Authors: April Smyth
‘You look worried,’ Oliver pulls me in tight. ‘Where’s your head at?’
I love that he likes knowing what I’m thinking about. His genuine interest in me is intriguing. I don’t know many men who want to know everything that is going on in their crazy girlfriend’s head. Girlfriend? Is that what I am? The word girlfriend feels so puerile.
‘Just about the new vampires, will it ever end?’
Oliver sighs, ‘It will, Cassie, and even if it doesn’t I’ll be here.’
I believe him. I don’t know why he bothers but Oliver will always be around. Something that I could never be sure of with Gabe. The entire time I was falling for him he was arrogant and could barely stand to be in the same room as me but Oliver has never said a bad word to me and is never happier than when we are together. Then when we were parted Gabe found it very easy for to leave me behind and start a fresh life. I know he did it for the right reasons but, jeez, he could have given me some warning or at least talked to me about. He made the decision all alone and never considered how much not having him around might hurt me. But the second I left Oliver he got in his car to come get me. He knew that goodbyes are never final and that I needed him more than ever. Something Gabe could never understand.
I miss him though. Oliver and I get breakfast and hold hands but I miss Gabe. I have made my choice; I know which man I want to be with but it doesn’t stop me thinking about him. I can be with Oliver and still want to see Gabe. We could all be friends Oliver and I, Gabe and Claire... I could be friends with Gabe, couldn’t I?
Rose enters the room with her hair tied up in a towel turban and a fresh face, ‘Good afternoon, lovebirds.’
Oliver pulls me into a tight embrace and grins at me proudly. She rubs moisturiser into her hands then onto her face, ‘So I have some news...’
‘More news? I can’t take anymore news,’ I say lightheartedly but Oliver senses the truth behind my quip and squeezes my arm to reassure me. Once you have somebody there to tell you everything is going to be okay you wonder how you ever coped on your own. I have lived a very solitary life for the past eighteen years. I’ve searched for somebody to give me hope for a long time. I’ve met people along the way who I care about, people who love me and want to be that person but just because you love someone it doesn’t mean they are right. You can love something but it might not be healthy for you.
I brace myself for another blow coming from Rose’s direction. News tends to never be a good thing anymore and I’m terrified of what might be around the next corner but I am so thankful that I have Oliver to cushion the impact.
‘I was on the phone to Arrow and she thinks that, now we have a new vampire altercation, you should stay with the witches for your safety.’
‘Where... Gabe is?’ I say and I feel Oliver’s body freeze up as I mention his name so I try to steer the conversation clear of the Gabe-zone. ‘Isn’t it safe here?’
‘To a certain extent, yes, but we don’t know how crazy things are going to get now and it would be a lot easier to look after you if there are dozens of witches surrounding you rather than just Oliver and I.’
Great. I feel like cargo again for the first time since leaving Toulouse. Sometimes being a Healer can make me feel like less of a human and more like an important artifact that needs to be wrapped up in cotton wool. I fear that I’ll never get the chance to live a normal life, one that doesn’t involve being looked at through a lens.
‘I guess...’ I like being here with Oliver. I like waking up to breakfast made by June and watching old movies from Oliver’s collection. Frankly, the thought of jetting off to a strange country and being surrounded by powerful witches and the ex-love of my life terrifies me. I look up at Oliver’s face and contemplate what he is thinking. No matter how many times I try to convince him that he means a lot more to me than Gabe, I’m scared he will always be jealous of him. His mouth is tight with concern but he smiles at me to reassure me. I wonder if he will always feel insecure but I’ve made my decision and he should accept that he has my heart. I have made my choice, haven’t I? ‘Will you come with us?’
‘I’ll be wherever you are,’ he says and I lie my head on his shoulder and feel enormously guilty.
SIXTEEN
The next morning Rose leaves early to collect our passports so June, Oliver and I are left to our own devices. Oliver stayed with me in the cabin and sleeping together held a new meaning since confessing our love. The fire that had once been kept under control was now burning a hole in the bedsheets.
June makes us bacon sandwiches and I eye her up carefully. I can’t believe she is a witch; she seemed so normal to me but I guess if this year has taught me anything it is that humanity isn’t always judged by the blood running through your veins. After all the most human and real person I’ve ever met is a werewolf.
‘How are you feeling?’ Oliver asks. He is permanently concerned for my welfare and it’s confusing to me that someone should care this much. I had a hard time getting Gabe to look at me without his skin crawling. I know deep down he always worried about me on some level and sometimes that would shine through but with Oliver it’s like a radiation of love. I can feel it pouring out of him and it covers me and makes me feel secure.
‘Oh I’m fine,’ I shrug but Oliver gives me a knowing look and I remember how touched I had been that day he told me never to lie to him. He wants to know the truth even if it doesn’t always make him happy. ‘I mean I’m scared, I’m nervous, I don’t know. I just don’t...’
June leaves with a basket of clothes to wash. She looks at me cuddled up on his laugh and laughs. I wonder what she thinks of this relationship. She has known Oliver all his life and raised him most of it too. She holds him up on a pedestal and I worry that she doesn’t think I’m good enough for her special boy. To be honest I don’t even think I’m good enough for him. He makes me laugh, he makes every hard day much easier and I don’t know what I can offer him.
‘It’s okay to be scared,’ he plays with my fingers and I am glowing to see how happy being with me makes him. It’s like even my fingers can make him smile. He holds my right hand and kisses my fingertips. ‘But remember I’m never, ever going to let anything happen to you.’
He takes my hand and runs it down his neck and across his chest very slowly. I let a small groan escape my mouth as he moves my fingertips across his bare torso. I pull my hand away from his grip so I can touch him how I like. I push his hair out of his face and I trace the cupids bow of his lips.
‘You know Rose isn’t going to be back for a long time. Do you want to move to the bedroom?’
So we did. We spent the morning and afternoon in Oliver’s bed just like I had imagined a thousand times before. We didn’t have sex because we didn’t need to. He kissed every inch of my skin and we giggled like schoolchildren. I always thought I’d jump at the chance to sleep with him once things were resolved with Gabe but it didn’t feel right. Kissing and touching seemed more than enough to satisfy me.
I hear the door open and Rose call out for us. Time passed too quickly. I want to lie in bed all day. I don’t want to go to a coven of witches where I’ll have to face the first man who broke my heart for the first time in months while having the man who currently holds my heart holding my hand at the same time.
I pull on my top and jeans and I look at my handsome man lying in the bed and I imagine what it would be like going to this coven without him by my side. I wonder how things would be if he wasn’t willing to jump aboard my bumpy roller coaster of emotions.
Oliver is just pulling one of his famous checked shirts on when Rose knocks and peeks her head round the door, ‘Sorry to interrupt you guys but our flight is in like three hours so we need to get going,’ Rose says and she stares at me with a private smile. I want to talk to her about this, the whole Oliver and I being together thing, and hear what she has to say. I know it makes her happy to see me happy and I know she thinks the world of Oliver too but it would be good for someone to acknowledge the ghost in this relationship: Gabe.
We had packed most of our things last night but we throw our last things in the bag and get ready to go. June has made a package of sandwiches and homemade sausage rolls. I insisted that she come with us but she politely declined, saying that she wants to keep the house running but we all know the thought of being surrounded by fellow witches makes her nervous. I can sense Rose feels the same way. These two strong women gave up their powers for the ones they love and for a while they never had to think about their other identity until I thrusted them back into it. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be for them to come face-to-face with the thing that killed their loved ones.
‘Let’s hit the road,’ Rose says hauling a bag over her shoulder and dragging her suitcase behind her. I am oddly excited to have a road trip with my two favourite people even if the destination isn’t exactly pleasant. I envision a future where there are no vampires hunting me and I could travel with Rose and Oliver without worrying about whether I’ll be kidnapped and drained of blood. I could visit the places I’ve always wanted to but my dad never wanted me too. We could go together. If only I could convince my dad to take a holiday with Shannon and the kids.
Being in an airport again gives me flashbacks that makes the blood drain away from my face. The last time I was in an airport was when Channing and Justin were helping me run home, away from Maurice, and I can’t shake the memory of Channing’s distraught face as he realised his life was about to fall apart. Oh and the guilt that seeped out of his every pour. I have to grab on to Oliver’s arm tighter to stop myself from falling over.
The plane ride is equally as haunting. The last time I was in a plane I was plagued with grief over losing Gabe and now I was about to see him for the first time since. How will I feel when I see his face? It’s been so long since I’ve seen those pointed features, brooding eyes and unwashed dark hair and I wonder if it will install the same sensations as it did before even with Oliver, my handsome hero, by my side.
‘What are you thinking?’ he asks as we collect our baggage at the JFK Airport. I always dreamed of touring the United States and I didn’t think the largest group of witches living together would be one of the sights to see on my list.
‘I’m thinking I love you,’ I grin.
‘I don’t believe you but thanks anyway,’ he says as he hauls a suitcase off of the conveyor belt. The sleeves of his shirt are rolled up around his elbows so I can see his muscles flexing as he lifts the heavy baggage. I lick my lips and feel like the luckiest girl in the world.
Once we have our bags and have checked through passport control we make our way to pick up a rental car when I spot two familiar faces waving in my direction. Channing and Justin! I’m still uneasy after my trip down memory lane on the aeroplane and now seeing their perfectly proportioned faces I can’t be sure that I’m really not seeing ghosts of my past after all.
I am stuck to the ground as I look at them and try to decipher if they’re really there or I’m just going crazy and imagining it but my doubts are dashed when Rose skips towards them and reaches up to wrap her arms around both of their broad shoulders.
I move forward and tighten my grip on Oliver. What do I say to them? Hey, thanks for saving my life that one time, how you been? Although they were never at the foreground of my thoughts like Gabe and Rose had been after I left Toulouse, they would sometimes make an appearance and I would remember their handsome grins or their genuine kindness. It should be illegal for two men to be so sexy yet so lovely on the inside too because it makes them impossible to resist.
Channing, blonde and angelic, sees the anxiety in my eyes and moves away from Rose’s embrace to greet me. Although I think they are both incredible, I always felt closer to Channing than Justin. During my time in Toulouse I spent more time with him but mostly I feel bonded to him whenever I recall the time we had spent in another airport far away from here. We were almost home, free of Maurice, but nobody was happy. Channing confessed his guilty to me, how worried he was that his time spent working for Maurice made him unworthy. There had been a pain in his eyes that reflected how badly scarred he was from the crimes he committed working for Maurice. I guess I felt connected to that sense of longing for redemption or at least acceptance. Watching him break down in tears had been heart wrenching and I am filled with all the same sensations seeing him in front of me again almost seven months later.