she gently shook my arm and
212
BoysLikeYou.indd 212
11/19/13 10:02 AM
BOYS LIKE YOU
then cupped my chin. There was nowhere to look but into
her eyes.
“Do you understand what I’m telling you, Nathan?”
I nodded and said the hardest words I’d ever said in my life.
“You want me to come and say good- bye. Say good- bye to Trevor.”
Brenda Lewis let go of me and took a step back. She looked
like a wounded animal. One who’d had its heart ripped out, and
I guess I was responsible for that too. I felt the burden sitting on my shoulders, and God, I was so damn tired.
“Yes,” she answered simply. “You might not get the chance
again.” Her voice caught and then she turned away.