Authors: Juliana Stone
hoped she didn’t mind that I was filthy and sweaty because I
didn’t want to move.
“Hey,” I said.
She laughed and slid her hands up my arms until they hit my
shoulders. “You’re really good, Nate. Wow. I mean, I knew you
would be, but I couldn’t take my eyes off you.”
I grinned. “Good, because I was showing off for you. Look, I
gotta go home and shower. Brent’s gonna pick me up later and
we’ll head out to the party. Sound good?”
“Sounds great.”
She bit her lip in that adorable way that made me crazy, and I
swear if it weren’t for her parents watching us like hawks, I would have slipped my tongue inside her mouth and kissed her senseless.
But I had to be good. Her parents weren’t 100 percent sure of
me and I got that, but I didn’t want anything to interfere with
our plans. Tonight was our last one together, and I had to make
it count. I needed to make this girl so crazy about me she would
never forget this summer, or me.
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Because I knew I wouldn’t. She was burned into my skin like
a tattoo, and I would carry her with me forever.
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I changed my clothes at least seven times before settling on a
pair of dark navy skinny jeans, ballet slippers, and a green halter top that made my eyes pop. Or at least that’s what the saleslady
said when Gram had taken me shopping in New Orleans a few
weeks back.
The top was on the skimpy side— most of my stomach was
bare and the jeans rode low— but I couldn’t wait for Nate to see
me. I had plans for tonight. For me and him.
I grabbed my purse from the table beside my bed and fumbled
inside the hidden pocket until my fingers closed around the
small foil packet.
I’d bought condoms when I was in New Orleans. My cheeks
burned at the thought— I still couldn’t believe I’d had enough
balls to do it. It had been hard, slipping away from Gram,
and then, well, who knew there were so many different kinds?
Ribbed. Glow in the dark. Stuff that vibrated.
God, there were different sizes!
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I’d bought the plainest, smallest box I could find and prayed
that Gram wouldn’t be able to tell. You know, in case there was
some invisible sign on my forehead that said,
“Monroe is going to
have sex and she has a box of condoms in her bag.”
I’d been thinking about this for days. No. Weeks. I’d been
thinking about it ever since Nathan had kissed me at Baker’s
Landing. And tonight was my last chance. My last chance to be
with Nathan. Really be with Nathan.
Outside, there in the maze that was ours, we’d spent most
nights under the stars until he had to go home. We’d kissed. A
lot. And we’d touched. I’d explored his hard, muscled body that
was so different from mine, and he’d kissed his way down my
chest, but he’d always held back, didn’t go further. And when I
wanted to do more, he stopped us.
Said we needed to move slow. That
he
needed to move slow.
So I hadn’t touched him. Or seen him there.
Even though I’d wanted to.
I knew that Nate had had sex before. I’d asked him and he’d
been honest with me. He’d told me that he and Rachel had
been doing it since the tenth grade. When I pushed him, he’d
admitted that there had been others.
Of course there had been others. Nathan Everets was hot.
And it wasn’t just that physically he was smoking. He was the
deepest, sweetest guy I’d ever met. Who wouldn’t want to be
with him?
So why didn’t he want me?
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I shoved the condom into the front pocket of my jeans and
glanced at myself in the mirror. For a moment, I didn’t recog-
nize the face that stared back at me.
Who was this girl with eyes that sparkled and skin that
glowed? This girl who looked…happy. Excited. And scared.
“Monroe, Nathan is here!”
Gram’s voice made me jump, and I grabbed my jean jacket. I
shut the door and didn’t stop until I was at the front door when
I nearly tripped over my feet.
Holy. Hell.
Nathan smiled, a slow, soft grin that could seriously melt
anyone’s heart. His eyes were soft and I noticed that he’d shaved.
I loved it when he didn’t shave— it gave him that edge that I
really liked— but tonight, with that smile? My hands were
itching to touch all that smooth, tanned skin.
He wore a plain white Henley, his golden skin and burnished
hair a contrast that could make any girl lose her head and— I
smiled— he wore my favorite jeans. They were old and faded,
but they looked amazing on him, and I exhaled shakily as I
snuck a look at my mom.
She leaned against the staircase, and I could tell that Nate’s
charm was working overtime because she smiled at him. She
smiled at him in a way I recognized. God, he was good.
“So,” she cleared her throat. “You kids won’t be too late?”
“Mom, it’s my last night here, and I promise I won’t be out
all night, but can I stay out later than midnight?”
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I saw the indecision in her eyes.
“I mean, I just haven’t felt so good about things in so long, I
kinda want to hold on to it as long as I can, you know?”
Okay, that was low, but I didn’t care. I was willing to work
any angle in order to spend as much time with Nathan as
I could.
“I promise, I’ll be good.”
Gram and Dad walked up from the kitchen. “You take care
of my granddaughter, Nathan.”
“Yes, ma’am,” he answered.
I gave my mom a quick hug, but she held me for a second
longer. “Roe,” she said shakily. “I…”
There were so many words between us. Simple words.
Hard words.
It’s the in- between words that are easy to get out. I guess,
somehow, they don’t really matter. They fill in the spaces
between the simple ones that carry so much weight and the hard
ones that hold everything together.
But the ones that do matter, those ones are the hardest to
get out. They get stuck, or buried, and sometimes they get
forgotten. But I knew they were there inside my mom, because
the same ones were buried deep in me.
Mom shuddered and I whispered, “I know.”
She paused. “You look beautiful.”
I smiled at my dad and kissed Gram on the cheek. She grabbed
my hands, her eyes suddenly serious as she bent forward. “Be
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careful,” she whispered, so low only I could hear, her eyes full
of meaning.
God. It’s as if she knew what I was planning.
I nodded, my throat tight, and then followed Nate out into
the hot Louisiana night.
The party was huge. It was held in the bush out back at some
guy Chad’s farm, and there must have been at least two hundred
kids there when we arrived.
That was over two hours ago, and I’d bet there was close to
three hundred by now.
A bonfire burned brightly, tunes blared from large speakers
set on top of a mud- splattered redneck truck, and everyone
seemed to be either high on life or high on weed, but sometimes
it was hard to figure out the difference.
“Hey,” Nate slid his arms around me and I leaned back
against him, watching Brent chat up yet another girl.
“Is he, like, the biggest ho around?”
Nate laughed, his breath warm against my neck. “He’s leaning
that way.”
Warm tingles spread down my body and that restless feeling
was back. “Can we get out of here?” I asked softly, turning so
that I could see him.
Nate’s eyes were intense as he gazed down at me, and in that
moment, if felt like we were the only ones around for miles. The
music, the noise, and the kids— they all disappeared into the
dark. There was just us.
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“It’s our last night and I just…I want to be alone with you.”
Nate pulled me close and rested his chin on top of my head.
His heart beat fast beneath my fingers, and I knew he was in
the same place I was. It wasn’t a place of in- between. It was hot and edgy.
I squeezed my eyes shut and burrowed deeper into his
embrace. God, I wanted to crawl inside him. I’d never felt like
this before, but then again, I’d never loved. Not like this.
“My parents,” he said haltingly. “They’re gone overnight. A
friend’s houseboat on the river.”
My eyes flew open and I whispered, “So there’s no one at
your house?”
A pause.
“No.”
I yanked my head back. “Let’s go,” I whispered, my hand
falling to his.
He smiled then, a soft sort of thing that would make anyone
fall harder. “I can’t drive.”
“But I can.” I tugged him again, and this time he laughed out
loud. Which, I gotta say, kind of pissed me off.
“You didn’t drive to the party.”
“I know.” I let his hand drop. “Hold on.”
“Where are you going?”
“You’ll see.”
My insides were on fire. No. No, they weren’t. They were
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spotted Brent on the other side of the bonfire, his hand in some
girl’s hair, his mouth on hers.
I walked around a large group of kids and was nearly to him
when Rachel stepped in front of me. I’d seen her earlier; it was
hard not to— she was dressed in the skimpiest pair of shorts
I’d ever seen and a bikini top that barely covered her impres-
sive boobs. There were hickeys on her neck, her makeup was
smudged, and she smelled like cigarettes.
She was a mess. I wasn’t sure if she was drunk or high or both,
but something was going on.
I wanted to hate her, but there was something almost
desperate in her eyes, and the way she stared at Nathan told me
a lot. She still loved him. She still wanted him.
“Can I talk to you?” she asked, unsteady on her feet as she
jerked her head to the left.
I was surprised. Other than shoving a mental knife in my
back that night at the Coffee House, we’d not said one word to
each other.
“I…”
Shit. Brent was making his move and melting into the
shadows. I needed to get his keys before—
“Please?”
I glanced back toward Nathan, but he was talking up some
huge guy with massive shoulders. Football was written all
over him.
Rachel took a sip of the beer in her hand and then tossed
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it, but her eyes never left me. What did she want? Did I want
to know?
“Sure,” I said and followed Rachel past the line of trees on
this side of the clearing. She stopped a few feet in, her back
to me, and it took a few seconds for me to realize that she was
crying. Her shoulders shook and a sob echoed into the night.
I wasn’t sure what to do and, honestly, was about to take off,
when she turned around so fast, she nearly fell.
Feeling weird about all of this, I took a step back.
She sniffled loudly. “Nathan’s a good guy.” Her voice broke
and she wiped her hand under her nose, shoulders hunched as
she looked at me from behind her raccoon- like eyes.
I didn’t know what to say so I stayed silent.
“I miss him, you know? But it’s over between us.” She wrapped
her arms around her body and shook her head. “I think it was
over before that night.”
I didn’t get it. “Why are you telling me this?”
Rachel smiled, a sad sort of smile that never reached her
eyes. She shrugged. “I don’t know why.” She looked down at the
ground. “He was going to break up with me that night. Bailey
told me. So I kept feeding him beers whenever I got the chance.
Anything to keep him from telling me we were over.”
When she glanced back at me, I saw the same pain in her eyes
that I saw in Nathan’s.
“I’m just as much to blame as Nathan is for what happened
that night.”
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“Maybe you should tell him that,” I whispered.
She shoved her hands behind her back and sighed.
“Maybe.” She paused. “I hear you’re heading back to New York
City tomorrow.”
I nodded.
“Nathan’s a good guy. I’m glad he found some kind of peace
with you.”
“Thanks,” I mumbled, not really knowing how to respond
to that. So I kept it simple. “Have a good…night,” I managed
to say.
Abruptly I turned and plowed through the trees until I made
it back to the clearing. I spied Brent almost immediately, there
near the edge with his girl, and I ran to him.